Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39)

by Adele Abbott

  “What you said makes sense, but I need to talk this through with Jack.”

  ***

  “Mummy!” Florence came running up to me as soon as I walked through the door. “Bill’s here.”

  “Bill who, darling?”

  “She means this.” Jack handed me a sheet of paper. “It’s the bill for her dance medal.”

  When I saw the amount, I did a double take. “Are they serious?”

  “Yeah. I saw Donna at school, and she’s received one for exactly the same amount.”

  “Are the medals made of solid gold? I would hope so for this sort of money.”

  “You have to send them the money, Mummy,” Florence said. “Or they won’t give me my medal.”

  “Don’t worry, darling, we will. Now, why don’t you go and give Buddy some food?”

  “His food smells horrible.” She screwed up her nose.

  “We’ve been through this before, haven’t we? Buddy is your dog, so you have to feed him. You don’t want him to starve, do you?”

  She hesitated, clearly weighing the pros and cons. “Okay, Mummy, I’ll feed him.” And off she ran into the kitchen.

  “How did you get on with your grandmother and Aunt Lucy?” Jack said.

  “I’ll tell you tonight after Florence has gone to bed. Incidentally, I got a call from Yvonne today.”

  “From Mum? What did she have to say?”

  “She and your father have decided they’d like to divide their time between GT and the human world.”

  “How do you mean?”

  “It seems that they fancy the idea of haunting somewhere.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yeah, they’ve already been granted a licence.”

  “They need a licence?”

  “Apparently. I had no idea until Mad told me.”

  “Hang on. How long have you known about all this?”

  “Yvonne called me last week to ask how they should go about it. That’s when I contacted Mad.”

  “And you didn’t think to tell me?”

  “Your mother asked me not to say anything until it was definite. She said she didn’t want to worry you.”

  “You should have told me anyway. Where are they going to haunt? Our house?”

  “Of course not. They’re considering Tweaking Manor.”

  “That’s not a bad idea.”

  It was my turn to take Florence to bed. She must have been tired because she was fast asleep before I reached the last page of her bedtime story.

  “That didn’t take long,” Jack said when I joined him in the lounge.

  “I didn’t even make it to the end of the book.”

  “Come and sit down and tell me what happened in Candlefield.”

  “You should have seen Aunt Lucy. She thumped the table and put us both in our place.”

  “I didn’t think she had it in her.”

  “Neither did I, but what she had to say did make sense.”

  “Which was?”

  “According to her, our problem doesn’t have anything to do with magic. She said it’s a child psychology problem.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Basically, she reckons kids always want the things they can’t have, and they want to do the things that they aren’t allowed to do. By forbidding Florence from looking at the spell book, all we’ve done is make it even more attractive. Aunt Lucy’s theory is that if we were to allow Florence free rein with magic, she’d soon get fed up with it.”

  “That sounds dangerous to me. What if she learns a spell that could cause herself or someone else harm?”

  “She’s already turned a little boy into a snake, Jack. It doesn’t get much worse than that.”

  “What are you suggesting, then?”

  “That we should only do this if we’re both on board with the idea.”

  “It scares me, but like you said, how much worse can it get? I say we give it a try.”

  “Okay, I agree. And as for how much worse it can get, I guess we’ll soon find out.”

  Chapter 15

  The next morning, I got up early and took the spell book from the bottom of the wardrobe. Then, later, after we’d all finished breakfast, I asked Florence to follow me into the lounge.

  “Come with me. There’s something I want to show you.”

  “What is it, Mummy? Have we got a cat?”

  “No. Why would we have a cat?”

  “A cat would be a nice friend for Buddy.”

  “I don’t think that would work, darling. Dogs and cats don’t really get on.”

  “You could bring home the cat from your office. He could be Buddy’s friend.”

  “That definitely wouldn’t work out. Winky would scare Buddy.”

  “What did you want to show me, Mummy?” She looked around the room.

  “Look over there.” I pointed to the bookcase. “Do you see what’s on the middle shelf?”

  “The spell book! Why isn’t it hidden in the wardrobe anymore?”

  “How did you know it was in the wardrobe?”

  “I just guessed.” She looked down at her feet.

  “I know you found it and used magic to make that basket on Saturday, didn’t you?”

  “Maybe.”

  “And when we were at Candle Sands, you used magic to turn that little boy into a snake.”

  “He kicked our sandcastles over. He’s a naughty boy.”

  “You’re right. He was naughty, but that doesn’t mean you can turn him into a snake.”

  “He smashed our sandcastles.”

  “That’s still no excuse.”

  “I’m sorry, Mummy. I won’t do it again. Is the spell book going to stay down here forever?”

  “Yes, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. From now on, you can look at it whenever you like.”

  Her face lit up. “Can I learn lots of spells?”

  “Yes, but you have to promise that you won’t use magic in the human world.”

  “What about here in the house?”

  “That’s alright as long as no one else is here.”

  “What about Daddy?”

  “You can do it if Daddy’s here, but if there is anyone else in the house, then you mustn’t.”

  “What if Buddy’s here?”

  “Yes, that’s okay too. But if there is anyone here apart from you, me, Daddy or Buddy, you mustn’t use magic. Do you promise?”

  “I promise. I can still use magic when I’m in Candlefield, can’t I?”

  “Yes, but you mustn’t go around turning people into snakes.”

  “What about rats? Can I turn them into rats?”

  “No, you mustn’t turn them into any kind of animal. Okay?”

  “Okay. Can I look at the spell book now?”

  “Yes, you can.”

  She grabbed it from the bookcase, lay on the floor, and began to flick through the pages.

  I went back through to the kitchen to join Jack.

  “The deed is done,” I said.

  “Do you think we’re doing the right thing?”

  “I don’t know. I hope so, but only time will tell. We’ll both have to keep a close watch on her because the more spells she learns, the more potential for trouble there’ll be. I’ve already told her that she can only practise magic in the house and garden, and then only when there’s no one else around. I just hope Aunt Lucy’s theory proves to be correct and that she soon gets tired of it.”

  Florence was still studying the spell book when it was time for me to go to work. As I kissed the top of her head, I glanced to see which spell she was looking at. I was relieved to find it was the ‘take it back’ spell, which she’d learned some time ago. She couldn’t do any harm with that at least.

  I’d just stepped out of the door when Oscar came through the gate. For once, he wasn’t wearing his postie uniform.

  “Morning, Oscar. It’s a little early for the post, isn’t it?”

  “I’m not working today, Jill. It
’s my day off. Did Jack tell you he looked through my stamp collection the other day?”

  “He did. He told me he found it absolutely fascinating.”

  “That’s what I thought.” He held up a small box. “So, I brought him this starter kit so that he can begin his own collection.”

  “That’s really thoughtful of you, Oscar.” I opened the door. “Jack! Oscar’s here.”

  Jack came out of the kitchen and mouthed the words, “What does he want?”

  “He’s brought you a stamp collector starter kit. Isn’t that kind of him?”

  Jack’s face fell like a lead weight. “Yeah. Very.”

  “Go in, Oscar.” I stepped to one side. “I’m sure Jack can’t wait to get started.”

  Poor Jack. Snigger.

  ***

  I was just about to get into the car when Kathy rang.

  “Jill, I just wanted to let you know that I managed to book a lookalike for Friday.”

  “That’s great. Did you get Leroy Dulce?”

  “No, he’s booked up well in advance, but I did manage to get a Lucinda Lazenby lookalike. She should bring in the crowds, don’t you think?”

  “Err, yeah, I guess so.”

  “You don’t know who Lucinda Lazenby is, do you?”

  “Of course I do. She’s a—err—actually, no. I have no idea.”

  “She was runner-up in Rock Singer Search the year before last.”

  “Oh, right. That Lucinda Lazenby. Nope, still never heard of her.”

  “You’re showing your age, Jill. You’ve lost touch with what’s happening today.”

  “If by that, you mean that I don’t watch trash TV, you’re right. I have more discerning tastes.”

  “Says the woman who has watched every episode of Greenside Place.”

  “Greenside is a classy series.”

  “If you say so. Anyway, according to the lady at Double Take, the Lucinda Lazenby lookalike has a voice just as good as the real Lucinda.”

  “I can’t wait to hear her. In the meantime, I need you to let me know if anyone contacts you about the booking.”

  “Will do. And I’ll see you on Friday for the opening.”

  I’d just started the car, when the glove compartment opened. I was expecting Henry to appear, but it was his lady friend. “Hi, Jill.”

  “Hi. You must be Henrietta.”

  “That’s right. I really must apologise for the other day. Henry and I got a bit carried away.”

  “Water under the bridge. Where is Henry, anyway?”

  “He has bad toothache, so he’s had to go to the dentist in Candlefield. I think it’s one of his molars.”

  “Poor old Henry. I suppose you’d like to listen to some jazz?”

  “Good gracious, no.” She pulled a face. “I hate jazz.”

  “That’s a bit unfortunate, isn’t it? What with Henry being such a big fan.”

  “I don’t allow him to listen to that awful stuff when I’m around. I’m into soul music myself.”

  “That’s more like it. I’ll see if I can find a station for us to listen to.”

  I tuned into Soul City Radio, and Henrietta and I sang along as we drove into Washbridge.

  Mrs V had emptied all the coins from her purse onto the desk.

  “What are you doing, Mrs V? Have you lost something?”

  “Didn’t you see the local news last night, dear?”

  “No, I rarely get the chance to watch it.”

  “There’s a very rare ten-pence piece in circulation here in Washbridge.”

  “What’s rare about it?”

  “It has the year 2045 stamped on it. Apparently, it’s worth twenty-thousand pounds.”

  “Twenty grand? Wow! How do they know it’s here in Washbridge?”

  “I’ve no idea, but you should check all your coins.”

  “Don’t worry. I will.”

  Winky was lying on the sofa with his head resting on his paws, looking very sorry for himself. He barely registered my arrival.

  “Good morning, Winky.”

  “Not from where I’m lying, it isn’t.”

  “Whatever’s the matter with you, Mr Grumpy?”

  “If you must know, Mimi came over here a little while ago, to tell me she was dumping me. And it’s all your fault.”

  “How do you work that out?”

  “She only did it because of the way you treated her the other day.”

  “There’s plenty more catfish in the sea.” I laughed.

  “Very amusing, I don’t think.”

  “I don’t understand why you’re so upset. It’s not like you haven’t been dumped a thousand times before. You always bounce back.”

  “It’s not losing Mimi that bothers me. We’d entered the couples’ pirate costume competition, so now I don’t have a partner.”

  He looked so miserable, I actually felt sorry for him.

  Big mistake!

  “I’m sorry, Winky, I didn’t mean to scare Mimi off. If there was something that I could do to make things right, you know I would.”

  “There is.” He sat up. “You can be my partner in the pirate couples’ competition.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not a cat.”

  “Turn yourself into one using magic. You’ve done it before.”

  “I—err—I would, but I don’t have a pirate costume.”

  “No problem. Mimi threw her costume at me when she dumped me. You can wear that.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “You said you’d do anything to make things right.”

  “I did say that, didn’t I? When is the competition?”

  “On Thursday. It’ll be great.”

  Somehow, I doubted that.

  “I’ll get it for you.” He disappeared under the sofa for a few seconds. “Here, try it on.”

  “Not in here.”

  “Why not? Just turn yourself into a cat and put it on.”

  “I am not turning myself into a cat in the office. I’ll take it home with me.”

  “But I need to see you in it. I want to know that you look alright, and that we have a good chance of winning the competition.”

  “I’m not putting it on in the office, and that’s final. I’ll take a selfie of me wearing it tonight. You can see that tomorrow.”

  “I suppose that will have to do.”

  ***

  It seemed pointless to follow Devon’s suggestion that I check collectibles shops in Candlefield. He’d been doing just that for some time with zero results. Instead, I planned to take a different approach by speaking to some of the unicorns who’d had their horns stolen.

  In common with most other unicorns, Missy lived in Unicorn City, on a pleasant little street called Mountain Dew Road. Other than the queen’s palace, this would be my first time inside a unicorn’s home, and I was intrigued to see what it looked like.

  “Hi, you must be Jill.” Missy met me at the door. She was pink with sparkly yellow hooves; there was a white stump where her horn should have been. “Do come in.”

  The building was part house, part stable. Although the furniture was similar to that found in a human house, it was much larger and had been designed specifically for unicorns.

  “You have a lovely home, Missy.”

  “Thank you. Lola, is just having a nap, so I’ll have to keep an eye on this.” She nodded to the baby monitor on the table.

  “Could I take a look at her?”

  “Of course. Come and see.” The image on the monitor was crystal clear. Lying on a bed of hay was the cutest little unicorn you ever did see. She was yellow with pink sparkly hooves, and unlike her unfortunate mother, had a shiny red horn.

  “She’s beautiful.”

  “Thanks.” Missy sighed. “My horn is going to take ages to grow back. I feel naked without it. I really hope you find out who’s responsible before they do the same thing to other unicorns.”

  “I’m going to do my best.”

  “It’s not just me who
it affects. It’s Lola too.”

  “Sorry, I don’t follow. They didn’t touch her horn, did they?”

  “No, thank goodness, but young unicorns love to fall asleep nuzzled up to their mother’s horn. Just after giving birth, the horns develop an aroma which seems to soothe the little ones.”

  “Really? I had no idea.”

  She walked over to me and lowered her head. “Take a sniff.”

  “Err, okay.” It felt a bit weird, but I did as she said.

  “Can you smell it?”

  “I think so.”

  “Because my horn is only just starting to grow back, it’s very weak. That’s why I’m having such an awful time trying to get Lola to sleep at night. I always read her a story of course, but she keeps reaching out for the horn that isn’t there. It makes me so sad.”

  “Poor little mite. I understand that your horn was taken during the night?”

  “That’s right. I was in bed, fast asleep. When I woke up the next morning, I couldn’t believe my eyes.”

  “Do you have a partner, Missy?”

  “Yes, my husband, Brock. He was asleep beside me. He didn’t hear anything either.”

  “Did they take his horn too?”

  “No, just mine.”

  “And you didn’t feel anything?”

  “No, but then there are no nerves in our horns.”

  “I assume someone must have broken in?”

  “I guess so, but there was no sign of a break-in.”

  “Nothing?”

  “No. The doors were still locked and none of the windows had been broken.”

  “Apart from yourself and your husband, does anyone else have access to your house?”

  “No. No one.”

  Just then, a sound came from the monitor.

  “It looks like Lola is awake. I’m sorry, Jill, but I’ll have to go and see to her.”

  “No problem. I won’t take up any more of your time. If you think of anything that might help my investigation, will you give me a call?”

  “Of course. I hope you find out who’s behind this. I wouldn’t want anyone else to have to go through what I’m going through.”

  The next name on my list was Sam, a unicorn who lived on Greenacre Lane. His house was considerably smaller than Missy’s, but the decor and furnishings were exquisite. Sam, a navy-blue unicorn with yellow hooves, had a large plaster on his head where his horn should have been.