His mouth twitches at the corners. But it quickly flattens back into a straight line as his face sobers once again. “Honestly? I didn’t want you around because I didn’t want to see pity when you looked at me. Or even sympathy. Seeing you, thinking about the future with you I had planned out in my head before everything went to shit, it made me bitter. Because I knew that life was no longer possible. And I didn’t want you to see me like that. I was afraid I’d take all that resentment out on you.” He blanched. “I told you my head was fucked back then.”
My attention catches on one particular sentence. “You had our future planned out?”
His eyes snap to mine, intensity coming off him in waves. “Yeah, I did. Right down to the kind of dog we’d get and how long we’d wait before having kids.”
The admission buckles my knees. I fall into the arm chair behind me.
Sure, I’d imagined having Kade’s children. But I never thought in a million years that he’d been thinking the same thing back then. My thoughts are so conflicted that I can’t reason anything out in my head. Tears swim in my eyes as I consider all the time that’s been wasted, all the years we could have already had together. All that lost happiness…
My God, I could have married someone else in that time. I almost did. He could have before he’d come to his senses.
“It was so many years, Kade,” I whisper, choking back sobs. “Why did you have to stay gone for so long? That ruined me.”
His long-legged stride eats up the distance between us. Kneeling before me, he covers my clasped hands with his. “And I am so fucking sorry for that. Truly. I used to always tell myself that I’d take pleasure in kicking anyone’s ass who hurt you. But I never thought I’d have to kick my own.” He reaches up and cups my cheek. “Do you remember what I said to you that night we fought? About us?”
I wrack my brain, sifting through so many unpleasant memories I wish I could forget. “You said you didn’t think we were meant to be. That fate was giving us a sign with Trent’s mom dying and you getting injured. That we weren’t supposed to be together.”
Which I never believed deep down, but I’d consoled myself with that possibility over the years. I often told myself he wasn’t The One. That he was just a childhood crush, and my feelings would eventually drift away with time.
Only they never had.
“That was all bullshit.”
Tell me something I don’t know.
“How long did it take for you to figure that one out, genius?”
He huffs out a breath. “Too damn long. But when I did I came to a new conclusion.” He squeezes my hands. “None of what happened was fate telling us we shouldn’t be together. It was just life, dealing us shit hands because that’s what happens sometimes. Trent’s mom dying, Robyn, my injury—I think those were all tests for us. They were put before us to make us stronger, not to tear us apart. I just ended up failing the biggest test of all.”
The words sound familiar. I remember thinking something similar that night in his apartment, but I hadn’t been able to vocalize any of it. I’d been too distraught, and he’d been too angry to listen. All the years we wasted… It’s hard not to dwell on the regret.
“Then why didn’t you come back when you figured all that out?”
He shifts his gaze down to the floor, appearing to struggle with something. “Because it was about two years after my injury, and back then I wouldn’t have been able to look at you.”
I start to say something, but he cuts back in.
“I had a problem with pain pills, Sam.”
Oh, Kade.
“It was a long recovery after the surgery. The pain was unbearable at times, and the pills were the only thing that kept me sane. They numbed the pain, my unhappiness…everything. I looked pretty rough at one point, and I never wanted you to see me that way. You want to know what made me finally turn it all around?”
I nod, at a loss for words.
“The first time I saw you on TV.” He smiles warmly, wistfully, proudly. “Four years ago, I think. I saw you on the screen, and I was just in awe of you. You achieved your dream. I was so proud of you. Then I thought to myself, ‘I want to deserve that woman.’ I wanted my best friend back. So, I threw away the pills, got back into shape and cleaned myself up, then worked on finding my niche. Turned out people in the football world still respected my opinions and experience, so I did the scouting thing for a few years.”
“Then the analyst stuff with ESPN,” I throw in and he nods. “So, why now? Why did you come to FNN?”
He lowers his head and kisses my hands. I swear, my heart reassembles itself for this man in that very moment.
“Because I finally thought I’d made enough of myself to earn you back. I’ll admit that hearing of your possible engagement to Simmons gave me a good kick in the ass. I knew then that I couldn’t wait forever. And I knew it’d be a risk, showing up out of the blue after all these years. Figured you’d hate me and that I’d have my work cut out for me. But the payoff would be more than worth it if I could pull it off.”
“What would you have done if I had said yes to Aaron?”
His expression darkens. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I won’t lie and tell you I’d have let you go without a fight if I thought you were truly happy with him. With another man. I don’t know if I’m capable of doing that. And yes, I know how selfish that is. I told you I’m not a noble guy.”
“Tell me honestly. What would you have done?”
His grip on my hands tightens. “I would have never let you marry him. I would have shown up at the ceremony and carried you off the goddamn altar if I’d had to.”
I smile at that image, even though I know it should infuriate me.
His face softens. “I know I haven’t earned your forgiveness yet, but I won’t stop working for it. Because I need it. Because I want us back. I want the Sam and Kade, best-friends-of-old thing. But even more, I want you. I’ve always known in my head that you were mine, despite what I said years ago. Now, I want you to know that, too.”
I scrutinize his expression, but all I see is sincerity. “You said that night that your only mistake would be to ignore all the signs and force something between us that was never meant to be.”
He scowls. “Fuck that, Sam. My only mistake was letting you walk out that goddamn door. That mistake has haunted me day and night for eight fucking years. Pushing you away was the worst mistake of my life. I need you to believe that.”
I narrow my eyes, noting the apprehension on his face. “And what if something else happens that seems like fate trying to separate us?”
“Fate can go screw herself,” he growls, drawing another smile from me. “We’re the only ones who control what happens between us. From here on out, no more of that shit. We’re the only two who get a say.”
I’m not proud to admit there’s still a good amount of fear coursing through me, even after everything he’s said.
“I want this to be for real, Kade. I can’t handle history repeating itself.”
He grasps my face in his hands. His voice is forceful when he says, “It won’t. I swear to you. I’ll never leave you again. I can’t promise that I won’t be stupid at times, but I’ll never be that stupid again. I’m here to stay. I don’t want to live without you anymore. I can’t.”
Those are the words I need to hear to absolve a lot of that fear. I can’t say that all of it is conquered, but that’s something I’ll work on with Kade’s help.
They say that hope springs eternal, right?
I haven’t always subscribed to that, but that sentiment is sounding pretty damn good right about now.
“Take me to bed, Kade.”
Chapter Forty-Three
“Whole Lotta Love”
by Led Zeppelin
Kade
It’s the second time in my life that I’ve woken up with the most perfect girl in the world next to me.
But it sure as hell won’t be the last.
&n
bsp; Not this time around. No matter what events transpire today or in years to come, I won’t be walking away from Sam again.
I’ve wasted far too much of my life trying to ignore what was right in front of me. I’d convinced myself of so many false truths. That’s why I walked away all those years ago. As far as I’d been concerned back then, that career-ending injury was the final clear-cut sign that Sam and I were meant for different things and not for each other.
I mean, come on.
The day after we finally have sex and that bullshit happens? It had to be some kind of fucked up divine intervention. That’s what I’d told myself. Bottom line? I hadn’t wanted to drag Sam into my mental downward spiral when I’d found out that football was no longer an option for me.
She was light and sunshine.
And with one awkward twist of my hip, my life had become shrouded in total darkness.
I hadn’t wanted that to taint her, poison her. I’d been more lost and more vulnerable than at any other point in my life, including when I’d found out about my mom’s affairs. I didn’t want Sam to see me at my weakest. I could barely take care of myself back then, let alone see to someone else’s needs and emotions. Like I’d told her last night, that had been selfish of me, thinking only of my feelings.
But I knew that being with me at that time would have only made her unhappy.
I couldn’t stomach that. Not then, not now.
Like a fool, I’d thought at first that it would be best to walk away and come back to her after I had everything figured out, rather than take her on that life-altering rollercoaster and risk having her come to hate and resent me. Then that whole divine intervention thing had kicked in. That’s when it became rote: she was better off without me, and we could surely find happiness elsewhere.
How very wrong I was.
No other woman compared to Sam. Any feelings other women stirred inside me couldn’t touch what she made me feel. I’ve made so many critical errors with her, but I know now that I can make her happy.
I know that because I’ll do absolutely whatever necessary to make it happen.
After I took her to bed last night, I slowed things down, making love to her with all the care and devotion she deserves. I’d memorized every single way her body had changed—and improved—since the last time I had her spread out beneath me. Trust me, I know that I’m one lucky son of a bitch to get a second chance with her, and there is absolutely no way in hell I’m going to blow it with her twice in a lifetime.
She’s officially mine now, plain and simple.
I’m appreciating that fact, propped up on one elbow in bed, as I gaze at her sleeping form. She’s halfway turned on her stomach, half her face buried in her pillow. Her blond hair fans out on the sheets around her, every gorgeous curve of her golden skin lit by the sun’s rays shining through the slits in the blinds. There’s only one word flashing in my mind as I stare at her peaceful, slumbering body: mine.
This beautiful, astounding, exuberant woman is all mine.
She cracks open an eye, half her mouth curling into a grin. “Creeper.”
Her voice is still groggy from sleep. It’s so damn cute.
“What? A guy can watch his woman sleep without it being creepy. Now, if you woke up to me pulling out a lock of your hair, that would be creepy.”
She giggles and rolls over, pulling the sheet with her to cover her nakedness. That won’t last long. Not with the thoughts swirling around in my head.
She pushes her hair off her face and stretches her arms over her head. “Oh, wow. My body feels like it did a million burpees yesterday.”
Because I’m a possessive man and I know I caused that, my ego swells a little. “Sore?”
She shoots me a look. “Try not to sound so pleased with yourself.”
“That’s going to be hard.”
Her hand disappears beneath the sheets. The next thing I know her fingers are wrapping around me and stroking. I suck in a breath at her warm touch.
“You’re right,” she purrs. “It is going to be hard.”
Not like that takes long. I already have a head start with my morning wood. She starts to move down my body, her curtain of hair heading straight for my dick. But I stop her. She looks up at me, questions brewing in her emerald green eyes. Of course, I’d love to feel her mouth swallowing me down. What man wouldn’t? There’s just something else I want even more right now.
“Ride me. I’m not done watching you.”
The command comes out gruff, but I know she fucking loves it. She might be stubborn and control-seeking in everyday life, but when I get between her legs, nothing turns her on more than me dominating her with my body and my words. That much I remember from eight years ago. Granted, both of us have no problem whatsoever with me giving up that control whenever she feels like being on top.
Her smile is naughty as she straddles me, the sheet sliding off and revealing the rest of her. Any lingering sleepiness is gone in an instant. Her creamy skin, her luscious breasts, those full, pouty lips. The sight before me would wake a man from a coma.
She rubs herself against my rigid shaft, her folds already slick with her arousal.
“Fuck, Sam.”
Her eyes slide shut, getting lost in the sensation. Almost absently, her fingers trace over my abs as her hips pick up the pace. I already can’t take it anymore.
“Put me inside you.”
She obeys and lowers herself onto me, sliding her hips down, her body sucking me inside her, until her ass cheeks are once again in my lap. Bottomed out. I grasp onto those cheeks and am about to help her start a rhythm when it pops into my head.
“Condom.”
Her words come out breathless. “On the pill. Clean.”
Thank God. “Same here.”
Her mouth quirks. “You’re on the pill, too?”
I smack the ass cheek in my hand. Her eyes widen. Yeah, I spanked you. And it doesn’t look like she minds one bit. In fact, she looks pretty damn excited.
“No time for jokes. Get that ass moving and make us both come.”
She’s never been one to turn down a challenge.
With her eyes on mine, she lifts her hips and then slams them down hard.
Goddamn, this woman.
My mind gets foggy, my words unintelligible as my hips buck up to meet hers thrust for thrust. Sliding through her wetness until I’m buried deep inside her heat ensures that this will be over pretty quick. Not to mention the sight of her bouncing tits right in my face. Those pink tips just begging for my mouth. I need at least three more hands so I can hold onto both of those, while controlling the movement of her hips with another, while stroking her clit, and finally another fisting her lustrous hair.
I take that back.
Seeing Sam fondle her own breasts, pinching her own nipples, with her head thrown back while riding my dick and screaming my name is so much better than me doing all the touching.
“Kade, baby.”
That fucking voice—that moan—it’s going to be the death of me.
“Sam. I’m gonna come.”
My fingers find her clit, which sets her off. Her reaction to her climax sends me barreling over the edge with tremendous force. A thunderous roar bursts from my chest. She collapses against me, out of breath. I wrap my arms around her and hold her to me, saying another prayer of thanks to the big man above for being given the chance to even hold this woman again, let alone get her naked.
As much as I’d love to fall back asleep with her and just stay in bed all day, I need food to re-charge. Then we’ll spend the rest of the day in bed.
After a few minutes, I kiss her hair and try to rouse her. “Let’s grab a shower, and then I’ll cook you breakfast.”
She lifts her head, looking completely adorable with her bedhead and glazed eyes. “When did you learn how to cook?”
I chuckle. “I’ve picked up a lot of new tricks over the years.”
Her eyebrow lifts playfully. “Really? And when do
I get to see all these new tricks?”
I tsk at her. “Nice try, babe, but I can’t pull them all out of my bag at once. I have to get your interest piqued first.”
She giggles. “Afraid I’m not going to be that impressed?”
I smack her ass again and she gasps. “Oh, I’m definitely not worried about that. Time for a shower.”
“What, you think you get to call the shots now that I’ve taken you back?”
My heart takes off at a gallop at those words. “First of all, I’m glad you’ve finally come to your senses and admitted that you’re mine.”
“Who said that?”
I just give her a look. “Please. This ass belongs to me now. Always has belonged to me, and we both know it.”
She points her finger at me. “To be accurate, I’ve always known it. You were a little slow on the uptake.”
Even though I know she’s joking, the guilt still lingers. I wonder if it will ever go away, even when we’re old and gray.
“Fair enough. And second of all, yes. I get to call the shots.”
She tries to pull off an indignant expression, but it falls flat. “This isn’t a dictatorship, Kade.”
“You’re right, it’s not.” Since I’m still inside her, she feels it when I flex. “This is a dick-take-it-ship.”
She bursts into laughter, and I can’t resist. I haul her up off the bed with me, and head for the shower, holding her in a bridal carry.
She squeals with laughter the whole way.
About damn time I heard that sound again.
Chapter Forty-Four
“Highway to Hell”
by AC/DC
Sam
“And we’re out!” the director announces once the cameras are done rolling on our morning segment taping. “Everyone be back by one-thirty for the afternoon taping, and Samantha, you’ve got your one-on-one with Coach Greenbaum in two hours. Be in hair and makeup in an hour and a half.”
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