There's No Such Thing As Monsters: Gaslamp Faeries Series, Book 1

by Ren Ryder

  A rare, enchanting smile graced the queen’s lips. “Think nothing of it,” she waved off my words. “So long as you remain in this realm, you have the gift of my hospitality,” Titania blew a silken strand of silver hair out of her face and crossed her legs demurely.

  “Lucky for magnanimous queens, you got off scotch free— this time! So watch your mouth or keep it shut!”

  “If I might have your attention, children? Thank you. As I was saying, word of your deeds and valor have spread across the realm— regardless of what that worthless husband of mine thinks— with them, you have gained much of this realm’s favor.

  “I brought you here to make you aware of said illustrious status, as well as to grace you with a small token of my own appreciation.” Titania tossed a small gray object my way. It tumbled through the air in a parabolic arc.

  I caught it and examined it. I tossed it up, caught it again. It was small, a bit smaller than the standard for New London coinage. The texture was interesting to look at, not grainy exactly but with fine ridges that I could feel when I rubbed it between my thumb and forefinger. If it hadn’t been divided into two separate planes it would’ve probably been an almost perfect circle, but alas it reminded me more of a clamshell than a token. And, it held a distinct warmth.

  A sense of déjà vu caused the light of recognition to burst within me, but it was a diffused, confused feeling. I wondered why. Had I maybe encountered a stone like this at some point in my past?

  “I see you recognize it. What you have there is known by humans as a faery stone, a rock found natively within this realm. When found out in your world a stone like that calls to us, like a mother beckoning her son home. That one is somewhat special, however, as I’ve imbued it with a bit of my own essence.

  “If you ever find yourself in need of assistance, whether within the hour or at the end of time, let it drink of your blood, and wish upon it. I will intercede at your behest but once, so use it wisely.”

  I hefted the stone in my hand. It was light, lighter than I felt it should be. “What if I lose it?”

  Titania heaved a full-body sigh, then stretched out her hand. “Give it here,” she demanded.

  With great trepidation and a pounding heart, I did.

  She plucked a hair from my forearm and tied it around the rock, then clasped it between her delicate hands. Soft silver light shone through the cracks of her fingers. A moment later the light receded, then she opened her hands and proffered the token to me.

  She smiled, showing teeth. “Go on, take it.”

  I took the faery stone from her hands. They felt like silk.

  “This stone is now attuned to you. Even if you misplace it somehow, it will return to you. You’ll have better luck losing your head.”

  I grimaced at the imagery evoked by her words, but I put it out of my mind and stuffed the faery stone into one of the pockets of my trousers.

  I bowed again. “Thank you for your kindness and generosity. I did not expect to be rewarded for what I did, besides with the safety and happiness of my sister.”

  Bell slapped me on the back. “Aww, what a good boy!”

  Somehow, that felt condescending. I narrowed my eyes, but held my tongue along with my suspicions.

  “Your… little sister, you said?” Titania asked.

  “Yes, I have a little sister. Her name is Sammie. Her capture was what ultimately put me on the path that led to here, including, I think, at least in part, what I did on behalf of the… Fair Folk,” I finished awkwardly, substituting faeries for the first word from Bell’s lecture that came to mind.

  “I must ask, do you truly wish to return to humanity’s bosom, along with its dark machinations? I believe you would be happier here… given a sufficient adjustment period.”

  I felt a bit off-put by the offer.

  I thought about it for a moment. “Uhm, like I said, I wouldn’t have ended up here in the first place without Sammie… and she’s still in danger. This place is… very… nice, but I, I need to go back to her. She’s all I’ve got. Wherever she is, that’s home.”

  Is that the light of disappointment in her eyes? No, couldn’t be.

  “Hmm, is that so. Well, you should be getting on your way then, shouldn’t you? If you have a mind to visit again for a longer stay, ask the little one to guide you. She knows the ways.”

  Abruptly and without warning, there was a fundamental shift as a ring of holly formed a circle around me. “I do hope you make it back in time,” Titania said mysteriously as light whitewashed my vision, setting me adrift in space.

  What’s that supposed to mean?

  Chapter Eleven

  Why can’t I see anything?

  “Bell, what exactly do you think you’re doing?”

  Despite her tiny body, Bell had managed to cover my eyes so I couldn’t see. “This might startle you a bit. I want you to try and stay calm, okay Kal?”

  “Whatever, just move already.”

  “Don’t say I didn’t warn you~”

  Bell removed herself from my sight. Unfamiliar scents, sounds and sights invaded my awareness. I fell to my knees amidst the hustle and bustle of New London’s city streets, lost and entirely out of my element.

  Where am I?

  “Some kind of street performance?”

  “Nah, no way man, I bet he’s just in from the sticks. I hear some’ve never heard of running water or seen a flushing toilet.”

  “Look, that guy carried weapons into the city!

  “Eeek! He’s looking at us!”

  “What about the weapons ban?!”

  “Who cares about that, let’s get out of here!”

  When am I?!

  I ran, and ran and ran, looking for a single point of familiarity in this changed landscape. The local crier who’d always climbed up on his soapbox in the middle of Main Street was no more. How did people even get their news this day and age?

  Street rats I’d been halfway friendly with— no hide nor hair of them to be found. Dead or gone, the lot of them. The bakery I’d been so fond of, as well as Anna and her husband, didn’t live where I remembered.

  My chest stuttered and I felt wobbly. I stumbled around in a daze until I reached the sidewalk, where I found a street lamp to steady myself against. Those were still gas-burning, at least, but everything else was different, changed.

  Nothing, it seemed, was spared the progress of time.

  “What’s up with that guy?”

  “Touched in the head, ’s my guess.”

  “What is that he’s wearing? He’s, like, so last decade!”

  I felt woozy.

  All but Main Street had been transformed from cobble roads to some hodgepodge, yet dark and smooth, pavement construction. The roads were filled with half horse drawn carriages and half steam-powered… carts?

  The worst of it was that everyone was going about their business as if all this were normal. My hand was shaking, trembling as I brought it up to wipe off the sweat running down my forehead.

  “Wha-what’s going on?! H-how did this happen? B-B-BELL!”

  “Alright, alright. I knew this was going to happen, sheesh. I’ll explain, so calm yourself.”

  “How am I supposed to remain calm here?! HUH?!”

  “Hunny, don’t go near that guy.”

  Bell flew in a lazy circle up and around the lamp post I was using to hold myself upright until she was seated atop it. “Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the time distortion. Hmmph, fine by me! Freak out all you want, see if I care~”

  I hyperventilated, unable to come to grips with the reality of my situation. My vision grew hazy along with my surroundings. I was set adrift in space and time.

  When I came back to myself it was because I’d clutched the Father’s cross tight enough to make my hand ache.

  Bell was hanging upside down off the top of the lamppost, looking bored. “Look who decided to get ahold of themselves! Congratulations, somebody give this kid a prize!”

  “I t
hink it’s high time you explained yourself, Bell.” I made sure my words were calm, measured, and steady.

  “Ugh, humans, so obsessed with time and keeping track of it! Look Kal, we are ageless beings, most of our kind call the Otherworld home, which has an entirely fluid connection to the flow of time. It goes without saying that its passage becomes near insignificant to us.

  “While the throngs of humanity are invested in the onward march of progress, it’s truly of little consequence. At best, time is an inaccurate, faulty gauge. Most of us think it’s not worth considering at all.”

  “I need to find Sammie.”

  “Sure you don’t want to stop and smell the roses, see the sights?”

  “On your schedule we won’t find Sammie this century!” I exploded.

  “Geez, sorry for being curious~”

  I stared walking. “We’re leaving. Now.”

  Bell shrugged. “I guess now is as good a time as any. Any idea where we should be going?”

  I stopped in my tracks. “Haven’t the faintest— actually, no, wait, I know exactly the place.”

  I had to double back time and again to avoid regular Watch patrols. Several of them seemed to be on the lookout for somebody, and I figured word of an armed, black-cloaked figure was making the rounds across the city. Despite my backtracking, I was reassured by the choice I’d made in heading to the Wasted Minstrel first. I never would’ve made it to Duke Maddox’s estate in the Upper Quarter.

  I breathed a sigh of relief when the changing times finally decided to give me a break and the Wasted Minstrel came into view. The ramshackle bar was as beat-up and rundown as I remembered it, despite the obvious patchwork attempts at renovating the place over the years. Most importantly, the bar’s complete lack of affiliations hadn’t changed, either.

  After I entered the drinking establishment, I had an opportunity to examine the huge man tending to his bar with a dirty dishcloth before he noticed me. I sat down on a rickety three-legged stool in front of the barkeep.

  Rex had changed, but not so much that he was unrecognizable. The physical changes he had undergone were minor: a slight slump to the set of his shoulders, a few lines in his face that were a bit more pronounced. The bald plate of his head shone less, but that was all. By his eyes and demeanor, he possessed the same sly intelligence I remembered him for.

  “Rex, you’re looking old.”

  He recognized me immediately. Was it my hair?

  It took him awhile to come to terms with the situation, however, and I was left twiddling my thumbs in the meantime.

  “How about a mug of ale?”

  My shoulder twinged as I tapped the counter.

  Rex obliged, and I tossed a copper down in exchange. I was about to grab the foamy beverage and take a good, long sip when Rex stopped me with one big, meaty fist.

  “Ale’s three copper.”

  “That’s highway robbery!”

  Rex hooked a thumb at the door. “Thas the price, you don’t like it, then you can get out of my bar.”

  I forked over another two coppers, then three more, and pulled the mug to me. “Fine, two coppers. But keep ‘em coming. It’s been a rough day.”

  I cursed the gods of time and economics under my breath. It didn’t matter that I was carrying more money than I had my entire life thanks to remains of Duke Maddox’s generosity. It was the principle of the thing. And considering this was no upper crust drinking establishment, what money I did have would only go half as far, considering the relative price hike.

  Still, I downed the swill in one go. “Still tastes like piss. How’s Thorn been, by the way?”

  “Dead. Ouroboros hunters killed him and his whole crew. Thought you were long dead and buried too, leastwise, I did ’til now.”

  Thorn’s— he’s dead?

  My expression flattened and I looked down at my empty mug. I ground my teeth together and tensed my body to keep from lashing out— at anything, at everything.

  Rex refilled my mug from the tap and placed it back in front of my restless hands. “Looks to me not more ’n a day’s went by since I last seen ya.”

  “I need some more unassuming clothes and an update on the important bits I missed out on since I’ve been gone. Like this city weapon ban. Think you can help with that?”

  Rex let my obvious evasion slide. “I might.” Rex rubbed his thumb and forefingers together by way of explaining.

  I smiled gratefully. “Right, right, some things never change, do they?”

  Rex disappeared into the kitchen, leaving me with my ale and my thoughts. I nursed my ale until it was gone. I bounced my knee and twiddled my thumbs.

  “This place reeks— and so do you— can we go soon?” Bell complained from my jacket pocket.

  “We’ll go when I’m good and ready,” I grunted, not in the mood.

  “Well, sor-ry. Somebody needs an attitude adjustment,” Bell muttered.

  Finally, Rex returned and laid a set of clothes over the bar. I nodded at a simple, yet bright green shirt matched with a pair of dark brown trousers. Then my heart clenched.

  There it was, the yellow-gold scarf that was all-too-familiar to me.

  “These here were Thorn’s, once upon a time. He woulda wanted you to have ‘em, I think.”

  “Ouroboros, they still around?”

  Rex snorted. “Group as dirty and well connected as them, well, you can as good as guess how their business is doin’ without my two cents, can’t ya kid?”

  “Right, I don’t know why I even asked.”

  I dreaded the answer, but I had to know. “There was a bakery down on Third, do you know what happened to it?”

  Rex tapped the bar in thought before producing an answer. “Firebombed by Ouroboros, if memory serves. From what I heard, couple who owned the place turned up dead a week later, mutilated.”

  I laughed a bitter, broken parody of a laugh. I drank the rest of my ale before drawing a deep breath to steady myself. Then I asked the question I’d been avoiding.

  “How… How long has it been, since then?”

  “‘Bout fifteen, sixteen years, give or take.”

  Had Rex been expecting me to ask? He barely paused a beat.

  I felt sick. The cosmic rug had been pulled out from under me. Surely someone was having a good laugh about this, but I sure wasn’t.

  Bell twirled a circle midair and posed cutely. “Seeing as how most everyone you’ve ever known is either dead or gone, you should really appreciate me more, don’t you think?”

  “Got anything stronger than ale?” I tapped the bar meaningfully with two fingers.

  “Ignoring me? How rude!”

  Rex gave me a funny look. “Didn’t take you for the drinkin’ type, kid.”

  “I’m not. What’cha got?” I tapped the bar again. “I’m sure you’ve got something stashed away back there.”

  With a pointed glance, Rex stripped me of my empty mug and set it behind the bar. “Nuthin’ more for you, kid. You want-a stay sharp, or be falling o’er drunk? Dealin' with your issues head on is the harder route, but it’s the right one.” He tapped his temple with two fingers meaningfully.

  I leaned away from the bar. “Crotchety old man.”

  Rex appraised me with one eye, nodded. “Good. Anything else you be needin’ to know?”

  I rubbed my forehead, trying to massage out important details or questions. “Do the names Greaves, Koji, or Regulus Maddox mean anything to you?”

  Rex rolled his massive shoulders as he thought. “No, can’t say as they do.”

  My stomach roiled.

  Not to know the first two names was one thing, but the Duke’s? Rex’s lack of knowledge about Upper Quarter business could be explained away, but it didn’t make me feel all warm and tingly inside. Seems I’d have to investigate the Duke myself to find the answers I sought.

  I found Rex staring at the weapons I’d carried into his bar. “I’ve been wonderin’ all these years, those three Ouroboros hunters left beaten near
to death outside the chapel with their marks all crossed out…?”

  “Yeah, that was me.”

  “Thought so,” Rex looked like he was about to say more, but grunted and looked down the bar. “Place was important to ya?”

  I shrugged halfheartedly. “It was.”

  “Might be best to visit sooner or later, you get a chance. Lot’s happened since you been gone.”

  I cocked my head, but agreed. “Yeah, I’ll do that.” I glanced out a grimy window and was relieved to see the sky had darkened enough for my purposes.

  Standing, I fingered the clothes Rex had laid out for me. Thorn’s clothes. “I best get dressed. How much I owe you?”

  Rex waved a magnanimous, age-wrinkled hand. “On the house, for old time’s sake.”

  “You must’ve gone soft in your old age, old man.”

  “Get out ‘fore I change me mind.”

  Was it the first or second time I said it that struck a nerve?

  I held up both arms in supplication to stay his hand. “Don’t rush me out the door yet, let me get changed first. What about the weapons ban?”

  “The Watch and members of the nobility are the only ones allowed to carry weapons about the city. Get caught out and you’re looking at a fine and lockup, probably a beating too.”

  “Figures.”

  His meaning was clear at least. It didn’t pay to be lugging a bunch of iron around without any use for it, and I had Titania’s words to think about. I needed to divest myself of the weapons on me to be sure I could pass by Watch patrols without getting chased or stopped. And, thanks to Rex, I’d thought of just the place.

  Where the chapel had been there was… nothing. It’d been razed to the ground. Nothing but charred remains and blackened earth gave any indication that the spot had once been a place of worship. Near a broken column the burnt out husks of a few pews refused to be wiped away, and there I sat. I rested a bouquet of wildflowers beside me.

  “This too, because of me…” I smiled sadly. “Father Gregory must be rolling in his grave right about now.”

  “Hey, look on the bright side, that Freda lady won’t be around to yell at you~”