Right Kind of Mistake

by Rebecca Thomas

  “Thanks.”

  “I – we wanted to see if you’re okay. It looked like you took the puck in your stomach,” I managed to say, with no help from Maya.

  “I wish that’s where it hit, but I turned sideways and caught it in my side, just below my armpit, where there isn’t any padding.”

  “Are you going to be all right?”

  “Sure. This is nothing out of the ordinary.”

  Maya glanced from Cam to me and back again. “So I heard there’s a new band in town at The Loon tomorrow night. We should all go.”

  “That sounds fun,” Cam replied and looked at me. “You going?”

  “Sure,” I agreed, although I don’t know why Maya didn’t mention it sooner. It was almost as if the evening had been planned by the two of them and they just decided to inform me, but maybe I was taking this conspiracy idea a little over the top. Regardless, I was glad Cam seemed accepting of me. He didn’t appear angry, so maybe he had come around to thinking the way I did about our “just friends” status. I hoped so.

  I was sick of being so indecisive. I annoyed the heck out of myself. At first, I was all about going to The Loon, then after more thought and knowing Cam would be there too, I wanted to bail. What a wimp. But The Loon was where we met only a week ago. I’d been so sure of what I was doing then, and now I had an opportunity for a re-do.

  I wouldn’t drink as much tonight and I wasn’t on a mission to experience the wilder side of life by sleeping with a stranger. I don’t know how I let Elle and Maya talk me into agreeing to their crazy idea in the first place. Sleeping with a stranger was worrisome these days. I’d watched Dateline. I had been mentally beating myself up for sleeping with Cam, but he wasn’t a complete stranger and my body still craved him.

  So if I was going to stay on the smarter side of things, I was going to limit myself to one drink tonight. My goal was to patch things up with Cam and make him understand we’d be much better off as friends. There was no room in my life for a boyfriend.

  Elle, Maya, and I split a taxi. I should have just volunteered to be the designated driver so I’d be sure to keep my wits about me around Cam. There was no denying the feeling of his strong arms around me when we danced last week and how desire had flared in my belly. We trudged across the snowy walkway to the front doors of The Loon. We stepped inside to warmth and dozens of people filing into the sawdust-covered warehouse building. My eyes went directly to the bar, and somehow, as though I was possessed by some kind of laser like vision, my eyes surveyed the room and stopped when I got to Cam’s ass. Since when do you check out the ass of the guy you want nothing to do with? “Since you saw and felt just how fine that ass was,” said some unknown she-devil voice inside my head.

  Clearly, I had issues well beyond the norm. I’d just given myself this great pep talk about my strategy to release Cam from his thinking he wanted to date me, and already I’d faltered in my mission before my foot was barely inside the door.

  Luckily Cam didn’t notice me staring at his ass since his back was to me. Sawyer and Jarrett were with him.

  Elle high tailed it to an open table on the far side of the room, and yelled for us to “hurry” before someone else nabbed it. I followed her, but Maya strode toward Cam. I got the niggling sensation that something was up with them. I speculated about my conspiracy theory and how I believed they were teaming up somehow.

  Elle and I piled our coats and purses on the empty chairs to save them. The band was due to start in half an hour, so I knew the place would fill up fast.

  I’d left things so badly between Cam and I at the diner, and I was determined to get things back to normal. I purposefully sat with an open seat next to me, hoping Cam would take it. I watched him at the bar drinking a beer and talking to the bartender and his friends. He was so casual and relaxed with his foot propped up as though he hadn’t a care in the world. He spoke to Maya briefly, then glanced my direction. I was so anxious about talking to him again. God, I hated this nervous awkward feeling in my gut. We locked gazes across the crowded room and he winked at me. Winked! The guy was so confident. What did he think, I was going to melt into a puddle on the floor?

  Immediately, I looked away and acted like I was rearranging my coat on my chair. How pathetic. I started to re-think my idea of him sitting next to me, but then I remembered my goal to set things right between us. I wanted these awkward feelings to go away. I wanted to be able to pass him on campus and say “hello” like I used to.

  He strode in my direction with that arrogant hockey player swagger of his. He leaned over the table, placing both forearms in front of me. His stare was so intent, I’m sure my face reddened. “Can I get you a drink?”

  Where was this panicky feeling coming from? I had never felt this way around Cam before – before I’d slept with him. It killed me knowing he knew exactly what every inch of my body looked like. If I could only turn back time and fix my mistakes. “Hi Cam.” I couldn’t hold his gaze any longer. “Sure, I’d take a light beer. Whatever they have on tap is fine.”

  “Done.” He turned and my gaze went immediately to his jean-clad ass. Quickly, he swung around. “Were you just checking me out?”

  If my face wasn’t red the first time, I was more than sure it was now. “No.” I gulped. “Of course not. You’re so full of yourself.”

  Then he did this astounding thing with his eyebrows, he moved them upward and back down really fast two times, followed up by the biggest grin. His brilliant white teeth lit up his face. I expected the music to stop and a spotlight to shine on him. It was freaking amazing that a puck or hockey stick hadn’t knocked out those straight, perfect teeth of his. He narrowed his gaze at me. “I think you were checking me out.”

  “Think whatever you’d like.” I shook my head. “I wasn’t.”

  “Uh-huh,” he muttered, before he strode back to the bar.

  What an idiot I was, trying to deny the obvious. Like his big hockey head wasn’t conceited enough, without him catching me eyeing him. I always gave my brothers grief for their arrogance, but they informed me that it was all part of playing sports. Confidence in one’s ability, pecking order, respect – all that came into play when being part of a team. Confidence on the ice translated into confidence in life and vice versa. You didn’t get into Division I on a full scholarship by being unassertive. I couldn’t think of any sports where meek qualities were good, but being humble was important and by all accounts Cam was a humble guy – usually – but apparently not today.

  I wanted things between us to go back to the way they were before, but maybe I was looking at it all wrong. You couldn’t go back in time and make everything the same, but I could establish a new medium between us. The friends-who-slept-together-once medium. That sounded bad, but certainly there must be someone out there who could advise me on how to proceed. We could never be exactly how we were before, because now I knew Cam’s body in a way I never did before. I knew his hotness translated into something even hotter in the bedroom. The way he’d looked at me then, and even now. It was as if I could never keep secrets from him. I’d completely melted under his attentions. Everything about that night was beyond hot, but he had to understand it was a onetime hook-up, and that’s all it would ever be.

  Cam returned with an extra beer in his hand and placed it on the table. He sat in the chair beside me. I figured there was no time like the present to bring up the topic of “us.”

  “So I wanted to say I was sorry how things ended between us when you came to the diner. I should have tried to explain myself better.”

  “I think you explained yourself fine – I just don’t happen to agree with it.”

  “Oh,” was all I could think to say.

  “And I intend on changing your mind.” He gulped down two swallows of beer. “Starting tonight.”

  “Starting tonight, what?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “Cam, I don’t want to see anything.” A tingling sensation rumbled through my limbs. I didn�
��t think it was from the alcohol hitting my system either. By all accounts I was a lightweight, but something heavier hit me when Cam said he was going to change my mind. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I had to make him understand. “I’m not ready to be with someone else right now. And actually probably won’t be for a long time.”

  “Haylie, you and I are good together. You know it and I know it. Just go on one date with me. Just one.”

  That tingling sensation exploded in my stomach. “No.”

  “Give me a chance to change your mind.”

  “A second ago you said you were going to change my mind.”

  He laughed. “So I did.” He leaned in close to me. So close I could feel his warm breath on my cheek. “I’m not used to losing.”

  “No, I don’t suppose you are, but you know, you can date just about anyone you choose.”

  “And I choose you.” His knee hit my leg.

  “Don’t you get it, Cam? I’m not good for you.” I wanted to pull away from the contact between us. “I’ve become a cynic. I certainly don’t trust guys at the moment, and especially hockey players. You all have a bad reputation, you know?”

  “You shouldn’t judge me like that.” He put his arm on the back of my chair, effectively caging me in.

  “No, I shouldn’t, but I do. I’m just being honest. The next guy I date is gonna be a geek…like maybe a chemistry major, or a microbiologist. I’m thinking those types would be a safer bet.”

  He laughed at me. “Oh, that makes a lot of sense. Date a guy based on their major and the fact that they don’t play hockey. Your own brothers play hockey.”

  “Exactly! And I wouldn’t date either of them for a million bucks.”

  “I think there are laws against that.”

  I slugged him in the arm. “You know what I mean. I was being metaphorical.”

  “That’s pretty harsh you know, to judge me by the sport I play. That isn’t fair.”

  “Whoever said life was fair?”

  “Touché.” Cam tipped his beer bottle in my direction as though making a toast. “The band is about to start.”

  I watched the band members file up on stage. The name of the band was When in Doubt and coincidentally I’d read that one of them, the drummer I believe, was from Cam’s hometown in Washington state.

  The music was loud so I had to get really close to Cam to talk to him. “Isn’t one of the guys in the band from Ellensburg, where you’re from?”

  “So you’ve been doing a little research on me, have you?”

  I cocked my head and flattened my lips. “I can read a roster on a hockey program and they always list the player’s hometown.”

  “Yeah, I went to high school with the drummer’s little brother.”

  “Are you kidding?” What were the chances.

  “Nope. Really did. His name is Micah.”

  “The little brother or the drummer?”

  “The drummer.”

  “So you know someone famous.”

  “The band isn’t really famous yet, but they are good.”

  Lots of people were getting up to dance, including our entire table. Maya, Sawyer, Elle, and Jarrett were all busting a new move.

  “Should we dance?” Cam asked.

  No. If I danced with him again, things could head in a direction I didn’t want to go. I stood up. “I need to refill my beer. You want another one?”

  “No thanks.”

  If he was disappointed, he didn’t show it. I squeezed between chairs and tables and went to the bar. Then I remembered I was supposed to limit myself to one beer for the night. The bartender was busy, so I waited. I tapped my fingers on my leg with the beat of the music and surveyed the dance floor. Elle and Jarrett were doing a bit of dirty dancing and I made a mental note to ask her exactly what her intentions were concerning him.

  Then I noticed Cam, moving his hips, with a girl pawing at him. It was the same girl I’d seen him talking to outside the locker room after the game yesterday. Who was she? And why was she hanging on him?

  I wasn’t supposed to care, but I didn’t want some puck trying to score with him. But again, how was it any of my business? I’d made it clear to him and Maya and anyone who would listen that we were just friends.

  Actually, I was getting sick of repeating those words in my head over and over again, as though I needed to remind myself. I wouldn’t look at Cam or that girl. Maybe that was the better way to go. I had to admit she was a good dancer, even if she was a bit skinny.

  I made a silent pact with myself to ask Seth for his number in class this week. I could ask him to go out with us next time. Maybe I should make a new plan to find a guy, a studious type of guy, who had nothing to do with hockey. A guy like Seth.

  It’s true I hadn’t been initially attracted to him, but I could learn. We could find something in common. Maybe he could appreciate my love of art. Lord knows, my family or Tyler never appreciated art like I did. I could go to a museum and spend hours there. Growing up in Minnesota, I had to ask our neighbor, Mrs. Kramer, to take me to art galleries. My parents barely knew what an art gallery was, let alone a showing.

  “What can I get you?” The bartender asked.

  “A Bud Light, please.”

  I paid for the beer and returned to my seat. I eyed Cam’s rippling muscles beneath the fitted tee shirt he wore. How a guy could make jeans and a tee shirt look so good, I’d never know. I think Calvin Klein should hire Cam to model. Of course Calvin Klein had an underwear line. They could certainly hire him as an underwear model too. I remembered how his fitted boxers lovingly hugged the tops of his thighs.

  I was angry with myself for the twinge of jealousy I felt while I watched Cam dance with the skinny chick. She was completely enamored with him. I knew that look in a girl’s eyes. She was going to stop at nothing to get him. The song ended and he mouthed some words at her like talk to you later. Great. Maybe he’d invite her to our table. Hell, maybe I should. I kept saying Cam was only my friend. Didn’t friends want their friends to be happy? She seemed harmless enough. They parted ways and Cam took the seat beside me.

  “Who was that?” I asked.

  “Her name is Rachel. She’s in my marketing class.”

  “Oh, nice.” I swigged my beer and thought about all the ways she wanted to “market” him, no doubt. I twirled the liquid around in my glass, staring into the amber liquid that reminded me of the color of Cam’s eyes. Maybe some small talk would be good. “So how are your classes this semester?”

  “They’re fine. Yours?”

  “Mine are good.”

  “How many art classes are you taking?”

  “Just one. Painting. Why?”

  “Well, because I know you took drawing and ceramics and metalsmithing. In fact,” he said and slid closer to me, “I bet you made those earrings yourself.”

  I absently fingered the dangling triangle metal earrings I’d made, stunned he would guess that I designed them. “I…yes, in fact I did.”

  “They’re beautiful.” He moved even closer to me so his thigh brushed against mine. “Just like you.”

  A zing of pleasure rippled through me. I stared back at him, unsure what to say, but I knew I didn’t like the direction this conversation was going. I had to get him to back off. I had used him. He had to know that being with me was not his best move. “You know, you are excellent boyfriend material. I bet that Rachel girl would scoop you up in a heartbeat.”

  He breathed out a sigh and retreated a few inches. “I’ve been waiting to scoop you up.”

  “I’m not scooping material.” I was such a bitch. I made sure my voice sounded as snotty as possible. I should go get that Rachel girl and plop her skinny ass on his lap.

  The look in his eyes showed the hurt I’d inflicted. Apparently, I was good at shoving people away. I’d managed to push Tyler away from me, so why not Cam too?

  A pause, then he scooted his chair closer to mine. “Haylie, why are you doing this?”

&nbs
p; His thigh touched mine again and a rush of desire spread through me. “I told you why.”

  He put one hand on the back of my chair and other on the table, effectively caging me in. He leaned in closer. “You really want me to date Rachel?”

  “Yes,” I answered quickly. “Isn’t that what I’ve been saying? We’re friends. I could give you dating advice. You know, where you could take her, what kind of flowers to buy her. I could be your dating consultant.” I laughed at my own joke, tipping my head back to add more gusto and ridiculousness to my stupid words.

  “I don’t think that’s what you really want.” His warm breath caressed my ear.

  “You know I keep telling you I’m not the same girl I used to be. I’m not the sickeningly loyal and trusting girl I was. Therefore, I’m not good girlfriend material. But you…” I decided I needed to be more convincing, not with just words but with body language. I placed both arms on his broad shoulders. The heat of him nearly had me undone, but I was determined to convince him to move on. “You want a girlfriend? I’ll help you find one.”

  I would embrace the new me. I would make Cam believe this new me was here to stay. The old me, the one that Tyler cheated on, was long gone.

  I would never be that girl again.

  The conversation between Cam and I ended abruptly. The way I figured it, he needed to know now, rather than later – I wasn’t the right girl for him. I was uncertain about that Rachel chick. She gave me a territorial look, or I may have been imagining it.

  Our group of six danced and laughed. It was a fun evening. The band was great too. I spotted a familiar face entering The Loon. Through the haze of bodies I had to take a second look. It was Seth, my geeky lab partner. Perfect. A distraction from Cam’s heated nearness was just what I needed.

  I leaned across the table toward Elle and pointed in Seth’s direction. He was with another equally geeky-looking friend. “See that guy over there?”

  “The guy with the glasses?” she asked.

  “Yeah. He’s my lab partner.”