Romeo (Payne Brothers Romance Book 6)

by Sosie Frost

  Tidus snorted. He must have known the sort of fun I’d been having.

  And how it wasn’t actually fun at all.

  “You weren’t chasing girls around Ironfield,” he said. “You were running scared.”

  “I was having sex with beautiful women every night, and a lot of it. I could think of worse ways to spend my time.”

  Cassi had never approved of my lifestyle before.

  She’d once been disappointed.

  Now she only looked…hurt.

  “There’s so many better ways to live,” she said. “I’ve never known my brother to so completely disregard his health, his life, his entire future.”

  What fucking future?

  I had nothing without Lady.

  And maybe I would’ve liked that once, but now it just scared the piss out of me.

  “Christ,” I said. “You sound like Lady.”

  “Oh, really?” Cassi took it as a compliment. I guessed it was. “I never gave her enough of a chance. Did you listen to her?”

  “What good would it do?”

  She nodded. “And so…what? She got tired of watching you waste your life and left?”

  “Something like that.”

  “You’re such a dumbass.”

  I didn’t need them to tell me that.

  Didn’t need to hear it at all.

  “It wouldn’t have worked out between us,” I said. “She’s a Barlow. I’m a Payne.”

  “Did you like her?” Julian asked.

  “Doesn’t matter.”

  Tidus hummed. “Ah. He loves her.”

  “You don’t fucking understand a thing,” I said.

  “Think I can’t relate?” Tidus asked. “Try me.”

  “Lady knew what she was getting into when she hung around me,” I said. “But she kept pushing. Kept talking about the same shit you guys do. That I’m not taking the diabetes seriously enough. That she worried about me. That I wasn’t planning for the future.” And I hated that she’d been right. “Well, what kind of future can I expect?”

  Varius crossed his arms. “Any sort of future you’d want.”

  “Cut the preaching,” I said. “You know what will happen to me. And it won’t be some perfect fucking family on a nice farm. It’s hospitals. Doctors. Medications. An endless cycle of specialists and complications and evaluations that will only prove that things are getting worse.”

  Tidus had never pitied anyone in his life. “What’s your problem? You’ve had diabetes since you were a kid.”

  “And I’ll have it until the day I die.” I lowered my voice. “Which might be quicker than anyone thinks.”

  “What the hell does that mean?”

  “It means earlier this year, I was pretty damned sick,” I said. “I landed in the hospital.”

  “Which time?” Julian asked.

  “All of them.” Never knew the truth could be so damn dehumanizing. “I had a doctor come in to talk to me, real concerned. He looked at my history and symptoms and took all these tests. I never told you guys—he was checking for pancreatic cancer.”

  I braced myself for shouting or panic.

  My brothers quieted.

  And only Cassi made a sound, cupping her hand over her mouth, ready to cry.

  “They thought you had cancer?” she asked. “Quint…”

  “Don’t worry,” I said. “Turned out I was fine. Rough week though.”

  Marius swore. “You should have told us.”

  “Why?” I shrugged. “You all had shit going on in your lives. Families to raise. Women to love. Wouldn’t have been fair if I burdened you with all these tests and contingencies without knowing what the fuck was happening.”

  Cassi swallowed her panic. “But we’re your family.”

  “That’s exactly why I did it,” I said. “The farm was finally operational. You guys were having babies. Getting married. Starting lives. I wasn’t going to complicate everything with some bullshit diagnosis. And it didn’t matter anyway. I’m fine. It was a false alarm.” For now. “But the doctors warned me that it might not always be this way. The diabetes raises my risk for all sorts of horrible shit. If it’s not cancer, it’s heart disease like Dad or kidney problems like Mom. I’m a fucking ticking time bomb, waiting for something terrible to happen. So, don’t get disappointed now…” I leaned back. “Because I’m sure we’re gonna have a lot of family meetings just like this one that don’t turn out so good.”

  Julian frowned. “And if you think we won’t all be sitting here figuring out a way to help, you’re as stupid as you are an asshole. Stop acting like a little shit. Get this through your thick skull. We’re a family, and we’re gonna fucking love you like the cocksucker you are.”

  Cassi groaned. “Jules…for Christ’s sake.”

  “Doesn’t matter,” I said. “Who the fuck cares? Not me. If it happens, it happens. Until then, I’m not gonna waste my time worrying about the shit I can’t control. That’s why I had such a good time this past year.”

  Even I didn’t believe myself.

  Couldn’t imagine it’d work on them.

  I tried anyway.

  “That’s why I ran around Ironfield every night. That’s why I decided to live my life to the fullest and fuck every woman who thought I was cute. That’s why I don’t give a damn about what happens tomorrow, because my life is great right now.” My words broke. I didn’t let it stop me. “But Lady…she wanted more.”

  “And so you left her?” Julian asked.

  “What else could I do? She asked too much of me.”

  “Why didn’t you give it to her?”

  “Because it’s my life, and I’ve never needed more than a hard day of work, a long night of fun, and a candy bar in case my sugar got low,” I said. My brothers only stared at me. “Who wouldn’t want a nice, easy life like that?”

  “But it isn’t easy,” Cassi insisted. “You aren’t doing well, Quint. Your sugar is out of control. It’s not healthy, and the way you’re eating isn’t helping. No one is asking you to plan ten years into the future, but you’ve gotta start taking care of yourself now.”

  Easier said than done.

  “Believe me.” I gave a frustrated shrug. “Every time I try to fix a problem, I get fucked over. It’s better if I stop trying.”

  Varius disliked blasphemy, red onion, and any sort of defeatism. “What are you talking about?”

  “I only reason I got involved with Lady…” I glanced at my brothers. “Aside from her ass.”

  “Of course,” Tidus said.

  “Was because we both agreed that the feud between our families was out of control. We’ve been doing everything we can to figure out a way to get you all to talk, but nothing’s worked. Anything we tried caused more chaos. Especially…” I sighed. “Especially once I fell for her.”

  “Do you love her?” Cassi asked.

  “Does it matter?”

  “Yes.”

  Then they’d get a kick out of this. “Apparently she’s had feelings for me ever since high school. And I was too much of an idiot to realize.”

  “You could make it up to her now,” Julian said.

  “How? She’s a Barlow. I’m a Payne. She’s got a bright future ahead of her—and I can’t give her a goddamned thing. She wants to travel the world and search for everything new and exciting. And I want to stay in Butterpond…because at least here I’m reminded of all the reasons why I shouldn’t be with her.”

  Varius nodded. “Name one.”

  “I’m the sort of guy who sleeps around every night to avoid the future. She’s the sort of girl who has every opportunity to have a great one.” The truth hurt, but I’d have to get used to it soon enough. “Lady deserves better than a guy like me.”

  I expected them to understand.

  Should’ve known that my family existed to be a pain in my ass.

  Julian groaned. “Who cares if she’s a Barlow? Why the hell aren’t you chasing after her? You’re in fucking love with this woman,
and yet you’re sitting here with your thumb up your ass, waiting for life to screw you over when you could finally make something good out of it.”

  Marius agreed. “Did you tell her you loved her?”

  “What am I? Stupid?”

  Everyone answered together. “Yes.”

  Cassi shushed them. “What exactly did you do, Quint?”

  “I walked away. What any reasonable man would’ve done.”

  My sister’s pout deepened into a scowl. “You’ve done a lot of stupid things in your life, but this is definitely the worst. A sweet, wonderful girl loves you, and you won’t tell her that you love her too?”

  “I can’t even take care of myself.” I’d finally admitted it, but it didn’t please my family. “How can I provide for her? What sort of life could I give her if I don’t know what the hell is going to happen to me tomorrow—how good I’ll feel, what problems I’ll have, if I’ll ever get the feeling back in my foot.”

  “What?”

  I sighed. “Yeah. That’s the other problem. Who knows what could happen to my feet.”

  Marius grumbled. “As long as one of your dipshit brothers doesn’t feed it to an alpaca, you’ll be fine.”

  “That’s it, though,” I said. “How long can I be fine? How long until something else happens? Something worse?”

  “You can’t be afraid to start your life because you’re worried it will one day end,” Julian said.

  “I don’t want to fall in love just to lose it all.”

  Tidus eyed me. “So, you’re scared?”

  “Terrified.”

  “Well, shit.” He laughed. “You think you’re the only one terrified about the future? I’m a fucking addict. It would only take one weak moment to undo ten months of complete sobriety. It’d break Honey’s heart. Kill me. You don’t think that doesn’t wake me up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night?”

  Varius agreed. “There’s nothing safe about being in love. And the hardest part to accept is that it’s not your choice. It’s a blessing, and it might come at the best or the worst of times. You might not be ready to open up to that person, but you’ve gotta realize that she’ll change you in all the best ways.” He lowered his voice. “You know what would have happened if I’d never met Glory. Now every single moment of my life, I realize what a gift she is—and it humbles me. It’s frightening.”

  “I knocked up my wife the third time I met her,” Julian said. “You think that wasn’t fucking traumatizing?”

  “Good sex though?” Tidus asked.

  Julian smirked. “You know it. Point is though, I didn’t fall for her—I fucking crumbled. And that was even before our lives changed forever. And even though I didn’t have a clue what I was doing, I knew I needed her more than I feared anything about fatherhood or letting someone that close. I’m nothing without Micah and Max.”

  Marius snickered. “Yeah, well, yours was an accident. I knocked mine up on purpose, but I sure as hell wasn’t looking for anything else. I’d planned my life to be nothing but battlefields and warfare...but Gretchen scared me more than an IED. Still does, and if any of you tell her that, I’ll shove this prosthetic where only Alicia can extract it.”

  Cassi sat next to me, wrapping an arm over my shoulder.

  “You know I love Rem,” she said.

  We all groaned. I shook my head. “Don’t want to imagine it, Sassy.”

  She frowned. “Well, I do. But I never thought it’d work between us, not just because of the ghosts in his past, but because we’d lost so much time. We were two very different people. I was terrified he’d break my heart again. But everything happens for a reason. Like, if Tidus hadn’t burned down the barn—”

  Tidus swore. “Can we go one family meeting without bringing that up?”

  Cassi ignored him. “Then none of us would be here today. You can’t stop loving her because it scares you, Quint. If that were the case, no one would ever fall in love again.”

  “And it’s not about finding the right person,” Julian said. “It’s about finding the woman who is as terrified about that future as you are but is willing to stand by you so you can face it together.” His expression twisted. “And if that person happens to be a Barlow…so be it.”

  “I can’t imagine a life without her,” I said. “But how can I give her everything she needs?”

  Cassi squeezed my hand. “Maybe it’s time to stop worrying about what you can do and start thinking about all the good she can give you? You’re afraid of getting sick, but Lady’s your reason to take care of yourself. Maybe there’s no cure…but she’s certainly good medicine.”

  “Even if I could…” I hated myself for hoping. “Duke’s on a rampage. Didn’t like me screwing around with his baby sister. We’re still fucked. We have to sell.”

  Julian shook his head. “Absolutely not. I’m not giving his demands. You never gave up on us, Quint. Hell if I’m gonna give up on you.”

  “It’s gonna cause problems,” I said. “I promised myself that I would do anything I could to prevent him from hurting the family.”

  “Take your promises and shove ‘em up your ass.” Julian stood. “It’s done. We’re keeping the farm. And you’re gonna go apologize to that woman.”

  I held my arms out. “Then what? What if she takes me back? What the hell do I do?”

  Tidus laughed. “Christ, man. If we gotta tell you how to fuck a girl, you’re not ready for a real relationship.”

  I sighed. “What do I say? What do I offer her?”

  Varius shrugged. “Same thing she’ll offer you. One terrifying future.”

  Cassi pushed me toward the door. “And you’re gonna see that’s not so scary when she’s by your side.”

  I hesitated. “Feud might get worse before it gets better.”

  “Forget about the feud, Quint,” Julian said. “Forget about Butterpond. Forget about us. You gotta make yourself happy sometime. Why not start now?”

  18

  Lady

  The worst part about falling in love was giving up on the man of my dreams.

  I stared at my plane ticket, the empty suitcase on my bed, and my yet untouched travel journal. I still hadn’t written the departure date on the front.

  Who was I kidding? The only reason I would have traveled now was to hide the truth from the people I loved. And even though I’d scripted out a few scenarios in which I could claim I’d bought the baby as a souvenir; I’d never fool anyone.

  And that included my own heart-broken, pregnant self.

  This wasn’t how I’d planned for my summer to end, and it was one hell of a rough way to welcome my life’s new beginning.

  I hadn’t slept in two days, but at least that meant I was awake, dressed, and cleaned up by the time Grandma’s cane scraped across the porch. Eight-thirty in the morning. As reliable as she was critical.

  I opened the door before she even knocked. It wasn’t the best way to pretend that everything was totally normal, but, at some point in a girl’s life, all she really needed was her grandmother.

  “Morning, Grandma,” I said, smiling wide. “How are you?”

  Grandma always conducted herself with absolute dignity and confidence. Even after the events in the park, she’d remained so composed that Butterpond had started to question if they’d actually witnessed her bumping and grinding on the stage.

  The incident would not be remembered, and Grandma’s reputation remained unsullied.

  It was amazing.

  And it was what I loved best about her. Sure, she was a…severe woman, but for a long time, I’d hoped I could be just like her.

  Well. No chance of that now.

  My only prayer was that she’d one day forgive me.

  She hmphed. “My goodness. It’s worse than I feared.”

  My fingers dug into the door. “What’s wrong?”

  “You, child.”

  Grandma shooed me away from the entry. Great, ten seconds into my confession, and I’d already broken her card
inal rule about inviting guests inside.

  “I had my suspicions,” she said. “But I had no idea how dreadful the situation had become.”

  I glanced down. My tummy was still flat. Was it some sort of Grandma radar? My sisters never warned me that she could detect when someone had sex.

  “Um…” I offered my arm, but she ignored it. “I made some tea.”

  Grandma had already shuffled into the kitchen with a newfound determination. Her cane clicked against the hardwood floors, but she waved an impatient hand toward the kettle.

  “Lady, we’re beyond tea, aren’t we?”

  No tea?

  Oh, no. Things were dire.

  Maybe she could tell? I regretted not wearing a hoodie over my blouse. Sure, according to Grandma, the casual outer garment had no place within a sensible girl’s wardrobe, but, until a few weeks ago, I never thought a baby had a place in my belly. Uteruses and fashion changed on a whim. We’d both need to adjust.

  “You always said everything could be fixed with a bit of determination and a teacup full of Earl Grey,” I said.

  She silenced with me a tilt of her head. “But the worst things in this world are made better by speaking with your grandmother.”

  Somehow, I doubted that. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that conversation yet.”

  “Well, I’m certainly not waiting for inspiration to strike you.” Grandma folded her palms in her lap and awaited my response with an arch of her brow. “I know things are not right in this family. My grandsons are weaving conspiracies. Three of my granddaughters have absconded to Ironfield, believing the best time to start their business is during a tantrum. Now, you have always been my one grandchild with a level head on her shoulders. I’d hoped you’d be wise enough to come to me when times were tough.”

  My uterus and I didn’t deserve that praise. “I’m grateful you think so highly of me, Grandma. But I don’t think you should be so proud.”

  “Because you’ve been keeping secrets and sneaking about town?” Grandma hummed. “I’m very interested in what you’ve been doing this summer…and why you’re not spending the time in the cities you’d planned to visit.”

  I collapsed in my chair and sighed. For the first time since I’d returned to Butterpond, I took a deep breath and welcomed the truth.