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The Plague, Pestilence & Apocalypse MEGAPACK™

Page 126

by Robert Reed


  nightly tears, and to reduce her in person and in mind to the shadow

  of what she had been . She sought solitude, and avoided us when in

  gaiety and unrestrained affection we met in a family circle . Lonely

  musings, interminable wanderings, and solemn music were her only

  pastimes . She neglected even her child; shutting her heart against all

  tenderness, she grew reserved towards me, her first and fast friend.

  I could not see her thus lost, without exerting myself to rem-

  edy the evil —remediless I knew, if I could not in the end bring

  her to reconcile herself to Raymond . Before he went I used every

  argument, every persuasion to induce her to stop his journey . She

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  answered the one with a gush of tears—telling me that to be per-

  suaded—life and the goods of life were a cheap exchange . It was not

  will that she wanted, but the capacity; again and again she declared,

  it were as easy to enchain the sea, to put reins on the wind’s viewless

  courses, as for her to take truth for falsehood, deceit for honesty,

  heartless communion for sincere, confiding love. She answered my

  reasonings more briefly, declaring with disdain, that the reason was

  hers; and, until I could persuade her that the past could be unacted,

  that maturity could go back to the cradle, and that all that was could

  become as though it had never been, it was useless to assure her that

  no real change had taken place in her fate . And thus with stern pride

  she suffered him to go, though her very heart-strings cracked at the

  fulfilling of the act, which rent from her all that made life valuable.

  To change the scene for her, and even for ourselves, all unhinged

  by the cloud that had come over us, I persuaded my two remaining

  companions that it were better that we should absent ourselves for a

  time from Windsor . We visited the north of England, my native Uls-

  water, and lingered in scenes dear from a thousand associations . We

  lengthened our tour into Scotland, that we might see Loch Katrine

  and Loch Lomond; thence we crossed to Ireland, and passed sev-

  eral weeks in the neighbourhood of Killarney . The change of scene

  operated to a great degree as I expected; after a year’s absence, Per-

  dita returned in gentler and more docile mood to Windsor. The first

  sight of this place for a time unhinged her . Here every spot was

  distinct with associations now grown bitter . The forest glades, the

  ferny dells, and lawny uplands, the cultivated and cheerful country

  spread around the silver pathway of ancient Thames, all earth, air,

  and wave, took up one choral voice, inspired by memory, instinct

  with plaintive regret .

  But my essay towards bringing her to a saner view of her own

  situation, did not end here . Perdita was still to a great degree unedu-

  cated. When first she left her peasant life, and resided with the el-

  egant and cultivated Evadne, the only accomplishment she brought

  to any perfection was that of painting, for which she had a taste

  almost amounting to genius . This had occupied her in her lonely

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  cottage, when she quitted her Greek friend’s protection . Her pallet

  and easel were now thrown aside; did she try to paint, thronging

  recollections made her hand tremble, her eyes fill with tears. With

  this occupation she gave up almost every other; and her mind preyed

  upon itself almost to madness .

  For my own part, since Adrian had first withdrawn me from my

  selvatic wilderness to his own paradise of order and beauty, I had

  been wedded to literature . I felt convinced that however it might

  have been in former times, in the present stage of the world, no

  man’s faculties could be developed, no man’s moral principle be

  enlarged and liberal, without an extensive acquaintance with books .

  To me they stood in the place of an active career, of ambition, and

  those palpable excitements necessary to the multitude . The collation

  of philosophical opinions, the study of historical facts, the acquire-

  ment of languages, were at once my recreation, and the serious aim

  of my life . I turned author myself . My productions however were

  sufficiently unpretending; they were confined to the biography of

  favourite historical characters, especially those whom I believed to

  have been traduced, or about whom clung obscurity and doubt .

  As my authorship increased, I acquired new sympathies and

  pleasures . I found another and a valuable link to enchain me to my

  fellow-creatures; my point of sight was extended, and the inclina-

  tions and capacities of all human beings became deeply interesting

  to me . Kings have been called the fathers of their people . Suddenly

  I became as it were the father of all mankind . Posterity became my

  heirs . My thoughts were gems to enrich the treasure house of man’s

  intellectual possessions; each sentiment was a precious gift I be-

  stowed on them . Let not these aspirations be attributed to vanity .

  They were not expressed in words, nor even reduced to form in my

  own mind; but they filled my soul, exalting my thoughts, raising a

  glow of enthusiasm, and led me out of the obscure path in which I

  before walked, into the bright noon-enlightened highway of man-

  kind, making me, citizen of the world, a candidate for immortal hon-

  ors, an eager aspirant to the praise and sympathy of my fellow men .

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  No one certainly ever enjoyed the pleasures of composition more

  intensely than I . If I left the woods, the solemn music of the waving

  branches, and the majestic temple of nature, I sought the vast halls

  of the Castle, and looked over wide, fertile England, spread beneath

  our regal mount, and listened the while to inspiring strains of music .

  At such times solemn harmonies or spirit-stirring airs gave wings to

  my lagging thoughts, permitting them, methought, to penetrate the

  last veil of nature and her God, and to display the highest beauty

  in visible expression to the understandings of men . As the music

  went on, my ideas seemed to quit their mortal dwelling house; they

  shook their pinions and began a flight, sailing on the placid current

  of thought, filling the creation with new glory, and rousing sublime

  imagery that else had slept voiceless . Then I would hasten to my

  desk, weave the new-found web of mind in firm texture and brilliant

  colours, leaving the fashioning of the material to a calmer moment .

  But this account, which might as properly belong to a former pe-

  riod of my life as to the present moment, leads me far afield. It was

  the pleasure I took in literature, the discipline of mind I found arise

  from it, that made me eager to lead Perdita to the same pursuits . I

  began with light hand and gentle allurement; first exciting her curi-

  osity, and then satisfying it in such a way as might occasion her, at

  the same time that she half forgot her sorrows in occupation, to find

  in the hours that succeeded a reaction of benevolence and toleration .

  Intellectual activity, though not dire
cted towards books, had

  always been my sister’s characteristic . It had been displayed early

  in life, leading her out to solitary musing among her native moun-

  tains, causing her to form innumerous combinations from common

  objects, giving strength to her perceptions, and swiftness to their

  arrangement . Love had come, as the rod of the master-prophet, to

  swallow up every minor propensity . Love had doubled all her excel-

  lencies, and placed a diadem on her genius . Was she to cease to

  love? Take the colours and odour from the rose, change the sweet

  nutriment of mother’s milk to gall and poison; as easily might you

  wean Perdita from love . She grieved for the loss of Raymond with

  an anguish, that exiled all smile from her lips, and trenched sad lines

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  on her brow of beauty . But each day seemed to change the nature

  of her suffering, and every succeeding hour forced her to alter (if

  so I may style it) the fashion of her soul’s mourning garb . For a

  time music was able to satisfy the cravings of her mental hunger,

  and her melancholy thoughts renewed themselves in each change

  of key, and varied with every alteration in the strain . My schooling

  first impelled her towards books; and, if music had been the food of

  sorrow, the productions of the wise became its medicine . The ac-

  quisition of unknown languages was too tedious an occupation, for

  one who referred every expression to the universe within, and read

  not, as many do, for the mere sake of filling up time; but who was

  still questioning herself and her author, moulding every idea in a

  thousand ways, ardently desirous for the discovery of truth in every

  sentence . She sought to improve her understanding; mechanically

  her heart and dispositions became soft and gentle under this benign

  discipline . After awhile she discovered, that amidst all her newly

  acquired knowledge, her own character, which formerly she fancied

  that she thoroughly understood, became the first in rank among the

  terrae incognitae, the pathless wilds of a country that had no chart .

  Erringly and strangely she began the task of self-examination with

  self-condemnation . And then again she became aware of her own

  excellencies, and began to balance with juster scales the shades of

  good and evil . I, who longed beyond words, to restore her to the

  happiness it was still in her power to enjoy, watched with anxiety the

  result of these internal proceedings .

  But man is a strange animal . We cannot calculate on his forces

  like that of an engine; and, though an impulse draw with a forty-

  horse power at what appears willing to yield to one, yet in con-

  tempt of calculation the movement is not effected . Neither grief,

  philosophy, nor love could make Perdita think with mildness of the

  dereliction of Raymond . She now took pleasure in my society; to-

  wards Idris she felt and displayed a full and affectionate sense of her

  worth—she restored to her child in abundant measure her tender-

  ness and care . But I could discover, amidst all her repinings, deep

  resentment towards Raymond, and an unfading sense of injury, that

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  plucked from me my hope, when I appeared nearest to its fulfilment.

  Among other painful restrictions, she has occasioned it to become

  a law among us, never to mention Raymond’s name before her . She

  refused to read any communications from Greece, desiring me only

  to mention when any arrived, and whether the wanderers were well .

  It was curious that even little Clara observed this law towards her

  mother . This lovely child was nearly eight years of age . Formerly

  she had been a light-hearted infant, fanciful, but gay and childish .

  After the departure of her father, thought became impressed on her

  young brow. Children, unadepts in language, seldom find words to

  express their thoughts, nor could we tell in what manner the late

  events had impressed themselves on her mind . But certainly she had

  made deep observations while she noted in silence the changes that

  passed around her . She never mentioned her father to Perdita, she

  appeared half afraid when she spoke of him to me, and though I

  tried to draw her out on the subject, and to dispel the gloom that

  hung about her ideas concerning him, I could not succeed . Yet each

  foreign post-day she watched for the arrival of letters—knew the

  post mark, and watched me as I read . I found her often poring over

  the article of Greek intelligence in the newspaper .

  There is no more painful sight than that of untimely care in chil-

  dren, and it was particularly observable in one whose disposition

  had heretofore been mirthful . Yet there was so much sweetness and

  docility about Clara, that your admiration was excited; and if the

  moods of mind are calculated to paint the cheek with beauty, and en-

  dow motions with grace, surely her contemplations must have been

  celestial; since every lineament was moulded into loveliness, and

  her motions were more harmonious than the elegant boundings of

  the fawns of her native forest . I sometimes expostulated with Perdita

  on the subject of her reserve; but she rejected my counsels, while

  her daughter’s sensibility excited in her a tenderness still more pas-

  sionate .

  After the lapse of more than a year, Adrian returned from Greece .

  When our exiles had first arrived, a truce was in existence be-

  tween the Turks and Greeks; a truce that was as sleep to the mortal

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  frame, signal of renewed activity on waking . With the numerous sol-

  diers of Asia, with all of warlike stores, ships, and military engines,

  that wealth and power could command, the Turks at once resolved

  to crush an enemy, which creeping on by degrees, had from their

  stronghold in the Morea, acquired Thrace and Macedonia, and had

  led their armies even to the gates of Constantinople, while their ex-

  tensive commercial relations gave every European nation an interest

  in their success . Greece prepared for a vigorous resistance; it rose

  to a man; and the women, sacrificing their costly ornaments, accou-

  tred their sons for the war, and bade them conquer or die with the

  spirit of the Spartan mother . The talents and courage of Raymond

  were highly esteemed among the Greeks . Born at Athens, that city

  claimed him for her own, and by giving him the command of her

  peculiar division in the army, the commander-in-chief only pos-

  sessed superior power . He was numbered among her citizens, his

  name was added to the list of Grecian heroes . His judgment, activity,

  and consummate bravery, justified their choice. The Earl of Windsor

  became a volunteer under his friend .

  “It is well,” said Adrian, “to prate of war in these pleasant shades,

  and with much ill-spent oil make a show of joy, because many thou-

  sand of our fellow-creatures leave with pain this sweet air and natal

  earth . I shall not be suspected of being averse to the Greek cause; I

  know and feel its necessity; it is beyond e
very other a good cause .

  I have defended it with my sword, and was willing that my spirit

  should be breathed out in its defence; freedom is of more worth than

  life, and the Greeks do well to defend their privilege unto death . But

  let us not deceive ourselves. The Turks are men; each fibre, each limb

  is as feeling as our own, and every spasm, be it mental or bodily, is

  as truly felt in a Turk’s heart or brain, as in a Greek’s . The last action

  at which I was present was the taking of —— . The Turks resisted

  to the last, the garrison perished on the ramparts, and we entered by

  assault . Every breathing creature within the walls was massacred .

  Think you, amidst the shrieks of violated innocence and helpless

  infancy, I did not feel in every nerve the cry of a fellow being? They

  were men and women, the sufferers, before they were Mahometans,

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  and when they rise turbanless from the grave, in what except their

  good or evil actions will they be the better or worse than we? Two

  soldiers contended for a girl, whose rich dress and extreme beauty

  excited the brutal appetites of these wretches, who, perhaps good

  men among their families, were changed by the fury of the moment

  into incarnated evils . An old man, with a silver beard, decrepid and

  bald, he might be her grandfather, interposed to save her; the battle

  axe of one of them clove his skull . I rushed to her defence, but rage

  made them blind and deaf; they did not distinguish my Christian

  garb or heed my words—words were blunt weapons then, for while

  war cried “havoc,” and murder gave fit echo, how could I—

  Turn back the tide of ills, relieving wrong

  With mild accost of soothing eloquence?

  One of the fellows, enraged at my interference, struck me with

  his bayonet in the side, and I fell senseless .

  “This wound will probably shorten my life, having shattered a

  frame, weak of itself . But I am content to die . I have learnt in Greece

  that one man, more or less, is of small import, while human bod-

  ies remain to fill up the thinned ranks of the soldiery; and that the

  identity of an individual may be overlooked, so that the muster roll

  contain its full numbers . All this has a different effect upon Ray-

  mond . He is able to contemplate the ideal of war, while I am sensible

 

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