by Anne Conley
She forced a frosty tone to her voice, unwilling to get dragged into a conversation about Jude’s sexual prowess with this woman. “Well, I appreciate your sentiment. If you’re interested in my artwork, I’d be happy to discuss it with you.”
“Actually, I’m very interested.” Everly smiled a genuine smile, apparently willing to change the subject. “Sorry, I got a little lost there, but I came here today to discuss a show in my gallery for you. I’ve been watching you, and I stealthed a pic or two on my phone and sent them to a couple of dealer friends of mine in Denver and Santa Fe. They’ve told me if I do a show for you, they’ll come buy.”
All the air left Annette’s lungs, and all she could think to say was, “Why?” She immediately regretted her word choice but was left with a tinkling laugh from Everly.
“Long story, which involves Drake and his brutish behavior toward the women artists of this town. The truth is, Jude knew what he was doing when he contacted me. I was the bitch in that scenario. I apologize, but your work is really exceptional, Annette. It would be a privilege to show it. Do you think we can get together over dinner or drinks or something to discuss it? I promise not to put the moves on you.” A wry smile graced her elegant features.
Annette laughed. She didn’t intend to, really, but the weight that fell from her shoulders with Everly’s words was making laughter bubble up inside her. The giggle was both out of relief and at the idea that such a sophisticated woman would be interested in someone like her. And then the humor of the hypothetical lesbian relationship, when she wasn’t even gay, struck her again, and the laughter spilled forth.
Finally, Everly leaned forward and whispered, “Are you laughing at me or with me?”
“Oh God.” Annette was clutching her stomach, tears streaming down her face. “With you. Totally with you,” she choked out between giggling sobs.
The two women stood there, laughing together, and Annette felt something shift in the air between them. A sort of warmth infused her cold bones as she smiled at the woman.
“Thank you,” she said, and she meant it. Annette felt a kindred connection with this woman, whether it be a love of art, a dislike for Drake, or their shared fondness for Jude, she didn’t know. Maybe it was all three, but she felt a commonality with this woman she never would have realized was possible before.
“I’ll call you tonight, okay? Can we get together tomorrow?”
“Sure. That sounds great.” Annette’s smile nearly broke her face, it was so wide, and the wind was so cold, but she couldn’t stop it. This was a rollercoaster of a conversation, and she was relieved it ended on a good note. Everything could have so easily gone sour.
“Um, before I go, how is he?” Without a segue, Annette had to guess who Everly was asking about. She used her eyes on the painting to draw a conclusion.
“Jude? I really wouldn’t know. Contrary to how he portrayed things, we aren’t together.” Her voice hitched a little when she spoke because it was a hard consequence of her own decisions. And why did that hurt?
Everly’s eyebrows rose in surprise. “Then you haven’t been to the hospital to see him?”
Panic hit her. “Why is he in the hospital? What happened?”
“I’m so sorry, I thought you knew. Everyone’s talking about it.”
Irritation rose in Annette. She didn’t talk to people unless they were on the square and talking to her about her paintings. She had no friends here yet and didn’t really have a grapevine to plug into for local gossip.
She took a deep breath and willed the woman to tell her something. “What happened to Jude?”
The panic in her gut clawed at her, trying to release itself and grab Everly’s shoulders and shake her, but she managed to remain outwardly calm.
“It was all over the news. There was an accident at a fire, and he was thrown from a building during an explosion. The news says he’s recovering, but I thought you might have more details. I really thought you guys were dating.” Everly seemed genuine with her worry, and Annette allowed the woman’s words to flow through her, forcing a serenity at the fact the newscasters said he was recovering. It really wasn’t her business, and he was fine, right?
“He wanted to, but I didn’t come here to get hooked up with a man right off the bat.” She tried to play it off, but the more she said the words, the less believable they sounded.
Everly seemed to be digesting her words and turned back to the painting to examine it more.
After Everly left in a swirl of expensive perfume, Annette filled her lungs with the bracing air, feeling it cleanse her insides of the memories she had made so far in Pamona Gulch. This visit with Everly signified a fresh start, and her excitement couldn’t be quelled.
Maybe it was all the emotions that had hit her the last few weeks. Maybe it was PMS. She didn’t know why the idea of Jude laid up in a hospital bed made her choke back sobs. As her eyes filled with tears after Everly left, she saw the man in question, who hadn’t been far from her thoughts for weeks, standing across the street with his arm in a sling, a rose between his fingers, watching her. The thought crossed her mind that he was a figment of her imagination—she was making him up because she wanted him there. Regret lay heavy in her heart, tears tracked down her cheeks, and she turned her face away, not knowing what was real anymore.
Breaking the spell, an older gentleman came up to her to inquire about one of her older pieces. After talking to him, wrapping his purchase, and wishing him a great day, she found a lone rose sitting on her small table.
Picking it up, she marveled at the perfection of the petals. She’d always loved roses, even though they were a ridiculous cliché. Something about the perfect symmetry in the asymmetry of the flower spoke to her artistic side, and the deep color of the red was so hard to reproduce on canvas that she couldn’t help but admire it. She held the flower to her nose, inhaling the fragrant floral scent as her eyes scanned the crowd, looking for him.
He had disappeared in the crowd of people jostling in the square. She sighed and looked at the rose again, running the soft petals up her cheek. Relief he was okay warred with wanting to do this alone. Annette knew this was a paradigm shift in her priorities. The few moments she’d thought he was in the hospital were panic-filled, and the sudden lightness she felt at knowing he was okay punched her in the belly.
Her trip home had steeled her resolve to make herself successful here and not go running back with her tail tucked between her legs. But the reality of her new existence hit her hard, and all the doubts came scrabbling back. People expected things from her here too. She couldn’t live in a vacuum. There would always be people to interact with, people with needs and wants, and Annette had never been one to turn her back on that. No matter how hard she tried.
Especially when that person’s needs and wants meshed so well with her own. A vision of Jude between her legs, peering up at her with a twinkle in his eyes, caused her to gasp. She pushed it away, only to be hounded by a memory of him in bed with her while she sketched, watching her avidly with his head propped on an elbow, hair tousled and wild, a smirk on his lips that made her tummy flip. She wanted more of that.
He was gone, had disappeared before she could talk to him or even wave, and that saddened her. She longed to talk to him, to tell him about her brand-new paradigm, even though she wasn’t sure exactly what it was, but it included him.
She started packing up her stuff, intent on finding out where Jude lived and going to talk to him.
Before she could get far, Katie, whom she’d met at the auction a lifetime ago, came up to her with another woman in tow.
Annette had seen Katie earlier today, stocking the Hidden Intimacies window with Santa-inspired lingerie, red with white fur trim. She’d seen the other woman hanging greenery above a shop window next door filled with winter clothing, expensive sweater dresses, scarves, and overcoats
.
“We thought we’d stop by and say hello since you haven’t been by yet. This is Vivian.” Katie smiled at her brightly, and Annette returned it, still in sales mode but really wanting to get out of here and find Jude. “How are you dealing with this cold weather? It’s only going to get colder, you know.”
“Yes, I know, and I’m sort of looking forward to it and sort of terrified of it.” Annette let out a nervous laugh. “Do you guys know what kind of gloves I can get to keep my fingers from getting frozen?”
“We will be having a big sale tomorrow on outerwear, if you’d like to drop by,” Vivian said, her smile still tight. Annette could only assume she was shy. “We sell gloves.”
“Thanks. I’m not sure new clothes are in my budget right now though. I may hit up the local thrift store soon.”
“I get it. If I didn’t get a decent employee discount, I wouldn’t be able to afford it either.” Her smile loosened up a bit, apparently doing better with something to relate to Annette with.
“Hey, we wanted to stop by because we saw what Jude did. We’re not sure why Everly was here, but we’re from around here … Well, I am. Vivian’s just sort of along for the ride. Anyway, we wanted to let you know we see what’s going on, mostly. Jude’s a good guy, and he apparently likes you.”
The statement from Katie threw Annette. What business was it of theirs? Why would they care? Puzzled, she studied the women. They looked genuine with their statement.
“Look, I know this is out of the blue, and you don’t know us at all,” Katie gestured again to Vivian, who didn’t look happy to be there. It was almost comical, actually. Her arms were crossed, and a defined wrinkle marred the brow of the otherwise attractive woman. “But we’ve noticed something with you lately, and we want to help.”
Annette wasn’t sure she was comfortable with these women studying her in their off time, and then discussing her. She turned to Vivian.
“What’s your take? You don’t look like you want to butt in.”
“I don’t. I think it’s clear you have other things on your mind besides men, and in my opinion, there are tons of things more important than men and relationships. They usually end up messing with things.” Her voice had started out tentative, with lots of gaps and breaths, but by the end of her words, they were sure and rang true with Annette.
“See, I have a different opinion.” Katie was talking before Annette could respond. “Unrequited love sucks, big time. A nice guy who’s great-looking likes you, and I think you should give him a chance. I hate to see someone not getting any just because one of the parties thinks the other doesn’t want what they want without even asking about what it is they want.”
Okay, Annette had gotten lost with that explanation toward the end, but the beginning sounded solid. It was clear these women were speaking from personal experience of some sort and wanted to impart their knowledge.
“I was at the bar when Jude kissed you. I saw the connection you guys have. It was breathtakingly beautiful.” Katie practically swooned.
“You were there?”
“Yeah. I say give him a chance.” She winked. “If you need something sexy to get your nerve up, come hit me up.” With that, she sauntered away, and Annette felt like she’d just been through a spin cycle. Vivian still stood there.
“And I just want to say, don’t let him sidetrack you. Remember what’s important. Just because she’s loud, doesn’t make Katie right all the time.” With an eye-roll, Vivian left to go back to her store.
Annette stood there, absolutely exhausted from the exchange, the answers she was seeking no clearer.
The fire station where Jude worked wouldn’t give out his personal information. She didn’t know how to get to the cabin and didn’t think her car would make it anyway. Besides, he didn’t live there, and that seemed like it would be a dumb place to look. With nothing else, she called him.
“Hey.”
“Hey, you.” His voice sounded damn good, and Annette got warm all over. Tamping it down, she decided to put all her cards on the table.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” His voice sounded distant. Not like he was far away, but like his thoughts were.
“Everything. The stuff with Everly. The afternoon with Drake. Telling you to leave me alone.”
He was silent—absolutely nothing except his breathing came over the line to meet her. So she kept babbling on, insistent she tell him everything.
“I went home, and it was exactly like I expected. My family means well, but they don’t understand I need to do my own thing. Luke was there, and he knows about you, sort of. Everly saw me telling Drake off and offered me a show, and then told me you’d been hurt. I realized somewhere in there I’d made a mistake with you, probably right when I told you to leave the cabin, but my pride is a bitch and it took me too long to get in touch with you. I was afraid it was too late.”
She was practically out of breath by the time she’d finished her spiel, and Jude was quiet for a while. Too long, actually. Finally, she heard a ragged inhale.
“Too late for what, Annette?”
She only hesitated a bit. “For us.” There. She’d said it.
“I don’t think it was your pride. I think it was fear. You’re afraid of not being able to make it here as an artist, and now that you’ve got the validation from Everly, you have the confidence to take another step with me.”
He was probably right. She was afraid of failing at her art. That would make her whole trip here to Pamona Gulch to find herself and her success pointless. Except she had found Jude in the process.
“Would that be a bad thing if it was?”
“I just want to make sure I’m not some conquest. Some hurdle to overcome so you can be successful at whatever you are trying to do.”
She gasped, not realizing that’s how he’d felt. “No, Jude. You’re just not something I was expecting when I came here, and I was surprised at how intensely I felt for you so fast. You are not a conquest.” Her stomach lurched, desperate to find a way to convince him.
“It’s just that I feel more for you than I should, considering how much time we’ve actually spent together. It’s terrifying how much thoughts of you consume me.” He paused. “Consume me, Annette. Do you get that?”
She did. Nodding before she realized he couldn’t see her, she swallowed. “Yes, I get it.”
“It’s not right. We don’t really know each other.”
A tear tracked down her cheek, even though she didn’t understand it. This was what she’d wanted all along, right? She swiped it away.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I have to work tomorrow. Maybe we can get together in a couple of days.”
Wow. Not the outcome she had intended, but what did she expect? For him to come panting after her like a puppy? She didn’t want that man. She wanted Jude.
He took her silence for what it was, thankfully, because his next words made her feel marginally better.
“It’s just that I’ve had a ton of time to think in the last couple of days, and I want you, I just need to process the depth of those feelings. They’re different than I thought at first. At first, I thought they were just physical, or maybe a little more. But now, since my accident, they’re so much fucking more, and it’s scary. I just need some time to process it. That’s all.”
“So … okay.” Annette still didn’t know what that meant, but she needed to know about his accident. He’d been at the square today, so he was up and around, but how bad had it been?
“I’ll see you later.”
“Yeah. Bye.” She hung up, feeling like she’d messed up somehow but couldn’t figure it out. She’d told him everything and given him her feelings.
Or had she?
She hadn’t actually said what she felt. Sh
e’d told him what happened but not how she felt about it. Not really.
Shit.
The accident. She needed to know more about that.
Was it on the news? She grabbed her tablet and started searching.
There was a video of a fire, and while Annette didn’t recognize Jude in all the gear they wore, she watched with her heart in her throat, holding her breath, as two firefighters helped a girl out of a second-story window and onto a ladder. She just knew one of them was Jude. The second firefighter was still in the house as the first firefighter carried the girl down the ladder over his shoulder. Just as the first firefighter was below the window, the second had one leg on the ladder and one still inside the house, and a huge, fiery explosion tossed him like a ragdoll out of the house.
Annette watched what could only be Jude flying through the night air, feet over head, until he landed in the snow, facedown, one arm at a wholly unnatural position.
Annette didn’t count how many times she watched the video, imagining the words of urgency spoken between the two firemen, the heat of the blast, the everything.
When she shut off her tablet, her heart pounded and her blood rushed in her veins, making a thwooshing noise in her ears.
If that was how she felt about it—after the event had happened and knowing he was okay because she’d seen him this afternoon and talked to him on the phone—how would she feel if she were actually had a relationship with the man?
Her head told her that was the perfect reason to keep him at arm’s length, but her heart knew what was happening.