Adrift

by W. Michael Gear

  Inga lumbered down the bar, the burly woman thumping Talina’s mug of stout down, and then carefully placing Shig’s half-glass of red wine before him. “Whose tab?”

  “Mine,” Talina told her. “Shig’s a cheap date. Odds are he’s not going to finish that glass as it is.”

  “Got it.” Inga turned. “You’re still up three siddars, Tal.”

  Talina watched the woman charge down the bar to where Hofer was bellowing, “Whiskey, by God, for me and my friends!”

  “I really ought to walk down there and tell that prick either to put a stopper in it, or I’ll toss his ass out in the street.”

  Shig glanced down to where Hofer was slapping Montoya on the back. “I’ve seen him worse. Or are you just looking for an excuse to feed your tamas?”

  “Oh, I’ve got plenty of rage.” She gave him a weary smile. “I just wish I could beat myself up. I never even gave Dek a chance. Should have told him, ‘Why, Dek, if you’re worried about Demon taking over your mind and body, I can fill you full of ‘friendly’ TriNA. Stuff that works for me. You know, really jack you up so that you’ll never have a ghost’s chance in hell of fitting in with real human beings again. Make you as much of a freak as I am.’”

  “Talina, you always take more on yourself than—”

  “But, fuck no, Shig. As a screw-you to Demon, I bent down and pumped as much Rocket and Rork TriNA as I could into the guy’s mouth. Never gave him a chance. So, what does that make me? A rapist? Same result. Just used saliva instead of semen.”

  “Talina, you—”

  “I’m guilty, Shig. Just like Tambuco. Remember him? You put a bullet in his head for raping Angie Feister. Want my pistol? Might as well shoot me right here in front of everyone. Set the precedent for tongue rape.”

  She felt the self-loathing build.

  Demon hissed, “Yesss. Reap your reward, killer.”

  If it hadn’t been Demon, she might have agreed with the thing.

  “It was the only logical thing to do,” Rocket insisted from her shoulder.

  Talina closed her eyes, leaned forward, rubbed her face. “I really hate quetzals.”

  Shig lifted his wine, touched it to his lips. Set the glass back on the bar, looking just as full. “Talina, if you would listen to me instead of wallowing in self-pity and dukkha, we are all feeling our way here. So is Dek. Unlike the day when you were infected in that canyon out in the Blood Mountains, Dek chose his Tao knowing full well where it would lead. That he made the choice he did was partly based on Kylee and his fascination with Donovan, but it was partly based on you. He admired the way you and Kylee kept him, Kalico, and Muldare alive out in the bush. He worships you, you know. Me, I think the man would do anything to earn your respect.”

  “Oh, shit, Shig. He’s got it. For soft meat, crawling out of that canyon—”

  “I did not express myself well. He wants you to respect him as man worthy of a woman such as yourself.” A beat. “And perhaps there is a part of yourself that would give him that chance, even if it meant risking his life in the process.”

  “Excuse me?”

  Shig’s knowing gaze met hers. “I understand your fears, Talina. You live increasingly alone, ever more separated from the rest of us.”

  “Men don’t last long in my life.” She gestured around the room. “Besides, see these people? I’ve dedicated my life to keeping them alive. In the doing of it, I’ve committed acts that I’ll never atone for. I told the guy—and I meant it—that before I’d let Demon turn him into a monster, I’d put a bullet in his head. I know what kind of shit he’s facing. But for a sliver of luck, I came pretty close to disaster myself, if you’ll recall.”

  A weary smile bent Shig’s lips. “Then take him out in the bush while he comes to terms. Rork Springs worked for you. Two Falls Gap is another option, as is Wide Ridge Research Station up north.”

  “Aren’t you forgetting something? Kalico sets store by the guy. For all the distaste she had for him when he arrived, after that stint in the forest, they definitely have a rapprochement. You think I’m alone? So’s Kalico. And Dek’s her kind of people. He’s a Taglioni who can talk to her about all those fancy places, about people she knew back in Solar System. He comes from her world.”

  “You are correct. Kalico values Dek’s company, as he values hers. What you do not yet understand is that the future of their relationship is now set. They will be friends and colleagues and nothing more because Dek has embraced his bohdichittai. But, though in many ways he has become a Siddhartha, you remain his arhat. He made that commitment when he shared blood with Flute. Once a Tao is set, there is no other path that one can walk.”

  “I swear to God, Shig, there are times your Hindu crap makes me want to hit myself in the head with a hammer.”

  “What I just told you was Buddhist crap.” He considered her thoughtfully. “Talina. I never forget that you have a young soul, but so does Dek. He is unaware that he came here to sell water by the river. Like you, he is a tamas-filled young warrior seeking to leave the karma of his old self behind and discover his true dharma. To do so, he has already surrendered himself to Donovan. And you.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know. What you just said was Hindu.” She gave him a sly smile. “Sorry to steal your thunder. You get an unhealthy charge out of correcting me. Given your enjoyment of such childish pleasures, maybe your soul isn’t such an old and holy arhat after all.” A pause. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I had no right to shoot all that TriNA into Dek. Should have been his choice. Especially after it was my doing that infected him with Demon in the first place. I just made the problem worse.”

  This time Shig sipped his wine when he lifted it to his lips. Took a moment to work it over his tongue. After savoring it, he finally swallowed. “Not Inga’s best,” he declared. “I’d heard she had a new petit sirah. I should have asked for her old cask of cabernet if she has any left.”

  “Shig, seriously, what do I do about Dek?”

  “There is nothing in the universe which does not either float or sink that remains the same over the course of its existence. You are changing, Talina. Perhaps you should allow Dek to help you over the rougher challenges of your own Tao.”

  She slapped the bar with the flat of her hand. “I came in here wanting to kill something. Don’t drive me to it.”

  “Would you seriously feel better if you walked down the bar and shot Hofer? I’ve seen you glance his way every time he mouths off. Come tomorrow, after the tamas has dulled, will you awaken refreshed that you maimed or killed him?”

  “Well . . . you never know. It is Hofer, after all. If he wasn’t such a damn fine builder, maybe no one would miss him.”

  “There is that. Now, how about we finish our drinks over amiable conversation. After which, you will go home and ensure that Derek Taglioni hasn’t come to grief in your absence. I give you permission to find out what Dek means to you, especially since I know what you already mean to him.”

  “He didn’t share blood with Flute just to make me love him.”

  “No. There is Donovan, and Kylee, and the Briggses, all of whom figure into his calculus, but ultimately, he knew it was the only way that you would ever take him seriously.” Shig raised a hand. “Wait, I know where that’s going to take you. And it will be a mistaken assumption. The Dek Taglioni I know fully understood that there was no implied obligation on your part. He still would have gone through with the infection and suffered the consequences because he wants to be part of this place.”

  “You always did have a soft spot for him.”

  Shig lifted his wine, smiled, and took a swallow. “Fortunately, that soft spot is something I don’t have to trip over like some obstacle in the path the way you seem to.”

  25

  For a woman who had come across as broken and dispirited, Michaela Hailwood must have reached down inside herself and fou
nd some hidden reserve. Probably that core personality that had managed to get her appointed to the Donovan mission in the first place.

  From a chair off to the side, Kalico sat like a spectator as Hailwood stood before the rest of her team. They sat at their accustomed spots in the cafeteria, apparently ready to hear anything but what Michaela was telling them.

  “This is it, people,” Hailwood’s voice was steady now, resolution in her eyes. “So, we’ve had our first casualty. Someone we all loved, cherished, and relied on. And now we’ve had the time to mourn, to assess, and wonder what comes next.

  “I’m the Director, appointed by the Board, and I have the support of Board Supervisor Aguila. My decision is that we go back to work with the realization that we are going to have to make some adjustments to our methodology. But we are going back to work, nonetheless.”

  Kalico monitored the stirring in the audience, the hooded and shared glances, the shifting and uneasy postures.

  Hailwood continued, not missing a beat. “We have to be smart, people. We have to find another way to do our jobs because that’s the only option open to us. Since we set foot dirtside, we’ve run smack into a new set of rules, a different way of living. Some of you may have heard this phrase when we were in Port Authority: ‘People come to Donovan to leave, to find themselves, or to die.’”

  The shifting intensified, the expressions reflecting frustration, confusion, or dismay, as people looked back and forth.

  “Me, I’m not here to die, so I guess that puts me in the position of finding out who I am. Just to remind myself—and you—I’m the Science Director of the Maritime Unit. That means I’m here to study Donovan’s oceans. As are you.”

  “Deadly oceans, you mean,” Bryan Atumbo called.

  Kalico remembered that he was a UUV Tech Level I with a pilot rating for the subs, seatrucks, and UUVs.

  Hailwood clasped her hands before her. “Deadly oceans. Correct. I would have thought that after what happened to Shin, that fact would be so apparent no one would have to be reminded. Perhaps I’m wrong.”

  “We know,” Yoshimura called in a low but firm voice. “Go on, Michaela.”

  Hailwood studied her people for a moment, making eye contact one by one. “Like the Supervisor said, on Donovan you have to face reality. Some of us are going to die. Doesn’t matter if it’s here at the Pod, or on the mainland at Corporate Mine. And if you are thinking of Port Authority, I would remind you that the day after we shipped out to the Pod, they had a quetzal raid where some of the beasts got inside the wire. Killed a couple of people.”

  Casey Stoner called out, “This is not making us feel better, Michaela. I’ve got two kids here.” To emphasize her point, she lifted the blanket with two-month-old Saleen. “One way, I don’t want my kids growing up without a mom. Another, I don’t want to end up crying over their dead bodies or knowing that some thing killed and ate them. I thought we were past that when we got away from the Unreconciled.”

  “Here, here,” Jaim Elvridge muttered.

  Hailwood gave the woman a sagacious nod. “Fair enough. If you don’t want to do the work that you signed up for, that’s a contractual matter.” She turned. “Supervisor, are you willing to entertain any of my people who want to renegotiate their contracts?”

  “According to Corporate contract law, they have that right,” Kalico agreed. “As the appointed Board Supervisor, I am vested with authority to reassign anyone under contract to a different occupation on an as-needed basis. Should any of your people wish to pursue that option, it will come as welcome news to a lot of my crew at Corporate Mine. I have people looking to advance from their current positions as kitchen help, sweeping floors, cleaning the bathrooms, working the fields, and some of the other chores. By stepping into those positions, your people will free mine for promotion.”

  Tobi Ruto asked, “What about if we want to break contract? I heard about people at Port Authority who’d done that.”

  “You remember the penalty clause?” Kalico asked. “You will be required to repay the entire cost of your transportation to Donovan as well as reimburse The Corporation for any training that you might have received at Corporate expense. The upside is that there’s wealth aplenty out in the bush. The downside is that soft meat rarely makes it more than a couple of hours before a quetzal, bem, slug, or thorncactus gets them. And remember, assuming you know how to survive alone out in the bush, Port Authority is a market economy. Your food, lodging, clothing, weapons, and drink have to be paid for in Port Authority SDRs. The last time you were there, Corporate Mine covered your costs. This time, you’ll be on your own.”

  Kalico paused for effect, then added, “Oh, and if you are breaking contract, you will have to negotiate your own transportation from the Pod to the mainland. Neither the Director, nor I will be obligated to get you there.”

  Michaela spread her arms. “People, I keep coming back to the fact that we’re here. That’s just the way it is. Yes, it’s dangerous. Yes, we’re going to lose more of us over the coming months. But the best chance we have is with each other. We’re family. Bonded by all those years of privation on Ashanti. This is what we’ve trained for. Not sweeping out barracks or being eaten in the bush while we look for gold.”

  Michaela let them chew on that for a moment before stating, “As your Director, here’s what we’re going to do: Tonight we’re going to occupy ourselves by rethinking survey protocol and methodology. Determine how can we do our jobs with the least amount of risk.”

  Kevina Schwantz asked, “What about the BMT? That huge thing that I saw eat a torpedo. What do we do about creatures like that out in open water? It was plenty big enough to have destroyed the launch if it had had the chance and motive. Looking back, I think Felix and I were lucky to get back alive.”

  Hailwood clapped her hands together for emphasis, side stepped, and replied, “Jaim, you’re a design engineer. Any ideas? Maybe a harpoon? Depth charge?”

  “We have plenty of explosives at Corporate Mine,” Kalico offered. “Jaim, you might have Dik Dharman hook you up with Ghosh and Stryski at the mine. If you want, you can work with them and Tyrell Lawson at PA. If you need Lawson to fabricate some kind of device, we’ll work out any compensation through Corporate Mine’s account.”

  Yoshimura raised his hands. “Wait a minute. We’re here less than a month, and we’re already talking about exterminating creatures? Essentially going to war with the planet? Doesn’t this sound a lot like what we did to Earth? How we ended up precipitating one of the largest mass extinctions in the planet’s history?”

  Michaela glanced at Kalico. “Supervisor? Do you have any thoughts regarding this?”

  Kalico stood. “Conservationists and evolutionists fought this battle back on Earth. I really don’t care about the philosophical aspects. Our problem is this: If we’re going to learn anything about Donovan, we have to be alive to do it. Most of you heard about Dortmund Weisbacher’s brief sojourn dirtside. His conclusion was that the damage was already done. That humans had unleashed a maelstrom of ecological disaster. In the end, it turned out that Donovan is more than capable of holding its own. For the time being, if we have to kill BMTs, scimitars, or any other predators to keep ourselves alive, we’ll do it. The number of predators Maritime Unit’s presence will kill for our own preservation isn’t going to trigger any extinctions. Instead, the research you people do will lead to a long-term understanding of the ecosystem that will eventually allow humans and Donovanian predators to coexist. But that’s up to you and how well you do your jobs.”

  “So,” Lara Sanz asked, “this is it?” She gestured at the room. “The length and breadth of our existence? Just this Pod? I mean, it’s barely been a month, but I’m asking myself if I can stand being stuck inside here for another week, let alone years. The feeling of freedom I felt after getting the hell out of Ashanti has already vanished. What about those promised rotations to Port Au
thority? When is that going to happen?”

  Michaela pitched it to Kalico with a questioning look.

  Kalico pitched if back, saying, “Director, that’s your call. You work out the schedule. Our only problem is transportation back and forth. The A-7 can’t land on the Pod, and the seatrucks are limited in range. My thought is to create a waystation on the mainland beach. That’s a five-hundred-kilometer hop across the Gulf in the seatruck. We can send an airtruck from PA for the second leg of the journey. If we put a recharging station at the way point, the seatruck can recharge for the trip back. Meanwhile, while you’re in PA, you can stay at the Corporate barracks. I’ll provide you with an allowance of SDRs so you can cover any other costs.”

  Hailwood looked out at her people. “We’ll begin rotations at the end of the week. Meanwhile, that’s it. We’re going to work so that we can do what we came here to do. If that doesn’t suit you, see the Supervisor for reassignment to Corporate Mine.” A pause. “Now, let’s get at it, people. I want suggestions for revised research methodologies by 17:00 hours.”

  Kalico watched the men and women getting to their feet, heard them ask each other: “What are you going to do?” “You happy with this?” “What if it goes wrong?” and “This is not what I signed up for.” “When did Michaela get so hard?”

  A few stopped to ask Michaela questions and then filed out, leaving her alone with Kalico.

  “What do you think?” the Director asked.

  “I think they’ll stick,” Kalico told her. “Your job is to give them a direction and keep them focused. Once they sink their teeth into solving the problem, half of your troubles will vanish. Rotations to PA will help. Rubbing elbows with Donovanians tends to scuff off any romantic illusions about the bush.”

  “I sure hope you’re wrong about losing more of my people.”