Witch Is Where Squirrels Go Nuts (Witch P.I. Mystery Book 39)

by Adele Abbott

  “Sorry, but that won’t work because I need to get there early. And besides, you’ll enjoy it much more if it’s just the two of you. You’ll be able to discuss stamps on the drive in.”

  “Hmm.”

  When the dance lesson had finished, Florence came running over to us. “Is it alright if I go with Wendy now?”

  “I just need to check with her Mum first, to make sure everything is still on.”

  Before I could, the woman who ran the dance class called for everyone’s attention.

  “Parents, if I could just have a moment of your time. I’ve already told the girls about this, but I thought I’d better make this announcement in case they forget to tell you. In two weeks’ time, it’s the mother and daughter dance competition.”

  That didn’t sound good. Not good at all.

  “It’ll be great, won’t it, Mummy?” Florence was bubbling with enthusiasm.

  “The thing is, Florence, I’m not very good at dancing, so I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it.”

  “Don’t listen to her, Florence,” Jack said. “Mummy is just being modest. She’s a brilliant dancer. You two are bound to win.”

  Jack still had that stupid grin on his face as we walked back to the old watermill.

  “What now?” I snapped.

  “Nothing. I’m just looking forward to seeing you and Florence in the dance competition.”

  “You’re stone out of luck, then, because you’re forbidden to come.”

  “Spoilsport.”

  Just then, Oscar came running down the road. “Jack, are you ready?”

  “It’s not time to go yet, is it?”

  “No, but I thought you could come over to my place first, and we could discuss some of the things that we want to look at when we get to the shop.”

  “But, I—err—there’s something I have to do at the house first.”

  “Don’t worry, Jack,” I said. “I can see to that. You go with Oscar. You clearly have a lot to talk about.”

  “Thanks very much, Jill.”

  “Before you shoot off, Jack, can I have a quick word?” I pulled him to one side. “Will you do me a small favour?”

  “You’ve got a nerve, after landing me with Oscar.”

  “Pretty please.”

  “No.”

  “With sugar on top.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I need you to go online and find a photo of the real Alex Wilder, so you know what he looks like. Then, when you get to the shop, I want you to keep your eyes peeled for him.”

  “I take it that will be you?”

  “One of them will.”

  “One? How many will there be?”

  “At some point there will be two of them: Me and the guy from Double Take. I plan on confronting him, and I need you to video the encounter.”

  “Okay. I guess.”

  “Try to do it discreetly. Don’t get too close because I don’t want the other guy to notice.”

  “Okay, but you owe me.”

  “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

  ***

  I headed back to the old watermill alone, and I’d just started down the drive when I saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks. There, standing by the door, was that darn squirrel again. This was getting way beyond a joke.

  Enough was enough. It was time to have it out with him once and for all, but before I could say anything, he got in first.

  “Hi there. I hope this isn’t an inconvenient time.”

  “An inconvenient time for what, exactly?”

  “I wondered if I could have a word?”

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I have better things to do than talk to squirrels, especially nutty ones.”

  “Please. If you give me the chance, I can explain everything.”

  “Okay then, but be quick.”

  “Could we possibly go inside? If someone was to see me talking to you, they might think something weird was going on.”

  “Are your feet clean?”

  “Of course.” He lifted each one in turn.

  “Okay, then. Come with me.”

  We both took a seat at the kitchen table.

  “You’ve been following me around, haven’t you?” I said.

  “Guilty as charged. I’ve been waiting for the right opportunity to talk to you, but you’re a very busy lady.”

  “That’s true. What exactly is it you want to talk to me about?”

  “Donuts.”

  “Sorry?”

  “Squirrel donuts are the best in the world, and we’d like to give you a year’s supply of them. That is, if you’ll accept.”

  “I do love donuts, but why would you want to give them to me?”

  “A few weeks ago, there was some trouble in the squirrel community. We were being blamed, very unfairly as it turned out, for throwing acorns at humans.”

  “I know. It was actually shape-shifters, posing as squirrels, who were doing it. I was the one who reported it to the rogue retrievers. Sorry, I don’t imagine you know what shifters or rogue retrievers are, do you? Being a squirrel, I mean?”

  “Of course I do. We squirrels are very familiar with all matters paranormal, and we also know that it was you who reported the shifters. In fact, that’s the reason I’m here today. The squirrel community is very grateful for what you did. Our good reputation was being tarnished by those imposters, and there was a danger that we might have forfeited our cute status. But, thanks to you, that won’t happen now.”

  “It’s nice of you to say so.”

  “The squirrel seniors got together to discuss what we should do to show our gratitude, and they came up with the idea of giving you a year’s supply of our world-famous donuts.”

  “A whole year’s supply? That’s very generous. Do you have some with you?”

  “No, but if you’ll accept our gift, we’ll see they’re delivered to your door as soon as possible.”

  “I accept. Definitely. Thank you.”

  Chapter 24

  I arrived at Norman’s Stamps an hour before the grand opening was due to take place. The man himself was inside, preparing a table full of refreshments. The door was locked, so I tapped on the window to get his attention.

  “Good morning, Jill. Help yourself to a snack and a drink.”

  “Thanks, I don’t mind if I do.” I grabbed a cupcake and a can of Coke. “Are you expecting a big crowd today, Norman?”

  “I’m not sure, to be honest. I haven’t done any advertising, but I hope word will have got around.”

  “Is it okay if I go into that back room over there?”

  “Sure, if you want to, but it’s a bit of a mess.”

  “That’s okay. I’ll leave the door ajar so I can see out.”

  “Do you want me to tell the lookalike that you’re in there when he arrives?”

  “No, I’d rather you didn’t mention that I was here at all.”

  “Okay. What do you want me to do?”

  “Just act normally.” And yes, I did realise that was quite an ask. “I’ll do the rest.”

  By eleven-forty-five, a sizable crowd had gathered at the front of the shop. Among them was Oscar who was practically salivating at the thought of all the stamps inside. Standing beside him was Jack who looked almost comatose. Judging by the number of punters who had turned up, without a penny spent on advertising, it seemed that Norman was onto another winner.

  At five minutes before midday, someone knocked on the door. I assumed it was one of the stampers keen to get inside.

  It was actually Wayne Crabtree AKA Alex Wilder.

  Norman spotted him, and whispered to me, “What do you want me to do, Jill? Shall I let him in?”

  “Yes, please.”

  “What do I say to him?”

  “Tell him you want him to cut the ribbon and declare the shop open.”

  “I don’t have any ribbon.”

  “Hold on.” I took
a step back, so that I was out of sight, and then used magic to produce a length of ribbon and some scissors. “Here you are, Norman.”

  “Where did you get those?”

  “I always keep them in my handbag, just in case of emergency.”

  “Err, right. Thanks.”

  Once Wayne was inside, the two of them exchanged a few pleasantries.

  “What exactly would you like me to do today?” Wayne said.

  “I’m going to put this across the doorway.” Norman held up the ribbon. “I’d like you to cut it and say a few words.”

  “Is there anything in particular you’d like me to say?”

  “Just thank everyone for coming. Oh, and you can tell them that there’s ten percent off everything today.”

  “Okay.”

  Norman attached the ribbon and then opened the door.

  “Hi everyone,” he said. “Welcome to Norman’s Stamps. I’m going to hand you over to Alex Wilder who will perform the opening ceremony.”

  Wayne, AKA Alex stepped forward, scissors in hand.

  “Good morning, everyone. Are any of you old enough to remember my movies?” A couple of hands went up, but the majority of the crowd stared blankly at him. “It’s good to see I have a few fans here today. I’ll be happy to sign autographs for those who want them.” That fell on deaf ears because most of the stampers just wanted him to get on with it. “It is my honour to declare Norman’s Stamps officially open.” He cut the ribbon and stepped aside, and the crowd surged forward.

  A few people stopped at the refreshments table, but the majority of them headed straight for the display of stamps. Wayne was standing just in front of the door behind which I was hiding. He had his pen poised, ready to sign autographs, but there were no takers.

  I cast the ‘doppelganger’ spell to make myself look like Alex Wilder, then I made my move. As I stepped out of the back room, Norman did a double take, but fortunately, he didn’t say anything.

  “Hey!” I tapped Wayne on the shoulder. “What are you doing here?”

  He spun around and stared at me, clearly gobsmacked. “What do you mean, what am I doing here? What are you doing here? Who are you?”

  “I was supposed to open this gaff.”

  “I’ve already done that.”

  “I can see that.”

  “Who booked you to do this gig?” he said.

  “Some guy called Boris Charming.”

  “That’s impossible. He can’t have.”

  “Well, he did. Do you know him?”

  “No, yes, sort of.”

  “Do you, or don’t you?”

  “Hold on.” He took out his phone and made a call. “Boris? It’s me. Did you book a lookalike for Norman’s Stamps today? No? Well, there’s one here. An Alex Wilder lookalike. Yes, I know that’s who I do. That’s why I’m calling you. This guy reckons someone called Boris booked him to do the gig. No, I don’t understand it either.”

  That was my cue to leave. “Sorry, but I don’t have time to hang around here all day, especially if I’m not getting paid. I’m off.”

  “Hold on a minute!” Wayne shouted after me, but I was already headed for the door. Once outside, I glanced back through the window where Jack was obviously trying to catch my eye. He was shaking his head and mouthing something, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. He was probably hoping that I would rescue him, but he was plain out of luck.

  I hurried down the street until I found a quiet alleyway where I reversed the ‘doppelganger’ spell, then I grabbed my phone and called Raymond Double.

  “Rock, it’s Jill.”

  “Oh. Hi, Jill. I was just thinking about you. Do you have any news for me yet?”

  “I do. I now know who’s behind the problems you’ve been having.”

  “Who?”

  “You’re not going to believe this, but it’s Wayne Crabtree.”

  He laughed. “I assume that’s a joke?”

  “No, I’m deadly serious.”

  “There’s no way Wayne could be behind this. That guy is the salt of the earth.”

  “He certainly goes out of his way to give that impression, but there’s no doubt about it. He’s been passing on details of your bookings to another agency, who then jump in and offer to provide the same lookalike for a better price.”

  “I still think you’re mistaken.”

  “There’s no mistake, Rock. I have the evidence to prove it.”

  “What kind of evidence?”

  “A video of him talking to another Alex Wilder lookalike, in which he admits exactly what he’s been doing.”

  “There’s another Alex Wilder lookalike? I’m amazed. I can barely find enough work for one of them.”

  “The video leaves no doubt that Wayne is the one who’s been sabotaging your business.”

  “Can you send it over for me to see?”

  “It’s not actually on my phone. My colleague recorded it, and I won’t have access to it until this evening, but I can send it over to you then.”

  “Okay, but I have to warn you that I’m still very sceptical about all of this.”

  Having alerted Raymond Double to Wayne Crabtree’s skulduggery, I now needed to put paid to Boris Charming’s evil doings, so I made a phone call to Daze.

  “It’s Jill. Are you busy?”

  “Not at the moment. I’m in Cuppy C with Blaze.”

  “Is it alright if I come over and join you?”

  “Sure. Come on over.”

  When I got to Cuppy C, Amber and Pearl were both behind the counter.

  “We were just about to call you, Jill,” Amber said.

  “Oh? What about?”

  “Take a look at these.” Pearl handed me an envelope.

  Inside it were a number of photographs. All of Florence. One of them was of her in our back garden. Another was of her walking through the village with Jack. There was one with me in Tweaking Meadows. And the last one was with Wendy and her mum.

  “Who gave you these?”

  “A man came into the shop about five minutes ago.”

  “Who was he?”

  “I don’t know. Neither of us does.”

  “What did he look like?”

  “No idea. He was wearing a dark cloak with the hood pulled down over his face. As soon as he walked through the door, I said to Pearl, this guy looks like a nutter. He came over to the counter, slapped the envelope down, and said give this to your cousin.”

  “What else did he say?”

  “Nothing. As soon as he’d put it down, he left.”

  I checked the envelope again, half-expecting to find a note of some kind, but there was nothing.

  “Did you see which way the man went?”

  “No, sorry. Did you want your usual?”

  “Err, yes please, but I need to speak to Daze and Blaze.”

  “Is everything alright, Jill?” Daze said. “You look a little pale.”

  “I’m okay. I think. You two didn’t happen to see the man who was in here a few minutes ago, did you? He was wearing a cloak with the hood pulled down over his face.”

  They both shook their heads.

  “Sorry, no. We were busy chatting. Why? Is something wrong?”

  “Err, no, it’s okay. I wanted to tell you about a case I’ve been working on in Washbridge. I was hired by the owner of a lookalike agency called Double Take. They’ve been having lots of problems with people making bookings, then cancelling them. It turns out that someone on the inside was feeding details of the bookings to a wizard called Boris Charming. He’s been using the ‘doppelganger’ spell to make himself look like the various celebrities, and he’s been undercutting Double Take’s prices. I’ve told the owner about the traitor in his midst, but I thought you guys would want to know about his partner, the wizard.”

  “Did the human realise he was working with a wizard?” Daze said.

  “No. At least, I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure he assumed he was just dealing with a competing lookali
ke agency. I’ve contacted a couple of the people who cancelled, but they refuse point blank to talk to me about it. I have no proof, but I suspect Charming may have offered the reduced price on the strict understanding that they don’t reveal the details to anyone.”

  “Or threatened them to keep quiet?”

  “That’s possible, I guess.”

  “Do you happen to have an address for this Charming guy?”

  “Yes, I’ve been to his office.”

  I scribbled down the address and passed it to Daze. “Look, guys, I’m sorry, but I have to get going.” I stood up and started for the door.

  “What about your coffee?” Amber shouted after me.

  “Sorry, I’ll have to leave it.”

  My heart was pounding like a drum. Who had taken those photos of Florence and why? Was she in some kind of danger? Could this be related to what Martin had told me about Braxmore?

  I wanted to check that Florence was alright, so I magicked myself straight to the old watermill and dashed inside.

  There was no sign of her or Jack.

  “Jack! Florence! Where are you?”

  Jack appeared out of the lounge. “Where’s the fire?”

  “Where’s Florence? Where is she?”

  “At Wendy’s house. It’s not time to pick her up yet.”

  “Are you sure she’s there?”

  “Positive. What on earth’s the matter?”

  “Nothing. Sorry.” I wanted to tell Jack everything, but how could I? “What time are we supposed to pick her up?”

  He checked his watch. “In about twenty minutes.”

  “I’ll come with you.”

  “Okay.”

  “Can you send me that video you recorded?”

  “I don’t have it.”

  “What do you mean, you don’t have it? Why don’t you have it?”

  “I tried to tell you when you were leaving the shop. I must have forgotten to put my phone on charge last night, so when I took it out to make the video, the battery was flat.”

  “That’s just great!” I screamed at him. “I ask you to do one simple thing and you mess it up!” I burst into tears and slumped to the floor.

  “Jill, whatever’s wrong?” He crouched down next to me. “I’ve never seen you like this. I’m really sorry about the video.”