It Was Always You

by Johnston, Andrea

  xo

  Ally

  After reading the e-mail, I hit send and set my laptop aside. Settling into the pillows, I turn off the beside lamp and close my eyes. Visions of Drew Collins staring into my eyes my last thought before I welcome sleep.

  Chapter 20

  Drew

  My level of exhaustion today is at an ultimate high. I doubt there is enough caffeine in the world to keep me going. There’s nobody else to blame for my condition but myself. The last three nights have been restless as I toss and turn, unable to sleep with thoughts of Ally filling my mind.

  That kiss was a mistake. I should never have touched her like that, blurred the line between friendship and more. She deserves better than me. Better than rolling around in the grass making out.

  Of course, according to what she confessed to D, she didn’t mind it at all. The best kiss of my life. How is that possible? What kind of losers has she been dating?

  Just thinking of her dating anyone let alone a guy who hasn’t made her feel like a million bucks does nothing but raise my blood pressure as I pour the steaming coffee in my travel mug. The sun is barely making its appearance outside and I’m already irritated. It’s going to be a long day.

  Leaning against the counter, I take a tentative sip of my coffee and try to let the idea of Ally with other guys roll off my back. It doesn’t help that her e-mail and text messages each sit without a reply. I hate that I’m avoiding her, but I don’t know what to say.

  Does D tell her that she should pursue whatever feelings she’s having for her best friend or should he look out for her and tell her she should avoid the loser at all costs? The problem is, I don’t want her to avoid me.

  I’m not prepared to address the emotions she’s stirring inside me. Need, want, and desire. For her and for what we could be together. Best friends again or perhaps more. It’s all there for us. From the foundation of our friendship as kids to the way we’ve connected in the short time we’ve spent together.

  Deep down I know I can trust her. Ally won’t judge me for the mistakes I’ve made, the way I’ve lived my life. She’ll listen to me and probably tell me to get over it and make the most of the life I have.

  “Morning, kid.” Gary is the opposite of me this morning. One thing I’ve noticed since I’ve been back is that he is absolutely a morning person. He greets each morning with a smile and too much pep in his step. Normally it doesn’t bother me but today on minimal sleep, it’s grating.

  “Mornin’.”

  “Ouch, someone is grumpy. Not sleeping well?” He eyes me over his cup of coffee. Shaking my head, I set my cup down and go about making breakfast for us while he sits at the table with the paper.

  With the eggs fried and toast buttered, I set his plate down in front of him and take the seat opposite him. As we eat and sip our coffee, my mood shifts and some of the tension I woke with lessens. I need to suck it up and grow a pair. Before the day is over I’ll respond to Ally. I would do it now but with my luck, she’s the kind of person who doesn’t silence her devices and would probably have a heart attack receiving a notification this early.

  I don’t realize I’ve laughed at the thought until Gary asks, “You telling yourself jokes?”

  “Of course. You know I’m hilarious.”

  “Yeah, that was my exact thought when you greeted me with a scowl this morning. I must say, I prefer hearing a laugh over a growl.”

  “I don’t growl.”

  Clicking his tongue in disagreement, Gary folds his paper and sets it aside before standing and clearing our plates. I don’t say anything while he rinses the dishes and places them in the dishwasher. He’s quiet, going about the task routinely. I remember moments like this when I was a kid. Thinking moments is what he called them. My mom used a lot of words, always filling the silence. When it was just us, tinkering in the garage or throwing our poles in the water after dinner, he would tell me a lot can be learned by embracing the silence. “When it’s silent, your heart speaks for you.”

  So I embrace the silence and listen to my heart. I need to speak to Ally. Explain everything to her. Not only about me being D but also about how that kiss was the best of my life too. How I have thought of nothing but her since she first whispered to me. That I feel like me again when I’m with her.

  Standing up, I walk behind Gary and grip his shoulder. “Thanks for the talk, Dad.” As I say the word dad, my voice cracks.

  Turning around, he pulls me into a hug. This isn’t a smack each other on the back hug or one I would have with a buddy after not seeing him for a long time. Instead, it’s one between a father and son. Gary Nelson may not have a genetic tie to me, but he’s shown me in these weeks how much he cares.

  “Enough of that shit,” he says quietly, clearing his throat of emotions. “We’ve got a full day of work. Besides, I’m guessing you’ve worked out a few things about that girl of yours and have some things to do after we close up.”

  I open my mouth to deny she’s my girl when he smiles and leaves me standing alone with the words on the tip of my tongue.

  Gary’s words from this morning prick at me all day. Your girl. I have no business tossing that phrase around in my head. Yet, I do like the sound of it. I want to ask him what gossip Ally and I have fueled, but we’ve only stopped long enough to shove a burrito down our throat midday. There’s no time for a discussion on the Pickerton Grove gossip. I must admit, I’m curious. Are we engaged? Expecting triplets? Flying to the moon? It’s really anyone’s guess.

  By the time I finish my fourth oil change of the day, Gary drops the hood on a sedan that is probably as old as I am. It occurs to me that he’s likely been working on that car since its owners drove it off the lot. That’s kind of cool. It isn’t something you’d experience in a big city, or even larger town.

  “Hey Drew, do me a favor?” he asks as I close the drawer on my toolbox.

  “Yep.”

  “Close up, will ya? I’m going to head out early.”

  “Sure but how are you—?”

  My question is cut short when a small SUV pulls into the drive, parking in front of the office. A woman exits the car and the moment she sees Gary, a huge smile lights up her face. She practically runs into his arms. His very dirty and grimy arms. Yet, she doesn’t seem to mind as she squeals and giggles as he spins her around.

  After a kiss that makes me realize it doesn’t matter how old you are, seeing a parent kissing is awkward. I clear my throat. When they don’t separate, I do it again. Louder. Turning their heads, matching smiles on their faces, the woman says, “Hi.”

  Gary sets her on her feet, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “Drew, this is Jackie. Jackie, this is my son, Drew.”

  “Hi, Drew. It’s so nice to meet you,” Jackie says as she steps out of his hold and pulls me into a hug. “Sorry, I’m a hugger. I’ve heard a lot about you and am happy to have you home.”

  Confused, I look to Gary and then back at Jackie.

  “I take it your dad hasn’t told you about me.”

  “Honey, I haven’t not told him. Drew this is my girlfriend, Jackie. She’s a flight attendant and has been on a long stretch since you’ve been home.”

  “Long stretch is putting it mildly. I piggybacked an annual girls trip and a visit with my family on top of my regular shifts. I’m so ready for this time off. I’m not wearing a damn skirt or makeup for two weeks and going to love every minute of it.”

  In the few minutes I’ve known her, I already like Jackie. She’s funny and the way she described her plans, I’m guessing she’s pretty laid back. Plus, anyone who makes Gary smile like he is right now is good in my book.

  “I think I’m going to head out with Jackie. Stay at her place while she’s home. You know, if you wanted to have anyone over.”

  “I meant to ask you about that. What exactly have you heard?”

  Surprising me, it isn’t Gary who answers, it’s Jackie. “Well, rumor has it you and Ally Honeycutt have been spending time t
ogether, and it’s just a matter of time until you’re dropping to a knee with a ring.”

  Gary barks out a laugh as I gape at her in shock.

  “Huh, I just heard you guys were making out like a couple of teenagers. Nobody said anything to me about proposing.”

  Growling, I walk away leaving them both in hysterical laughter. When Gary calls my name telling me not to be mad, I wave my hand over my head and walk straight to the break room to change out of my clothes.

  Chapter 21

  Ally

  Three days and closing in on three nights since Drew kissed me. It’s also been just as long since I e-mailed D without a reply. Just a few months ago I had no men in my life and now I have two that seem to be ghosting me. If I was a stronger person I would laugh it off. It isn’t as though either are more than a friend, an acquaintance is more like it.

  Friends that kiss in Drew’s case. Gah, that kiss. Lifting my fingers to my lips, the feeling of his lips on mine is starting to fade but if I think hard, I can almost feel a ghost-like version of them. Here I go drifting off in thought again. It’s been like this every day and I’ve never been more grateful for a job that doesn’t require me to be around people. Plus, my clients have been very quiet this week as well so the distraction has gone undetected.

  “Are you daydreaming over there?” Granny’s voice startles me, and I jerk my hand away from my lips, almost tossing my laptop to the floor.

  “What? No. I was thinking. I have a job that requires thinking.” Yeah okay, Ally.

  “Now that Doctor Hotpants said I can move on my own, you should go out on the town. Kick up your heels. Buy yourself a drink.”

  Rolling my eyes, I close the laptop and set it aside, essentially ending my workday. Adjusting the messy bun atop my head, I pull my legs onto the couch, wiggling my toes and stretching my arms.

  “And, with whom would I do this heel kicking and drinking?”

  “Don’t play coy with me. Call Drew. Go out and do something. I’m fine.”

  “Yeah, I don’t think Drew wants to hang out with me.”

  Cackling, she shakes her head at me then says, “Word around town is you two were doing more than hanging out the other night. I still can’t believe I had to hear about your hookup from Beverly. You know she likes to one-up me with the town gossip; next time I expect the information firsthand.”

  Groaning, I throw my head back with dramatic flair. I still cannot believe someone saw Drew and me kissing. That tidbit of information spread like wildfire and to say I was mortified at breakfast the next morning would be an understatement. I swear Pickerton Grove is giving New York City a run for its money in the title of “The City that Never Sleeps.” How could the information about our little make out session make it around town from the time I crawled into bed until I stumbled into the kitchen for my first cup of coffee the next morning?

  “Well, I think you should call him. Take the initiative. Go be young and carefree. I’m fine, and I have your fur child to keep me company while I get some things done around here.”

  “Just because you have the green light to move around doesn’t mean you should be doing anything. You haven’t started physical therapy yet.”

  “I’m not going to paint the walls or do the tango, relax. I would like to cook my own dinner and take a blasted shower without you asking me if I’m alive every two minutes. I’ll be fine.”

  I know the doctor said she’s healing and didn’t require to be laid up anymore. She still can’t drive for at least another week, regardless, I don’t like the idea of leaving her alone. But, I know my granny and she’s going to do everything she can to push me out of the house. Besides, maybe she’s right. Since it’s obvious Drew has no plan to respond to a single text message or call me on his own, I’m going to need to take matters into my own hands. But first, a shower. If I’m going over there to either be ignored or told the other night was a mistake, I’m going to do it looking my best.

  I rush to my room and grab my robe before slipping into the bathroom for a quick shower. As I lather the shampoo into my hair, I contemplate my course of action. This is when Didi as my best friend comes in handy. I should call her, get her input and advice. Even though she and Joey have been together for years, she’s quite insightful when it comes to the male species.

  “No,” I grumble to myself. This is something I need to do on my own.

  Rinsing the shampoo from my hair, I pump the conditioner into my palm as I begin creating a list of points I want to make to Drew. Lists and a plan. That will make this less stressful and more bearable for me. First, why isn’t he responding to me? Second, can we kiss some more? Okay, maybe not the last one. Unless, of course, he offers.

  By the time I rinse my hair and body, I feel no more prepared for this conversation than I did when I stepped into this bathroom. My list stopped at two when I started thinking of him kissing me. I’m ridiculous and pathetic.

  Once I’ve dried my hair, I stand in front of the mirror and contemplate makeup. My afternoons outside have given me a bit of a tan, and while I don’t love my freckles, I’m not interested in hiding them tonight. Instead, I swipe on some mascara and add a little lip stain before calling it good. Tugging on a pair of cut-offs and a T-shirt I step into my flip-flops and head out before I have a chance to second guess my fashion choices.

  When I make it to the kitchen, I spy Granny standing over the stove, the snap and crackle of oil popping and the scent of her pork chops filling the air. My stomach announces my appearance as she turns to look at me.

  “You aren’t dressed for a night on the town.”

  “Granny, this is Pickerton Grove. A night out in this town is a burger and a milk shake at Hamburger Henry’s. That smells good, maybe I’ll eat before I—”

  My statement is cut off when my phone vibrates in my pocket.

  Drew: Hey Ally Cat. Have plans for dinner?

  I hate how happy his message makes me. I should ignore him like he did me and just show up at his house as planned. Of course I don’t do that.

  Me: Nope.

  Drew: Come on over.

  Me: Wow, is that how you woo all the ladies? No wonder you’re single.

  Me: WAIT. You ARE single, right?

  It hits me like a freight train. In the hours we’ve spent together, most of our conversations have been centered around me, our past, or the town. We haven’t touched on his past or even his present other than the fact that he’s working and living with his dad. He could be married with kids in another town for all I know. A sinking feeling in my gut has the seconds until his response comes through feel like a thousand years.

  Drew: So single it’s sad. Which is why I forgot my manners. Ally, would you like to come over for dinner?

  Me: Be there in 10

  “With a smile like that I guess you’ve made other plans.”

  Smiling at her, I shrug one shoulder and lean in to kiss her on the cheek. “Don’t push yourself too much and call me if you need me. I’ll just be at Drew’s.”

  Hip checking me, she practically pushes me out the door. Deciding to walk the short distance to the Nelson’s house, I head out the door and pass the car parked in the driveway. I feel better about the conversation I’m about to force on Drew now that he’s reached out.

  The evening is quiet, most families inside preparing for dinner. Drew and I used to walk this road daily, meeting halfway to head down to our favorite fishing spot. He didn’t like spending time at his house, saying my mom made the best lemonade and the tree in our yard was better for climbing. Looking back, I think it was less about being at my house and more about not being at his. Through my adult eyes, I see it clearer than I ever did as a kid. This time, walking toward his house, I know things are different.

  When I’m only a few feet from his driveway, I stop and realize I forgot to bring anything. My mother would be horrified to know I’ve been invited to dinner at someone’s home and didn’t bring even a bottle of wine. It’s too late now so I conti
nue my trek toward the house.

  Mr. Nelson has updated the front landscaping since the last time I was here, but the house looks the same. His truck is parked in the driveway and the house is lit up like it’s daytime. Every light in the house must be on. Something my dad would have an opinion on. Stepping to the front door, music wafts through the house so I knock loudly. When there’s no answer, I let myself in and follow the sounds of country music to the back of the house and the kitchen.

  I open my mouth to announce my greeting when I stop in my tracks, observing the man standing before me. His dark hair is damp from a recent shower, the ends curling just a bit at the nape of his neck. Barefoot, he’s dressed in a pair of loose-fitting shorts low on his hips and a T-shirt that emphasizes his toned and muscular body.

  My creep factor isn’t lost on me as I watch him work. He’s only sprinkling salt on steaks and yet, the simple task and the way he’s going about it triggers something in me. Something that is hitting me low in the belly with excitement.

  Uncertain of how to play this, I really wish D would have responded to my e-mail and offered me a bit of advice. What’s the point in having a guy friend if they don’t help you deal with guys? To say I feel like a fish out of water right now would be putting it lightly. I’m so far out of my comfort zone with Drew it’s not even funny. I just have to remind myself that in the end, he’s just Andy. The same Andy I used to climb trees with, daydream about life outside of our small town, and the first boy I ever loved.

  Instead of standing here like a creeper, watching him move about the kitchen, I wait until the end of the song, clear my throat, and knock on the door frame. He turns his head and the smile he offers me sends my stomach fluttering and pulse racing.

  I’m so screwed.

  Chapter 22

  Drew

  I heard her let herself into the house but when she didn’t speak I figured she was either going to sneak up on me or, well sneak up on me. It seems like something she would do. It’s why I only seasoned the steaks while she stood there instead of picking up a knife to slice vegetables. What I didn’t expect was to turn and find her staring at me. Not that I mind.