by Leil Lowndes
As I was paying my bill, the waitress noticed my watching the couple. Smiling broadly, she said,
"Yeah, I've been watching them, too. Aren't they cute?"
"Yes," I agreed. "They look like they're very much in love." "Oh, no," she said. "They just met ten minutes ago!"
I thought, both of them must have read Perper's Principles. Or they were, as Annie Oakley inAnnie Get Your Gun says , "jes' doin' a what comes natch-ur-lee!"
When You Are Quarry
The Dance of Intimacy takes two partners. Even when you are Quarry, you must remember the steps. Sadly, many potential
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relationships never get off the ground because, accidentally, the Quarry repels the Hunter with his or her body language.
Unlike deer or bear hunters, human Hunters and Huntresses suffer from a malady. It's called insecurity or shyness. When a Hunter or Huntress levels sights at you, you must show you are willing Quarry and be a good follower in the Dance of Intimacy.
I was once at a party with a girlfriend, Diana. An attractive man smiled at Diana, and she looked away.
She confided to me, "That good-looking guy over there smiled at me."
"Great," I said. "Smile back."
Soon after, the fellow was standing near us. I don't know whether it was shyness or a desire to play it cool, but instead of turning toward him and smiling, Diana just kept on chatting with me. A few minutes later, we saw the good-looking stranger in a warm tête-à-tête with another woman. Diana was crushed.
She said to me, "Oh, I guess he saw me close up and decided not to talk to me."
"No, Diana," I said, wanting to shake her. "You just didn't respond to his overtures." She missed step one in the basic dance of lovers—turning toward him to show receptivity.
Missed opportunities like this one are happening round the clock, round the globe. Often willing Quarry crying to be captured becomes the one that got away.
The Word That Can Save Your Relationship As you are chatting with your new Quarry, it begins to dawn on you: "This person really is special. It's not just physical attraction. This individual has relationshpipotentiall." Within thirty seconds, your heart starts pumping a little faster and your throat suddenly goes dry. Could this be the start of something big?
Instead of mission control directing all the parts of your body to make all the right moves, your brain suddenly begins
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wondering about the impression you're making on your Quarry. Your breath becomes short. You senseadeliriousdrowningfeeling.Unfortunately,that'sa sideeffectof shootingthroughyour PEA
brain.
Watch out! You can't be your engaging and scintillating self if nervousness sets in and you start thinking about your every move. There's no time now to concentrate on Perper's Principles and try to recall iftouch comes before synchronicity . Or was it turning before touch ? At high-anxiety moments like these, you need a simple technique to make your body do precisely what Dr. Perper prescribes so you can pay attention to what your fabulous new Quarry is saying.
Hunters, the following is especially important for you because men often forget that times have changed. In the old days, a woman had to be impressed with your muscles or your speed and know you could go out into the jungle and trap a wild pig or a rabbit for dinner. However, many women today can afford their own Pork Pàté or Rabbit Chasseur at a fancy restaurant. The name of the
gameisnolongerimpressawoman.It'sshowhowimpress edyouarewithher .
Huntresses, most of us were weaned on boosting the male ego. Perhaps some chemical in mother's milk told us to kowtow to all the men in our life. By age five we had already learned what worked: "Oh, Daddykins, you're so wunnerful. I know you'll buy me that Barbie doll." Then something happened: We grew up . Some of us became feminists. Like throwing out the baby with the bath water, many women threw out the "Oh, you're so wunnerful"
attitude along with their tattered Barbie dolls.
The modern woman feels she needs to express her capability, her independence, her superintelligence right awayW. rong! There is plenty of time to show a man these qualities later, and
you mustshow them if you want to have a good relationship with mutual respectB. ut now is not the time ! Now is the time to make the man feel that you think he's just absolutely, positively "wunnerful."
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Both men and women are infinitely more drawn to someone who instantly likes them. In several studies, men and women who didn't know each other were told, falsely, by researchers that another participant liked them. When later questioned whom they liked in the group, practically every participant chose someone of the opposite sex who supposedly "liked them." Unfortunately, you don't have a researcher whispering in your Quarry's ear how much you like them, so you must demonstrate that all on your own.
Since saying "I like you" sounds a tad abrupt in words, leave it to your body to do the talking for you.
While chatting with him or her, think of this one wordso: ften . Match your body language up against the acronym which spellssoften . It's an insurance policy against tripping in the Dance of Intimacy.
TECHNIQUE #9:
HEART
Sis for smile. As you are listening to your Quarry, let a soft smile of acceptance frame your lips.
Ois for openbody. Face your Quarry fully, nose to nose, belly to belly. Keep your arms open in a relaxed, inviting position.
F is for forward lean. Lean toward your Quarry or stand or sit just a tad too close to show you are physically attracted.
Tis for touch. Gently, even "accidentally," touch your Quarry's arm or brush a piece of lint from his or her clothing.
Eis for eyecontact. Remember to use all four of the eye allure techniques we discussed.
Nis for nod. Nod your head gently in response to whatever your Quarry is saying.
"But This Is So Basic!"
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After reading this segment, some of you may say,
"But this advice is so obvious! Why, in a sophisticated exploration of the complexities of love, do you suggest such mundane movements and have the temerity to call them techniques?"
For two reasons, my friends. One, because some of my most cosmopolitan and urbane friends still stumble over these simplistic steps. Two, because of their supreme importance. Research has proved that these are the specific moves that really work when first meeting someone you want to make fall in love with you.
Now let us explore two other areas where even very smart women and men mess up: the first conversation and the first date.
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10
Conversation Is Making Beautiful Music
Together
Conversation is like music. Your first conversation can be a beautiful concert where all the notes fall into place, bringing joy and harmony to your Quarry's heart. Or you can inadvertently utter discordant notes that make your Quarry tune out thoughts of love.
So far we've talked about the dance(the body movements and choreography) to get your Quarry interested. Now, let's explore themusic(the words and lyrics) of your love overture—your first conversation.
Think of your first conversation as an audition piece to see what role, if any, you will play in your Quarry's life. You can get away with boring interludes later in a relationship, but not now. Your first discussion has to be a smooth flow of electricity if it's going to ignite a relationship.
What is exhilarating conversation? To one Quarry, it's talking about sports, theatre, ballet. For another, it's discussing philosophy, psychology, or nuclear fission. Many people find chatting about their home, their car, or their family, dog, or parakeet to be the most engrossing dialogue by far. You need Page 62
techniques to discover your Quarry's hot buttons to make sure your first conversation is memorable for him or her.
Conversation Is Like Making Love
When you are making love to a new partner for the first time, you can gently ask, "Am I doing it the way you like
? Is there anything else you want?" But you can't ask a new , "Is the conversation PLP
good for you, too, honey?"
When you are in bed together the first few times, you don't yet know where she likes to be caressed, where he loves to be touched. How rough does he or she like it? How gentle? You pick up hints. You watch her body, his facial expressions. You listen to he r little moans, his involuntary gasps. You may sense that she goes crazy whenever you kiss her nipples.
(So of course you kiss them some more.) Maybe he pulled away when you nibbled his thighs. (So you don't take any more bites on that tender tissue.) Be just as sensitive in early chats with a new Quarry.
Your first conversational interchange is every bit as important as your first sexual intercourse together—
maybe even more significant, because the latter may never happen if the former isn't good.
Conversation Is Like Selling
While you're chatting, watch your Quarry's reactions to what you are saying. Keep an eye out for involuntary facial expressions, head movements, body rotation, hand gestures, and even eye fluctuations. Like a top professional salesperson, learn how to interpret all these signals and plan your pitch accordingly. With the rare exception of those who have studied the highly complex art of deception, a person cannot not communicate how he or she feels.
Your Quarry may not say in words how he or she is responding to what you are saying, but signals are clearly telling you nonetheless.
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In my sales seminars, I teach a technique I calel yeball selling. Knowing what turns a customer on, what turns him off, and what leaves him neutral from moment to moment can make or break a sale.
Likewise, knowing what turns your Quarry on, what turns him off, and what leaves her neutral from moment to moment can make or break your relationship.
Say you have just been introduced to an exciting new stranger at a party. The two of you fall into conversation.
Watch Your Quarry's Face Throughout the conversation, his or her expression will change.
Sometimes your Quarry's face will suddenly take on a lively intensity. This might occur while you are discussing something which, to you, is mundane or boring.
At other times, even when you are talking about something you consider a hot topic, his or her face falls flat. Watch for these telltale signs and tailor your conversation accordingly. When your Quarry's face comes alive, ask for more information on that topic.
Keep it going. You are on a roll.
When your Quarry's face goes bland, that's your cue to gently change the subject. Move on to another topic that will bring the light back into his or her eyes.
Insensitive Hunters just go on and on with a topic that's a clunker, and their prey soon wriggles out of the boring trap.
Watch Your Quarry's Head Position When Quarries get bored with you, they turn their heads away. A noise from the kitchen, someone new walking into the room, hearing his or her name across the room—
any interruption will cause them to look away from you.
However, if your Quarry finds you or your conversation captivating, he or she won't glance away.
An entire tray of glasses could go crashing to the floor by your feet, but your Quarry's gaze would stay fixed on you. Be sensitive to the head twistings.
When your Quarry starts rotating his or her head away from you, that's another cue to spin a new conversational topic.
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Explore Your Quarry's Body Position When you are stuck in boring dialogue with someone, long before you vocalize your excuse to get away, your body begins making preparations. You take a step back, and your torso turns away.
If you are chatting with a who is stepping back or turning away, watch out. It could mean your PLP
budding relationship has already shriveled up in his or her mind. However, take precise aim and give it one more good shot. Do not keep babbling on. Arrest your monologue. Use your Quarry's name. Then ask a personal question which throws the focus back on him or her. This will recapture your Quarry's attention and, if the relationship is not already crushed beyond resuscitation, it will nourish the seeds.
Conversely, suppose your Quarry is giving you a full-faced, open, receptive body position. Top sales pros know this is the time to move in for the close. Do the same. Make your move. This is the time to make a date, get a phone number, or suggest that you two go somewhere else and continue the discussion over coffee or a drink.
Watch Your Quarry's Hands Sometimes your Quarry's lips can lie, but hands reveal all.
Occasionally glance at them while you are chatting to pick up some of the hidden thoughts he or she is harboring.
Does he reach for a paper clip on a desk or a match on the mantlepiece while you're talking? Does she run a finger around the edge of a cup? These motions express thoughtfulness or contemplation. Your Quarry is thinking about what you just said. Take it as your cue to stop talking and let a breath of silence give cadence to your conversation. If you are uncomfortable with complete silence, at least slow down and maintain a pace that's leisurely enough to let your Quarry have his or her own thoughts.
Palms up is an excellent sign. Hunters, when she has her palms facing you, it means she likes you. She is feeling vulnerable and probably welcomes more closeness. Palms up is the
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classic ''I submit" position. If appropriate, now is the time to gamble a first touch, perhaps on her open palm or on her arm.
Huntresses, pay special attention to pointed fingers.
Does your Quarry shake a finger in the air while making a point? Think of a pointed finger as a mini erection which shows excitement over a particular detail. If he shakes a finger in the air while making a particular point, it means he feels strongly about it.
Take it as your cue to express your wholehearted agreement with him.
Keep an Eye on Your Quarry's Eyes If you see your Quarry's eyes wandering, it's not necessarily a rejection of you. It could just be that you're on a boring topic. Try changing the subject.
When you become a real expert on eye watching, you can gauge how well you're doing by the size of your Quarry's pupils. If the pupils start shrinking, an involuntary horn is blasting, "Thibsoirs-ing!" If, however, his or her pupils start growing, an internal alarm is shouting, "I'm interested. Tell me more."
TECHNIQUE #10:
EYEBALL CONVERSING
Don't just babble on, oblivious to your Quarry's reactions. Like a top sales pro, watch your prospect carefully and gauge your pitch accordingly. That way, your Quarry is more apt to buy your act.
How to Know What Topics Turn Your Quarry On
It's frustrating to be chatting with an attractive stranger and get stuck in the small-talk rut. You are silently screaming out, "Gosh, I like you. I hope you like me, too. Here we are, making chitchat, but I want our discussion to be more interesting, more meaningful. What woulydoureally like to talk about?"
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I've developed a surefire technique to ease the transition out of small talk and onto a subject that is closer to your new Quarry's heart. I call itcherry picking . While your Quarry is making small talk, scoop up any unusual references in the
conversation—any anomaly, any deviation, any digression, or any invocation of another place, time, or person. Pick that word out, because it's your key to know what your Quarry wouldreallylike to talk about.
Suppose, gentlemen, while walking home from work, a sudden rainstorm breaks out. You dart for the nearest shelter, a coffee shop. You go in, shake yourself off, and, as you sit down, you spot striking Ms. Attractive Stranger on the next stool. You clear yo ur throat and take a chance.
''Wow," you say. "Looks like it's going to be some storm out there, huh?" She turns toward you and seems receptive. "Sure does."
You are groping for something else to say. "Uh, do you come here often?"
Your Quarry seems amused at your line, but still interested. "No, not too often." She smiles. "I stoppe
d in here for a hot coffee to get out of the rain."
You venture, "Yeah, it's really coming down, isn't it?" Well, it might not be brilliant, but it keeps the conversation going.
"Oh, well." Your Quarry shrugs. "At least it's good for the plants."
You both look out the window momentarily and then back at each other. You smile. Your Quarry gives you a forced smile. Then neither of you can think of anything else to say, so you both stare back into your coffee cups. End of possible love affair.
Rats! It started out so great. The small talk was comfortable. Your Quarry was smiling and leaning in, and she seemed receptive to you. But when it came time to get off the boring stuff and on to more interesting topics, you got tongue-tied.
Here's a quiz. In the above small talk, there was an escape hatch, acherry. Ms. Attractive Stranger said one word that you
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could have picked up on that would have catapulted you right out of small talk and into something much more interesting for her. Did you spot it?
Answer: It was the word plants .
Let's go back to your less-than-riveting discussion of the weather. Just before you were afflicted with that sinking "What do I say next" feeling, she said, "At least it's good for tphleants. To the savvy Hunter, that's a cue. Perhaps you wouldn't know a daffodil from a dandelion, but obviously plants are part of your new Quarry's life, or she wouldn't have used the word. Subconsciously, even unbeknownst to her, she was crying out, "I really prefer to discuss plants."
TECHNIQUE #11:
CHERRY PICKING
You'll never be stuck for good discussions with your Quarry if you pick up on theconversational cherry .
Listen for any slightly unusual word. That's your cherry seed. Plant it, and watch it flower into a memorable first conve rsation for your Quarry.
After she threw out that cherry, you should have asked, "Oh, do you have a garden?" Maybe she has a vegetable garden, a roof garden, a hanging garden, or a victory garden. Maybe she has no garden at all but just loves plants. You don't know yet, but you do know that plants are somehow part of her world.