Luna the Lone Wolf

by Forest Wells

  Now it was the pup’s turn to be short of breath. Whines lasted a second before both had their heads against their father’s in the blink of an eye.

  “Carlin,” Vinsi said. “Carlin, we thought you were dead.”

  Pain of envy turned bitter and forced an amused ruff to escape my control. “Carlin. So, you do have a name.”

  Carlin allowed a moment to growl at me before returning to his pups. I looked away, not wanting to see warmth I’d never feel. I found the other wolves sliding under the edge of the webbing. As far as I could tell, they’d somehow dislodged the lower part, allowing them to slip under it and escape. The only thing that gave them away was a soft clinking of the webbing. Clever wolves, I thought with a chuckle.

  The three remaining wolves looked around until they saw us. I worried they might alert the humans, until they too turned to stone for a moment. When a few tentative steps became a sprint our way, I scuttled in retreat before they ran me over on their way to their father.

  These didn’t wait to confirm. They were on Carlin like he was prey, except instead of making a kill, they whimpered, and whined, and nuzzled, and licked him all over. A yip or two sounded when one couldn’t get to him to fawn over him. I watched the exchange, rolling my eyes at them. And I thought Estrella hadn’t grown up.

  Carlin took it with tears streaming from his eyes. He returned licks and rubs as best he could, though the flurry was beginning to die down. I found myself a place to lie down and let them be. I wasn’t part of their pack. I never would be. Besides, they’d do too much to my shoulder anyway, though it was a lie I used to keep from leaving entirely.

  Still, I had to wonder what it would feel like. To feel Toltan’s fur against mine again. To have his tongue wet my fur. To hear his whimpers ring through my ears, straight to my heart. To be accepted, loved, again.

  The mind wondered, but I knew I would never know. Not even Martol would give me that much anymore. As a lone wolf, no self-respecting wolf would have anything to do with me. So be it. Let them have their busy lives. Mine was just fine the way it was.

  That lie didn’t keep me from listening in, as if maybe I could join in anyway in spite of it all.

  “Marron,” Carlin said. “Altin. Tital. My pups. I thought I’d lost you all.”

  “So did we,” Vinsi said. “When the humans took us, I thought for sure we were dead.”

  “But they never hurt us,” Harso said. “In fact, they fed us. They cared for us, gave us dens to sleep in. Now we’re a pack. We live and hunt together.”

  Carlin stopped his affection all at once. He grew still, then recoiled as if one of them had bitten him. He stood staring as if he might vomit at any moment.

  “What are you saying? You’re helping them hunt?”

  “Of course,” Harso said. “We’re a pack. We help them hunt, and they keep us fed and healthy.”

  “You’ve been hunting wolves, Harso. Wolves! Don’t you understand that? Don’t you understand what they’ve done to you?”

  “They’ve given us a home, Carlin. They’re actually very affectionate. You’ll see. They’ll take you in too. They’ll care for you like they did us.”

  I ruffed dark amusement. Care for us? Yeah, right. Time for a reality check.

  “Excuse me,” I said. “You aren’t really that dense, are you? You’ve seen what they’ve done to wolves. You think he’ll get special treatment? Uh-uh. They’ll see him as another wolf, they’ll grab their thunder sticks, and they’ll kill him like they have all the others.”

  Vinsi gave a snarl I found impressive for a wolf raised by humans. “You don’t know them. You don’t know them at all.”

  “Oh no? My leg says otherwise. One of them threatened... someone I knew. I had to stop him. This was my reward.”

  One of the other pups raised her hackles with a growl. “That was you? You killed him? Do you know what that human meant to me?”

  Carlin and I shared an appalled stare with ears so erect, they may never fall again.

  “Marron?” Carlin said. “What are you saying?”

  “I loved that human. He and I shared a special bond. Were he a wolf, I would have taken him as my mate.”

  I tried to stop that image before it became rooted in my head. I tried very, very, very hard, but I failed to keep it from making me sick. A wolf mating with a human? Wolfor, kill me now.

  Carlin, meanwhile, was backing up, more on the verge of hyperventilating. “By Wolfor, what have they done to you? You’re not even wolves anymore.”

  “You can say that again,” I said, still trying to keep my last meal from coming back up.

  Marron’s snarl and bristling hackles left me impressed enough to wonder when I should start running. “You dare insult us? Come on then. Show me the quality of your fangs.”

  Humpf. Guess they have some wolf left after all.

  Barks from behind drew my attention before I could respond. When I glanced back to check on it, I felt my heart stop. The humans’ dens were glowing again. Worse, some were already outside. Miss Hot Temper must have woken them up. As if I don’t have enough to deal with.

  “Carlin,” I said. “we need to go, now.”

  Carlin tilted his head at me, so I tossed mine toward the dens. When he looked back, his ears turned back in fear.

  We turned to leave, but Marron jumped in front of us, still snarling fury. “You’re going nowhere. You took something of mine. I’ll not let you leave without paying with your—”

  Carlin rushed forward and bit at her neck with a snarl that shook my ribs. Marron yelped more in surprise than pain. She tugged and pulled, breaking free, but falling back once she did. Vinsi attacked as she did, but Carlin dodged right around him, landing a sharp bite on his leg that drew blood.

  When the other pups went for me, Carlin appeared between them. His ears were forward, his hackles were on end, and his snarl was worthy of Wolfor himself. Glad I haven’t pissed him off yet. His pups tried to match it, but their lower tails and ears said otherwise. As for Carlin, his tail waved straight up over him.

  I looked over them to see the humans were still looking around as if confused. Their light beams scanned the forest again, while excited barks echoed from their meeting area.

  “Carlin,” I said, “we’ve got to get out of here. Those humans won’t take long to find us.”

  “They’ll only find me,” Carlin said through his snarl. “You run.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You returned my life to me. Now I’m going to save yours. Get out of here. Get to safety.”

  I pulled myself forward, but my injured leg refused to allow more than a limp.

  Yet that’s not what stopped me. I looked back at the entire situation. I saw Carlin standing firm before his own pups, and I saw the humans gathering their thunder sticks. I knew what was coming. I tried to lie. I tried to tell myself I didn’t care.

  I failed.

  “What about you? I can’t just leave you here.”

  “Yes, you can!” Carlin said. “My life is here now. You have too much to look forward to, lone wolf or not. Now get moving.”

  “Not without you.”

  “I said go!”

  He charged his pups before I could respond. Vinsi was knocked onto his side, and Marron was yelping in pain as Carlin sank his fangs into her leg. The other three bit at him, but landed only surface bites as Carlin snarled fury, drawing the humans toward the sound.

  I didn’t have a choice. Unable to fight, I winced through agony as I limped into the shadows before I was seen. Yelps and snarls followed as if the wolves themselves were right behind me. I couldn’t tell which belonged to who, and part of me preferred it that way. The rest wished I couldn’t hear them at all.

  The wound reopened, allowing a trickle of blood to seep onto my leg. It couldn’t be helped, as a short sprint had become a trail of agony back the way I’d come. I limped and winced all the way to, and inside, my cozy little rock pile, where I curled against the inside wall in a t
ight ball, wondering when my shoulder had decided to sympathize with my leg. The original wound was burning more than it had when I was first stabbed, requiring every bit of self-control I had to keep from whining at the sheer torture running up and down my leg.

  “Stop him!”

  “He’s getting away!”

  “Kill him!”

  The calls echoed into my den, clear as if they were right outside. Snarls and yelps followed soon after. For a moment, it grew so loud I thought they were outside my den, or at least passing by. Carlin must be one tough wolf to be fighting five younger wolves and still be alive to—

  CRACK!-CSHOO-shoo-sho

  Crack!-Cshoo-sho-crackcrackcrack!-Cshooshoo-shooshoo-shoo

  I flinched with each thunderbolt. My ears had long disappeared against my skull, while my entire body shook as if I were furless in a blizzard. I winced harder from the pain in my leg, which only added to my fear. I’d never fight off the wolves. Even if I did, the humans would get me instead. It seemed death was coming for me, and I could do nothing to fight it off.

  I stared at the entrance of my den, watching, hoping, praying nothing would ever come through. Silence alone breathed inside. If I couldn’t hear my own breath, I would have sworn I’d gone deaf, for the air lay still as if it were as afraid as I was.

  The forest lay silent for what felt like years. Too long for them to still be working their way toward me. Too long for me to sit around doing nothing, even though the blood on my leg was still wet. I had to risk a peek, if nothing else, so I’d know what was coming.

  I kept my ears forward as I crawled through the tunnel of my den. My breath shook as much as I did, but I kept going. I had to know if they were still out there. I stopped just inside the entrance, where I peered out at the forest, picking apart every shadow that moved. A few moved too steady to be leaves. Then they cast beams of light onto the ground ahead of them.

  My body became another stone among the pile. They were coming my way. At an odd angle but... no. Not my way. In my direction, but their angle was too far to the side. I risked peeking my head out to get a better view of the group. The humans had their light cast far and away from me. Three of Carlin’s pups were being led by a vine connected to that brown ring on their necks while another was being carried with great whimpers of pain.

  Before I could find the fifth, I found something else. One of the humans was carrying another wolf, but this one made no sound, nor did he move, except for the flop of his paws against the human’s body. I allowed another few inches of advance to be sure. I saw a body dominated by dark gray, with brown highlights on back, ears, and tail.

  “Carlin.”

  I cringed in pain as tears I couldn’t understand fell from my eyes. I tried to shake them off. I tried to tell myself I had what I wanted. I had my solitude again, free from that annoying old wolf.

  My lies didn’t work. Another wolf was dead. One I knew this time. One that didn’t care who I was or what I’d done. He might have even joined me had I given him the chance. Now I never could. Another missed opportunity. Not my fault? I wanted to think so, but I never managed it.

  I waited long after they were gone to limp outside, where a lack of scent and sound confirmed I was alone again. My heart stung, but I ignored it, for I had more pressing issues. I checked my cache for a meal, only to remember scraps being all that remained.

  My injured leg twinged in pain, to which I gave a heavy sigh. I knew what this meant. I’d give it my best, but those scraps were all I would get before the end. As such, I decided to enjoy them. One last good thing before I starved to death. It helped fill the void inside too, if only a touch.

  I returned to my den, contemplating my slow demise, whining at my injury as it complained about being disturbed. I settled against the back wall and cleaned the blood off of my leg until it had stopped bleeding again. It was all I could do really, since thinking about what it would feel like to starve churned my insides too much.

  A howl echoed through the entrance, sending my ears straight up. This wasn’t just some random wolf howling outside. Whoever it was, they had stuck their head inside to make sure I’d heard them. It was the only way to explain how loud it was.

  Since it held no malice, I allowed curiosity to push me outside to find this other wolf. When I poked my head out, I didn’t see anything except an empty forest and a hunk of moose laying in front of my den. What in Wolfor’s...

  “You going to eat that or not?”

  I followed the voice, and my heart went to war with itself. Estrella, that stubborn female, was back. I wanted to drive her off, remind her I didn’t want her. I wanted to nuzzle her, admit I cared, and enjoy the fact that she was there at all. I wanted to just take the meat and retreat back inside without word or acknowledgement.

  Instead, I found the only question that somewhat satisfied all three.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Estrella proudly trotted up and sat on the other side of the meat. “Doing what you can’t. I saw you fight that two-legged.”

  “Human.”

  “Whatever. I saw what you did, and what it cost you. Thank you, Luna. I never knew he was there.”

  I tried to keep my ears up, but they turned back anyway. “I... I just didn’t want them to get another wolf.”

  Estrella glared at me with a gentle growl. “You’re pretty determined to be a thorn-in-the-paw, aren’t you? Well, I don’t care. I’m going to take care of you, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

  I sighed with another growl. I knew her so little, yet I already knew that look. She was going to have her way, and no one, not even Wolfor, was going to stop her. Might as well find a way to enjoy it while it’s there.

  "Fine,” I said. “Just try not to get too annoying, all right? I've been alone for three years, and I am not in a mood to have company for the rest of my life.”

  “Things change. I can wait.”

  Knowing her, she’d wait till the end of time too. I retreated back inside my den to find sleep after such a trying day. Estrella followed me in, food in mouth with a glare. My ears fell in case she decided to add fang to her reprimand.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Where did you get that anyway? Don’t tell me you managed a kill on your own.”

  Estrella put the meat in front of me, then settled in beside me with a quick rub against my cheek. “I have my ways. Today it involved returning to your kill, and picking off what I could. The ravens hadn’t found it yet, though an old wolf did. Almost had to fight him for it.”

  “This old wolf give a name?”

  “No, but he kept calling himself ‘old and wise,’ like somehow that was his name.”

  My first bite almost got stuck in my throat, forcing me to gag and work to get it past the lump growing there. It couldn’t be.

  “This wolf. Did he have a lot of scars, with fur that was dark gray, with brown on his ears, back, and tail?”

  Estrella tilted her head at me, and I didn’t move. I didn’t dare hope, even as my heart did with every strand of fur. Estrella looked up for a while, as if the answer was on the walls of the den.

  “Now that you mention it,” she said, “I think he did. Why? Do you... Luna? What’s wrong?”

  Nothing, nothing at all. I had closed my eyes as joyful pain took hold. That stubborn old wolf. Should have known he wouldn’t die that easy. It had to have been his pup I saw, not him. I took deep breath after deep breath, trying to tell myself this was not joy I was feeling. That Carlin’s survival meant nothing to me.

  I got the edge of a laugh instead. I didn’t even know why. I only knew quick bursts of panted amusement broke through, making it seem like I couldn’t breathe, which in some ways, I couldn’t.

  “Luna! What’s wrong?”

  I ruffed in amusement again before returning the rub Estrella had given me earlier. “Nothing. I do know that wolf. In fact, just today, he saved my life. I thought it’d cost him his.”

  “And you weren’t going to tel
l me, were you?”

  “Nope.”

  Estrella turned her ears back, then growled, then sighed. “Luna, you are going to drive me out of my mind.”

  Now where have I heard that before? “You don’t have to stay, you know. Living alone isn’t so bad.”

  “You won’t get rid of me that easy. Like it or not, I’m here, and I am not going away.”

  This much I knew without her saying so. A part of me even liked the idea, but it was overpowered by the years of pain. I had gotten used to living alone, even found a way to enjoy it. Now I had this crazy female who I’d never get rid of. Not until I healed anyway.

  Except, just as I finished what I could of the meat, Estrella leaned against me. She fell asleep almost the moment she did, and I couldn’t find a reason to move. I just watched her look so content, so peaceful, as if she trusted me to defend her from the world. I felt her fur against mine, the warmth of her presence, and her confidence, seeping through. Just her being there made all the thoughts I had in my head seem ridiculous.

  The pine cone returned, only for it to melt when I inched my head down against hers. When our ears touched, she leaned into me again. I returned it, failing to convince myself I didn’t feel anything. My second opportunity had given me a second chance. My third was still out there, perhaps waiting to do the same.

  I barely felt my injury that night. Estrella’s fur kept it hidden, almost as if it could help heal it. Try as I might, I couldn’t lie to myself.

  For the first time I could remember, I wasn’t even sure I wanted to anymore.

  Chapter 7

  “COME ON, YOU THORN. No more moping. There has to be something out here.”

  I think I miss being injured.

  My leg had healed in time for the onset of fall, though it felt more like winter. The cold at times bit through my still thickening fur, and that was without the wind and rain we’d had the last few days. Much of our prey must have had the same problem, for hunting had proven difficult, even for a healed wolf. That said, we would have to keep trying, or we’d have no chance of eating.