The Shaman's Apprentice

by B. Muze

  “And birth weak, scrawny little brats who will do no one any good?”

  “These are hard times,” she said softly. “The men who would make the best fathers may not be fathers without your approval, so I must choose as well as I can from those who are left.”

  “Then who will you choose if you will not choose Zocan who is the best?”

  “My family will know my decision by the next full moon.”

  “We have Farmot. He is a little younger than Zocan.”

  “He is still too old.”

  “A brave warrior deserves a wife!” insisted Lofar.

  Jovai shook her head and said no more.

  “How was your dinner last night?” asked Difsat, during the early meal the next day.

  “Not very pleasant,” she answered, giving him warning. She knew all her family were curious, especially since Lofar had insisted on talking to Difsat privately for almost the whole morning. “You don’t like to talk about unpleasant things while eating, but they don’t speak at all. They just stare, as if they’d never seen a woman before.”

  She turned to her little sister and bulged her eyes in demonstration. Filani gasped in surprise, then squealed with laughter at Jovai’s unexpected funny face.

  As soon as the meal was finished, Difsat took her aside.

  “What did you talk about with the Hawk Clan?” he asked.

  “I only talked to Lofar. We discussed whether Zocan was too old for me or not.”

  “And what did you two decide?”

  “I decided that Zocan was too old and Lofar decided that I was too stubborn and foolish.”

  “That isn’t at all what he told me.”

  “What did he say?” asked Jovai, suddenly worried. She was sure Difsat would recognize her shaman’s manipulations if Lofar remembered enough to describe them. It had been the impulse of a moment, and she had counted heavily on his dismissing her gentle spirit tongue suggestions as his own bad hearing.

  “He liked you very much. He is very eager for you to marry into his clan. He wants me to put every pressure I can on you to do so.”

  Jovai took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She was not sure whether to be relieved or not.

  “So, will you do as he asks?” she wanted to know.

  “You understand that the Hawk Clan is very important to us, especially right now,” he began. Jovai nodded. “We need them.” He paused, watching Jovai. She waited, tensely. “But I do not think I need to buy them with my daughter. At least, not this one.”

  Jovai smiled with relief. “Thank you, Family Father.”

  “He is very anxious, though. Almost desperate. He even suggested, though I’m sure he wasn’t serious, that he might release one of his younger men for you to marry.”

  “He did?” she stared at Difsat in open, eager astonishment. Her suggestions had worked. She had never used them like that before, and she could hardly believe that they had really worked!

  Difsat was watching her so closely she was sure he could see her heart pounding in her chest. She blushed furiously and lowered her eyes.

  “Of course, I discouraged him from that,” Difsat continued. “If you want a young man, that’s fine, but there are enough for you to choose from without sacrificing one of our warriors. You have enough trouble making up your mind without adding to the options.”

  “The Hawks are the best,” she said slowly, keeping her eyes lowered.

  “That’s only what the Hawk Clan claims,” said Difsat dismissively. “There are plenty men who could have been Hawks but chose not to. Not everyone needs the discipline. You go find someone else.”

  “Yes Difsat,” she said, doing her best to hide her disappointment.

  “I asked Lofar how you behaved. He said you were quiet at dinner, but otherwise very good. He was very impressed with you.”

  “Koban drilled me for days on every detail, but he said I shouldn’t talk before the clan leader did.”

  “A Hawk would not, but a guest might.”

  “I’ll remember from now on,” she promised, halfheartedly.

  “I think you’ve learned everything Koban can teach you. A little while ago he said you should have a woman as a teacher, to teach you woman things. Now I think he’s right.”

  “It won’t dishonor Koban, will it?” she asked. She was sure now what Difsat guessed.

  “He hasn’t broken his oath, has he?” asked Difsat, suddenly switching to the spirit’s tongue.

  Jovai stared at him in surprise and could not think to speak.

  “He has told you of his oath, hasn’t he?” pressed Difsat.

  She nodded slowly.

  “He told me,” she answered. “No, he hasn’t broken it. He is very honorable.”

  Difsat smiled with relief.

  “People understand that women need to learn from women,” he told her, once again in Kolvas, “It’ll be all right.”

  Chapter 41

  Latohva’s Choice

  Koban called her away from the irrigation ditch she was digging that afternoon.

  “Hasn’t Difsat talked to you yet?” she asked as she approached.

  “No. What?”

  “You’re not my teacher anymore.”

  He stared at her shocked.

  “Why?” He asked at last, worry in his voice. “What have I done?”

  “You taught me too well,” she told him. “And you told Difsat I needed a woman teacher. Now he thinks you’re right.”

  “Didn’t you tell him the same thing?” he asked.

  She looked away, guilty with sudden memory, “Yes.”

  “Come walk with me,” he said. When she resisted, he took her arm. “They haven’t dismissed me yet, so I’m still your teacher, at least for today.”

  “Did you tell him anything?” he asked when they were away from the people.

  “He asked me if you had kept your oath. I told him you had.”

  “What does he think?”

  “That I would do better staying with women and men I could marry.”

  “Do you think that?”

  “I know it!”

  “So, if I…if I still played for you…would you still come?”

  She hesitated. He slipped his arm around her waist. Even that was dangerous. Anyone could come by at any time. She should have pulled away, but she didn’t.

  “They’ll know it’s you,” she said at last. “And it won’t do any good.”

  “Don’t my lessons still please you?” He nuzzled her ear, then lightly kissed the nape of her neck. She caught her breath and shivered.

  “Then you’ll come,” he whispered.

  She nodded.

  There were footsteps in the forest, and a small group of people passed nearby, carrying tools to aid a clearing. They didn’t see the couple, but both Koban and Jovai were painfully aware that they could have, easily. Koban let her go, but neither moved away.

  “My family might stop me,” said Jovai.

  “Don’t let them.”

  “But they’re right!”

  “Why? We’re doing nothing wrong…”

  “They why do we hide?”

  It took him a moment to find a reason.

  “So people don’t think we’re doing more,” he answered at last.

  “But you wouldn’t, even if you could,” she said.

  “Would you?” he demanded.

  “I’m going to have to, with someone I don’t even know, by the next full moon. You know, that’s only a matter of days…”

  “You have a choice.”

  “What?”

  “You can leave. No one can make you marry if you’re not here.”

  “Leave!” She sat down, shocked, on the root of a tree.

  “It’s just an option,” he said quickly.

  “Do you want me to go?” She looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears.

  “No. Of course not. But I don’t want you to be unhappy.” He knelt beside her and pulled her into his arms. “No. I don’t want you
to go. At least, not alone. You’re happy here, aren’t you?”

  She nodded, although at the moment she wasn’t too sure.

  “No. Don’t go then. I didn’t mean it.”

  “I’ve left one people already. I don’t want to leave another.”

  He held her in his arms and stroked her long hair.

  “Don’t go,” he begged her, “I won’t let you go.”

  “You’re going to have to,” she reminded him, “by the next full moon.”

  Every day Difsat asked her for her choice with increasing pressure. Every day she declined to answer, reminding him of the deadline he had allowed her.

  “You just be sure to tell me first,” he instructed, “before you tell anyone who might tell the Hawk Clan leader. I’ll lose a lot of power over him as soon as he knows for sure you won’t marry his man.”

  Koban called to her every night, but Difsat watched her with such angry suspicion the first time Jovai tried to sneak away, that when she met him that night, she begged Koban not to play for her anymore. She swore an oath as strong as his that she would not sneak out to see him again. He played even more sweetly after that, with such heartrending beauty that it took all her will, and Difsat sleeping across the door, to resist.

  Latohva received several more invitations from the Hawk Clan. She politely turned every one of them down. Lofar even stopped by their tent one morning, in the hope of talking to Latohva. Politeness required that he talk with Milapo or Difsat first. Difsat was not there, and Milapo successfully wasted so much of his time that, when he was finished, Jovai had already gone to her new teacher and was tied up with her for the rest of the day learning to cut and stitch tanned hides into winter clothes.

  Two days before the full moon, as Jovai helped Milapo in the dispensary, Koban came in. He needed an ax, he said. When Milapo turned her back to get it, he quickly leaned forward and whispered to Jovai, “Meet me tonight.”

  She shook her head.

  “It’s important!”

  He pulled away just as Milapo was returning with the ax. Milapo looked between the two, curiously, but made no comment as she watched Koban leave. Once he was gone, she turned to Jovai and said, “He is crazy.”

  “Why?” asked Jovai, startled.

  “The Hawks are supposed to be hunting today. So for what does he need an ax?”

  Koban played that night, continuously. Jovai tried to ignore it. She tried to sleep, but sleep would not come. Long into the depths of the night Koban played without a pause. He wouldn’t give up. He had promised himself to play all the way till sunrise if he had to. Just when he was thinking he’d really have to, she came.

  “Latohva!” he exclaimed, joyfully pulling her into his arms.

  “Koban, please,” she said, pushing him away, “It just makes it harder.”

  “No, let me kiss you,” he insisted. “Let me feel you! We don’t have much time left.”

  “If you want to know who I’ll marry I haven’t decided yet. It’s between three, maybe four. I don’t know. I’ll talk to Difsat and Milapo tomorrow and let them help me choose.”

  “Let me choose,” he begged.

  “No,” she told him. “You’ll only choose someone awful.”

  “I won’t,” he promised. “I’ll choose someone wonderful. I’ll choose someone strong and handsome and brave and young, who will live forever if you’ll be his wife and who will love you for as long as he lives.”

  “Who?”

  “Me.”

  She stared at him astonished.

  “You?”

  He smiled. “If I asked you to run away with me, would you?”

  “Leave the Kolvas?”

  He nodded, his smile broadening.

  “We couldn’t ever come back, could we?”

  “No,” he said, grinning like a fool.

  “And we’d shame everyone. We’d shame ourselves, our families, that clan you’re so proud of! It’s my fault Gilix left, and now I’d be stealing another person from them. And you! How could you do it? You know how much your people need you now. How could you do that to them?”

  “I don’t plan to,” he said with a laugh. “I just wanted to see if you’d consider it.”

  “Well I won’t,” she said angrily.

  He beamed with triumph. “You already did.”

  “So, it’s all a joke,” she exclaimed, pulling away. “You call me out here in the middle of the night, you get me in trouble with my family, and you trick me and hurt me, just for a joke!”

  “No,” he said, still smiling, “I called you out here to see if you would marry me.”

  “I thought you didn’t care.”

  “I couldn’t,” he said, trying to take her in his arms again. She raised her fists, warning him away. He only grinned. “But now I can.”

  “Are you drunk?” she demanded.

  He laughed.

  “I’ve been playing almost the whole night without a break. My throat’s drier than my flute.”

  “Then what are you talking about?”

  “I’ll show you if you’ll let me,” he said, trying to draw closer. She raised her fists higher.

  “No. You tell me. Now. No games or I’ll hate you for as long as I live.”

  Koban laughed, with pure joy. “I’m released, Latohva! Lofar says he’ll let me marry you. In fact, of all the Hawks, he chose me. He chose me. Me! He called me to him this morning and told me so himself.”

  “Are you still going to be a Hawk?” Jovai asked, unsure of what she was hearing.

  “That’s the best part! No, marrying you is the best part. But I can still be a warrior! He says he has been thinking that maybe, if a man has a family, he will fight all the harder because he has something real to protect. He says he’s not sure. He’s going to test this idea on me if I want. If you want.”

  “Can you marry anyone?” she asked.

  “No,” he answered, confused. “Why would I want to?”

  “Why would you want to marry me?”

  “Because you’re… you’re you. You’re beautiful. You’re… you’re the woman I want.”

  “I thought I was stubborn and arrogant and untamable.”

  “I love you,” he said, looking at her sternly, “but I hate your memory. Why bring that up now? You know I only said it to discourage Zocan.”

  “I think you want to marry me because that’s the only way to get released from your oath.”

  “So why do you think I want to get released?”

  “Do you really love me?”

  He nodded, suddenly serious.

  “I can’t stop thinking about you, Latohva. All the time when I should be doing other things I’m thinking of your smile, your words, the way you laugh, how funny you look when you raise your fists.” He took her fists in his hands, kissed them, and gently pulled her into his arms. “I’m remembering how you feel pressed against my body. Sometimes, it’ll come to me when you’re not even there — the way you smell, or the taste of your skin, or the sound of your voice, even when I know you’re nowhere near me. I see you sometimes, across the camp, and I get so dizzy I can hardly stand. I dream about you every night, and in every dream, I break my oath over and over. Sometimes you’re dancing, and I’m so hot I think I’m sitting in the fire. Sometimes we’re swimming, and your tunic is clinging against your body. Sometimes we’re even fighting, and you’re dressed like a boy, then I get you in my arms, and you look at me, and you’re trusting and beautiful! Sometimes I’m riding the White One’s horse, only then it’s not the horse, just the wind. Then the wind becomes you, all around me, dancing to my music as if I were master of the wind. Marry me, Latohva. I’ll go crazy if you don’t.”

  She kissed him, long and slow, rubbing her body against his, letting her arms and hands caress his strong back, his firm buttocks, his hard thighs. He responded ravenously. He kissed her as though he could never stop, his hands eagerly working their way up her tunic, under her skirts.

  “So, you do feel someth
ing when I kiss you?” she asked as his mouth worked its way down her neck toward her breasts.

  “I feel everything!”

  “All right then,” she sighed, “I’ll think about it.”

  “No!” He let his hand continue where the tunic stopped his mouth. “What do you need to think about? You love me don’t you?”

  She kissed his ear and buried her face in the crook of his neck without answering. Her fingers lightly traced the stiff bulge under his tunic. He gasped in pleasure but would not be distracted.

  “Say you love me, Latohva! Say you’ll marry me or I’ll stop this right now.”

  “Can you?” she asked. She slipped her hand up under his tunic and stroked him.

  “Woman! Where did you learn that?”

  She brought her lips almost to his.

  “From you,” she answered, smiling.

  He plunged into the kiss, and she responded eagerly, but when she started to ease him toward the ground, he pulled away in panic.

  “I’m still under my oath!” He exclaimed, panting for breath, his eyes wild. “Tell me you’ll marry me, Latohva!”

  “I’ll make my decision tomorrow,” she said, picking up her shawl, “and I promised Difsat he’d be the first to know.”

  “No!” cried Koban. “Tell me now!”

  But she was already running back to her home.

  She was too excited to even try to go to sleep. She considered building a fire, but she felt too restless to sit beside it. She had to dance. She had to sing! She hadn’t felt like singing since she had been sold away from her people, but now the joy rushed to her throat, and she could not stop it. She slipped by the guards and ran down to the river. It was beautiful, sparkling under the almost full moon. There was no mist tonight. There had been none for a month. She raised her voice and sang the celebration of her life coming clear. She heard a baby cry, or maybe only a faraway bird, but she sang to it anyway. She sang to the new world sleeping in the tree. She sang to her own children to be. She sang to a life full of wonder and delight. She sang until her feelings overwhelmed her in a tearful laugh and then her laugh became a song.

  Through the trees behind her, a figure approached. She knew someone was coming and she raised her voice in welcome.