by Lilly Atlas
“Fuck!”
Lucky flinched and held the phone away from his ear.
“Why the fuck isn’t she at the clubhouse?”
“Don’t know, brother. Something must have happened. Want me to try and talk to her?”
“No. Yes. Shit, I don’t know. Just don’t scare her. I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Acer disconnected the call.
“Right,” Lucky said to dead air. He was damn good with the ladies, but ladies in the throes of an emotional crisis were an entirely different manner.
He jogged across the street and approached Fia, slowly, so as not to startle her. The sounds of her gasping breaths and sobs tore at his heart. No wonder Acer’s head was all fucked up over this gal. He didn’t even know her and he wanted to scoop her up and fight her demons. “Fia?”
Her body jolted and she lifted her head, her eyes wide and full of terror. Tears streamed down her face and her breathing was too fast and ragged.
“L-luc-ky?” she managed to get out between pants.
“Yeah, baby. I’m just gonna stand here with you, okay? You concentrate on taking deep breaths and I’ll make sure nobody bothers you.”
“T-thank y-you.” The words were high pitched and raspy.
“Shh, don’t try to talk, just breathe.”
Lucky mean-mugged a few bystanders who gawked at Fia like she was an attraction they purchased a ticket to see. No one stuck around long when they took in his cut and realized who glowered at them. After a few moments, the hitches in her breathing grew less frequent and she was able to rise to a full stand.
She covered her face with her hands. “God, Lucky, I’m so embarrassed.”
“Shh,” he said again. “Let’s sit on that bench right there. Acer is on his way.” He pointed to a dark green bench about fifteen feet away.
Fia’s legs wobbled and he wanted to wrap an arm around her for support but some instinct told him to maintain his distance.
She plopped down on one end of the bench and he took the other, conscious to leave a few feet of space between them.
“You want to talk about it?” Part of him hoped she’d say no. He had enough of his own troubles without taking on anyone else’s.
Chapter Twenty
Did she want to talk about it? About how she fled the clubhouse because she was jealous of the boobsie twins and their wild threesomes with Acer? About how thoughts of Mike caused a full-blown panic attack—the worst one yet—in the middle of a public park?
No, she didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t want it to ever have happened.
“I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”
She couldn’t help but smile at the arrogant grin on Lucky’s face. He was so full of himself, it crossed the line from irksome to amusing.
“Also been told I’m handsome as hell, smart, good in bed, a damn fine cook, hung like a horse, and amazing with power tools.” He held up his hands and shrugged as if to say, “what are ya gonna do?”
Fia laughed. “Anyone ever told you how cocky you are?”
He winked. “I thought I covered that with hung like a horse.”
She rolled her eyes. “Okay, Mr. Ed, I’ll talk. If it will get you to stop telling me how wonderful you are, I’ll talk.”
“Manipulative. I’m manipulative too.”
She snorted and looked over the park. Maybe it would be cathartic to talk about it. There were times she wanted to open up to Acer, but he already felt guilty and pitied her. The thought of making it worse was unappealing. Lucky didn’t give a shit about her, not really. So maybe it would help to get it out.
“I was, uh, at the clubhouse this afternoon and these two women came by. They were…well they were stunning.” She kept her eyes trained straight ahead.
Lucky draped his arm across the back of the bench and faced her. “All right, I like how this story is starting out.”
She faced him and rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you do. Anyway, they asked for Acer, insinuated that they’d all…you know.” She rolled her hand in a flourish.
“Ahh, yes, ménage-a-biker.” He bobbed his eyebrows up and down.
Lucky was a scream and she appreciated his levity more than she could express. It put her at ease, made him easy to talk to.
“I looked at them, and I looked at me—” she gestured to her clothing, “—the me now, that is, post-assault. I just felt so inadequate. Here they are offering kinky sex on a platter, and I…well, I…”
She what? How to even put it into words?
“You’re not sure you’re ever gonna be able to fuck again.”
That’s how.
“Jesus, Lucky.” Her face flamed.
“Well that’s it, ain’t it? Don’t need to sugar coat it for me, babe. It’s only been, what? Three weeks? You gotta ease off yourself.”
She pulled at a thread on her frumpy shorts. “I know, I know. I just saw them and needed to get the hell away for a bit. So I went for a walk, my mind wandered to…bad memories, and, well, you saw the result.”
“I’m gonna say something now, before Acer gets here, because if he heard me say it, he’d kick my ass so bad I wouldn’t be able to ride for a month.” He leaned back on the bench and rubbed a hand over his defined chest.
She kept her gaze on him. What on earth could he possibly have to say?
“When you’re ready, and you will be ready, I have no doubt. When you’re ready, if you need someone? You come find me.”
What? “Um, Lucky—”
He leaned forward and squeezed her shoulder. “I’m dead serious, babe. I’m putting the offer on the table, just in case you were thinking that no one would want to fuck you after what you went through. So that’s one less thing you have to worry about, okay?”
“I, uh.” She nodded, at a loss for words. She had to admit, in a weird way, his offer lifted at least one of her worries.
“Here comes Acer.” Lucky stood. “I’m gonna talk to him for a sec then I’ll send him right over. We won’t be out of eyesight.”
He started to leave, but she grabbed his hand and he turned back. “Thanks, Lucky.” His unique blend of arrogant humor came just at the right time.
He squeezed her hand and winked. “Told you I was good, baby.”
Fia smiled and watched him amble across the park until he met Acer. Even from fifty feet away she could see the fearsome frown on Acer’s sensual mouth.
~ ~ ~ ~
Acer’s eyes narrow, his fists clenched and he broke into a jog when he witnessed Fia take Lucky’s hand and smile up at him as though he was her savior. He itched to ram his fist into his friend’s face, again. Another black eye to complete the set.
Lucky strode toward him and met him about halfway between his bike and Fia.
“Get the fuck out of my way,” Acer snapped, coming to a stop inches from Lucky’s smug grin. They were the same height and stood nose to nose. Acer snarled. Lucky’s smirk shone like a giant bull’s-eye.
“You need to reign in your shit, brother. Six feet of pissed off biker is the last thing she needs right now.”
“And you’re an expert on her needs?” Jesus, where had that childish remark come from? Lucky was dead on. A seething man would only freak her out. He didn’t want to admit it, but he wanted to be the one to comfort Fia, and the fact that Lucky got to her first—got to her at all— stung like a swarm of angry bees.
“Oh man, you are so far gone over this woman.” Lucky laughed.
Acer lunged for him.
He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m done, I’m done.” The smirk left his face. “It’s fun to bust your balls, but your girl was in a bad way when I found her. Turns out two stacked blonde skanks came ’round the clubhouse asking her where you were and tossing out hints about your sex games.”
What the fuck?
“She started to compare herself to them. She’s worried she’ll never be able to fuck again. Then she got an up close and personal view of what
type of playthings you like.”
Fia talked to Lucky about sex? That knowledge settled in his gut like ground glass. Frustration and a bit of jealousy rumbled in his chest.
Lucky laughed. “Come on, you can’t be surprised she feels that way. Anyway, she split and went for a walk, started thinking about the asshole who hurt her and she freaked the fuck right out.”
“So what’d you tell her?” Acer ran a hand down his face.
“Told her to cut herself some slack, then told her I’d be more than happy to fuck her. She just has to say the word.” The smirk was back.
Acer lifted his gaze to the sky. “Swear to God, if you weren’t my brother—”
Lucky laughed. “You got it from here? Now that I’ve done my good deed for the day, I’m feeling the need to reward myself with a lap dance or ten. I’m meeting some of the guys at Black’s.”
“Have fun,” Acer said, but his focus was on Fia. He took a breath and calmed the beast raging inside him. From the moment he took Lucky’s call, until he could see for himself she was unharmed, a restless energy had been zinging through his blood.
She gave him a small, sad smile as he sat next to her on the bench. Unlike Lucky, he didn’t give her space. He sat close, plastering his side against hers. She wasn’t caged in and had plenty of room to move if she felt uncomfortable, but he needed to feel her, at least a little.
“I’m so sorry I interrupted whatever you were doing. And I’m sorry if I embarrassed you or the club. And please don’t be mad at the prospect who wasn’t supposed to let me leave. I snuck away when he was in the bathroom.”
He frowned. Leave it to Fia to worry about someone else. “Don’t worry about him, I’ll deal with him, later.”
“Is he in trouble?” She fingered the hem on her shorts.
“Yes.” He damn sure was in trouble.
“Any chance you could cut him some slack?” She gave him a sweet smile.
“No, babe. It was his job to look after you. That meant not letting you leave. It also meant making sure you weren’t disrespected or embarrassed. I’m not gonna kick his ass, but I’m not going to let it slide either.”
She sighed. “Lucky told you, huh?”
He nodded even though her gaze was on two children throwing a ball on the other side of the park and she couldn’t see it. “It was more than a year ago.”
“What?” She turned her head.
“Those girls.” He dragged a hand through his hair, yanking hard on the strands. “It was once, more than a year ago. It was the anniversary of something I’d rather forget, and I got so shitfaced I’d have slept with a rattler if it slithered into my bed. I barely remember it, and will not be buying another ticket for that ride.”
“Shit, Acer, you do not owe me any kind of explanation about your sex life. We aren’t, I mean I can’t even…” She held out her hands and shrugged.
He gripped her shoulders and turned her so her upper body faced him. It was the boldest move he’d made in terms of touching her, and he didn’t miss the tension in her posture, but he ignored it. What he had to say was too important. “Fia, you are fucking amazing. You’re stronger than any women I’ve met. You’re sweet, sassy, brave, and so damned sexy I’ve been hard more often than not since you moved in. I respect the hell out of you, baby. We’ve been intimate, you’re currently living in my apartment, and no matter how often we tell ourselves it would never work, there is some kind of connection between us. So, yeah, you deserve an explanation.”
Silence followed his monolog and he risked a glance at her.
She stared at him, slack-jawed and eyes glossy with unshed tears.
“One more thing.” Christ, if he continued with this emotional diarrhea his dick would shrivel up and fall off.
Fia took a deep breath. The curve of her breasts rose and fell, drawing his gaze. His cock twitched in his pants and he shifted to accommodate it. Maybe he wasn’t in any imminent danger of losing his man card.
“What is it?” Her voice was soft, as if she was in awe.
He grasped her chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting until they made eye contact. “When you get there, and I promise you’ll get there, when you’re ready to fuck? No way in hell do you go to Lucky or any other man.”
Her eyes widened and a split second of uncertainty flashed. Acer leaned in until his mouth was against her ear on the side of her body closest to the bench’s backrest. She still wasn’t boxed in and could hop up if his nearness overwhelmed her, but it was definitely an invasion of her personal space.
She stopped breathing, her body rigid, but she didn’t pull away.
“It’s been seven months for me, baby. I’ll die before I let another man have what’s mine. I’ll wait as long as you need to be ready, but I will not sit back while you seek out another man.” His lips brushed against the sensitive skin of her ear as he spoke and a subtle shiver coursed through her.
She was closer than she thought. Closer to Old Fia.
He drew back, curious at her reaction, and if the issue of his celibacy weren’t so grim, he’d have burst out laughing at the caricature of shock on her face.
He linked his fingers with hers and tugged her to her feet. “Come on, babe, let’s go home.”
It wasn’t her home. California was her home.
The disappointment that hit each time he thought of her leaving was growing harder to ignore.
Chapter Twenty-One
Fia thanked God Acer’s headboard was made of strong, solid wood. She gripped it so tight, it might have snapped in two were it composed of weaker material. With a low moan, she peered down at Acer as he licked through her saturated folds. The sexy sight of her legs straddled around his face amped up her desire.
This was exactly what she needed, what she’d craved for so long. Acer’s hands were full of her ass, and he squeezed tight, bringing her more firmly against his mouth where he proceeded to drive her straight to insanity.
“Good, baby?”
“Yes, yes, so freakin’ good.” She panted as she rocked her pelvis against his mouth. Acer wrapped his lips around her clit and sucked. She gasped and threw back her head as she flew toward an explosive release. Almost there, just one more—
What the hell?
The incredible sensations disappeared as Acer’s mouth left her body and he squirmed out from between her legs. “No! What are you doing? I was so close!”
Acer curled his strong body around her back. “I know,” he whispered in her ear. “I want you to come with my cock inside you. I want to feel you squeezing me like you can’t get enough.”
“Ohh,” she moaned as he pushed his full length inside her. He started a heavy rhythm that had her climbing again in no time.
“Yes, Acer,” she cried as she pushed back to meet his thrusts. She was teetering on the edge. If only he’d touch her clit, one quick glance of his fingers would do it.
Fia’s heart pounded and she stared into the dark and quiet room. Acer’s eight hundred thread count Egyptian cotton sheets were tangled around her legs, and her hand, not his, was buried between her thighs and she was lying in his guest bedroom. Alone.
Damn, that dream had seemed so real. Her body hummed with unfulfilled need. The source of the dream was no mystery. Knowledge that Acer still wanted her, that he refused to let her sleep with another man, had been running through her mind all evening. She was the last woman he’d slept with, for crying out loud. That knowledge freed something in her.
She could go in there now. In just a few minutes, he’d have her screaming out his name with the much-needed release. Unless of course she freaked out and had a panic attack the second he touched her.
It just might be a risk worth taking.
On the other hand, she could just take care of the problem herself. She hadn’t masturbated since…everything, but before that? Between the time she’d slept with Acer in LA and the day she went to the boxing gym? She might as well have taken out stock in the vibrator company, she’d use
d the damned thing so many times. All with fantasies of Acer as her chosen pornography.
Well, it was nice to know she could still feel desire. If only she could keep herself from having an anxiety attack whenever a man got close to her.
Fia kicked her legs, loosening the mummy wrap of the sheets. She sat up and scrubbed a hand over her face. The clock next to the bed read almost two in the morning. Acer would most likely be asleep. She’d just go out into the kitchen, make herself a cup of chamomile tea, and relax.
Lila’s words rumbled around in her head, reminding her she had made progress, she was strong, and she was healing. “What you need to do is go in there and have sex with Acer,” she muttered. “Stop hiding and just do it.” Her stomach rolled over with nerves. Was she really ready for this?
She shoved off the bed and wrenched the door open, tip-toeing toward the bathroom. She’d seen condoms in there a few days before. After rummaging through the cabinets and finding a foil packet, she stared at herself in the mirror. “You can do this. It’s Acer. You’ve already slept with him,” she told the woman in the mirror, who looked a bit green around the edges.
She was getting so sick of that woman. It was time for that woman to take a hike and for Old Fia to come back to life. She closed her eyes, counted to five, then opened them again. The same woman stared at her, but this time, Fia realized something different. The woman in the mirror looked exactly like Old Fia. The eyes were the same, the smile was the same, the hair was the same. New Fia hadn’t completely taken over. If Old Fia was still there in her looks, she had to be alive inside her as well. With a surge of confidence, Fia started down the hallway, only to come to a frozen halt outside Acer’s closed door.
Open it, Old Fia whispered in her mind. She reached for the doorknob only to have New Fia screaming, Run!
She couldn’t do this. She wasn’t ready. For crying out loud, she was a thirty-year-old woman, standing in the hallway at one in the morning, nerves strung tight as guitar strings. Was it hot in here? She fanned herself and rolled her eyes. Looked like it was going to need to be ice water instead of hot tea. Then she could return to her lonely bed where erotic dreams and unfulfilled desires would torture her.