Ocean Breeze

by Laura Conway

  “I know. I think I might want to be a wedding photographer, and less than a month later I’m going to be working with one of the best,” Payton said with a half-smile. “It’s crazy. But I wouldn’t have even thought about doing any of this if it wasn’t for you. If you hadn’t invited me to Oliver and Alvaro’s wedding,” she said with a shrug. “Who knows what might have happened? I probably would have started a marketing agency, and I might have been miserable.”

  But you probably would have started that agency here.

  Jackie’s toes dug into the cool, wet sand. “You’re lucky. Not just with this opportunity. Not that many people figure out what they’re meant to do in life, especially not when they’re so young. You couldn’t possibly miss this chance.” She met Payton’s gaze, her own words sinking in. Payton was going back to New York, and Jackie knew that there was no way she could ask her to stay.

  “I know.” Payton reached for her hand as they started to walk again, their fingers interlaced.

  Jackie knew they had more to talk about. She didn’t think Payton would want to tie herself down to a long-distance relationship, and Jackie wasn’t going to make that mistake again, even with someone as amazing as Payton. It just wouldn’t work. The distance would be even greater this time. Flying to New York for a long weekend wasn’t nearly as doable as getting to London was.

  No. This was nothing more than a holiday fling.

  Chapter 18

  Payton stood in front of Jackie’s door. She had no idea how long she’d been standing there, but she knew she didn’t want to go in. Well, she did. She wanted to see Jackie, but she didn’t want to say goodbye. Payton took a deep breath and lifted her hand, knocking firmly on the door.

  She’d spent the day wandering around, trying to soak up the atmosphere, bottle it up, and bring it back to New York with her. It had taken her less than an hour to pack the few things she’d brought with her, and she couldn’t stop herself from constantly checking the time, counting down to seven o’clock when Jackie would be finishing her shift.

  She’d been restless all day, struggling to concentrate, but she’d managed to book a flight for tomorrow at noon, from Malaga to Dublin and then on to JFK. It was hard to believe that this time tomorrow, she’d be sitting in the back of a taxi on her way to her apartment, thrown back in to winter and the hustle and bustle of city life.

  The door opened, pulling Payton away from her thoughts. Jackie gave her a lopsided smile. “Hey.”

  “Hi.”

  Jackie held the door open, and Payton walked in, her stomach churning, a tingling sensation in her arms. The last time she was this uneasy was when she’d had to board a flight to London for her father’s funeral. This situation wasn’t even comparable, but her body didn’t know that.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” Jackie asked. “Wine? Beer?”

  “I better not.” Payton swallowed the lump in her throat. “With the flight and everything tomorrow.”

  “Right. Water then?”

  “Sure.”

  Payton stood in the middle of Jackie’s living room, not sure what to do with herself. Jackie was back with two bottles of water, handing one of them to Payton.

  “Will we sit outside?” Jackie asked, her voice shy almost, like she was dreading tonight as much as Payton was.

  “Yeah.” Payton followed her outside, and they both took a seat. “I’m going to miss this.” She fiddled with the pale blue paper wrapped around the plastic bottle. “All of it. The weather, the beach, the people... You,” she finished with a sigh. She told herself she wasn’t going to get emotional tonight. They both knew what this was when they started it, and even though only a few short weeks had gone by, Payton felt like she was ending a very important chapter of her life.

  “Me too.”

  Payton dared herself to meet Jackie’s eyes. She looked sad, but not devastated with one leg casually crossed over the other, her eyes bright, not watery.

  “What time’s your flight?”

  “Noon.”

  Jackie nodded.

  This was the first time since they’d met that there was this awkward, prolonged silence. Everything Payton wanted to say was too emotional. Small talk seemed pointless. She didn’t want to talk about New York, because that was the reason they were here, struggling to find something to say.

  Jackie cleared her throat. “I’m working tomorrow. Otherwise, I would have offered you a lift.”

  “No. It’s fine. I already booked a taxi.” An airport goodbye would have been a disaster. That was something couples did. “But thank you. If you have any time off... You should come visit me. See New York in December,” Payton added with a weak smile.

  The idea just popped into her head, but now that it was out there and her words hung in the air, she wasn’t sure what Jackie would think of that offer. Was Payton extending this casual relationship? Was it as friends? Payton didn’t even know. She’d just said it.

  “I’ll have to talk to Oliver, but I’d like that,” Jackie said. “Tick another item off the bucket list.”

  Payton bit her lip, blinking back tears again. She’d lost track of how many times that had happened today. “Well, just call me. I’m sure I can get a day or two off to show you around. Anyway, I should go. Got to pack and everything,” Payton heard herself say even though she’d everything organized already.

  Payton stood on wobbly legs, and before she knew it, Jackie was wrapping her arms around her. Payton melted into her, her hand gripping Jackie’s shirt as she closed her eyes, breathing in that familiar coconut scented shampoo. She didn’t know how long they stood like that, neither of them ready to let go, but eventually Payton pulled away, swiping away a tear that was ready to trickle down her cheek.

  “I know-”

  “I wish-” Payton started talking at the same time as Jackie.

  “Go ahead,” Jackie said with sad smile on her lips.

  “I was just going to say that I wish I could enjoy tonight, but I can’t. I know that’s not how ‘casual’ goes, but I can’t separate the two tonight. I can’t stay.”

  “I know. I feel the same.”

  “What were you going to say?”

  Jackie sighed, her hands on her hips. “Just that I know this is hard, but I think you’re doing the right thing. You probably already figured this out from what I told you about Megan, but... I can’t do long distance. Not again. I know you’re nothing like her and that this is different, but it’s too soon for me to be in a similar situation where we’re living these separate lives but then we’re together for a weekend here and there. I mean, I know we said this was a casual thing, but I’m just saying if it wasn’t... I really like you, Payton. I do. But I can’t even offer to try and see where this goes. Not when we’re going to be so far apart.”

  Payton inhaled a shaky breath. That was somehow exactly what she wanted to hear, but at the same time, it was devastating. Jackie felt this too, and if Payton was staying, this was probably the start of something. But she wasn’t. She was leaving, and everything that Jackie had just said, she already knew. There was no point trying to keep this going when Jackie would be three thousand miles away.

  “I’ll never forget these last few weeks,” Payton said as they went back inside. She’d managed to pull herself together again.

  “If you ever find yourself back in Spain... I hope you’ll call me.”

  Payton thought she heard Jackie’s voice crack, but she wasn’t certain. The thudding of her racing heart drowned out almost every other sound. “We’ll stay in touch,” Payton offered, knowing it sounded lame. Cliché even. But what else could she say?

  Jackie walked her to the door, and before she had a chance to reach for the handle, Payton was cupping her cheek, pulling her in to a searing kiss. This was more than likely their last kiss, and Payton needed to make it memorable. Her hand slid to her neck, her forearms resting on Jackie’s shoulders as their lips parted, their tongues brushing across one another. Jackie’s hands wer
e around her waist, their bodies pressed together as she backed them up against the closed door.

  Payton moaned into the kiss as Jackie’s hand gripped her hip, her fingers dancing over the bare skin between her jeans and her top. That simple touch lit Payton’s body on fire, and if they didn’t stop now, they weren’t going to stop. It took every ounce of willpower in her body, but Payton gently pushed Jackie away, keeping her hand on her shoulder and putting a few inches between them, both of them breathing heavily.

  “Sorry,” Jackie said, tucking her hair behind her ear, her cheeks flushed. “I got carried away.”

  “No. It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have...” Payton’s voice trailed off. She would love to fall into bed with Jackie right now, but she couldn’t. She wouldn’t get on that flight tomorrow if she did. “I should go.”

  Jackie took a step back and reached for the door, holding it open for her.

  “Goodnight, Jackie.” Payton kissed her softly.

  “Night.” Jackie’s eyes locked onto hers.

  Payton tore her gaze away, crossing the hall and putting her key in the door, the click of Jackie’s door closing behind her as she went into her own apartment. She knew she wouldn’t sleep tonight, but there was nothing else to do. She got changed into cotton shorts and a tank top and slid under the covers, trying to keep the big picture in mind. This was going to be an amazing opportunity, and as hard as it was to leave Jackie behind, she had to.

  Chapter 19

  Jackie stirred her gin and tonic, trying to be happy. This was the first time she’d been out since Payton had left two weeks ago, and Oliver had all but dragged her here, to their usual gay bar.

  He said he was sick of seeing her mope around, and she knew he meant well, but right now she felt like a third wheel which never happened when she was with Oliver and Alvaro. Maybe, it was because they were married now, and they seemed more in love than ever before. Maybe, it was because Jackie had the briefest glimpse of that, but she’d completely screwed it up.

  “See that blond sitting at the end of the bar?” Oliver asked, leaning in so that Jackie could hear him over the music. “She’s been checking you out since we got here.”

  Jackie shook her head. “I’m not in the mood.”

  Oliver threw up his hands. “Jackie, last week you said you were fine, that whatever happened with Payton was just some fun.”

  “Because I am. Because it was.”

  “You look anything but fine.”

  Jackie took a drink.

  “Look, I’m your best friend,” Oliver said, draping his arm over her shoulder. “And it’s my job to tell you the truth.”

  “Even if I don’t want to hear it?”

  “Especially when you don’t want to hear it.”

  Alvaro went to the bar to get another round. A steady stream of tourists and locals walked along the promenade even at this time of night, just a few feet away from the their table at the front of the bar.

  Oliver turned his chair so that he was facing her. “Jackie, you weren’t this happy when you were with Megan, and you weren’t this miserable when it was over.”

  Jackie opened her mouth, ready to defend herself, but nothing came out.

  “I think that says something,” Oliver said, finishing his cocktail.

  “But we agreed to keep it casual.”

  “Until it wasn’t.”

  “I couldn’t ask her to stay,” Jackie said with a sigh as she watched a woman go by walking three tiny dogs. “And I can’t ask her to come back. She’s got this whole new career now, and I’m happy for her. Luke would be so proud of her.”

  “He would.”

  “So, that’s the end of it. She’s young, and her life is in New York. It was just a holiday fling.”

  “Do you think she’s as depressed as you are?”

  Jackie downed the last of her gin and tonic while she thought about the answer. That night before Payton left for the airport had been emotional. Jackie had done her best to hide her feelings, knowing it would do neither of them any good to say how she really felt, but what about Payton? She could still hear her voice, ‘I wish I could enjoy tonight, but I can’t. I know that’s not how ‘casual’ goes, but I can’t separate the two tonight. I can’t stay.’

  “I think she felt it too,” Jackie said, “But I’m sure she’s handling it much better than I am.”

  “How did you leave it?”

  “Just that we’d stay in touch. She invited me to New York, but-”

  “She did?”

  Jackie nodded. Alvaro was back with their drinks.

  “Al,” Oliver said as he sat down. “Payton asked Jackie to go to New York.”

  “She did?”

  Jackie stared at them as they went into a full-blown analysis of her love life like she wasn’t even there. “Oy. I’m right here, and she just asked me as a friend.”

  Oliver and Alvaro turned to each other, sharing a look.

  “What?” Jackie asked.

  “She left the door open for you,” Alvaro said, leaning into Oliver.

  “What? No. It wasn’t like that. I would have known if... If she wanted...” Jackie’s voice trailed off. But did she really know what Payton wanted?

  “You should go,” Oliver said. “You’ve hardly taken time off this last year. Take a week or two. Go to New York. Spend Christmas in New York.”

  “Mi amor, that’s exactly what she should do,” Alvaro chimed in.

  Jackie’s eyes moved between the two of them. “Really? It’s that a bit much? She just left. I don’t want to distract her from what she’s doing over there.”

  “It’s incredibly romantic,” Oliver said. “And brave. That’s what it is.”

  “Surprise her,” Alvaro added.

  Jackie blinked. “Just show up? I don’t know. That worked so well for me last time.”

  “Jackie, this is completely different, and you know it.” Oliver’s eyebrows furrowed. “You have to find out if this is real, because it looked pretty fucking real to me.”

  She took a drink. “And what if it is real? Someone still has to give up their life and move.”

  “I would move to the other side of the planet,” Alvaro said, “If it meant I had a chance with Ollie.”

  Jackie stared out at the ocean while her two friends had a moment. Oliver was right about one thing. As horrible as she felt when she found out Megan wasn’t who she thought she was, it wasn’t so much about the end of their relationship as it was the shock of finding out her girlfriend was already married.

  The last two weeks had crawled by. She didn’t want any free time. She worked longer shifts. She hardly felt like eating. She couldn’t sleep. She was a complete mess, and she’d never been like this before.

  “Alright,” she said. “I’ll go, but I’m not showing up unannounced. It’s not fair on her, and I’m not trying to win her back or anything dramatic like that. I’m going to New York for the first time, something Payton knows I want to do, and if we can spend some time together? Great.”

  “You have to tell her how you feel,” Oliver said, leaning forward.

  “If the moment is right, I will. I’m not just going to blurt it out.”

  “Go for two weeks.”

  “I don’t know,” Jackie said, stirring her drink.

  “It’s our quietest time of the year,” Alvaro said.

  Oliver nodded. “We’ll be closed for almost a week around Christmas, anyway, so, don’t worry about the restaurant.”

  “I guess, I should send Payton a message.”

  “And book some flights,” Oliver said.

  “There’s no rush,” Jackie said, taking a drink. “I want to make sure I’ll not getting ahead of myself. Anything could have happened in the last two weeks. She might not have given me a second thought.”

  “I doubt that,” Alvaro said.

  “Hmm.” Jackie finished her drink. “I’m not taking anything for granted. I’ve learned my lesson. Anyway,” she said, standing. “I’m go
ing to head off. Enjoy the rest of your night.”

  She gave them both a hug and took her time walking home, still not certain that this was the right move.

  Chapter 20

  Payton put her feet up on the coffee table, sinking into the sofa with a cup of tea and a book that she’d started on the flight from Dublin but hadn’t had a chance to get back to.

  The last two weeks had been non-stop. She’d landed, got settled in and met with Tara the following day. They had dinner with Kalen Richards the following evening, and Payton almost wished that she hadn’t Googled him. He’d won just about every photography award; his work was so creative, and Payton was somewhat starstruck when she met him.

  Dinner did go well though, and he agreed to mentor her for three months starting immediately. Payton didn’t know how she was going to repay Tara, but she’d have to figure something out, because Payton had learned more in the last two weeks with Kalen than she would have in years on her own.

  Her phone was full of new contacts in New York and beyond, and this was only in the first two weeks. By the end of the three months, Payton would be more than ready to set out on her own. The question was where.

  She hadn’t spent too much thinking about it yet, but her gut told her Spain was the right place to get started. She loved doing Oliver and Alvaro’s wedding. She’d been to eight weddings in the city so far, and as beautiful as they were, it didn’t compare to getting married on the beach with the sounds of the waves beside them and the smell of the salty sea air. She could go up and down the coast. Nerja was a popular wedding destination, and it was only an hour away from Benalmadena and her father’s apartment. And Jackie.

  Payton knew she shouldn’t factor Jackie in to her decision, but it was hard not to. She’d thought about her every day since she’d left Spain, and Payton was already wondering when she’d get to see her again. With Kalen’s busy schedule, it didn’t look like it would happen while they were working together. Payton would have to wait until the end of February, when her mentorship was over.