Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39)

by Adele Abbott

  “We’ll go up onto the roof. You’ll get a good view from there.”

  From the rooftop, I could see the city, which extended as far as the eye could see. It looked much like any other city, except all the inhabitants were unicorns who were going about their business. Even from that height, I spotted a number of them whose horns were missing.

  “This really is a beautiful place, Ursula. Do you get many visitors from Candlefield?”

  “Not many. Just a few traders.”

  Fifteen minutes later, Ursula accompanied me back downstairs to the main doors.

  “Before I leave, Ursula, I do have one request.”

  “Of course. Name it.”

  “I’m not sure I could face that journey in the horse and cart every time I come to see you. Is there any other way that—”

  “Say no more. Just wait there.” She disappeared back into the throne room, and returned a few minutes later with a slip of paper. “These are the map co-ordinates for the palace. You can use them to magic yourself here.”

  “That’s great, thanks.”

  Chapter 7

  The good news was that Florence and Wendy had made up and were best friends again. The bad news was that Florence was now whistling nonstop.

  She’d spent most of the previous evening doing it. It wouldn’t have been so bad if it had been a recognisable tune, but it wasn’t—not even close. And, as soon as she got up the next morning, she’d picked up where she left off. It was driving Jack and me crazy. So much so that we’d both escaped to the lounge.

  “You’ve got to do something about this,” Jack said. “It’s driving me mad.”

  “I don’t know what you expect me to do.”

  “You’re the one who cast the ‘whistle’ spell on her.”

  “Only because you told me to.”

  “Can’t you reverse it?”

  “What good would that do? You know how upset she was before. It’ll be even worse if she suddenly finds out she can’t do it again.”

  “Okay, but one of us has to tell Florence that she doesn’t need to whistle all the time.”

  “Are you volunteering?”

  “I think it would be better coming from you. You are the child psychologist, after all.”

  “I’ll give it a go, but don’t blame me if it doesn’t work.”

  Jack escaped into the garden, leaving me to do his dirty work.

  “Florence, can I have a word, please?” She nodded but carried on whistling. “Do you think you could stop whistling while we talk?”

  “Okay, Mummy.”

  “I want to talk to you about your whistling.”

  “I’m really good at it now, aren’t I?”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Me and Wendy are the best whistlers in the school, and I’m even better than Wendy.”

  “I’m sure you are, but you have to be careful not to overdo it or you might run out of whistle.”

  “You can’t run out of whistle. That’s silly.”

  “What I meant was that you might tire out your lips, and then you won’t be able to whistle properly. Why don’t you save your whistling so you can do it at school when you’re with Wendy?”

  She thought about that for a moment. “Okay, Mummy. Can I go and play with my dolls’ house before school?”

  “Of course you can. Off you pop.”

  Jack had obviously been listening from just outside the door because as soon as Florence had gone upstairs, he walked back into the kitchen. “Very impressive. You should definitely consider a career change.”

  “Talking of career changes, you’ve blown your chance to be a bellboy at Grandma’s hotel.”

  “Oh no. Don’t say it’s so.”

  “I was up there yesterday, and you’ll never guess who she’s set on.”

  “I’ve no idea.”

  “I’ll give you a clue: Toll bridge.”

  “Toll bridge?”

  “Another clue: Movie newsletter.”

  “Not—”

  “Yep.”

  “Mr Ivers? But won’t he notice the hotel is full of paranormal creatures?”

  “That’s what I thought, but apparently Grandma has come up with a potion, so that he sees them all as humans.”

  “I bet you were thrilled when you heard the news.”

  “Oh yeah. I just can’t shake that guy.” I glanced around. “Have you seen Buddy?”

  “He’s out in the garden.”

  The dog was sitting by the fence, looking up at the tree, clearly transfixed by something.

  “What are you doing, Buddy?”

  “Watching that thing.”

  “What thing?” I followed his gaze to a squirrel, which was sitting on a branch high up in the tree.

  “He’s been watching the house for ages,” Buddy said.

  “Are you sure you’re not imagining things?”

  “I’m telling you. He’s spying on us.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. Come on. I’ve put your food out.”

  “Why didn’t you say so before?” He dashed past me into the house.

  As I made my way back inside, the squirrel’s gaze followed my every step.

  “What was Buddy looking at out there?” Jack said.

  “There’s a squirrel in that tree. Buddy reckons it was spying on the house.”

  “A squirrel? Spying?” He laughed.

  “It might not be as crazy as it sounds. When I went to see the accountant, there was a squirrel in the tree at the rectory, and it was definitely watching me. For all I know, this could be the same one.”

  “You’ve definitely been overdoing it, Jill. You need a holiday.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe the squirrels around here have all gone nuts.”

  ***

  I was just about to get into my car when Barbara Babble appeared.

  Great! She was the last person I wanted to see.

  “Hi!” she shouted.

  “Morning, Barbara. Sorry, I can’t stop. I’m just on my way to work.”

  “Awful business at the tea room, isn’t it?”

  “What’s happened?”

  “Haven’t you heard about Marcy?”

  “Miss Drinkwater? What about her?”

  “She’s dead.”

  “How terrible. What was it? A heart attack?”

  “No, someone murdered her.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Go and see for yourself. The police are there now.”

  Should I believe her? Her intel so far hadn’t been very reliable—she’d been the one who misled me into believing that the vicar and the Stock sisters were having a ménage à trois.

  But it turned out that Barbara was right this time because the area outside the tea room was cordoned off with yellow tape. A young police officer was standing in front of it.

  “What’s going on, officer?”

  “I’m sorry, madam, I’m not at liberty to say.”

  “I heard Miss Drinkwater has been murdered?”

  “Like I said, I’m not at liberty to say. Now, if you wouldn’t mind moving on.”

  The guy clearly wasn’t going to tell me anything, so I made my way back to the car.

  ***

  Raymond Double, AKA Rock Masters, had given me Mandy Rhinestone’s address, which turned out to be an apartment not far from where Mad and her husband, Brad, lived.

  I hadn’t called in advance, and when I rang the doorbell, there was no response. I was just about to leave when the door of the apartment opposite opened, and a woman appeared; she had a ginger cat in her arms.

  “Are you looking for Christine?”

  “Err, I’m not sure.”

  “How can you not know who you’re looking for?”

  “The woman I’m after goes by the name of Mandy Rhinestone, but I don’t know her real name.”

  “That’s Christine.”

  “You don’t happen to know when she’ll be back, do you?”

  “No, but I know where you can find h
er.”

  “Great. Where?”

  “She works in a coffee shop not far from here called Full Of.”

  “Full of?”

  “Yeah, when you leave this building, turn left.”

  “Okay.”

  “Then take the first right.”

  “Right. Okay.”

  “Then you want the second right, then left. Or is it right? No, left. Then another right.”

  “Err, right.”

  “Then a left and you’re there.”

  “Okay. Thanks very much.”

  There was precisely zero chance that I’d remember those directions, so I found the coffee shop by using the map app on my phone. The shop was very small and not one that I’d come across before; the only customers were sitting at a table near the back of the shop. The young woman on duty looked bored, but she managed a smile when I approached the counter.

  “Welcome to Full Of. What can I get for you today?”

  “Could I get a caramel latte, please?”

  “Sure. Would you like anything to eat with that?”

  “No, just the coffee, please.” Once I had my drink, I said, “Are you by any chance Christine?”

  “Yeah, that’s me.”

  “Do you also go by the name of Mandy Rhinestone?”

  “I do, yes, but not so much these days. Who are you, anyway?”

  “My name’s Jill Maxwell. I’m a private investigator.”

  “I haven’t done anything wrong, have I?”

  “No, of course not. I wonder if you could spare me a few minutes for a quick chat.”

  “Why not?” She shrugged. “It’s not like I’ve got much else to do. It’s been dead in here all day, but I’ll have to stop if someone does come in.”

  “Of course. I’ve been hired by Raymond Double.”

  “Rock? How is he?”

  “He’s okay, but there have been problems at the agency recently, which is why he’s hired me.”

  “What kind of problems?”

  “They’ve been getting lots of cancellations, and Rock suspects someone is trying to deliberately sabotage his business.”

  “I hope he doesn’t think I did it, does he?”

  “No, I don’t think so. He never actually mentioned you.”

  “So how come you’re here?”

  “Some of the other lookalikes mentioned you in passing.”

  “Did they, now?” She grinned. “I can guess who that was. Leroy, right?”

  “Leroy did suggest I talk to you.”

  “I bet he did. Who else? Astrid?”

  “I didn’t speak to an Astrid.”

  “Ruby, then. It must have been Ruby.”

  “Yeah, I did speak to Ruby. How was your time at Double Take?”

  “I loved working there.”

  “So why did you leave?”

  “Although the work was great, I got tired of all the backstabbing and gossiping that went on. Leroy and Ruby were among the worst of them.”

  “Someone said that you’d had an offer from another agency?”

  “That’s right. I never should have left Double Take, though. Rock was really good to me; he got me loads of work. But then, another offer came along, and I told Rock that unless he improved my pay, I was going to leave. I thought it would convince him to give me a bit more money, but I totally misjudged it. He got really angry, called me ungrateful, and told me to get out.”

  “Did you go to the other agency?”

  “Yeah, and it was okay at first. I got tons of work, more than I used to get at Double Take, but then things started to go downhill. The same sort of thing happened there as is happening to Double Take now. They got loads of cancellations too. So many that eventually they went bust which left me without an agency.”

  “Couldn’t you have gone back to Double Take?”

  “I wanted to, but I felt like I’d burnt my bridges with Rock because when he asked me to leave, I gave him a mouthful, and told him what I thought of him. It’s not like I really meant it; I was just trying to hurt him because I was angry. That’s how I ended up working in this place. People still say I look like Mandy Rhinestone occasionally.” She turned her head to give me a side profile. “What do you think?”

  “Can I be honest?”

  “Sure.”

  “Until I went to Double Take, I’d never even heard of Mandy Rhinestone.”

  ***

  Ever since I’d spoken to Yvonne and Roy, I’d been trying to get in touch with the colonel and Priscilla, but I’d been unable to reach them because they were somewhere on the high seas. On the off-chance that Mad might be able to help, I called in at Vinyl Alley on my way back to the office.

  Both she and Brad were behind the counter; he was busy serving a customer.

  “I see you’ve got rid of the buckets, Mad,” I said.

  “Yes, thank goodness. We’ve not had any problems since you sorted out those roof sprites. And there hasn’t been a single theft as far as we know. We really owe you, Jill.”

  “Funny you should say that because I’m after a favour.”

  “Anything. Just name it.”

  “I’ve been talking to Jack’s parents. They’ve got it into their heads that they’d like to divide their time between GT and the human world.”

  “Do you mean they want to go into the haunting business?”

  “Apparently, but they don’t have the first clue how to go about it, so they asked if I knew anyone who might be able to help. I tried to get hold of the colonel and Priscilla because they’ve been doing just that for some time now, but they’re on a cruise ship somewhere and I can’t reach them. I don’t suppose you know who I could ask, do you?”

  “They need to get in touch with the Haunting Society.”

  “Are they in Ghost Town?”

  “Yeah, they should be able to find them in the phone book.”

  “Do you have any idea how it all works?”

  “Essentially, there are two ways you can get into haunting. There’s the official route, which is through places like the Haunting Society. Then, there’s the unofficial route.”

  “What’s the difference between the two?”

  “In theory, everyone should use the official route, but not everybody does. Anyone found haunting in the human world unofficially can, in theory, be brought back to Ghost Town and fined.”

  “Like when my mother and father pop over to see me?”

  “No, that sort of thing is okay. Short visits like that are not considered a haunting. I’m talking about situations where ghosts move into a property and stay there for long periods of time. In those cases, you need to be granted a licence.”

  “Is it difficult to get one?”

  “Provided that you don’t have any kind of criminal record, it’s pretty much a formality. I’m sure Yvonne and Roy won’t have any problems.”

  “Could there be an issue with Yvonne because she used to be a witch finder when she was alive?”

  “Definitely not. The application is judged purely on someone’s record since they became a ghost.”

  “That’s great. Just one more thing. If they get a licence, will they be able to choose where they haunt? I did some work recently at Tweaking Manor. It’s a lovely old place, even though it needs a lot of work doing to it. I mentioned it to Yvonne and Roy, and they thought it sounded like just the sort of place they might want to haunt.”

  “I’m not sure if that’s possible or not, but the Haunting Society will be able to advise them.”

  “Okay, thanks again. I’d better get going.”

  I was just about to leave when Brad said, “Jill, I didn’t get the chance to thank you properly for sorting out the roof sprites.”

  “No problem.”

  “Mad and I would like to treat you and your husband to dinner one day next week.”

  “There’s really no need to do that.”

  “We’d like to.”

  “Okay, but I’ll have to check with Jack to see which days we
can make. I’ll give you a call.”

  Once I was outside, I called Yvonne to find out when would be a convenient time to go and see her.

  “I’m free now if that works for you, Jill.”

  “Great. Are you at home?”

  “Actually, I’m in town. I’ve been doing a bit of shopping.”

  “In that case, why don’t we meet at Cakey C?”

  “I—err—okay, sure. I’ll see you there.”

  As soon as I walked into Cakey C, I realised it had been a mistake to meet there because Yvonne and my mother were already locked in a staring match with one another.

  “Hello, darling.” My mother came around the counter to greet me. “You didn’t tell me you were going to pay us a visit.”

  “Actually, I’m here to see Yvonne.”

  “Well that’s just charming. You don’t have time to visit your own mother, but you can make time for—” She turned towards Yvonne. “Her.”

  “I have some information for Yvonne, that’s all.”

  “Hmm. I suppose you’ll be wanting a drink, though.”

  “If it isn’t too much trouble. Just a small caramel latte, please.”

  Still grumbling under her breath, she went back behind the counter and I went to join Yvonne.

  “Meeting here wasn’t one of my better ideas,” I said.

  “Your mother has been giving me the dead-eye ever since I walked in.”

  “There you go!” My mother put the drink down with such force that most of it ended up on the table.

  “How much do I owe you?”

  “That’s okay.” She grinned. “I’ll put it on Yvonne’s bill.”

  “Sorry about that,” I said, once my mother was out of earshot.

  “It’s not your fault. You said you had news for me.”

  “Yeah. I didn’t manage to get hold of the colonel and Priscilla, but I’ve spoken to Mad, and she reckons you need to get in touch with the Haunting Society. Apparently, they handle all the paperwork for this type of thing.”

  “Thanks, Jill, I appreciate you taking the time to do this. Have you said anything to Jack?”

  “No, not yet. I promised you that I wouldn’t until it was definite.”

  “How do you think he’ll take it?”

  “I’m sure he’ll be fine about it. As long as you and Roy are happy, that’s all that matters to him.”