by Hollye Davis
No, Chloe didn’t want to see her grandmother, ever, but she didn’t want to tell Mrs. Schwertner because it might be misconstrued as rude or inhuman.
So instead Chloe pushed the words out of her throat and answered, “Sure.” She might as well get the obligation over with.
It wasn’t long before Mrs. Schwertner pulled into the local nursing home. For such a small run-down town, the nursing home was in decent shape. Chloe viewed the elderly moving around slowly, meandering to unknown destinations. So this is where Grandmother had been living for the past few years. She vaguely remembered coming here once when Chloe realized that she couldn’t take care of herself much less her grandmother.
Trepidation strummed through her the closer they got to her grandmother’s room. What was she going to say to her? What was there left to say? However, when they finally arrived there, her questions would be forever unanswered.
Mrs. Schwertner and Chloe stared at an empty bed wondering where a fatally ill person would go, when a nurse arrived inquiring who they were.
When Mrs. Schwertner explained that Chloe was here to see her grandmother and pointed to the empty bed, the nurse’s face went pale.
“I’m sorry, but your grandmother passed this morning. They have removed her to the funeral home.”
Chloe’s first thought was she surely would hate having the nurse’s job to explain this to someone. But after that initial thought, she become blank not really feeling or thinking anything. Was this shock? Even if it was shouldn’t she cry? Shouldn’t she do something? No emotions came. It was weird. Is this what she was? Was she this uncaring to not even flinch when someone tells her that her very own grandmother has passed? The one who raised her for over 16 years of her life?
Mrs. Schwertner put a hand on her shoulder and said something to the effect that maybe they should go. Chloe nodded, turned and walked out of the nursing home that meant nothing more to her.
Mrs. Schwertner asked quietly if Chloe would like to visit the funeral home. No. No that was the last thing she wanted and so she shook her head, still incapable of speech. Mr. Schwertner nodded and pulled out of the driveway toward their ranch.
Schwertner ranch was large cattle farm with a house situated on a man-made lake the shape of Texas. It was as familiar to her as her own farm. When she was younger, full of life, she spent many weekends riding horses with Cameron.
She watched Cameron as he pulled her bags out of the back of the pick up and disappeared inside the house.
She, however, went to the front rocker and sat. She intended to sit there for just a minute, sucking in the cool fall air but when the sun began to set she knew it had been longer.
Rocking back and forth, absorbing the sounds of the mooing cows, until her phone rang stopping her rocking mid-stride.
“Hi,” She spoke softly.
“You sound down,” Edwin said concerned.
“My Grandmother died right before I got here.”
“Oh, darling, I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t know how I feel about it. Shouldn’t I be crying or something? Shouldn’t I feel something? I feel nothing. It’s as if it is no consequence. How can I be so cold?”
“You’re probably in shock,” he reasoned.
“No, I think I’m a monster.”
“Chloe, you aren’t a monster. You’ve had a shock.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” but she didn’t believe him.
“How’s Texas?” he asked.
“Oh, it is beautiful as always. I should try to bottle the air or something. I do love Texas, but I love the beach too. It’s as if I am split between the two.”
“I understand. Sometimes going back to England I feel the exact same way. Except this time, all I could think about is I didn’t want to be anywhere you aren’t.”
She smiled looking down at her hands suddenly very happy, “Yes, I couldn’t have put it better. I feel that way too.”
“Good.”
She could hear the smile in his voice.
Cameron came out and said that it was time for dinner.
“Who is that?” Edwin asked with false cheerfulness.
“That was Cameron, I went to school with him until I was 12, after that his mother put him in private school.”
He was silent a moment, “Maybe I should cancel some things and try to be there.”
She laughed at his jealousy, “No, don’t worry Edwin. I’m fine, I can take care of myself. Besides, now that I’m here, well I need to do this on my own. Okay?”
“Damn Chloe, I want to be there for you, you do understand that? It’s killing me but if I left I would break a contract and our future would be jeopardized.”
She was silent for a moment, confused by his statement. She couldn’t ask to clarify because Mrs. Schwertner peeked her head out prompting her to say goodbye to Edwin. She would try to call him later, get more answers but for now she needed to eat. Standing from the chair, she walked inside and followed Mrs. Schwertner to the eat in kitchen. Smells of wonderful country cooking assaulted her nose.
Chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, and gravy was the perfect homecoming meal. She hadn’t made that for Edwin and asked Mrs. Schwernter some tips on how to make it.
Mrs. Schwertner commented, “Claire tells me that you are a very talented cook.”
“It’s the one and only thing that I can do well,” Chloe admitted.
Cameron then said, “If I remember correctly you’re quite the horseback rider, but of course you being in California, I’m sure you haven’t ridden all that much.”
“Oh…no, I ride all the time on the beach. I have a black gelding Quarter horse named Bear. There is a stable in our community where a good friend of mine, Cole, runs it. He is from Tyler of all places!”
Cameron thought about that a minute and then said, “Well why don’t we take a ride after dinner?”
That was exactly what she needed to jolt her senses back in order. Maybe after the ride she could properly mourn for a grandmother who was little more to her than a boss at a labor house. She nodded at Cameron as she took another bite of Mrs. Schwertner’s delicious meal.
After dinner, Mrs. Schwertner escorted her to the guest room where she pulled out a pair of snug designer jeans and her cowboy boots.
When she walked out to the living room Cameron whistled, “Man, they should make those jeans illegal.”
He turned and walked out. Mrs. Schwertner laughed out loud. She shook her head and followed Cameron out to the barn.
They went riding through the cow fields down to the creek where trees were abundant. There was a worn cow path that led them through the shallow side of the creek. Cameron stopped and dismounted in the thick of the low trees and held his hand out for her reins. When she got down she looked at him questionably. He only smiled, not offering an explanation.
He tied the horses to a tree and then grabbed her hand to drag her through a nearly invisible trail. She stumbled along behind him wondering where he was taking her. When they dipped down a stony part leading to a creek, she noticed a large limestone rock emerged out from the earth creating a natural foundation overlooking the water. It looked like a perfect place to gather one’s thoughts.
“It’s beautiful,” she breathed out.
“Yes, beautiful,” he agreed but he wasn’t looking at that creek, he was looking at her. She didn’t know what to make of that so she shrugged it off. Cameron was a good-looking guy, far from the husky awkward boy she used to know. She was sure he had his share of girlfriends but she doubted he would waste his time with her.
“So is the guy who runs the stable your boyfriend?” Alarm really began to rise in her throat but she pushed it back down.
She laughed somewhat forcibly. “No, he isn’t. He and my friend, Kim, have this thing going on. It’s like the slowest moving relationship in the history of man,” she joked hoping to dislodge some of the intense looks he was giving her.
“Are you going to move back to Texas when you graduate?�
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She sat down folding her legs in a crisscross fashion, picked up a rock and threw it in the river before answering. Cameron squatted next to her, repeating her actions with another loose stone.
“I don’t know. I want to go to college and all. I guess if they offer me a good enough scholarship I might.”
“Scholarship? Why are you worried about that, you have your aunt don’t you?
Chloe looked away, “I’m uncomfortable with all that Aunt does for me as it is. I don’t think I can handle her paying for my education. It isn’t her responsibility. I’m not her responsibility.”
“What do you do in California?” Cameron continued with his inquisition.
Chloe scrunched up her nose and looked at him to answer, “Go to school.”
“Awww, it can’t be that bad.”
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” she mumbled throwing another rock in the river, this time a little more forcibly than the one prior.
“What else do you do?” Cameron asked.
It was weird. She didn’t want to tell him about her fire friends and she didn’t know why. It was like that was her own world and she didn’t want to share it. She knew this was irrational and berated herself for being silly.
“I walk on the beach, ride Bear, and go to school,” she answered evasively.
“Don’t you have friends you hang out with?”
Oh good grief. This was getting irritating. What was this, twenty questions? Why is everyone so curious about her? She decided the best way to avoid the question was to ask him a question.
“Why are you so interested?”
He seemed to think about that a moment and then returned, “You’re difficult Chloe, you seem to keep so much to yourself and you don’t volunteer anything. Besides…” he touched her cheek tenderly, “I find that I am very attracted to you.”
She shot up off the rock, shocked.
“You…you don’t mean that,” She stuttered and started backing up. He followed her. She would have fallen in the creek if Cameron didn’t grab her in time. He pulled her close to him.
“Don’t be scared, Chloe, I won’t bite.” He smiled a big toothy smile that belied his words. What had she gotten herself into? She pushed against his chest and he let her go. Turning back the path they had walked she started stomping through the trees to her horse.
“What is wrong Chloe? I thought I was picking up on some vibes between us,” he said closely behind her.
“No. I’m sorry, Cameron, but you’re mistaken.”
“Why?”
She swung around and stated, “Because I’m in love with someone else. You forgot to ask if I have a boyfriend, and I do. I should’ve announced it, I’m sorry but I didn’t expect you to come on to me on the day my grandmother died.”
Cameron stopped walking, staring at her, his jaw slack. She turned around again walking quickly to find the horses.
Her horse was munching on the overgrown coastal grass when she mounted and climbed out of the creek bed to the pasture. Once in the pasture she galloped off. She was so stupid, how could she not see that coming? How could she not tell him about Edwin? She felt ashamed and dirty.
When she got back to the house Cameron had almost caught up to her. She quickly dismounted and led the horse to the stables. She was taking off the tack when Cameron came in. He touched her arm. She jerked away.
“I’m sorry, Chloe, I didn’t know. Please forgive me. I don’t want this to ruin your trip here.”
She blew out her breath, “It’s okay, Cameron. You guys have been super allowing to me to stay here and take care of my situation. It’s greatly appreciated to have allies.” She turned around to work on the tack some more.
Cameron started working on taking the tack off his horse when he said, “You seem so different Chloe. I remember seeing you after your grandfather died. You were so pale and skinny and you always kept your head down. I tried to talk to you but you weren’t talking to anyone. Everyone was worried. When your grandmother went to live in the nursing home no one knew what to do. That was the time my father died and we were in a bind or we would have taken you in. None of us thought CPS would send you to your parents. Obviously that didn’t work out too well, as everyone predicted. Now that you are living with your Aunt Claire, you look fantastic.”
She stopped brushing the horse for a moment, thinking back to her grandfather’s funeral, to all that had transpired. “Thanks, Cameron. It has been difficult at times but Edwin and Aunt have helped me through some tough times. I’m still not well but maybe one day I will be.” She set down the harness and walked over to Cameron, placing her hand on his arm, “I’m sorry to hear about your father. I should’ve known but I guess I was so self absorbed back then that the sky could have fallen and I wouldn’t have known about it.”
“No, it’s okay, Chloe, it happened a long time ago. You had enough going on at the time so don’t feel bad about it.”
She nodded, picked up a curry-comb and began brushing out the red roan horse that was aptly named Strawberry.
By the time she got into the house she was exhausted. She took a shower and went straight to bed. No one asked questions or bothered her and she was very thankful.
Before California I spent most of my life dreaming of Texas. The open skies, the hot air, that wonderful smell of horse. I dreamed of a life that I thought I once had and somehow I forgot about all the horrors I lived. Texas had been preferable to Germany, but now I realize it was not as perfect as I had once thought. – Chloe’s Diary
Chapter 11
A Visit to the Farm
The next day Cameron had to go back to school and she had to settle the estate. Mrs. Schwertner took off from her work to drive Chloe to her grandparent’s farm.
It was one of the hardest things she had ever had to do. The farm held bittersweet memories that only intensified when it stood looming in front of her.
It had not aged well in her absence. Texas was known for its storms and strong winds and the farm had suffered for it. She nearly threw up seeing all the hard work she had put in the place fall to pieces in her absence. What was left was a worthless house, the land swallowing it with vegetation.
She walked around the front porch dodging the rotted wood planks to enter the front door. Cobwebs had formed in every corner but other than that it looked exactly like the day she had left it. There was a smell of must that hung heavy in the air, which meant the roof was leaking. The roof leaked for as long as she remembered but she had kept the place clean enough to where nothing molded.
She walked into the kitchen where she made many meals, walked through a warped door and into her tiny bedroom. It was as if she had never left and that disturbed her more.
She remembered in Germany begging God for the chance to come back here but now she never wanted to sleep in this room again. That was enough - she walked outside knowing she didn’t want to go in any of the other rooms, especially that back room.
“Did you take care of what you needed?” Mrs. Schwertner asked once inside the car, on the road again.
“I guess so,” Chloe answered more upset than she thought she would be. The place evoked bad memories, memories she’d sooner forget.
After the visit to the farm, they went to the funeral home to make funeral arrangements. Chloe’s only requirement was that it happened quickly so she could get home and was profoundly relieved that her grandmother had already made arrangements for her funeral shortly after her husband had died. Chloe didn’t have to make any tough decisions and the money wasn‘t an issue since her grandparents bought a funeral package years ago. Mrs. Schwertner seemed relieved as well. The funeral was Wednesday, one day away.
Once again when she arrived at Schwertner’s ranch, she sat on the same rocking chair on the front porch and looked at the massive fields of cattle grazing. It was amazing how similar it was to the ocean.
When the breeze blew through the open long grass, it looked like waves coming into the shoreline. T
he cowbirds would dip down the same as seagulls, instead of dolphins splashing, cows moved as they ate and played. Funny how two places were so different yet had so many similarities.
After a while of watching, Mrs. Schwertner came and sat next to her. She didn’t say anything but seemed as content as her to watch the cows munch.
The silence stretched for several moments. Chloe was feeling raw and drained. She wanted to think about something besides her sad past.
“How did you know my aunt?”
Mrs. Schwertner turned toward her, “We went to school together, grew up together. Two peas in a pod, we were.” She smiled and continued, “She lived with us for a while too, after her mother passed.”
I decided to ask about my mother. Maybe with some information about her she could understand her better.
“Did you know my mother well?”
Mrs. Schwertner laughed, “Oh honey, everyone knew your mother. She was the most popular girl in the school and the most spoiled by her parents. She was the oldest and could do no wrong.” Wow, no wonder she never wanted anything to do with Chloe, she was one of the popular kids.
Mrs. Schwertner sat back and rocked in the chair with a smile on her face remembering the past, “She was beautiful,” She spared her a look, “Like you, you look a lot like her, you know?” No, she didn’t know. The woman in Germany was aged and ugly. Chloe didn’t want to be anything like her mother but she couldn’t say that. Mrs. Schwertner continued on, “The problem with Cassandra was that she was used to getting everything and Claire was always left in the shadows. Their mother favored Cassandra and was very critical to Claire. I didn’t understand it. Claire was smart and beautiful too. It was unjustly done and Cassandra became horrible because of it. Your father was very popular too, but very bad. He, too, was spoiled and the results got him kicked out of school. Of course every girl wanted the bad boy Scott, and by God Cassandra was going to win him. And she did too! Nine months later you were born. We were all raised that this was unacceptable, so it was basically a shotgun wedding. What none of us thought they would do is leave you behind while they did and do whatever they do. That’s why we were shocked when CPS sent you to live with them. They abandoned you! I was outraged and I called your aunt. Do you know she was clueless of what you had gone through? She searched and searched for you.”