I Hate Goodbye (The Kihanna Saga)

by Amare, Mercy

  “What makes you think you can catch the person?” Ty asks. “This person isn’t stupid. They are probably watching you right now. They’re going to know about the cameras.”

  I hadn’t thought about that. “Well, since they know about the cameras, they won’t come to my room anymore.”

  I can tell Ty wants to say something else, but he just turns around in his seat.

  Gabe turns to me. “I hate to say this, but Ty is right. The stalker is going to know.”

  “So?”

  “So nothing. I just… wish there was a way to do it without the stalker knowing,” he says.

  “It’s impossible.” As much as I hate it, there is no getting away from my stalker. They’re always there, and I don’t even know how. I’ve never noticed a car following me before, and I’ve never noticed anybody creeping around me. I have no clue who this person is. Should I get some kind of a weird vibe from them? A chill? Something?

  Maybe I don’t notice anybody following me, because they’re sneaky. Plus, I’m not the most observant person in the world. But I should be. This is life and death. I have to pay better attention.

  “I want to start taking self-defense classes again,” I tell them. “It’s the only thing that saved Toby and me on Thanksgiving. I don’t want to be defenseless.”

  Gabe looks like he wants to protest, but he knows that I am right. I need to be able to defend myself.

  “I think it’s a great idea,” Toby says. “I will take the classes with you.”

  I smile at him. “Good.”

  “Count me in too,” Gabe says.

  “Me three,” Ty says. “I’ve always wanted to be a bad ass ninja.”

  “You really have no idea how embarrassing it was to be saved by my stepsister,” Toby says. “Next time, it will be me saving you.”

  “It doesn’t matter who does the saving,” Gabe says. “Just as long as Kihanna is safe, that is all that matters.”

  “No, that’s not true. I want the three of you to be safe too,” I tell him. “There has already been so much death — Nicholas and Jacqueline. And I know it’s not my fault. I wasn’t the one who killed them, but they are dead because of me.”

  Gabe shakes his head. “It’s not your fault.”

  “You can deny it all you want, but if they had never known me they would be alive right now,” I tell him “Nobody deserved what happened.”

  “Didn’t Jacqueline bully you?” Ty asks.

  “Yeah, but I didn’t want her to die,” I answer, then shake my head at him. “You were my boyfriend for three months, and you never once picked up on the fact that Jacqueline and I hated each other?”

  Ty shrugs. “I was too busy making sure that you weren’t cheating on me with my best friend.”

  “Well, maybe if you paid half as much attention to me as you did to Jacqueline Hoff then we’d still be together.”

  “Do you really want to debate our old relationship in front of your new boyfriend?” he asks.

  “I think that in front of Gabe is the perfect time. It was him that you went to for relationship advice, right? I mean, he knew more about me than you did.”

  “It wasn’t my fault that he was obsessed with my girlfriend.”

  “Ex-girlfriend,” I remind him. “Besides, given your history, I am sure you only dated me because you knew Gabe was interested.”

  “Hey, you were the one who dated me.”

  “Because I was stupid,” I say. “I had no idea that Gabriel was interested in me, and I was obviously stupid enough to believe that you loved me.”

  “I did love you,” he says softly. “I still do.”

  I hate the sincerity in his voice. I hate the look he’s giving me. It’s hard not to believe him right now, but I know he’s lying. Ty is manipulative. That’s just who he is, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s my friend now, and friends don’t fight over stupid stuff.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell him. “The past is the past. I’m with Gabriel now. Let’s just move forward.”

  “Okay. I’m sorry too.” Ty turns back around in his seat.

  Toby pulls into the parking lot, and the sick feeling returns. I am thankful for my fight with Ty, because for just a few minutes I forgot that my life was crappy.

  When the last petal falls, you will die, I think again in my head. If that was the truth, then I don’t have much longer to live.

  9:54 PM

  Cameras.

  After we get back from picking up the security cameras, Gabe installs the cameras. He explains the process as he goes along. I have no clue what he’s talking about, so I tune most of it out.

  “So the video just gets stored forever?” I ask.

  He nods. “Or until I delete it.”

  “And all the footage goes straight to your computer?”

  “Yes. I can watch it live or I can watch over the previously recorded stuff.”

  “Great,” I say sarcastically. “I’m not sure if I should be creeped out by this or not, but it’s weird. You will be able to see what I’m doing twenty-four seven.”

  Gabe laughs. “I won’t be watching. This is for security. We are going to catch this sick freak, and he or she is going to jail for a very long time. Then we will take the cameras out. Until then, maybe you could give me a little show.”

  I smack his arm. “No way, Gabriel.”

  “It was worth a shot,” he says. “So, I guess I will go home now, and I will see you tomorrow at school.”

  I can’t help the fear that washes over me. I don’t want to be left alone. “I am scared. I don’t want to die.”

  Gabe looks at the roses. We still haven’t moved them yet. He grabs them from my nightstand. “I’m taking these with me. You don’t need to look at them anymore.”

  “It doesn’t change the fact that they were here,” I tell him.

  He sets down the flowers and pulls me close to him. I love the feeling of his arms being around me — it’s exactly what I need at this moment. Gabriel makes me feel safe.

  “Do you think your mom will let you just move in with me?” I ask.

  “I wish. But I’m pretty sure your dad would have something to say about that,” he says. “I don’t think he likes me.”

  “He thinks our relationship is unhealthy,” I tell him. “Because we broke up and got back together so much.”

  “Someday we will be able to tell him the truth about what happened.”

  “I want to tell him sometimes so bad. He knows that something is going on, he just doesn’t know what. I plan on keeping it that way too. I have to keep my dad safe.”

  “Sometimes I think it would be better if we did tell,” he says. “Then the police could handle it.”

  “I know.”

  “So let’s tell your dad. Right now.”

  I bite my lip, contemplating it. I want to tell him right now, but something is holding me back. “How about this — if things are still bad when we get back from Hawaii, I will tell him.”

  “Deal.”

  After Gabe leaves, I can’t sleep. I know that the security cameras won’t actually keep my stalker away. Even all the security we have here can’t keep them away. We have a freaking security guard at the gate and a full staff. How do they keep getting by unnoticed?

  Finally, after tossing and turning for a few hours, I fall asleep.

  Wednesday, December 15

  6:53 AM

  If only it were that easy.

  When I wake up the next morning, I feel relief when there are no notes or flowers on my nightstand.

  I get out of bed and go to the bathroom to get a shower. Once I am out of the shower, I am about to blow-dry my hair when I notice something on my mirror. There is a note written in black lipstick.

  If only it were that easy to get rid of me.

  I back away from the mirror and into my room. I pull my phone away from the charger and I call Gabe. He answers on the second ring.

  “Hello.” His voice is groggy and I can tell that I
woke him up.

  “They got in,” I say with a shaky voice.

  “What?”

  “My stalker got in to my room. There was a message written in black lipstick on my bathroom mirror,” I tell him. “There is no way to get into my bathroom unless you go through my room.”

  “I’m on my way,” Gabe says.

  I sit on the edge of my bed, and then realize that I don’t want to be in here alone. I walk down to Toby’s room and knock. When he opens the door, he’s only wearing a pair of jeans.

  Toby looks good without a shirt on. He works out every day, so he has a six-pack, and his arms are toned. I can see why girls like him.

  “You’re wearing a towel,” Toby says with a huge smile on his face. I can literally feel his eyes as they look up my body.

  “I got another note,” I tell him.

  Toby’s face instantly goes from joking to serious. “Are you serious?”

  “Yes.”

  “Show me,” he says.

  Toby grabs a shirt and puts it over his head. He follows me to my room, and I show him my bathroom mirror.

  “So your stalker knows about the security cameras,” he says, running his hand through his hair. “But this is a good thing. If they came in, then we’ve got them. Whoever this is just gave us proof.”

  “Gabe is on his way over right now, so I guess we will find out.”

  “Okay,” Toby says. “You need to get ready for school. If you miss again, my mom and your dad will know something is up. Plus, Gabe doesn’t need to see you in that towel.”

  I roll my eyes. “I’m sure he’s already seen. He has a live stream of my bedroom. Besides, Gabriel has seen me naked, so it doesn’t matter.”

  “I’d still rather not see him lusting over my sister,” he says.

  “Whatever.” I grab my blow-dryer and brush. I go into my closet, because I can’t stand to look at the mirror in my bathroom for another second. I blow-dry my hair, fix my makeup, and get dressed. When I come out of my closet, Toby and Gabe are looking at my laptop. I walk up behind them.

  They are watching the videos on fast forward motion. It’s weird seeing me asleep.

  “I move a lot when I sleep.”

  “I’m sure you were just restless,” Toby says. “It’s kind of hard to sleep when you don’t know if you’re going to wake up again.”

  Gabe elbows him.

  Suddenly the screen goes blank.

  “What’s wrong with the video?” I ask.

  “I don’t know,” Gabe says. He pushes a few buttons, but nothing happens. After a few minutes, I am once again on the screen.

  “The video goes blank from two until two-thirty,” he says.

  “How?”

  “Well, your stalker is obviously smarter than we gave them credit for,” he answers. “The only way to turn off the video is from my computer.”

  “So they went to your room too?” I ask.

  “I don’t think that,” Gabe says. “There really wasn’t enough time for it. But they obviously hacked into my computer. They have to be really smart for that, you know how my dad is with computers.”

  “Breaking into a computer at Jack Johnson’s house is harder than breaking into a government computer,” Toby says.

  “Actually, it’s about the same,” Gabe says. “Whoever it is… they can’t be working alone. There is no way they could be doing all of this on their own.”

  “So you think more than one person wants to hurt me?” I ask.

  “Maybe,” he answers.

  “Or maybe they’re paying people off,” Toby says. “We already know the guy who killed Nicholas was a hit man.”

  “Why is this happening to me?” I ask. “What did I do to make them hate me so bad?”

  “Psychos really don’t need a reason,” Gabe says, shutting my MacBook. “We’ve got to go to school. Let’s just stop stressing out, and after school I will try to figure out who hacked my computer. It’ll take me a few days, but I can figure it out.”

  “Okay.” I take a deep breath, and force a smile as we walk out of my bedroom.

  It’s scary how good I am at lying now.

  7:47 AM

  Really dead.

  As Gabe walks me to my class, I see Kasbian.

  “Hey, what’s up?” I ask him.

  Kasbian looks at Gabe cautiously, and then back at me. “Not much,” he answers. “Just extremely ready for Christmas break. I’m excited to see some videos of Hawaii.”

  “What do you mean videos?” Gabe asks him. I can hear the accusation in his voice.

  “I haven’t actually told him,” I tell Kasbian, and then turn to Gabe. “I have a YouTube channel. I haven’t posted on there since I moved here, but I plan on getting back into it. I love photography and making videos. Kasbian found my videos online, and he’s been encouraging me to pick it back up.”

  “I didn’t know you two were so close.” Gabe is now glaring at me.

  I laugh. “You’re cute when you’re jealous. I am going to walk to class with Kasbian now. I’ll see you later.”

  Gabe smiles back. “Fine. But I want to see these videos.”

  He turns and walks off, so Kasbian and I walk toward our classroom.

  “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble,” he says.

  “I’m not in trouble,” I tell him. “Gabriel is just very…” I try and search for a word to describe him, but I can’t.

  “I get it,” Kasbian says. “If I was your boyfriend, I would be the same way. You’re a very beautiful girl.”

  “Thanks.” My face grows a little warm at his compliment.

  When we get to our class, Kasbian opens the door for me. “After you.”

  I smile and walk inside.

  I am about to head toward my desk, but the sight in front of me freezes me in my tracks.

  Jacquline Hoff is sitting at my desk… Or, her body is. She’s facing forward with a smile on her face. It’s like something straight out of a horror movie.

  “What the fuck?” I hear Kasbian, but I’m not paying attention to him.

  I let out the scream that I had been holding in, and I can’t help but think she’s really dead. Jacqueline Hoff is really dead. I mean, I knew it before now, but it didn’t seem real until this very second.

  I feel somebody pulling my arm, and I realize that it’s Kasbian. He’s trying to pull me into the hall… away from the body. I want to go with him, but I can’t move. My feet are frozen in place as I stare at Jacqueline. She’s wearing the same dress that she wore the night of homecoming. Her nails are done, and even her hair looks perfect. Her eyes are wide open, and her body is pale. I haven’t seen a dead body this close since I found my butler, Nicholas, murdered after Thanksgiving break.

  Finally arms go around my waist and pick me up. I kick my feet and scream. I’m worried that my stalker has grabbed me. What if they are going to kill me like they did Jacqueline? Once I’m in the hallway, my feet are once again on the ground, and Gabriel stands in front of me. He puts his hands on my face, and I begin to sob.

  “She’s dead,” I tell him, over and over again.

  Death isn’t supposed to come when you’re only seventeen. It’s not fair. Her life was stolen from her by a monster.

  “Kihanna, it’s going to be alright.” Gabe pulls me into his arms, and I cry into his shoulder. He holds me like that for a long time.

  There are people standing all around. I see Kasbian by the door. He shuts it so nobody else will have to see Jacqueline Hoff’s body. Soon teachers start coming. They ask what’s going on, and the cops are called.

  I found Jacqueline’s body, so I know I will have to give a statement. It seems like all I’m doing lately is giving statements to the cops. I am tired of it. I am tired of all the bad shit that keeps happening around me.

  Toby calls my dad and lets him know what’s going on, but all I can do is stand there. I feel absolutely numb. I know that what happened is because of me, and I don’t think that I will ever recover from t
his.

  “Gabe, I can’t handle this,” I tell him. “It’s too much. They’ve gone too far.”

  “I know,” he says, stroking my hair. “But you are going to be okay. We are going to be getting on a boat, and we are going to be a long way from here. They can’t hurt you while we’re in Hawaii.”

  “Do you really believe they aren’t capable of doing something to me while we’re there?” I ask him.

  “Yeah,” he says without hesitation, but I know he’s lying. He’s saying it just to comfort me and calm me down, but I don’t care. I need him to lie to me. I need to think that even though everything is going to shit, that it’s going to be alright in the end. Hope is the only thing that is keeping me going right now.

  11:55 AM

  Lights out.

  After giving my statement to the police, Dad takes me home.

  They will be doing an ongoing investigation at the school, so they closed it until after Christmas break. I’m dreading going back to school after the New Year. How can I ever walk down the hall and feel safe again? How can I sit in my desk again and not think of Jacqueline Hoff? It’ll be impossible.

  “How are you doing?” Dad asks me.

  “For the second time in less than a month, I found a dead body of somebody who has been violently murdered,” I tell him. “How do you think I’m doing?”

  “I’m worried about you.”

  As you should be. “Don’t worry. Just give me pills and send me to therapy. That seems to do the trick, right?”

  “I don’t know what to do,” he says. “I feel so helpless. I don’t want you to have to go through this, but all the money in the world can’t help you right now.”

  “I know.” I wish money could buy my way out of this mess, but I have a feeling my dad’s money is what got me into this mess.