Losing Faith

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Losing Faith Page 19

by Scotty Cade


  Abel wanted to go to him, but his feet felt like lead. He couldn’t move. He wanted his arms around Cullen, but he was too terrified to go to him.

  The dockhand took the unsecured bowline from Abel’s hand, wrapped it around the cleat, and walked back to Cullen. “Can I help you with the electric and water?”

  “No, thanks. I’ve got it.” Cullen handed the man something, probably a tip, and the man said thanks and hurried away to assist the next boater.

  Cullen found Abel’s eyes again, and they held each other’s gaze for a very long moment.

  Cullen was the first to speak. “I thought I’d lost you.”

  Abel found the will to take one step closer to Cullen. “Not a chance.”

  Cullen matched his step. “But Agnes said you sent her to ask me to leave Southport.”

  Abel took another step, lessening the gap between them still more. “She lied. I could never ask you to leave. I love you too much for that.”

  Cullen matched his step again.

  “But Agnes said Pastor Williams drove you upstate for conversion therapy.”

  “She lied again. I never left Southport until I followed you here.”

  One last step and Abel launched himself into Cullen’s arms. Burying his face in Cullen’s neck, Abel inhaled deeply. Home.

  Cullen lifted Abel off of the ground and spun him around. When he next spoke, his voice was low and full of disdain. “We were played, Abel.”

  “It appears that way,” Abel said. “But they gambled and lost. And they’ll answer for it someday.”

  “Can we get off this dock now?”

  “Please,” Abel said.

  “I need to hook up the water and the power before we run the batteries down. Wanna help?”

  “Aye, aye, Captain.” Abel brought his hand to his forehead in a mock salute.

  Cullen’s laugh was as hearty a laugh as Abel had ever heard escape the man’s lips, and it warmed him to his core.

  Minutes later both men kicked off their shoes, and Abel climbed down the stairs to the saloon with Cullen right behind him.

  “Abel.” Cullen grabbed Abel by the arm and spun him around. He covered Abel’s lips in a crushing kiss, and when he moaned against Abel’s mouth, Abel opened to him. Cullen’s kiss was insatiable. He tasted like everything Abel loved in this world. Everything Abel would ever need.

  Abel was still in the same clothes he’d worn to church the day before, his tie now hanging loosely around his neck. As Cullen kissed him, Abel felt Cullen’s hand sliding the tie through his shirt collar and tossing it aside. Cullen ripped Abel’s dress shirt apart at the chest, and Abel heard buttons ricochet against windows and cabinetry. Cullen broke their kiss just long enough to pull Abel’s white T-shirt over his head.

  “Don’t.” Cullen kissed him again. “Ever.” Another kiss. “Leave.” A third kiss. “Me.”

  “I want to explain,” Abel whispered.

  “Later!”

  Cullen pulled his sweatshirt over his head, took Abel by the hand, and led him to his cabin. When they stepped through the door, Cullen spun Abel around and pinned him to the door. “I need you, Abel. I want you to claim me. I want you inside me.”

  Abel spun Cullen around, raised Cullen’s arms over his head, and held his wrists tightly, pinning him against the door. When their lips met again, they both gasped into each other’s mouths. The warmth and wetness drove Abel mad with desire.

  He’d wanted this. Waited for this. But Cullen had never seemed ready. Abel had always thought Cole had claimed that part of Cullen and had taken it with him, but now Cullen was asking him for it. Needing it from him. And begging him for it.

  Abel broke their kiss, and Cullen moaned in protest. But Abel ignored him and licked his way down Cullen’s chin to his neck, where he delivered soft wet kisses over his shoulder before lowering his attentions and burying his face in Cullen’s warm armpit, first one and then the other, inhaling and licking the scent he so desperately craved.

  Focusing his kisses elsewhere, Abel dropped even lower to Cullen’s chest. There he teased Cullen’s nipples, biting and sucking, drawing gasps from Cullen and then licking and soothing away the obvious sting. Releasing Cullen’s wrists, Abel dropped lower and licked his way down Cullen’s torso, following the line of hair that always intrigued him until he was on his knees and face to face with the bulge in Cullen’s jeans.

  Abel slapped his hand on top of Cullen’s bulge and squeezed it tightly, grabbing Cullen’s ass with his other hand and kneading it. Abel’s tongue was lodged inside of Cullen’s navel as he worked Cullen from both ends until Cullen was gyrating and trembling beneath his touch.

  Cullen sucked in a ragged breath when Abel snaked his hand down the front of Cullen’s jeans and rubbed the moist head of Cullen’s cock with the tip of a callused finger. Cullen stiffened, and his cock jumped at Abel’s touch. Cullen grew visibly harder as Abel released the buttons of his fly one at a time, until Cullen’s jeans were hanging open and the outline of Cullen’s length was visible through his black boxer briefs.

  Abel yanked Cullen’s jeans to his ankles, and Cullen stepped out of them and kicked them to the side. Abel stood and, in a herculean move that surprised even him, lifted Cullen’s six-foot two-inch frame into his arms like he was a ragdoll and carried him to the bed.

  When Abel set Cullen down on the bed, Cullen’s eyes were wide with obvious surprise. He smiled at Abel and shook his head.

  “You continue to amaze me,” Cullen whispered.

  “And I intend on doing that for the rest of our lives.”

  Cullen sat up and pulled Abel between his open legs. He unbuckled Abel’s belt, unfastened his black dress pants, and let them fall to the floor. Abel stepped out of his pants and brought a foot up to remove his sock when Cullen slapped his hand away. “Me.”

  Abel laughed quietly as Cullen peeled his black sock off and tossed it to the floor and then lifted the other foot and did the same. Clad in nothing now but his underwear, Abel shoved Cullen to his back and straddled Cullen’s chest.

  Cullen pulled the waistband of Abel’s briefs down, exposing Abel’s hard length, the head already glistening with his excitement. He stuck his tongue out and licked the juice lingering there, earning a loud gasp from Abel. Abel lifted up to his knees, and Cullen pulled Abel’s underwear as far down as he could, Abel giving him clear access to what he seemed to want so desperately.

  Cullen swallowed Abel to the back of his throat and held him there, Abel trembling from the sensation, and then slid his mouth back up and down again, taking Abel’s breath away. Cullen squeezed and juggled Abel’s balls with one hand while he worked his mouth and hand up and down Abel’s length over and over, until Abel felt his balls tightening and pulled away before he lost his release on the spot.

  Abel slid down the bed and knelt between Cullen’s legs. He pulled Cullen’s underwear down and off and buried his face in Cullen’s crotch. Cullen’s masculine scent filled his nostrils to capacity, the scent seemingly even more intense than usual. He took Cullen into his mouth and worked him up and down, focusing on the sensitive area under the head, stopping only to suck and nibble on Cullen’s balls, tossing them around in his mouth and releasing them.

  Abel hadn’t been sexually active for all that long, but he was a quick learner. He’d been trying to master everything Cullen had done to him during the first few times they’d been together, and with each encounter, he felt more and more confident in his abilities. But he was about to embark on a totally new experience. He’d never been inside anyone before, and he was a little bit nervous. Cullen had been so patient with him, and he kept telling himself that all he could do was to try his best to remember everything Cullen had done, and he would be okay. Maybe not perfect, but okay.

  Cullen must have sensed his apprehension. “Stop worrying. I can see it in your eyes.”

  “Sorry,” Abel said. “I want this to be good for you.”

  “It will be good for me because it’s you,
Abel. You are good for me.”

  With Cullen’s words, Abel felt a new sense of confidence. He lifted Cullen’s legs over his head, and Cullen took them from there. Abel used both his hands to hold Cullen’s cheeks apart and ran his tongue over Cullen’s opening. The taste was so sweet, Abel couldn’t help but linger—licking, probing, and sucking, and then doing it all over again. Abel’s actions were relaxing Cullen. He could feel Cullen loosening up with each probe of his tongue.

  Abel licked his index finger and pressed it against Cullen’s hole. Cullen moaned and shuddered under him. He took that as a sign and pushed his finger in just until he felt resistance, and then he retreated. Cullen bucked and pushed against him, so Abel pressed all the way in, past the muscle and as far as his finger would go. He pulled out just a little and moved his finger around, searching for the little bump that every time Cullen rubbed against inside him drove him absolutely crazy. He moved his finger a couple more times and felt it at the same time as Cullen hissed and arched his back.

  “Oh my God,” Cullen said as Abel moved his finger back and forth over the little bump that was the prostate.

  Cullen whimpered and gasped as he squirmed under Abel’s attentions. As Abel fingered Cullen, he watched his expression of absolute abandon, and he knew Cullen was truly giving himself over to him. And Abel loved the sounds escaping Cullen’s lips, driving him ever so close to his own release.

  Withdrawing his finger, Abel laughed at Cullen’s moans of protest. “Where’s the lubricant, Mr. Impatient?”

  “In the drawer,” Cullen said in a rich but hoarse voice that didn’t sound like his own.

  Abel found what he was after and squeezed some lube onto his fingers. He warmed the liquid and then rubbed it generously around Cullen’s opening, making sure he was slick with the stuff. Then Abel gingerly slid two fingers inside Cullen and again honed in on that special spot. When Abel found it this time, he wiggled his two fingers, and Cullen wailed, threw his head back, and literally came up off of the bed.

  “Oh God, Abel. Need–you–in–side–me–now.”

  Abel withdrew his fingers, made sure his dick was slick with lube, and stared down nervously at the hole he was about to violate. Without any further hesitation, Abel pressed his length against Cullen’s opening and pushed in slowly. Cullen hissed, rested his legs on Abel’s shoulders, and dropped his arms to Abel’s thighs, where he momentarily held him at bay. The instant Abel felt Cullen’s warm heat gripping him, he had to fight the urge to shove all the way in. But he knew he needed to give Cullen time to adjust to the intrusion.

  Cullen sighed deeply and pulled Abel in a little deeper. A few more movements and Abel looked down to find he was totally sheathed inside Cullen’s tight ass. With Cullen’s encouragement, Abel withdrew slowly and then pushed back inside in several slow delicious thrusts. Abel needed to see better. To see more. He rose up onto his knees and took Cullen by the ankles. He held Cullen’s legs up and apart and watched himself moving in, his length totally disappearing inside of Cullen and then reappearing.

  Taking himself in hand, Cullen mirrored Abel’s movement. When Abel looked at Cullen again, his eyes were closed and his head was thrown back in complete abandon.

  As Abel steadily moved in and out of him, he could feel Cullen’s hot, velvety insides surrounding him, encompassing him with each thrust. The way they fit together, the way Cullen’s body gripped him, made Abel intensely aware of just how much he loved the man. Abel felt like Cullen was plundering his heart, and to see this look on Cullen’s face again and again, he would gladly let him have it.

  Abel knew at that moment he would protect Cullen at all costs. He was so worth protecting. Worth fighting for. They were worth fighting for.

  Feeling his release start at the tip of his toes, Abel picked up his pace. “Cullen!”

  “Let it go, baby. I want to feel your release inside me. Mark me. Make me your own.”

  With those words pushing him over the edge, Abel quickened his thrusts and lost all conscious thought. At that exact moment in time, he chose to let go of every bad thing that had ever happened to him in his life. He released it all to God and the universe and then, for the first time as his release coursed through him, gave in to the waves of sweet pleasure unobstructed by old dark memories.

  He was pumping feverishly when the sound of Cullen’s moans brought him back to reality. A reality that was somehow different now. New. Clean. And no longer soiled like it had been before this revelation.

  Cullen’s free hand was guiding him, pulling him in deeper and harder until his own release was covering his chest and abdomen in long, drawn-out spasms. When they were both drained and exhausted, Abel slid out of Cullen and collapsed at his side.

  Still breathing heavily, Abel got up and retrieved a warm cloth. He cleaned Cullen from top to bottom, then crawled back into bed and snuggled up against him.

  “You were incredible,” Cullen said. “That was one of the most intense experiences of my life.”

  “Somehow all this has changed me,” Abel admitted.

  Cullen rose up on his elbow and rested his head in his hand. “How so?”

  “I’m not totally sure, but I just know I’m different. All the unfortunate things that have happened to me in my life—things that I’ve held on to forever—are fading away. Almost like I’ve released them somehow. I no longer feel dirty and ashamed of who I was, who I am. The unwanted, insecure kid with no family. It’s all going away, and I have you to thank for that. You awakened me, Cullen. I was too afraid to say it before now, but I love you, Cullen Kiley.”

  Cullen pulled Abel close to him. “I’m ashamed to say I’ve been such a coward. I’ve been too afraid to admit things to you, to myself even, fearing that having feelings for you meant they would replace the love I had for Cole. But no more. Now I know God and Cole had a hand in all of this. In my dreams Cole handed me off to you. Not just because you needed me, but because I also needed you. You say I awakened you? Abel, you have single-handedly renewed my faith in God and literally brought me back to the land of the living, and I will love you forever for it.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  CULLEN AND Abel were sitting side by side on the couch, feet propped up on an ottoman, sipping bourbon and listening to a little music.

  “So let me get this straight,” Abel said. “Agnes out and out lied to you and said I sent her to ask you to leave town while at the same time her husband and his cronies were holding me hostage and trying to convince me to submit to conversion therapy?”

  “And we’re the sinners?” Cullen chuckled.

  “Apparently.” Abel took a sip of his bourbon, something for which he was acquiring quite a taste, and swirled it around in his mouth. He swallowed. “Oh man, I forgot to tell you this.”

  “What?”

  “After I’d packed my car and was about to leave the church residence, I ran into my neighbor Dottie. She asked if I was leaving and if so, why. For the first time in my life, I said the words. ‘Because I’m gay.’ She blew a gasket.”

  “Bigoted old woman,” Cullen cursed.

  “No. She was on my side,” Abel clarified. “She didn’t want me to go and said she knew more than half the church would stand up for me if I wanted to stay. Apparently a large part of the congregation hates the Williamses.”

  “Get out,” Cullen said. “Seriously?”

  “Dottie says the pastor and the missus are not what they appear to be.” Abel filled Cullen in on everything Dottie had told him.

  “That two-faced old…,” Cullen said. “She’s cheating on her poor impotent husband, and she says we’re gonna burn in hell?”

  Abel frowned. “God will repay each person according to what they have done.”

  “Romans 2:6,” Cullen said.

  “You’re good.” Abel squeezed Cullen’s knee. “But you know the thing Dottie said that shocked me more than anything?”

  “What’s that?”

  “The fact that more than half the c
hurch would have stood up for me. More than half, Cullen! That’s huge.”

  “That’s a testament to you and the way you’ve reached people there.” Cullen laid his hand over Abel’s heart. “I think the world is changing, Abel. Even for the Southern Baptists. Hatred is taught, and the teachers, the old-timers, are dying off. And they’re taking the fire and brimstone with them. As young people find the church, they bring with them an openness to love others unconditionally. And in my opinion, that will in itself have a big impact on all religions.”

  “I hope you’re right.”

  “Would you want to go back? To your old position, I mean?”

  “Absolutely not. If I did, we would need to hide our love, and I won’t do that. We can’t live in a bubble. I love you, and I want the world to know it.”

  Just then Cullen heard Tracy Byrd’s voice filling the saloon with one of his favorite songs on his playlist. It was about a man thanking the keeper of the stars for bringing him the person he loved and joining their two hearts. Cullen held up his glass for a toast. “To the keeper of the stars, for bringing our two hearts together. I love you, Abel.” Cullen stood and offered his hand. “Dance with me.”

  Abel hesitated. “I don’t know how.”

  “You mean you’ve never danced before?”

  Abel shrugged. “It’s frowned upon in my religion.”

  “And how do you feel about that?” Cullen asked.

  “Well, I’ve never seen any verse that prohibits dancing. In fact, just the opposite. David and Moses ‘danced for joy’ in the Bible. And one particular verse I remember was in Psalms. ‘Let them praise His name with the dance: Let them sing praises to Him with the timbrel and harp.’”

  Cullen nodded. “And don’t forget 2 Samuel 6:14, ‘Then David danced before the Lord with all his might,’” Cullen added. “Hell, there are at least six I can think of off the top of my head that mention dancing favorably.” Cullen still had his hand out. “So will you?”

  “If you don’t make fun of me,” Abel said, getting to his feet.

 

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