Recovery Road

by Danielle Donaldson

  “Yeah. He was so sweet. He was really worried about you, but once you woke up, he kind of dropped off the face of the earth. Gillian practically had to drag him out of his tiny apartment a few months later. I swear, he was as bad as you.” Bonnie laughed. “Oh, my goodness. I’m so sorry, Cat. I didn’t think. It’s these hormones. I swear, I’m such an airhead. I didn’t mean anything by it,” she apologized.

  “It’s okay, Bon. I know you didn’t mean it.” Cat chuckled. When she was pregnant with Olivia, the hormones had driven her crazy.

  But not actually crazy like those weeks in the “after” when she spent all her time taking medications and nestled up in her bed and blankets. It was the only way she knew how to try to forget the accident altogether.

  But now, behind her steering wheel in the hospital parking lot, it didn’t feel raw and open. It was a scab that was sore and ached in her heart, but it wasn’t burning at her anymore. The waves of pain didn’t rush over her head and consume her anymore.

  She could hear Bonnie cooing to Asa on the line.

  “Bonnie, do you think it’s a good thing that I’m here for him? Am I doing the right thing?” She tapped her fingertips on the steering wheel. The car was growing cold around her and the keys jingled in the ignition.

  She felt the panic. Would Hudson be okay with her doing this? Was she crossing the line by spending all this time and energy with his best friend? At least some of the time, Catalina was thinking about Evan’s soft mouth on hers. She thought about the smell of his hair and the size of his hands. Wouldn’t her husband hate that?

  “Cat, you are doing a great thing. Evan needs a good friend, and you are a great friend,” Bonnie said on the other line. Asa started to fuss. “I gotta go, Cat. It’s almost nap time. Fill me in about Evan.”

  “Yeah. Definitely. Talk to you later,” Catalina said. She had a few hours until she had to pick up Olivia from school, and was looking forward to surprising Evan. Would they know yet when he would be released? She checked in with the front desk and got her visitor pass. When she got into the elevator and pressed the number for Evan’s floor, she bounced on the balls of her feet. She tugged off her scarf and opened her coat. She couldn’t help but smile a little when she brushed her hair away from her face.

  She walked quickly to his room. She swung through the doorway, her shoes squeaking on the tile floor.

  “Hey, I know I wasn’t supposed to come by today, but I was thinking—” He was asleep. A nurse was hooking another fluid bag into his IV. He had been off IV medications for a while.

  “What’s happened?” she asked the nurse. She wasn’t familiar to Catalina.

  “Are you family? His wife?” The nurse asked as she double-checked the line. She didn’t look at Catalina. Catalina looked at the gold band on her left hand and twirled it around.

  If I’m family, they have to tell me what’s going on. They have to let me stay with him. Hudson would understand. Evan is...was his best friend.

  “Yes. I am. What’s going on?” Worried, she moved to the bedside. Evan’s face was pale and drawn. The nurse turned around and gave Catalina a small smile.

  “He has a small fever from an infection and he’s on antibiotics. He’s resting right now. I’ll send the doctor in to talk to you soon.” The nurse, who had pulled her hair back in a messy bun that showed she was going gray at the temples, patted Catalina on the arm sadly. There was sweat on Evan’s forehead. The hospital was still chilly, the air-conditioning pumping even in the early spring. He was covered by only a thin hospital blanket. She placed a finger on the top of his hand. The IV line poked out of his right hand, the medical tape was wrapped tightly on his skin. His pale hand on the hospital blanket looked so small, even though Catalina knew his would swallow hers if he ever took it again.

  She was barely touching him, worried about the putting too much pressure on his skin, hurting him. His mouth was barely moving; his voice was very quiet.

  “Evan. Evan?”

  He groaned and turned his head from side to side. The pillow was soaking with his sweat.

  “Evan, shh. It’s okay. Relax. The medicine has to work.” She moved closer to his head. His eyebrows were knitted together and his eyes squeezed tight.

  “Cat? Cat?” he was murmuring. “No! No!” He started screaming. His body thrashed away from the bed. His eyes opened quickly wild and unfocused. It was as if he couldn’t see anything in the room.

  “Evan! It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here,” she tried to soothe him. Then she panicked and started jabbing at the nurse’s aid button. “Nurse! Doctor! Someone help!” she yelled into the hallway.

  The machines started beeping and she started crying.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Catalina paced the hallways in a small circle, around and around. She studied the tips of her shoes. Olivia and Gillian were having a sleepover; despite Gillian insisting that she didn’t like children, Catalina knew Olivia was her weak spot.

  The nurses had already changed shifts. Catalina’s headache had pounded at her scalp for hours. She scratched at the base of her neck. Her muscles ached and she hadn’t eaten. The doctors had kicked her out of Evan’s room when they had found out that she wasn’t Evan’s family, but she didn’t have to leave the hospital yet. She was not about to let him be alone.

  Her phone rang in her hand.

  “Hello?” she answered.

  “I’m returning a phone call that I received from this number.” The voice on the other end sounded tired.

  “Yes. I was trying to reach Evan Bowers’s family. Are you his mother?” Catalina asked.

  The older woman on the other side of the phone sighed.

  “Yes. Evan is my son. Is he alright?” She sounded bored. Her voice was wet, what Catalina imagined grandmothers sounded like on the phone.

  “Actually, he isn’t doing so well. The cut on his leg is infected and he has a fever. They aren’t letting anybody but family in his room until he gets better. He’s all alone and I was thinking…I thought you would want to know and that somebody should be here,” Catalina rambled. She couldn’t catch her breath, and tears were in her eyes.

  There was no noise on the other side.

  “Hello? Ma’am?” Catalina cleared her throat.

  “Yes. I’m here.” Evan’s mother’s voice answered. “I’ll tell his brothers. Maybe they will be able to stop by. What room is he in?”

  “What do you mean, maybe?” Catalina’s skin was hot and her jaw was sore from clenching it between words. “He is your son and he needs his family. He can’t be alone. He is sick. Where are you? I can’t believe this.”

  “Excuse me, girl”—Evan’s mother spat out the last word—”but you have no right to talk about my family or to me that way.” The line went dead.

  “Goddamn evil woman. She’s a beastly person, a trash bag of a human. Bitch!” Catalina ranted to herself.

  She dialed Bonnie’s phone next. She couldn’t stand it any longer.

  “Bonnie? I know it’s late. I’m sorry but I need Evan’s brothers’ phone numbers. His bitch of a mother hung up on me and he’s by himself, Bonnie. I don’t know what to do. Someone needs to be there for him.” Her voice was rising and the panic brewed in her chest. She was standing outside of Evan’s room, he was thrashing around while a fever and infection ravaged at his body, and there was nobody to hold his hand, to brush his curly blond hair away from his forehead. When he opened his eyes, nobody would be there to tell him everything would be alright.

  Bonnie started talking but Catalina couldn’t make sense of the answer, a nurse wrapped a soft hand around Catalina’s wrist and tugged her into Evan’s room. The phone fell away from her ear. She hung up.

  “Come on in here, honey. Be quiet about it. I don’t want you causing a scene out there. You need to calm down.” Her voice was soothing and motherly.

  Evan’s room was dark. He was sleeping. His face was smooth and his breathing was even. Catalina said. She rushed to his side and grabbe
d his limp hand in hers. His skin was warm but not burning like it was early. His pulse was steady.

  “Is he okay? I’ve been worried.”

  “He’s okay, sweetie. He’s resting. The doctor said that he should wake up tomorrow and feel much better. A little beat up, but better,” the nurse said. “You know I’m not supposed to say anything, but it’s so obvious that you love this man and I couldn’t bear to have you out there beating your head against the wall. I see enough suffering in here, honey. You don’t need to be suffering too.”

  Catalina brought her lips to Evan’s hand in hers. She kissed his hand and closed her eyes. She tried to calm herself, stop her hands from shaking.

  “I don’t know how to thank you,” she said. “He shouldn’t be by himself.”

  “Oh, no worries, honey. But if anyone asks you, make sure you don’t squeal on me.” The nurse straightened her back and clapped her hands together softly. “And if you need anything, be sure to ask for Gloria. That’s me. I’ll do what I can to help, and I’ll try to give you a heads up before I leave for the shift change.”

  Catalina nodded at her and smiled before she pulled up the stiff-back chair to Evan’s bedside.

  The nurse’s words echoed in her mind. “You love this man.”

  Love? She couldn’t possibly love Evan. He was her husband’s best friend. He was attractive, sure. But love was another story. Love wasn’t for Catalina anymore.

  By morning, she was bone-deep tired from sitting next to him all night. She’d slept with her head propped on the side of his bed, sitting half upright in the chair, so her neck was sore. Yet even as the nurses came and went, nobody bothered her. They didn’t try to kick her out when visiting hours were over, not that she would let them.

  She managed to sneak out to call Gillian and make sure everything was fine with Olivia and grab a cup of coffee. She needed some sleep and a shower badly.

  When she returned, Evan was sitting up in the bed. She smiled at him warmly. He was awake. He had color back in his cheeks and had run a hand through his wild hair.

  He was going to be okay.

  *

  “You called my mother?” His voice was harsh.

  She faltered. “Uh, yes. The staff wouldn’t let me see you. They said only family, so I thought—”

  “It’s not your place to call my family, Catalina.” He looked down at his hand, which was clenched into fists in his lap. The overhead lights were bright and harsh.

  Catalina called his mother. The woman who hadn’t visited him since he’d gone into the hospital. The woman who found out that he was sneaking treats to hide in the starving girl’s desk and beat him bruised and bloody. The woman who had cursed him since the day he was born. And Catalina had called her.

  “I was worried. You were sick. You could have died—”

  “Don’t talk to me like that, Cat. I’m not your kid and I’m not your husband. You don’t get to act like that.” He turned his head away from her. He hoped that she wouldn’t see the heat in his cheeks spreading down his neck.

  “I don’t understand why you’re mad. Evan, I was worried about you. I stayed here all night by your side.”

  “Stop it. Stop,” he yelled.

  She swallowed and cracked her knuckles.

  “Don’t talk, Catalina. I want you to leave.” He pointed toward the door behind her. He couldn’t have her here. He should have kicked her out the morning after his accident. She didn’t know his history. She didn’t know his family. She had no right meddling in his business.

  She straightened and shook the hair off her shoulders.

  “No,” she said. She set the cup of coffee down on the small side table.

  “I’m not leaving, Evan. You can be mad at me for calling your mother, but I was worried about you. I didn’t know what to do. You shouldn’t have been alone, and I’m not sorry that I did it.” She held her head high.

  “You have no idea what you were doing. You have no idea about my mother.” He’d tried his whole life to make his mother love him. If she didn’t when he was a baby, she certainly wasn’t going to start now.

  “I know that you work at your family’s bakery. I know that you have two younger brothers and a father and mother. And I know that since your accident, none of them have been here to visit you. This whole time, Evan! And that’s wrong. That’s not what family does.” She was yelling back at him. She crossed her arms over her chest.

  “You don’t think I know that? You don’t think I realize that my family has all but abandoned me? That my girlfriend walked out of here and I haven’t heard anything from her? That my own flesh and blood have only called to see when I was coming back to work? You have no idea about my family. They are not good people, and you called them. I would never want you to do that.” Tears were pooling in his eyes.

  “Evan, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that,” she said. She bit her bottom lip. “I was trying to help you. All I want is to help you.”

  “No. I told you, go,” he said, wiping at his eyes. He was blubbering in front of her. He wanted to bolt out of the hospital room, bum leg be damned.

  “Evan.” She tried to reach out to touch his hand.

  “No, Cat. I told you. I’m not your husband. I’m not your kid,” he said.

  “You’re my family, Evan. I…I care about you.”

  Nope. She can’t. I messed up. I should have stayed away.

  Everyone left Evan eventually. Hell, even his own mother couldn’t care about him enough not to crack him across the face every time that he did something wrong. She told him all the time about how terrible and worthless he was. Catalina couldn’t care about him, because he wasn’t worth caring for.

  “No! Go away, like everyone else. Leave me alone.” His voice cracked and more tears ran down his face. “Please.”

  Catalina pulled her hand away and tugged the sleeves of her sweater over her wrists. She walked over to her purse and threw it over her shoulder. She grabbed her coat and scarf.

  Evan pushed his head back against the bed. He looked away from her, his mouth a tight line.

  She waited a moment, no doubt expecting him to say something else, and he had to urge himself to stay silent.

  She turned and walked out of the hospital room without a word.

  *

  That night Catalina dreamed that she was laying in her old hospital bed with the lights blaring over her head. The bandages itched on her shoulders and neck. Her hand was sore with the IV line. Her feet were freezing in the itchy hospital-provided socks.

  She tried to look around, but her head was glued to the pillow. All she could see was the bright lights overhead. Her head was pounding and her eyes ached. The burns on her neck felt fresh and hot. The damn pain meds aren’t working. Where are those nurses? Get me the medication.

  Her muscles were tight and sore. Her hair was loose, and little hairs blew softly against her cheek.

  She could hear the phone ringing in the hallway and some nurses chatting. She groaned, hoping that they would hear her.

  “Catalina?” Evan’s voice was soft. A body appeared beside her bed. She could only make out the shadow of his figure. The lights seemed to glow even brighter.

  She groaned in response, and her head rolled around with pain.

  “Catalina. I’m here. I’m here.” Evan’s voice was soothing and she immediately calmed. He grabbed her hand in his and she squeezed at him. The pain was flaring in her neck and head. “Shh. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay.” His lips grazed her hand, and she felt like she could breathe. The pain was subsiding, floating away from her body.

  “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m here,” he kept whispering. He brushed the hair away from her forehead and his fingertips were soft on her skin. He smelled sweet.

  “Evan?” She smiled with his name on her lips. “Evan.” She felt like singing. Her body was warm.

  “Shh, Cat. I’m here.”

  Suddenly, the dream fell away from her. Evan’s hands and body dis
appeared and were replaced with darkness and emptiness. She was lying in her hospital bed with blackness around her. She grabbed at the empty air around her for Evan’s hands. She tried to yell out for him, but her throat was raw and her voice was gone. She tried harder, but no sound came out of her mouth.

  She thrashed around as the darkness moved in on her. It was weighing on her chest. Where the room with Evan was so bright that she couldn’t see, this room was so dark that she couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t move. Her chest was caving in and her ribs were breaking. They snapped under the pressure from the darkness.

  She woke up in her bed alone. Sweat slicked her skin and soaked the sheets. Evan’s name was on her lips.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  Evan parked outside the elementary school. He turned the car off and jiggled the keys in his hand. A box of fresh sugar cookies sat on the passenger seat. He had made them in the shape of little chef hats.

  Parents and kids walked through the front doors of the school. Some of them were holding hands or laughing together; others talked quietly to each other. None of them were screaming. None of the kids were crying.

  “Ugh.”

  I could drive away right now and say that I’m sick. My leg still hurts. Something, anything.

  Olivia and Catalina were in there somewhere and probably waiting on him. Since he had kicked Catalina out of his hospital room, they hadn’t spoken, but he had remembered about Olivia’s career night. He had promised he would be here, that he would help because Hudson couldn’t be there.

  He rubbed absent-mindedly at his aching leg.

  He couldn’t play Dad because he didn’t know how. His own father would disappear whenever there was a conflict. His mother would come at the kids with a rolling pin and Dad would go into a back room, ignoring their cries to rescue them from the beatings.

  Evan sighed and looked at the box of cookies again. At the very least, he could sneak in and drop off the cookies for Olivia’s class.