Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39)

by Adele Abbott

  I didn’t have the time or inclination to wander around the store, trying to second-guess where the Stock sisters might have put the custard creams and ginger nuts, so I went straight to the counter where Marjorie was busy doing a crossword.

  “Good morning, Jill.”

  “Morning, Marjorie. Are you by yourself this morning?”

  “I shouldn’t be, but I am. That lazy sister of mine is still in bed.”

  “She isn’t poorly, is she?”

  “No. She hasn’t been sleeping well recently, so she bought some kind of sleeping draught. It seems to have knocked her out.”

  “I’d tell her to lay off that if I were you. Two of my PA’s friends ended up in hospital after taking a sleeping draught.”

  “How awful. I’ll tell her.”

  “I’m in a bit of a hurry this morning, so do you think you could tell me where I’ll find the ginger nuts and custard creams.”

  “They’re pretty much where you’d expect them to be. The ginger nuts are in ‘G’ section and the custard creams are in ‘C’ section.”

  “Right, that’s much more straightforward than I was expecting. Thanks.” I turned around and walked down the first aisle.

  Letter A.

  Letter V.

  Letter E.

  Huh?

  Confused, I returned to the counter.

  “Marjorie, the different sections don’t appear to be in alphabetical order.”

  “People were complaining that they found it difficult to locate things.”

  “Really? I’m shocked.”

  “So were we, but the customer is always right, so we went back to the drawing board and came up with a better system.”

  “When will you be implementing it?”

  “We already have.”

  “Oh? And how exactly does this new system work?”

  “We realised that it would be better to have the more popular items closer to the counter, so that’s what we’ve done.”

  “Hang on. Let me make sure I understand. Are the goods still stocked alphabetically?”

  “Yes, they’re placed on the shelves as before, so for example, ginger nuts are still in the ‘G’ section.”

  “Okay, I understand that part, but where do I find sections ‘C’ and ‘G’?”

  “Hmm, I’m not sure where specific sections are now, but I can assure you that the most popular items will be closest to the counter.”

  “Brilliant.”

  “We thought so.”

  I walked down the first aisle but drew a blank. I did find ‘C’ section in the second aisle between letters ‘J’ and ‘S’. Fortunately, they had plenty of custard creams, so I grabbed several packets. I didn’t find ‘G’ section until I reached the last aisle where it was located between letters ‘B’ and ‘F’. Once again, I took a handful of packets.

  “You managed to find them, Jill?” So far, Marjorie had only filled in two lines of her crossword puzzle.

  “Just about.”

  “This new system is so much better, don’t you think?”

  If I hadn’t been in such a rush, I would have told her exactly what I thought of her new system. Instead, I just paid for the biscuits and got out of there before my brain exploded.

  I’d been driving for about five minutes when the glove compartment opened, and Henry peered out. “Is the coast clear, Jill?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “That psycho cat isn’t in here again, is he?”

  “No, you’re okay. That was Winky—he’s in the office.”

  “What about that crazy old witch?”

  “No, it’s just me today.”

  When Henry jumped out, I noticed he had another plaster on his forehead. “What is it with the passengers in your car, Jill? They’re all very violent.”

  “I’m really sorry about what happened, Henry. Grandma can be a nasty piece of work, and Winky just wanted us to focus on learning the pirate song.”

  “That song was truly awful.”

  “I know, but we were practising for a contest.”

  “Did you win?”

  “No, we didn’t.”

  “Did you come second?”

  “No.”

  “Where did you come, then?”

  “I don’t rightly recall, but it wasn’t in the top two.”

  ***

  When I arrived at the office, there was no sign of Mrs V, but she had left a note on her desk. Apparently, Armi had gone to the hospital because he’d got his toe stuck in the tap. She said she hoped to be in later.

  When I walked through to my office, Winky was sitting on the sofa.

  “Good morning, Winky.”

  He stared blankly at me but didn’t speak.

  “What’s wrong with you today?”

  He reached down to the pile of cards next to him on the sofa, picked up the first one, and held it up for me to read.

  I’m not talking to you.

  “Why not? Is it because of the contest?”

  He picked up the next card in the pile.

  Yes.

  “Don’t you think you’re being a little childish? I did my best.”

  He continued with the next card.

  I was banking on that prize money.

  “I’ve said I’m sorry.” I shrugged. “There’s nothing else I can do.”

  Another card.

  I want salmon.

  “What’s the magic word?” He picked up the final card.

  Now!

  “If you want salmon, you’ll have to ask me properly. With your mouth. With actual words. Not with cards.”

  He just turned his back to me.

  “Please yourself.” I went over to my desk and was just about to start work when Edna and Irene appeared on the windowsill.

  “Do you have the biscuits?” Edna said.

  “I do.” I picked up my bag, took out the custard creams, which I handed to Edna, and the ginger nuts, which I gave to Irene.

  As soon as Edna saw the ginger nuts, she pulled a face. “Ginger nuts, Irene? I thought you had better taste than that.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Irene scoffed. “Everyone knows that ginger nuts are the superior biscuit.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” Edna laughed.

  “Ladies, please! I’m really busy. Can you let me have your reports?”

  Edna ripped open the packet of custard creams and began to devour one. That was Irene’s cue to give her report first.

  “I followed the wizard, and last night, he went into a bar in Washbridge city centre, where he met a guy. They were talking for about an hour.”

  “Could you hear their conversation?”

  “Some of it. Enough to know he must be the guy you’re looking for—the inside contact.”

  “How could you tell?”

  “I heard them mention bookings a number of times, and I also heard the names of several celebrities. And, most importantly, I definitely heard them refer to Double Take.”

  “That’s brilliant. Can you describe the man he was talking to?”

  “I can do better than that. I took a photo of him.” She took it out of her pocket and handed it to me. “Do you recognise him, Jill?”

  “I most certainly do. Thanks, Irene, that’s a job well done.” I turned to Edna who had just finished eating one custard cream and was about to start on another one. “Hold on, Edna. What do you have to report?”

  She put the biscuit back in the packet. “I have to be honest, Jill. Following a unicorn is not my favourite pastime. They might be nice to look at, but boy, are they boring! They don’t do anything.”

  “Did you see Devon talking to anyone suspicious?”

  “Possibly.”

  “What do you mean, possibly?”

  “It might be something or nothing, but he did meet up with a couple of sweetheart fairies in a coffee shop.”

  “Did you hear what they were talking about?”

  “No, I couldn’t get close en
ough.”

  “That’s a fat lot of good.”

  “Hear me out. I’ve come across this pair before, and I happen to know that they’ve both done time behind bars.”

  “For what?”

  “Theft, blackmail and assault.”

  “Assault? But they’re such tiny things.”

  “Looks can be deceiving. These two are real bad eggs.”

  “Do you have photos of them?”

  “No, but I know their names and address.” She handed me a piece of paper.

  “Karen and Sharon? Is this a wind-up?”

  “No, those are their names.”

  “There’s only one address here.”

  “That’s because they share a flat. There’s something else, Jill. This Devon guy paid several visits to a small industrial unit in Candlefield.”

  “Doing what exactly?”

  “I don’t know. Everything was boarded up and the place was locked, but I have the address for that too.” She handed me another piece of paper.

  “That’s great. Thanks, ladies, you’ve both thoroughly earned your biscuits.”

  “Our pleasure,” Edna said. “You know where we are if you need us again.”

  Chapter 22

  The two surveillance fairies had certainly come up trumps. I still found it hard to believe that sweetheart fairies could have been responsible for taking the unicorn horns, but Edna had pointed out that this particular pair had been in trouble with the law before, so they were definitely worth further investigation. I was also intrigued by Devon’s visits to an industrial unit. What possible interest could he have there?

  Irene too had done well. The person in the photograph that she’d given me was none other than Wayne Crabtree, the elderly Alex Wilder lookalike who had seemed so nice and unassuming when I’d spoken to him at Double Take. Maybe our Mr Crabtree was not the wholesome character he liked to portray.

  When I looked up, Winky was facing me.

  “Have you decided to talk to me yet?” I said.

  He didn’t say a word. Instead, he picked up another card and held it out in front of him; this one was blank.

  “You’ve got that the wrong way around.”

  He flipped it over to reveal a single word.

  Sorry.

  “I’m really sorry, Jill,” he said. “I shouldn’t have had a go at you like that.”

  “You’re dead right. You shouldn’t have. Whatever got into you? I’ve never seen you overreact like that before.”

  “I was banking on the prize money from the contest to pay off a debt.”

  “What kind of debt?”

  “I bought a lot of presents for Mimi. More than I could afford. Then there were the pirate costumes, which cost an arm and a leg. I borrowed some money from Lenny the Lender, and I’m supposed to pay him back by seven o’clock tonight.”

  “Can’t you just tell him that you’ll pay him later?”

  “You don’t tell Lenny that you can’t pay your debts on time. If I do that, he’ll send his brother, Kenny the Knuckles, around.”

  “Are you telling me if you don’t pay by tonight, someone is going to come around here and beat you up?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why don’t you go and hide somewhere?”

  “Where would I hide? And if I did, it wouldn’t do any good because he’d still be waiting for me when I come back.”

  “How much do you owe him?”

  “Two-hundred pounds.”

  “With all the money you’ve been raking in, you must have thousands stashed away. What about your lottery win?”

  “It’s all tied up in long-term bonds, so I can’t get hold of the cash quickly enough.”

  “You’re an idiot!”

  “I know. And I’ll be a dead idiot if I don’t come up with that cash today.”

  “I suppose I could lend you the money?” What was I saying?

  “Would you do that?”

  “It would only be a loan. I want it back by the end of the month.”

  “No problem. I’ll even pay interest.”

  “There’s no need for that. I’m only doing it because I feel like I let you down in the contest.”

  “I love you, Jill.” He leapt from the sofa to the desk and then launched himself at me.

  “Yuk! Get off!” I had to pull him off me.

  “You’re my favourite two-legged person.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I might be now, but for how long?”

  “Forever. I’ll never forget this.”

  “We’ll see. I need to go and see someone. I’ll get your money on my way back.”

  “You’re the best. I’ve always said so.”

  I headed down the high street to what used to be the Cheese Hole but was now Norman’s Stamps. Or at least, it would be after tomorrow’s grand opening. Inside, it was a mecca for stampers.

  Yes, I do realise they’re normally referred to as philatelists, but I think stamper is a much better name. So sue me.

  Norman was standing in one corner with his back to me, so I tapped on the window to get his attention. As always, it took him a couple of minutes to place me, but then a light seemed to go on behind his eyes, and he opened the door.

  “Hi, Jill.” He glanced over my shoulder. “Have you brought your husband with you? Because we don’t actually open until tomorrow.”

  “No, it’s just me. I know you aren’t officially open yet, but do you think I could talk to you for a few minutes?”

  “Sure, come in. I can’t offer you a drink, I’m afraid. All the refreshments are being delivered in the morning.”

  “That’s okay. It’s actually your grand opening that I want to talk to you about. I need a big favour.”

  “What’s that?”

  “How would you feel about hiring a lookalike to take part in tomorrow’s promotional activities?”

  “A lookalike?”

  “Yeah, specifically I’d like you to hire an Alex Wilder lookalike.”

  “Alex Wilder?” His eyes lit up. “I’m a massive fan of his.”

  “You are? I didn’t think you would have heard of him.”

  “Of course I have. He made some classic movies back in the nineties. How much does it cost to hire a lookalike?”

  “Not much for this guy, but I’ll reimburse you anyway.”

  “Why do you want me to do it?”

  I told Norman about Double Take and the problems they’d been having.

  “And you think this guy might have something to do with it?”

  “I’m positive that he does.”

  “Okay, but what happens if this particular lookalike already has a booking for tomorrow? It’s very short notice.”

  “I really doubt that he will, but if he does, give me a call. What time is the grand opening tomorrow?”

  “Midday.”

  “Okay, I’ll be here at least half an hour before that. And thanks again, Norman. I’ll recommend you to all my stamp collecting friends.”

  After leaving Norman’s Stamps, I stopped off at an ATM and drew out two-hundred pounds, then made my way back to the office with the cash still in my hand.

  Mrs V was behind her desk.

  “Jill, why are you carrying all that money in your hand? Someone could have mugged you.”

  “I—err—I had to draw it out for Jack. He’s going to book a place at StampCon.”

  “I didn’t know he was interested in stamps.”

  “Oh yes. He can’t get enough of them.”

  “Don’t you normally pay for that kind of thing by card these days?”

  “Usually, yes, but stamp collectors are an old-fashioned bunch. They insist on cash. Anyway, how’s Armi?”

  “He’s fine. The only damage is to his pride. He’s back home now.”

  “How did he manage to get his toe stuck, anyway? He wasn’t tap dancing, was he?” I laughed.

  “Not funny, Jill.”

  “Sorry.”

  “It’s something he’s always done, and I have
no idea why. Whenever he sits in the bath, he always pokes his toe into the end of the tap. Only, this time, he poked it in too far and it got stuck.”

  “What did you do?”

  “I had to take him to the hospital to get it removed.”

  “You took the bath to the hospital?”

  “No, silly. I sawed off the end of the tap first, so now I have to call a plumber, to get a new tap installed. I’ve told Armi the money is coming out of his cuckoo clock fund.”

  “Did you get the cash?” Winky said as soon as I walked through the door.

  “Here you are. I want it back by the end of the month.”

  “No problem. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  “You can stop being such a bootlicker. It doesn’t suit you.”

  ***

  It was time to pay Ryan Drinkwater a visit. If what the Peeps had told me was correct, he’d tried to sell Tweaking Tea Rooms behind his sister’s back, which must have taken some nerve. Or maybe he was just stupid? Either way, when his sister found out, she’d slapped him down and stopped the sale. Was that enough for him to have resorted to murder? That’s what I hoped to discover.

  He lived in an apartment block in the city centre, not far from where Mad and Brad lived. Once inside the building, I found a quiet spot and used magic to change my appearance to that of a police officer.

  He was clearly surprised to see me. “Officer?”

  “Mr Drinkwater. I’m Constable Trulady. Can I come in and ask you a few questions regarding your sister’s murder?”

  “But I answered all your questions when I came down to the station. I spent several hours with Detective McDonald.”

  “I understand that, but Big—err—Detective McDonald has asked me to do a short follow-up interview. It shouldn’t take long.”

  “Very well, but I have to go out in about half an hour.”

  “Don’t worry. That’s more than enough time.”

  “Okay. You’d better come in.”

  He led the way into the living room.

  “Right, Mr Drinkwater, if you wouldn’t mind just confirming the last time you saw your sister alive?”

  “It was the weekend before last.”

  “And where was that? At the tea room?”

  “No. As I told Detective McDonald, I went to her house.”

  “I understand that you tried to sell the tea room.”