What If It's Right?

by J B Heller

  Finn wrapped his arms around me too, “Me too,” he murmured quietly.

  I felt his chest heave as he tried to control his emotions, and I broke inside a little more.

  Weston had come over later that afternoon and tried to cheer Finn up, but he wouldn’t have it. And I didn’t blame him. He needed time to deal. He sent Weston home, but he refused to go. “No man, I’ll just hang out.”

  I heard their exchange when I went to take snacks into them, I paused at the partially open door and listened.

  “You have a date with Chelsea tonight, you’ve been stringing her along for ages. Just go, put the poor girl out of her misery.” Finn said.

  Weston scoffed, “She’s wanted a piece of me for months, she can wait another night before I give it to her. You’re my brother, what could be more important than you right now? Not a piece of arse I can tap whenever I want.”

  My eyes grew wide, what he’d just said was incredibly sweet, then he followed it with a wad of information I really didn’t want to know. I pushed the door open the rest of the way while clearing my throat to announce my entrance.

  Both their heads swivelled in my direction, Weston grinned at me, “Hey, Tory,” he said with a smirk.

  I narrowed my eyes on the little bastard, he knew I’d heard their conversation. I was both embarrassed for having been caught eavesdropping and grossed out at the thought of fifteen year old Weston having sex.

  Raising my brow I gave him a pointed look, “You little slutski.” I accused.

  And he grinned wider, “Don’t worry Tory, no high school girl will ever measure up to you.”

  My face scrunched up, “Eww. That’s just—yuck. Don’t say that kind of shit to me. It’s weird and gross.”

  Finn’s fist shot out and punched Weston in the shoulder as he laughed half-heartedly, “Dude! That’s my mum you grot.”

  Weston rubbed his shoulder and chuckled, “It’s not my fault you’ve got a hot mum dude.”

  I plonked the tray of snacks on Finn’s desk and left the room as Finn flew towards Weston with his fists already clenched and ready to give his best friend a beat down. “I’m out.” I said as I left the room, smiling as I walked down the hallway. Weston had certainly taken Finn’s mind off Nixie, if only for a few minutes.

  Six Years Ago . . .

  Grabbing my keys out of the bowl on the side table, I went to open the front door. I was actually running on time for a change. But when I swung it open Weston was standing on the other side. “Finn’s not home, he got called in for an extra shift today.” I told him as I squeezed past him and closed the door behind me.

  His big shoulders dropped, “Shit,” he muttered under his breath and released a defeated sigh.

  I turned around to look up at him, he and Finn were both well over six feet tall and I was only just over five myself. It irritated me immensely. Trying to maintain an authoritative presence with two sixteen year olds that towered over you was not easy.

  But when I really looked up into his face, I noticed something wasn’t right. I glanced at my watch, if I didn’t leave right now I would be late. I sighed, “Come on,” I said and took him by the bicep and guided him to my car. “If I don’t go now, I’ll miss my appointment and I’ve been waiting for this for ages. So you can talk while I drive, okay?”

  He nodded and got in the front passenger seat while I rounded the hood and climbed in behind the wheel of my love bug. The boys usually made fun of me for my little car, but Weston didn’t have any smartarse comments about having to fold himself in half to fit inside today.

  I glanced at him worried as I pulled out of the driveway, “What’s up, big man? No jokes about my beast of a car today?”

  He was looking at his hands folded in his lap. It was freaking me out. Weston was never this quiet. I reached over to touch his arm when he blurted out, “Jessie thinks she’s pregnant.”

  My foot slipped off the accelerator and my car jerked violently before I regained my bearings and shifted the gear down to match the slowed speed before she stalled out. “I’m sorry, what did you just say?”

  His lifted his troubled eyes to meet my wide ones, “Jessie, a girl I was kinda dating last month, she thinks she’s pregnant.”

  I focused on the road in front of me as best I could while processing the information. Why was he talking to me about this and not Vera? This is definitely a mother son conversation. “Have you told your mum?” I asked softly.

  He shook his head, “Not yet, she’s working late,” he shrugged then dropped his shoulders again, “What am I going to do, Tory?” he said with a hitch in his voice.

  Taking a few calming breaths I glanced at him from the corner of my eye again, his hands were in fists in his lap, and his jaw was clenched tight. Every muscle in his body was held rigid. I reached for him again and touched his hand, “It’s going to be okay, no matter what happens, we’ll figure it out.”

  His eyes met mine for a brief moment, then he nodded once before turning to look out the window.

  When I tried to move my hand away from his he wrapped his fingers through mine and held it tight. “Weston, I mean it, we’ll figure it out. You’re not the first person to have the mat pulled out from under their feet. You’ll find your footing again. Trust me. I mean, look at me, look at your mum, neither of us expected to be single mothers, yet here we are making the best of what life gave us.” I said and squeezed his hand back.

  His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard, “Okay,” he whispered, then cleared his throat, “Where are we going anyway?” he said looking back at me.

  I smiled brightly, “I’m getting a tattoo!” I told him, letting my excitement show.

  His eyes widened, “What? You’re a mum. Mum’s don’t get tattoos.”

  Rolling my eyes, I pulled into a parking spot out the front of The Twisted Turtle tattoo shop then turned to face him as I turned off the ignition. “Do I look like a normal mum to you?” I asked.

  He frowned and shook his head, “Uh no. Definitely not.” Then his lips lifted in a sly smirk.

  I raised a brow, “I’m going to take that as a compliment, whether you meant it as one or not. My point is, I’ve wanted this for a long time and I rarely do anything for myself. So I’m doing this. Right now. With or without you.” I said as I opened my door then stepped out of Love Bug and slammed the door behind me.

  Weston got out a moment later wearing a ridiculously huge grin. “What are you smiling about?” I snapped. I hated that his words got to me, I was a damn good mum. So, I wasn’t a normal mum, but Finn and my situation wasn’t like everyone else’s.

  “Nothin,’” he replied, not losing the damn smile.

  “Whatever,” I snapped again and hit the lock button on my keys then started for the entrance to the shop with Weston on my heel.

  Weston had sat in the seating area while I got my beautiful dream catcher tattooed on my forearm, over the scar that brought up the painful memory of the day we lost Jacq every time I saw it. The nightmares still haunted my dreams every so often. It was after a particularly vivid nightmare that I decided to get the dream catcher. Jacq had a small one hanging off the rear-view mirror in her car, and it stood out to me in that dream for some reason.

  When it was done I called Weston over to have a look before the tattooist wrapped it. “Like it?” I asked.

  His fingertip traced the design gently, then he looked into my eyes, “Your scar?”

  I nodded, “Yeah,” the compassion shining in his eyes was too much, I had to look away. Weston could see inside of me and it scared me. He was too young to have that kind of a connection with.

  When I was finished we headed back out to my car and we slid inside silently. Glancing at Weston as I pulled out of my parking spot I noticed the smile he was wearing earlier was long gone.

  We drove home in silence.

  Pulling up in the driveway I grabbed his arm as he went to slip out of the car before I’d even turned her off. “Wait,” I said and he pause
d but didn’t turn back to face me. I sighed, leaning back against my headrest. I didn’t know if he was upset about my snapping at him earlier or the potentially pregnant chick.

  “You can talk to me, you know that right?” I said only loud enough for him to hear me.

  Leaving his door open, one foot on the concrete drive still, he relaxed back into his seat. “Yeah Tory, I know. Honestly, I would rather talk to you about it than mum. You’re more of a friend, like, you would give good advice without ripping my dick off the way mum probably would. And you know I wouldn’t have said anything about Jessie if I didn’t think I could talk to you.”

  Right, of course. “So you wanna talk now?” I asked.

  He ran his hand through his styled hair, “I don’t know. I mean, there isn’t anything I can do. So what good is talking about it going to do?”

  “It will get it off your chest,” I suggested. “So, when did she tell you?”

  “This afternoon, after school. She texted me telling me she needed to talk and it was really important so I met her and she just dropped it on me.” He said.

  “Okay, well this might be a stupid question, but are you sure she’s pregnant and are you sure it’s yours if she is?” I’d gotten over my initial shock and had gone into fix it mode now.

  Weston scratched the side of his neck, “Well we had sex so yeah I guess it could be mine. But I swear I tarped up every time though.”

  “You know condoms aren’t 100% effective right?” I deadpanned.

  His face paled, “What?”

  I licked my lips and sat up straighter in my seat, “There is always a small chance that they could break, that kind of thing.”

  He nodded, visibly relaxing, “Oh, well yeah but that’s never happened to me.”

  I chewed my bottom lip thinking it over, “So how do you know it’s yours then? Or that’s she’s even really pregnant? Did you break up with her or did she break up with you?”

  A grimace covered his face, “We weren’t exactly dating so we didn’t exactly break up.”

  I covered my face with my hands, “Such a slutski.” I murmured under my breath.

  Weston obviously heard me though because he responded, “Why am I the slut? They want it and I give it to them. It’s a mutual thing. We both get off, then I get gone.”

  A shudder ran down my spine, “Gross.”

  “What? What’s gross about that? Everyone needs to get off sometimes Tory, even you. I don’t see what’s gross about it.” He said genuinely.

  “What’s gross is that you’re sixteen Weston, and you’ve slept with how many girls? That’s what’s gross. And you think sex is just about getting off. It’s not, FYI. And the fact that you think it is just proves you shouldn’t be out having it. Oh and don’t ever talk about me, and then you getting off in the same sentence again, that is super gross.” I shuddered again.

  He rolled his eyes at me now, “When you’re sixteen sex is just about getting off. I don’t expect to fall in love with any of these girls, and I’ve only slept with four. Each time we both knew the score.”

  I waved him off, “Whatever, I don’t want to know more about your sex life than necessary. My point is, did you stop sleeping with her or did she stop sleeping with you?”

  He scratched the back of his neck, “I stopped. She was getting too clingy. Texting me all the damn time wanting to know what I was doing and if she could come hang out with me and Finn. That’s not how I roll and she knew it. So I cut her away.”

  “The way you talk about her deeply disturbs me, just so you know.” And it really did. He cut her away? What the hell kind of way to speak about the girl he’d been sleeping with was that? “We’ll talk about your utter disrespect of women at another time, but for right now I’m going to give you my honest opinion of the situation.”

  Weston nodded eagerly awaiting my take on all that he’d imparted to me. “Okay, hit me.”

  “Go buy a pregnancy test, take it to her and tell her to take it with you there, like outside the door or something. I think you’ve hurt her and she wants payback or she is upset that you broke it off with her and she wants you back so she’s trying to get you back the only way she can think of.”

  He frowned, “Seriously? You think she’s just fucking with me? That’s pretty messed up.”

  I raised a brow, “So is fucking her then not returning her calls.”

  “Touché,” he said, then climbed out of Love Bug, but poked his head back in before he went back home, “Thanks, Tory.”

  I winked, “You’re welcome, let me know how it goes.”

  When I opened the front door and came face to face with Finn’s bare arse I screamed, “What the hell Finn!” I turned my back on him and faced the closed door, “What are you doing? Put some damn pants on.”

  “Ah, can you give us a minute?” Finn’s voice sounded small and embarrassed.

  “Yep, you betcha. Call out when you’re decent, we are going to be having a serious conversation as soon as clothes are back in play.” Then I re-opened the front door and stepped back out on to the porch.

  A minute or two later I heard Finn call out, “Decent.” And I turned the handle and let myself back in.

  My jaw dropped when I saw Nixie sitting on the couch beside Finn. Her face as beat red as his. “Wha—Ah—I’m so confused.” I stuttered. “I wish I hadn’t seen what I clearly just saw, but I’m happy to see you, Nixie.”

  Her shoulders relaxed in relief, and she gave me a small finger wave, “It’s good to see you too Tory. Sorry about—” her hand gestured between the two of them, “this,” she finished.

  “Me too,” I muttered.

  Finn was smiling brightly, and I glared at him as I plonked down on the couch that I had not just seen him having sex on. “You’re paying to have that couch cleaned.” I told him. “I watch Netflix on that couch!” I whined. “Couldn’t you have taken it to your bedroom? I mean seriously, what made you think the couch was a good place for you two to be bumping uglies?”

  Nixie’s eyes bounced between Finn and myself with a puzzled expression on her pretty face.

  I stood up, “You know what, don’t answer that, I can’t deal with this today. I’m exhausted. I just got an awesome tattoo, by the way. Just so you know. I was going to surprise you with it, but you don’t get to see the awesomeness until later now.”

  “You what?” Finn asked.

  I held my hand up in his face, “Talk to the hand ‘cause the face ain’t listening. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go scrub my eyeballs with bleach if you don’t mind.” I told him as I walked down the hallway. Every time I closed my damn eyes I could see Finn thrusting into Nixie and I wanted to hurl.

  My day couldn’t possibly get any worse. Talking sex and babies with Weston, then seeing Finn’s arse as he pumped into his ex-girlfriend on my Netflix couch. I needed a huge glass of wine and a scalding hot bath to wash it all away.

  The next morning Weston came over to tell me that he’d gone to see Jessie last night and she’d broke down crying and confessed to making it up to try get him back.

  “Told ya,” I said when he finished giving me the low down. “I’m hoping this has served as some kind of lesson to you about the way you treat girls.”

  He nodded, “For sure. I’ll keep it between me and my hand for a while now.”

  I gagged, “You have a problem with boundaries, Weston.”

  He laughed, “Nah, I just like seeing the look on your face when I talk about sex or my dick.”

  I threw my hands up, “Okay this conversation is well and truly over. Get out of my house now you little perv.” I shooed him away and he went, laughing his arse off the whole way.

  “Was that Wes?” Finn’s voice came from behind me making me jump out of my skin.

  My hand flew to my heart, “Jesus, Finn! You scared the crap out of me.” I hadn’t seen him since I left him in the living room last night.

  He laughed, “Sorry. Why are you so on edge anyway?”


  I scoffed, “Oh I don’t know, I walked in on you having sex with your ex-girlfriend last night, and I had to talk about sex and babies with Weston because you were too busy off having sex!” I exclaimed. Then added, “What’s with that by the way? Since when are you and Nixie back together? And when did you start having sex!”

  Finn blushed, “We’ve kinda been back together for a while now. We’ve just kept it quiet.”

  I frowned, “Why wouldn’t you tell me?”

  He sighed heavily, “We didn’t tell anybody. Not even Wes knows. I can’t let those bitches get to her again. They made her life hell before and all behind my back. I had no idea. I couldn’t take that risk again. It took months just to get her to talk to me again.” His tone had changed as he spoke, revealing how strongly he felt for her.

  Smiling I walked to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, “Okay, I understand. But keep it in your pants when you’re sitting on my couch next time.”

  He laughed and wrapped his arms around me, “Deal.”

  “You’re still paying to have it cleaned. I’m not sitting on it until I’m sure it’s free of all bodily fluids.” I told him in all seriousness.

  Again Finn laughed, “Do you know how weird we are? We’re hugging while you’re telling me to make sure the couch is jizz free.”

  Now I laughed, taking a small step back but keeping my arms around him I told him honestly, “You and me, we’ll never be like everyone else. We’ll always be a bit weird. You will always be my son, but you were my little buddy first. I love you, and I want you to be happy. Me going crazy because you’re sexually active isn’t going to help either of us. I just wish you’d told me.”

  He smiled, “That would have been a really awkward conversation,” he chuckled.

  I scoffed, “No worse than what I walked in on last night. I never want to see your bare arse again, especially not while you’re having sex on my couch.” I shot back with an exaggerated shudder.

  Finn smirked, “Sorry about that”

  I rolled my eyes, “Sure you are.”

  “I like our weird.” He said then he pulled me back into his arms and gave me a quick squeeze before releasing me and heading into the kitchen to ransack the cupboards for breakfast.