by Lilly Atlas
Damn anxiety.
Old Fia’s disappointment sitting on her chest like an elephant, she took two steps toward the kitchen. She clenched her fists, the crinkle of the condom wrapper loud as a cannon’s roar.
Screw it.
Without indulging in another thought, she spun around, gripped the doorknob, and slowly twisted so as not to startle Acer. When she met resistance, she pushed the door and took one giant step into the room.
Okay. She made it. She was in. Nothing in this room reminded her of being in Mike’s house and that was extremely important.
Now what?
A soft snore drew her attention to Acer’s large bed. She loved that bed. It was four-poster modern platform bed. A striking piece that drew the eye. The contradictions of style a perfect representation of the man himself. Old world polished, merged with modern edgy.
Acer lay on his back, one arm thrown above his head and the other resting on the ripples of his bare stomach. Fia leaned against one of the posts and watched the steady rise and fall of his chest for a moment. The predictable movements soothed her raw nerves.
Damn, he was handsome. She allowed her eyes to take a visual tour of his body, starting at his face, moving to his chest where she paused to remember how he’d bucked each time she flicked that nipple piercing, then trailing her gaze down, down, down, until—
Acer was completely nude.
Hello! The sheet, having slipped down his body, now pooled across his lower thighs. Fia tiptoed closer for a peek. His legs were out straight, about shoulder width apart, and his soft cock rested against his thigh.
Her stomach clenched at the sight of his naked body. That body had given her so much pleasure at one point, and if his shouted responses had been any indication, she’d pleasured him as well. Could she do that now? Thoughts of taking him inside her once again conjured up equal amounts desire and apprehension.
Well, maybe a little more apprehension, if she was being honest. Okay, a helluva lot more apprehension. That didn’t mean she couldn’t overcome it.
It was now or never. A part of her knew that if she didn’t go through with this now, it would be ages before she gathered the courage to try again.
With trembling hands—trembling more with desire or nerves, she couldn’t say—she shimmied out of her panties. She placed the condom on the bed next to Acer’s hip and drew the sheet away from his legs.
Would it be crazy to wake him up after she was already astride him? She covered her mouth to hold back a spurt of laughter. Wasn’t it every man’s fantasy to wake up with a naked and eager woman straddling them?
So, she was willing, but not exactly eager, and there was no way in hell she’d be getting any more naked than she already was. The cigarette-singed skin on her ribs had mostly scarred over, but seeing another man’s initial branded on a woman had to kill a boner faster than a bucket of ice. The cami was staying on, no matter what happened.
Ignoring the instinct to flee, she braced a knee on the bed and swung the other leg up and over a still sleeping Acer. His thighs were rock solid between her own. She slowly lowered her hips until Acer’s muscles grew rigid like steel beneath her.
Shit! He was awake. Fia’s stomach rolled. She couldn’t do this. She wasn’t ready.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Acer woke with a start. His heart pounded and his hand reflexively grabbed for the nightstand next to the bed where he kept his nine-millimeter pistol. He had a few weapons stashed around the apartment but liked the smallest and lightest next to his bed for quick access and easy maneuverability.
Before he had a chance to wrap his hand around the piece, the fog cleared and he realized what had woken him. “Christ, Fia! I could have shot you. What are you doing in here?”
His eyes adjusted and his cock hardened in the same instant. Fia straddled his thighs wearing nothing but a skimpy, tight-as-hell, light purple tank top, her bare ass hovering just an inch above his thighs.
Her hair was loose, a rumpled mess around her shoulders, like she’d just woken up as well. Her eyes were wide and her chest rose and fell in a rapid dance as though she’d been running.
She looked sexy, she looked terrified, she looked…determined.
He held statue still, waiting for her to answer his question, afraid to scare her.
She pressed her lips together and held up a condom. Where the hell had she gotten that?
“I-I want to have sex.”
Her words entered through his ears and shot straight to his dick. Christ, he wanted that too, but… “Babe—”
She ignored him and pointed to his erect dick, which thickened further just from being the momentary center of her attention. “It seems like you’re up for sex as well.”
Fuck yeah, he wanted sex. But like this?
“Fia, you don’t have to—” He tried to reason with her, but his brain was still half asleep and two steps behind.
“You game?” she asked.
The firm set of her jaw let him know she wasn’t kidding, but the minute waver in her voice betrayed her true trepidation.
She wasn’t actually here for sex, or at least not pleasurable sex, she was here to excise a demon. Part of him wanted to refuse. When he fucked her again, he wanted it to be hot, wild, and needy, not…therapeutic. But he’d promised himself he’d do anything in his power to help her overcome the trauma and get back to being herself. And if this was what she needed, he’d do it. God forbid he turned her down and she sought it elsewhere.
“I’m in.”
“Good.” She rushed on, her eyes trained on his pierced nipple. “I have it all figured out. I will do all the work. But I need you to not touch me. I don’t think I’m ready for that.” She looked up at his face and he saw the uncertainty in her gaze. “Okay?”
Acer gripped a side of his pillow in each hand. “My hands won’t leave the pillow.”
“Thank you.”
This situation was so tense it was almost comical. Apparently, though, his cock didn’t seem to care. It was rock hard and would take any opportunity to be inside Fia. He stared at the ceiling as he listened to her rip open the condom wrapper.
Never had he been in this submissive position before. He liked control, and even if a woman was on top, he was in control. Promising Fia his hands would remain on the pillow added an entirely new level to this encounter. He didn’t think there was any other woman in the world he’d let have this much control over his body.
“Jesus Christ,” he cried out as her small hand circled his length, rolling the latex on.
She stilled. “Oh God, did I hurt you?”
He laughed. “No, babe, I just wasn’t expecting it and I almost cut our night very, very short.”
Her blush was adorable. “Oh. You good now?”
No. “Yeah.”
While he clenched the pillow, she finished rolling the condom on, then rose on her knees, positioning herself directly over the head of his straining cock. With a deep breath, she began to lower herself onto him. She winced when the tip prodded her entrance.
For Acer, the pleasure was so intense he saw stars, but it didn’t detract from what was happening here. She wasn’t ready. Not by a long shot. She was stressed, and dry, and treating this like it was an unpleasant chore she needed to power through. He’d seen her aroused, passionate, begging for more of his touch. This was unacceptable.
“Fia, stop,” he ordered her.
“No, Acer, it’s okay.”
“Babe, it’s not okay. You aren’t ready for this.”
“I’m ready. I am.” She resumed her task, her face a mask of concentrated effort, but not one iota of enjoyment was evident in any part of her body.
He wanted to grab her and yank her close and kiss her until her body responded, but he’d promised not to touch her and who knew how far back he’d set her if he frightened her. “Fia!” This time he put enough bite in his words to draw her attention.
“Oh God.” She groaned and covered her face with her hands
as her shoulders slumped. “This is so unbelievably not sexy. How do you even have an erection?”
He chuckled. “I’m pretty much hard whenever you’re within fifty feet of me.”
She lowered her hands so her eyes peeked over her fingertips. “You are?”
“Yep. Now scoot forward and sit on my stomach.” She bit her lip and shook her head. “Do it.”
Fia walked her knees up the sides of his hips until she was positioned low over his abdomen.
“Sit.”
She sat, and the heat from her sex seared him like a brand. He clenched his teeth and breathed through his nose, willing his body to remain under his command.
“You’re not ready, Fia.” She opened her mouth. “Uh uh.” He shook his head. “You may think you are, you may have convinced yourself that you are, but your body is telling a very different story. Why are you forcing this tonight?”
She sighed and traced a finger over the hills of his abdominal muscles. They quivered under her touch. His biceps ached with the force he exerted on the damn pillow. This was an exercise in self-control like he’d never experienced.
“Acer, I’ve always liked sex. I had sex, not enough to make me a slut, but enough that I know what I like and I know how I like it. Then I met you, and you were raw and dominant and so unlike anyone I’ve ever been with.”
The thought of her with other men made him want to scream, but he held his tongue. Wherever she was going with this, she needed to get it out.
“That night with you? It was…powerful. It was like you awoke something wanton inside of me. The things we did, the things you said you wanted to do if we had more time? I thought about each and every one of those things for six months. I craved how you made me feel. You whispered to me about things I’d never tried, never wanted to try, but with you, I wanted it all. That was the real reason I came to the gym, I couldn’t stay away from you anymore.”
Guilt assailed him at the mention of that night, but he shoved it aside. She didn’t need that from him right now.
She reached out and skimmed her finger over the side of the barbell through his nipple. His eyes rolled back and he prayed for the strength to survive this sexual torture.
“My body remembers each and every touch. Every time your mouth was on me, every time you were inside me, and how amazing it felt, how much I wanted to feel it again and again. But my mind? My mind is stuck in this state of constant fear and panic. It’s so deep, I’m afraid I’ll never break free. So, please, I just need to do this. To try and get past some of the fear and get some part of myself back.”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she blinked in rapid succession, managing to keep any wetness from falling. That was his Fia, so strong, so determined.
“Baby, I’m not telling you no. I just want to try something, see if I can make it good for you. Okay?” His voice sounded strangled and tense.
“I don’t need to enjoy it, Acer. I just need to do it.”
That was a tragedy in and of itself. That she was at the point where she felt her sexual pleasure didn’t matter. It damned well mattered to him. “Well, I need you to enjoy it, so humor me, okay?”
She gifted him a small grin. “Well, okay, if you insist that I actually get pleasure from the sex, I guess that’s fine.”
“There’s my smartass. Okay, close your eyes. I promise my hands will not leave the pillow, I’m just going to talk to you, but I want you to concentrate on my voice.”
She assessed him for a second, then dropped her eyelids.
He admired her so much, couldn’t imagine the courage it took for her to come to him like this despite her obvious anxiety. The trust she placed in him was baffling. After what she endured, to trust him with her body, with her greatest fear.
It humbled him.
It shamed him. She gave far more than he deserved. More than he gave her.
His caveman reaction to her presence at his fight was the reason she was assaulted in the first place, and he’d walk through the fires of hell to make her whole again.
“I want you to think back to the night in LA. What? Did we do it four times?”
“Five,” she said with a smile, her eyes still closed, hands resting on his ribs. “But I came six.”
“Five, that’s right. You have a favorite?”
She flushed a pretty pink and nodded.
“Tell me.”
“In the middle of the night, against the window.” Her voice was low, husky.
“Damn, that was my favorite too. I woke up alone in the bed, but it only took me a second to find you standing by that entire wall of windows, staring at the city lights. You were completely naked, your gorgeous ass right in my field of vision. I ever tell you I just watched you for a few minutes?”
“No,” she whispered with a shake of her head.
“Well I did, but not for too long, because the need to touch you was consuming. As I walked toward you, I couldn’t keep my eyes off your backside. I had this unbelievably hot fantasy about fucking that ass some time. Did I tell you that?”
Her voice was breathy. “You told me. Whispered it in my ear when you were inside me.”
“Oh yeah? Was that one of the things you thought about? One of the things you’d never tried?”
She nodded and a drop of fluid beaded on his dick inside the condom he still wore. This plan had better work. He wasn’t quite asshole enough to go jerk off if she couldn’t go through with this, which meant he’d be stuck in blue-ball hell.
He swallowed, bringing himself back under control. “I came up behind you and plastered myself against your back. Your skin was soft and warm against my chest, incredible. You remember what I did next?”
Her enthusiastic nod made him smile. “I remember every second.”
“I picked up your hands, one at a time, and pressed your palms against the cool window, told you to leave them there. That was the only words we spoke. Then, starting just above your ass, I ran my hands up your back, over your shoulders, and down to your breasts. Your nipples were so hard they could have cut right through that glass. You cried out when I pinched them, loud.” He paused, remembering the exact moment. “God, I loved hearing that satisfied sound, loved that you weren’t shy about making it. Every time I did something you liked, I was rewarded with that sound. After I had you panting, I stroked my hands down your sexy stomach to your hungry pussy, didn’t I?”
“Yes,” she whispered, her voice beginning to sound just a bit needy. Her nipples were visible against the thin fabric of her top. She was responding to his words.
“You were wet, fuckin’ drenched. It coated your thighs. Your pussy was so slick and greedy it sucked my finger right in and clamped tight around it.”
He glanced down at where her sex rested against his stomach. With small, tiny, almost imperceptible movements, she rocked her pelvis against his abs, pausing when she tilted forward and her clit met his skin. Christ, she was gorgeous. This encounter had gone from tense to unbelievably erotic and he worried he might not last long enough to make it good for her.
He swallowed hard. “I had you completely at my mercy with your palms on the window and my fingers deep in you. Or so I thought. Then you arched your back and wiggled that curvy ass all over my cock. That ended my game real quick. All I could think about was getting inside you, feeling you gripping me as I drove into you.”
Her sex became slippery. Arousal coated his skin, assisting the tilts of her pelvis on his stomach. Acer wanted to shout out the victory. She slid back and forth on him, the movements more pronounced, quicker, and a small whimper escaped her as she ground against him.
Her scent filled the room and Acer’s sac drew tight. Christ, there was a very high chance he’d blow without ever feeling her around his shaft. “You remember when you came? Remember how it felt? Remember what you screamed?” he asked, his voice harsh and strained.
“I screamed your name.” Her voice shook for different reasons now.
“Goddamn right, you did.”
He was almost growling; the animalistic need to be back inside her clawed at him. “Say it now. I was the one fucking you then, and I’m the only who’s gonna fuck you now. Say it.”
“Acer,” she choked out. Her eyes flew open, holding his gaze. “Acer,” she said again, his name almost a plea on her lips.
His dick twitched so hard it bumped against her ass. Fia jolted, but no fear was evident on her face. Just a dazed look of desire.
She held his stare and lifted her hips, shimmying back until she once again had his rod at her opening. This time, though, she slid down with ease.
Fiery heat surrounded him and overtook all his senses. He gripped the pillow so hard, he expected feathers to fly around the room any second.
~ ~ ~ ~
Fia let out a low moan as she took Acer into her. She had walked in here tonight a ball of nerves, determined to take control of her life and just get it over with. But he’d changed all that. He’d squashed her fears, turned her on, and made it so she actually wanted the sensation of him filling her up.
And it didn’t disappoint.
“Ride me, Fia. Please,” he ground out through gritted teeth. On either side of his head, he gripped the pillow so hard his biceps bulged and his neck corded with tension.
It was in that moment she understood just how far out of character this man went for her, and how he’d sacrificed himself for her pleasure. He needed to always be in control of every situation, in bed and out, yet he lay under her forcing himself to avoid touching her. He gave her complete command, and the strain showed.
She rewarded him with the slow, steady rise and fall of her hips along his rigid shaft. It felt good, so good, so different from— No. She wouldn’t go there. There wasn’t any room for those thoughts now.
“Stay with me, baby.”
She brought her gaze back to Acer’s. Sweat dotted his forehead and his nostrils flared. On a normal day, he’d probably grab her hips and slam into her with everything he had. She needed to put the poor man out of his misery. “I’m with you.”