by Hollye Davis
Edwin was always doing stuff like that. He would touch her softly as if he was training an abused horse to get used to his touch. That touch had become an addiction. She laughed silently realizing she did have a vice. It’s name was Edwin.
“I want you to know that you have my heart. This right here is the symbol of it and our relationship.” He touched the heart on the sand dollar. He then reached under his shirt to pull out another chain. The chain was more masculine but it had an identical but smaller charm. When he flipped it over it had the same heart with a C inscribed in it. That is when the tears that she had tried to hold back began to trickle.
“I think we need each other. Apart we are broken, but together we make a whole. I love you Chloe, I have loved you since the first time I met you. When I think I can’t possibly love you more, it grows.” She knew exactly what he meant. She choked out a sob and threw her hands around him burying her head in his neck.
He loved her. Someone loved HER! The unlovable. Not only did the most beautiful unattainable man love her, but she loved him back. She didn’t have any idea how long they sat holding onto each other, all she knew was that nothing in her life felt as good as Edwin’s arms around her.
That evening, Chloe paced the floor until her aunt arrived home. Edwin was already at the fire. She needed to talk to her aunt. Her poor aunt didn’t even have a chance to put her keys down before Chloe ran and hugged her.
“I have news,” Chloe announced.
“You’re not pregnant are you?” Aunt asked alarmed. Chloe was taken aback but then laughed and said, “You have to have sex for that to happen.”
“Oh…well, I thought, well never mind.” Aunt looked flustered.
“Oh no, don’t stop now. I know you thought that two hormonal teens together alone wouldn’t find anything better to do than have meaningless sex?” She grinned at her.
“No, that isn’t it at all. I have just noticed that things with Edwin and you have gotten pretty serious and I figured that it’s inevitable.”
Chloe sighed thankful her aunt understood, “You’re probably right. I haven’t been ready because…” She paused, not sure how to proceed, “Well, because I’ve never been touched, much less hugged. The thought of anything that intimate used to be very intimidating.” She looked into her aunt's eyes and said coyly, “but Edwin has changed that for me.”
Her aunt put her arm around her and said, “Oh darling, I understand, but you’ll know when you are ready. You are lucky that Edwin is gentlemanly enough not to pressure you to do anything you aren’t ready for, even if he looks ready to explode half the time.”
“What do you mean?” She hadn’t noticed Edwin being uncomfortable.
“Oh it is nothing. You’ll understand one day. Anyway we are off the subject, what’s your news. It’s obviously good otherwise you wouldn’t be smiling.”
Part of her news encompassed a sex talk but it was easier to avoid that for the moment. So she showed aunt what Edwin bought her and explained what had transpired. Her aunt sighed and sat down.
“Good grief, does he have a single dad, older brother?” She didn’t give her time to answer, “My goodness that guy is something else. We should clone him. We would make all the women in the world very happy,” Aunt said laughingly.
“I agree women all around would be happy, but I am far too selfish to share him, even if it’s only a clone.” Chloe straightened trying to be brave and mature about the next part. It was a big decision that she had made.
“Aunt, that’s not all. I…” She turned bright red. “You know what we were just talking about a few minutes ago? Well I want to ….ummm. This is very hard for me.” Chloe looked very worriedly at her aunt.
Aunt laughed, “Go on, I won’t judge.”
“Oh I know you won’t. It is just embarrassing, that’s all. The thing is that I DO want to take Edwin’s and my relationship to the next level and I need advice.”
“Oh, well, I am not …um, yeah,” her aunt was clearly flustered.
“Well I didn’t mean tonight, Aunt, so think about it. Another small thing…I umm, I would like to go to a clinic and get some protection and birth control pills.”
Aunt just sat stunned. Chloe didn’t understand it. She already thought they were having sex, why would wanting to be prepared shock her so? As usual, her aunt answered her unspoken question.
“I think it was easier to imagine you MIGHT be having sex than actually hearing that you are planning on having sex.” She turned to Chloe, grasping both hands into hers, “Honey, I won’t say don’t take this lightly because you don’t take anything lightly, and it’s obvious you put a lot of thought in the matter. So what I will say is just, be very careful because when you open this side of you up, it is irreversible and very emotional. It’s not something you can forget about or throw away. It’s with you forever when you share that part of yourself with a man. I know you love Edwin. I can tell he loves you most passionately. But I worry about the two of you. You’re both so serious and young but somehow broken. Edwin seems to need you as much as you need him and that can lead to heartbreak when the need is too great. Not to mention that you are so young. You can only give your virginity to one man. Make sure you truly know the man you are giving your body to. This decision is HUGE, and you need to really make sure you are making the right decision. As far as the clinic situation, that’s way past due and should be done regardless. I need you to know, whatever you do or decide, as long as it is legal,” she raised her eyebrows as if to emphasize that point, “I will support you in any way I can.”
“I love you, Aunt Claire.” She reached over and gave her a big hug. Her aunt sniffed a bit and looked away then back at Chloe, her eyes were filled with tears when she said, “Oh Chloe, you have no idea how much that means to me. I’m so glad I found you.”
After their conversation, Chloe noticed Aunt seemed preoccupied. Chloe didn’t want to pressure her to talk so she went on to the fire.
The fire became my salvation. It burned away all the day’s activities leaving nothing but carefree happiness. It was magical and I understood why my friends were drawn to it. We were able to be ourselves without any condemnation. We talked about nonsensical things that never amounted to anything but meant everything to me. Chloe’s Diary
Chapter 18
The Next Level
When she arrived at the fire everyone seemed in high spirits. Her good mood elevated further with everyone’s welcoming faces. Before she sat down, she glanced coyly at Edwin. He patted the sand next to him for her to sit.
The previous nights at the fire, they had continued to downplay the seriousness of their relationship from the others. She suppose by silent agreement they agreed their relationship was private and theirs. Tonight was different though. Something fundamental had changed between them.
Edwin immediately pulled her closer when she sat next to him, his arms enclosing her in a warm embrace. She leaned into him and he kissed the top of her head.
Everyone was a little taken aback by their display. But it was Sandra who voiced it. “Chloe what’s this?” She leaned over to get a closer look at her necklace, and then she reached over and flipped it over. Sandra suddenly pulled back with a shocked expression on her face, “How long?”
Chloe bent back and looked up at Edwin as he answered, “A while.”
Sandra blew out a breath and said, “I just KNEW it! You guys are like reading a stone wall but I just KNEW it. I mean I knew Edwin had a thing for you Chloe from the very moment he met you. It’s so obvious. But you’re a tough cookie to crack and so quiet!”
Chloe and Edwin exchanged smiles. Sandra then said in a loud voice, “Those two there,” pointing at us, “have scammed us all, dating, they are, and for ‘a while,’” mimicking Edwin’s British accent. Chloe laughed along with everyone, but when she looked at Christoph he was not smiling, he was watching her intently. Then he turned his head in the direction of the ocean.
Everyone exclaimed, “About time
.” After a few minutes had passed, Christoph good naturally hit Edwin in the shoulder and said, “You owe me one.”
Her friends were so supportive, so later she asked Edwin why they hadn’t told them sooner.
He simply stated, “The time wasn’t right.”
She knew he was right. They needed to know where they stood before bringing their friends into it. Friends can add complications, and they were able to establish a foundation before adding in the complications.
Edwin accompanied her to her room as usual, however he didn’t leave right away. He must have felt the same clinginess that she felt or maybe he just sensed she needed him more tonight. Whatever the reason, she was glad. He sat down on the bed and patted her closer.
As soon as she sat down he pulled her to him and kissed her urgently. It was wonderful, indescribable. Feelings surged through her in tidal waves, tossing through her body until she feared she would never emerge. She rested her hands on his chest, initially, but when he deepened the kiss, showing no signs of stopping, she reached around his back, bringing her chest flush against his, running her hands underneath his shirt, desperate for his skin. He laid her down, his body draped carefully over hers, his hands exploring the exposed skin where her shirt met her shorts. His finger tips sending more sensations through her nerve endings. His tongue delved into her mouth, her breathing erratic as his hands traveled under her shirt further up her torso. When his fingers brushed underneath her bra, she thought she was going to explode. She arched her back begging him to take it further, practically thrashing with the need for him to touch her there, to feel her.
But he stopped. He put his forehead against hers, his breath coming in short gasps, as if he had run a marathon, “I have to stop, you understand, or there will be no stopping.”
“Maybe I don’t want to stop,” She said saucily.
He sucked in his breath muttering, “Good lord.” His body instantly tense. She simply smiled innocently at him, feeling happily, lazily drugged.
He kissed her nose and rolled off of her, disappointment laced through her.
“Are you sure?” he asked hoarsely looking at the ceiling.
“Yes,” Then she remembered she hadn’t made it to the clinic yet, “but I don’t have any…ummm,” she was so uncool, she wanted to have sex with Edwin, but she couldn’t discuss protection? She squeezed her eyes shut, “I,ummm, I don’t have any protection,” her cheeks burned.
His gaze was locked to the ceiling for a minute and doubts began to plague her. She thought he didn’t want to sleep with her. It was probably too complicated. SHE was probably too complicated and he didn’t want to take their relationship to the next level. She was undesirable, he loved her, yes, but he didn’t want to do that with her. The more she thought the more miserable she became.
He finally broke the death stare, turning toward her, his eyes still burning with passion, “I can’t believe you tell me you are ready and neither one of us is prepared.”
“Oh,” she said disappointingly but slightly relieved it wasn’t something else. “Some risks are just too great.”
Edwin reached over and placed his arm around her middle, “I love you, and I want this to be right between us.” She curled into him.
It felt perfect and she felt complete for once. He was right. Together they were complete, apart they were broken, well at least she was. Edwin was perfect.
On that thought she fell asleep.
Security was a commodity I was not familiar with. When I was presented it, I balked like a spooked horse and was slow to adapt. For years I had fought my insecurities, but now I am realizing it is easy to accept security. – Chloe’s diary.
Chapter 19
Shopping AGAIN?!
The next thing she remembered was the sun blazing through her glass doors reflecting off the ocean water. She was very warm and secure. Holding very still, it took her a moment to identify the source of the heat was someone else. Startled she snapped open her eyes to find Edwin smiling sleepily next to her. She rubbed her eyes, blinking making sure she wasn’t mistaken. But he was still there, still smiling.
“Are you going to get in trouble?” she whispered, “Do you have anywhere you need to be?”
“No,” he stretched languidly, “I like this,” he added gesturing to them.
“Me too,” she snuggled closer.
They stayed in bed until her stomach made a very unladylike noise.
He laughed huskily as he nestled into her neck, “I suppose we must get up sometime.”
Reluctantly she rose out of bed to the shower. He watched as if he wanted an invitation. She rolled her eyes and locked the bathroom door. Better safe than sorry.
Done with her shower, she found Edwin in the kitchen fiddling with the coffee pot. He looked sexy and beautiful with his bare chest and shorts low on his hips. A shot of what she feared was solid lust strummed through her body.
“Geez, that should be illegal,” her aunt said referring to the mega hot guy in the kitchen. Chloe jolted slightly at her comment. They both giggled like 13-years-old girls.
“Hallo, Ms. Clair, I hope you don’t mind me making a bit of your coffee,” Edwin said looking disgustedly at the coffee pot, “That is If I can figure it out.” Aunt giggled and said, “No, no, I don’t mind but let me at it. I have particular tastes when it comes to coffee and since my niece doesn’t drink it I can only rely on my skills to get it done.”
“Yeah, her tastes run toward solid sludge so watch out,” Chloe said. It earned her a good-natured glare from Aunt.
Edwin was happy to oblige as Aunt filled the pot with water.
“So…umm, did you sleep well?” Aunt asked.
Chloe snorted. Geez what a lame question! Rolling her eyes, Chloe answered, “Don’t worry Aunt, nothing happened last night.” Then she gave her aunt a peck on the check. A little sugar coating goes a long way when you know you’re trying to get away with something.
Edwin left the room to give them some privacy. Either that or he was afraid of what her aunt would do to him. Coward.
“I should be shot allowing you guys to sleep under my roof,” Aunt commented as she watched the coffee pot drip slowly, “It’s wrong and I should probably be deemed the worst guardian in the world, but for some reason I can’t deny you this. I understand it and it may end in disaster, but I know that you need someone to love you and be there for you where I can’t. I understand that need more than most. It would be different if I didn’t think Edwin loved you and you were being irresponsible.” Aunt turned around from the coffee to give her a soft smile before continuing, “Besides, I remember what it’s like to be a teenager, and it wouldn’t matter what I said or forbid. I’m gone too much and you would do it anyway. At least this way I at least know what is going on in my own house. I also know you will be careful and do the right thing,” Her aunt pointedly looked at her. Chloe nodded, she would be careful when something did happen between Edwin and her. Aunt, satisfied with her little lecture, patted Chloe’s cheek. She liked the pat. It felt motherly.
Turning to start breakfast, Chloe talked while setting a pan on the burner, “Thank you Aunt, but honestly nothing happened last night.” Aunt smiled disbelievingly but didn’t argue.
She made them breakfast while Edwin sat at the table and watched her. She would send him small smiles as she prepared what she called “potato surprise.” She took mashed potatoes from a previous meal and refried them adding cheese, eggs, green onions, tomatoes. It was her favorite breakfast dish and wholly unhealthy.
While flipping the potatoes over Edwin came up behind her and kissed her neck, she tilted her head to the side allowing him access. He wrapped his arms around her while whispering in her ear, “I love you.”
It sent such delicious chills through her, she released the spatula to drop wherever, turned in his arms, and kissed him senseless. That was until she smelled her potatoes burning. Quickly turning around she found some of them got overcooked. She quickly removed the potatoes to
a cooler burner and bent to pick up the spatula. With her head down she stepped around Edwin and took it to the sink to rinse it.
Memories of her father slapping her repeatedly after she burnt a dinner came rushing back to her. It hadn’t been her fault, the oven had been faulty, but that didn’t matter to him. He had knocked her to the ground, forcing her to eat the half raw, half burnt casserole.
She reached up and wiped a tear from her eye as she scrubbed the spatula over and over again trembling. Even though it was unreasonable the fear of retribution was still engrained in her. Rationally she knew that Edwin would never hit her, but emotionally it was impossible to get over.
She had to force herself not to flinch when Edwin put his hand on her right arm.
“I think it is clean enough, darling,” he said softly. She turned her head up to gaze in his eyes. Extending his index finger, he brushed off another tear that had escaped and smiled.
“I would say sorry, but I’m not, can’t apologize for kissing you, ever,” He said. He pulled her in his arms, “Who needs breakfast when I have you?” He kissed another escaped tear.
Shaking her head, laughing dryly, she said lightly, “Well it teaches me a lesson. I can’t cook and kiss at the same time.”
In the past she would have berated herself for being so very stupid, apologized repeatedly, but with Edwin she didn’t want to. She wanted to be better, stronger for him.
After breakfast Edwin made a few phone calls, which she assumed was to his father or friends. She didn’t care, as long as she could have Edwin for the day.
Her aunt had not gone into work yet which was rare. Maybe her aunt felt she needed a day at home to chaperone them, but whatever the reason, Chloe enjoyed having her favorite two people with her for the day. They had all settled down in the living room and were reading books when the doorbell rang, causing Chloe to nearly jump out of her skin, which amused Edwin.