Friends Before Lovers

by Alicia Rogers

  "It seems that you may answer that question better than I, brother." Georgiana responded cryptically. Without another word, she held the letter towards her brother.

  Darcy took his gently into his hands. Although he dreaded what he would read within, he could not help but feel closer to Elizabeth while holding her letter. Taking a deep breath, he unfolded it and began to read.

  My Dear Georgiana,

  I hope that this letter finds you well and enjoying all that London has to offer since we last met. I apologize for my delayed response to your previous missive but much has transpired since I received it. Unfortunately, I must make a request of you that may appear peculiar. I would ask that you speak with your brother to ascertain whether we may continue our correspondence. I realize that this request may come as a surprise to you. As you are aware, I was in your brother's company while visiting my friend in Kent. While there, it became apparent to me that your brother may no longer look kindly upon our friendship. I apologize that I cannot provide any more details but I implore you not to ask me to divulge the nature of our disagreement. As a result of my last interview with your brother, I feel that I cannot continue our correspondence without you securing his approval.

  I hope that I shall hear from you again soon and that all will be well. However, if I should not receive a response from this missive, then please know that I feel blessed to have had your friendship even for the brief amount of time that it lasted. I will always think fondly of you and wish you the very best in the future.

  Your devoted friend,

  Elizabeth Bennet

  Darcy set the letter down and wiped his hands over his face. Georgiana wasted no time in taking up her cause.

  "Well, brother? What has happened to make Elizabeth believe that you would not wish for us to continue our friendship?" His sister demanded.

  "Georgie, I…I know not what to say." Darcy looked at her beseechingly.

  Georgiana looked surprised and then fell into the chair opposite of him.

  "Then this was not a misunderstanding? Elizabeth truly has reason to believe that you dislike her?" She asked quietly.

  Darcy shook his head slowly while responding, "Unfortunately, yes, I can certainly understand why she would think so."

  "Brother, please, tell me what happened. Do you really wish that I would sever our friendship? She is the best friend that I have ever had! Please do not ask me to give her up, William!"

  Darcy gently took Georgiana's hand in his own. She would not look at him as she continued.

  "She is the first friend of my acquaintance that was truly a friend to me. She encourages me without false flattery and…I hope that you will not be angry with me brother but…I told her of Ramsgate."

  At Darcy's quick intake of breath, Georgiana looked up with tears in her eyes.

  "I am sorry, William. I know how important it is to keep it quiet to avoid scandal but I felt that I could trust Elizabeth. I wanted to speak about it with someone and she was so understanding."

  "Georgiana, I cannot tell you the details of what happened but I will confess to you that the fault is solely my own. I would not ask you to give up your friend due to my own transgressions. Please assure her of my continued approval in your next letter."

  Georgiana threw herself at her brother and hugged him. When she leaned back, she noticed the sadness in his eyes and stopped smiling.

  "You must make things right between you two. She was your friend, too."

  "Georgie,…" Darcy began but was interrupted by his sister.

  "No, do not try to deny it, William. I know that you valued her friendship. You have never appeared so at ease in company before than when Elizabeth was with us. Will you not tell me what you did? Perhaps it will make you feel better?" Georgiana asked.

  "I…I cannot. I am sorry."

  Georgiana looked at her brother thoughtfully.

  "I will not press you further but, please, know that I am here for you just as you have always been here for me."

  As Georgiana hugged her brother again, Darcy closed his eyes and cherished the feeling of being loved when he felt completely unlovable.

  His sister rose.

  "I will leave you now so that I might respond quickly and put Elizabeth's mind at ease. Thank you, brother."

  Darcy could only nod and then his sister left the room. He sat for a long time after thinking over how to proceed. He knew that he must make amends to Elizabeth but knew not how to accomplish it. He would travel to Hertfordshire immediately if he thought that she might receive him but he knew that would not be the case. After the awful things that he said, he could not expect her to welcome him to the very home that he disparaged. If only he could speak with her privately to apologize, but he seemed to make matters worse when he opened his mouth during their last meeting. He could not impose his company on her when it obviously gave her pain.

  Later that evening, Darcy was passing the hallway and noticed a letter on the table waiting to be posted. At a glance to the direction, he realized that this was his sister's response to her friend. An idea crossed his mind and quickly took hold. Before he could stop himself, he picked up the letter and walked into his study. Closing the door, Darcy turned towards his desk with new determination.

  Chapter 26

  Elizabeth walked quickly to her father's book room. Her father was found within, as she anticipated; however, after a brief greeting, Elizabeth was confident that her father would leave her be. She had considered retreating to her room, but silence was rarely found there when Kitty and Lydia were at home as they were today.

  Elizabeth's hands shook as she opened the envelope. She was surprised to feel that the letter was several pages, much longer than any that had been exchanged in the past. With some trepidation, she commenced reading.

  Dear Elizabeth,

  I will not delay for a moment…my brother confirmed that he is happy for us to continue our correspondence and friendship! I hope that you find the same relief upon reading this as I found in hearing his response. I greatly value your friendship and would be grieved indeed if it were now lost to me.

  I know that you do not wish for me to inquire as to what transpired between you and my brother but please forgive me for writing the following. My brother would not break your confidence as to your last meeting in Hunsford; however, he did make it clear that he was solely to blame for your argument. I hope that you are able to find it in your heart to forgive Fitzwilliam. I cannot fathom what my brother could have done to cause such discord; however, I know that he is feeling the effects of his poor actions. I hope that my sisterly interference does not pain you and will now say no more on the subject.

  On to lighter topics, I was able to visit the bookstore you recommended near my modiste last week…

  Elizabeth let out a sigh of relief. She was both fearful and hopeful when she received a response from Georgiana so quickly. After Mr. Darcy's confusing behavior at Hunsford, Elizabeth did not know what to expect from him. He claimed affection for her, love even! Elizabeth could not understand what he hoped to achieve from testifying such emotions after the reprehensible things he said to her.

  The weeks after her return home had been difficult. She was unable to focus on any tasks without her mind drifting back to her time in Hunsford. Mr. Darcy's behavior and subsequent attack on her character had caused more than just anger. It brought to light that Elizabeth's own feelings had been engaged more than she cared to own. Unfortunately, she was forced to acknowledge this when the pain of Mr. Darcy's accusations caused her heart to hurt long after the event.

  Elizabeth shook her head slightly to clear away such painful thoughts and continued to read news from Georgiana. Her friend's words even brought a smile to her face which was not a common occurrence since her return. As she continued to read, Elizabeth was surprised to see the closing at the bottom of the second page of the letter.

  The thickness of the letter was explained as Elizabeth discovered a sealed envelope between the page
s of Georgiana's letter and a blank sheet. Laying the completed two pages aside, Elizabeth was perplexed as she inspected the enclosed envelope. Why would Georgiana not allude to an additional letter? Especially, considering the letter that Elizabeth just read was recently dated. Her curiosity piqued, Elizabeth opened the seal and glanced at the letter.

  Immediately, she realized that this letter was not from Georgiana. The writing was decidedly masculine. A glance at the signature revealed what she deemed impossible. Two letters in elegant script…FD. Mr. Darcy had written to her! Elizabeth could not stifle her gasp.

  "Are you well, Lizzy?" Her father inquired.

  Elizabeth quickly glanced up. She had completely forgotten that her father was in the room.

  "Yes, father. Just a letter from Miss Darcy. Perhaps, I will finish reading it in my room so that my ill-timed outbursts do not disturb you, Papa." Elizabeth smiled at the end in what she hoped appeared a good humor.

  "You are never a bother to me, my Lizzy. Even with your ill-timed outbursts. However, young women must have their secrets so you may go to your room to fully immerse yourself in youthful silliness."

  Elizabeth chuckled and gathered the letters, careful to conceal the second envelope from her father. With a quick curtsey and a kiss to her father's cheek, she walked as slowly as her nerves would allow to her room.

  As soon as she reached her room, she gently closed the door. Her relief was great to find that none of her young sisters appeared to be about. Her hands shook as she once again opened the letter from Mr. Darcy.

  Dear Miss Bennet,

  I hope that this letter finds you well and that you will pardon my presumption in the sending of it. You once said that you were doomed to embarrass yourself whenever we met; I fear, that I am doomed to break the rules of propriety. This letter is just further proof of that truth. However, my feelings are such that I could not continue without doing all within my power to atone for my deplorable conduct.

  If you are generous enough to read this, I hope to explain what brought on my actions that day by the stream. I must begin by explaining that I have long been struggling with my feelings towards you. Early in our acquaintance, you intrigued me. It was not long before I felt a firm friendship with you. Somewhere along the way, the feelings grew stronger…much stronger. I do not say this to make you uncomfortable but only to convey why certain things affected my state of mind so powerfully.

  You may know that my aunt has long harbored hopes of an alliance between her daughter and myself. It is my belief that she observed my preference for you and sought to poison my opinion of you by appealing to my greatest fears. You have observed how I am hunted when in Town. I cannot express to you how relieved I was this past Season to have you by my side without fear of entrapment. Although I know my aunt's motives for interfering, I struggled all night to reflect on our interactions and attempt to determine if there was any merit to such accusations. I am sorry if this gives you pain. That is not my intention but only to explain why I acted the way that I did.

  The morning that I met you by the stream, I had had few hours of sleep and my thoughts were a muddle. Although I did not know how to proceed in our friendship, my heart was determined that you alone can bring me felicity. I have not previously known the level of jealousy that overcame me at your innocent comment regarding my cousin. This does not excuse my hurtful response and I apologize again. You could not have known how I envy the Colonel's ease in company and affable manners.

  When I unintentionally mentioned Wickham's name and saw that you knew who I was referring to, something in me snapped. My utter heartbreak at the thought that you were not who I thought you were sent me to a very dark place. The result was that I hurt my friend, a woman I esteem and respect. I regret my actions that day more than any other in my life.

  I hope that, in time, I can become the man that you lost that day. A man that you can call friend.

  F. D.

  Chapter 27

  Elizabeth breathed in the fresh summer air and tried to focus on the beauty of nature surrounding her. Walking the path to Oakham Mount had never failed to distract her with the natural beauty. When she reached the peak, she settled upon an old log that had long been used as a bench for those who looked out upon the Hertfordshire countryside. Her hand touched the top of her reticule but she was quick to pull it back. The urge to stop and read the letter again was strong. She had lost count of how many times she read his words. Why did the pain continue? In her heart, Elizabeth knew she was feeling the loss of what might have been.

  The summer past in a blur. Netherfield's proximity to Longbourn was a godsend. The sisters would visit together and evenings spent being entertained by Charles' stories of his time at school. It was only when Elizabeth would spy her sister and Charles in a quiet moment that she felt a squeeze within her chest. The look of adoration upon Charles' face when he looked upon Jane or Jane's soft smile at something that Charles' whispered in her ear. Elizabeth could not help but feel envious of their love for each other. When these feelings began to overwhelm, Elizabeth would retreat back to Longbourn and her father's bookroom.

  Her correspondence with Amelia increased. Her lively friend seemed to be coping with the sudden death of her father and eldest brother. Unfortunately, Amelia alluded that the new Lord Waldegrave was still struggling as he both mourned and took on his new responsibilities. Elizabeth prayed that the siblings would find peace and happiness.

  Georgiana was ever the faithful correspondent. Elizabeth could not say if she feared or anticipated a repeat of the secretly enclosed correspondence from Mr. Darcy. In the end, it did not matter. With each new missive received from Georgiana, the envelopes continued to be thin. A secret letter did not come.

  The evenings began to cool as autumn quickly approached. It was on one such evening that Elizabeth found herself in turmoil once again. She was sitting on the veranda with Jane and Charles enjoying the beautifully painted sunset when her new brother exclaimed.

  "I could not imagine a more lovely evening or more enjoyable company than my two favorites."

  Charles smiled broadly at his wife and then responded.

  "Well, my darling, I hope that you will be pleased to have more favorites with you soon. I cannot say if their company will compare to Lizzy and I; however, I can attest to the sunsets being spectacular in Derbyshire."

  "Oh yes, I look forward to seeing the beauty of the North. Will it be quite cooler, Charles?" Jane asked.

  "Yes, harvest time can be quite chilly once the sun goes down." Charles replied.

  Jane turned her attention to Elizabeth then, "Lizzy, I believe that we should go into Meryton soon and purchase some thicker wraps and gloves."

  "Of course, Jane, I am happy to assist you."

  Jane's brow furrowed before she said, "No, Lizzy, my trousseau was sufficient for such a trip. I was hoping to buy the wraps and gloves for you. I would not wish for you to become ill while you explore the Derbyshire countryside."

  Elizabeth's face revealed her shock at this pronouncement.

  "Oh, no, Jane, that won't be necessary."

  Charles spoke up then.

  "Come now, Lizzy, you would not deny Jane a few simple gifts for her favorite sister?"

  "That's not it at all, Charles. There will be no need for such gifts because I will not be joining you in Derbyshire." Elizabeth said as calmly as possible.

  Both Jane and Charles appeared surprised by this.

  "Whatever do you mean, Lizzy? I thought that you were looking forward to spending time with Georgiana again?"

  Lizzy bit her bottom lip and looked away trying to form some type of response. Jane and Charles exchanged a quick glance before Charles stood.

  "I believe that I will return to the house now. Good evening." He dropped a quick kiss upon Jane's head before departing.

  Jane moved to sit beside her sister and gently took her hand. Before she could speak, Lizzy whispered.

  "I fear that I have forced Charles to f
lee his own veranda."

  "Charles loves you nearly as much as I do, Lizzy. Won't you please tell me what has troubled you these past months?"

  Elizabeth's surprise was evident as she looked up at her sister.

  "Come now, dear sister. I know that things are different now that I am wed but, I hope that I have not altered so much as to disregard seeing pain in my sister's eyes. I have been waiting patiently for you to unburden your heart."

  Elizabeth could not contain the stubborn tears that began to fall and Jane quickly wrapped her arms around her sister.

  "Oh, Jane. I hardly know where to begin." Elizabeth whispered.

  Slowly, Elizabeth explained the events that had transpired at Rosings. Jane waited patiently as her sister told her tale. As Elizabeth described Darcy's parting words in the garden at Hunsford, Jane felt compelled to interrupt.