Going all In (Men of the Ice Book 8)

by Michele Shriver

  “Here we go. My incredible chocolate popcorn.” Trent set a bowl on the coffee table as the movie’s opening credits began to roll. “Oh. Almost Famous. Good choice.” He sat down on the couch beside her.

  “It’s one of my favorites,” Lauren said, as if it she’d chosen it for that reason. She kicked off her shoes and pulled her feet onto the couch as Trent put an arm around her shoulder. The movie could have been Plan 9 From Outer Space and she wouldn’t have cared.

  They munched on popcorn and watched in silence for the first ten minutes of the movie, until Trent said, “You’ve got popcorn on your lip.”

  Lauren couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she laughed. “Oh, please. That’s got to be one of the oldest tricks in the book.”

  He feigned innocence. “Tricks? What do you mean?”

  “C’mon, you’re only looking for an excuse to kiss me.” For a second, Lauren thought he might deny it, but instead, he nodded solemnly.

  “Okay, you’re right. I’d like very much to kiss you.”

  “Then what are you waiting for?”

  Trent’s eyes lit up. “Permission,” he said, the his lips met hers.

  He tasted of wine and chocolate, a combination she loved, and Lauren parted her lips, invited him to delve deeper. Yes. She could do this. Trent wanted her, she wanted him, and everything would be fine.

  As his hands moved over her body, she’d almost convinced herself of that, until he reached to lift up her shirt. And Lauren froze.

  ***

  Son of a bitch! As Lauren’s body tensed, Trent jerked back. He sucked in a breath as he tried to get his hormones under control. He had to get a grip. Permission to kiss her didn’t equate to permission to grope her. “Sorry,” he said.

  “Don’t apologize. I’m the one who’s sorry,” Lauren said. “You must think I’m a head case by now, or at the very least a cock tease.”

  Where the hell did that come from? “That’s not what I think at all,” Trent said. “What I think is that you’re not ready to make things physical yet, and I need to do a better job of respecting that.”

  “You have respected that. You haven’t done anything wrong,” Lauren assured him. “But you’re right when you say I’m not ready, and you deserve to know why.”

  “Okay.” Trent rubbed his hands on his jeans as he took a few deep breaths. The brain synapses, or whatever they heck they were, apparently got to his cock and told it there wouldn’t be any action tonight. Good. He was far less interested in getting laid than learning what it was that held Lauren back, although he thought he already knew. “You’re scared, right? Worried what I’ll think about your body, or that I might reject you because you’re not super skinny, but I assure you that’s not going to happen. I’m very attracted to you, in case it isn’t obvious.”

  Lauren’s lips curled in a half smile. “It is, and the attraction is mutual. I hope you know that. I want to be with you, Trent. I want to make love with you. I want to feel passion and excitement, and fulfill all of my fantasies, like making love in the kitchen, or the supply closet at work, and... do you mind if I turn this off?”

  It took a minute for Trent to realize she pointed at the television. He’d been too busy thinking about getting her into the supply closet, and... Better stop that, or he’d be hard in no time. “Sure, go ahead.” He’d forgotten about the movie, anyway.

  “Thanks.” Lauren used the remote to switch off the TV. “And is there any of that wine left?”

  “Half the bottle.” Trent jumped up. “I”ll get you a glass.” Back in the kitchen, he poured two glasses, figuring it might help him, too. Lauren had said she seldom drank, so this was apparently getting heavy. He carried them back to the living room, where he found Lauren with her back turned, staring at an unlit fireplace. Why the heck they put fireplaces in apartments in Texas was beyond Trent, but whatever. He paused and studied her. He thought she was beautiful, but also troubled at the moment, and he wanted to know why.

  Trent approached her and held one of the glasses out. “Here you go,” he whispered. “Are you ready to tell me what’s on your mind?”

  Lauren turned around to face him, giving a slight nod of her head. “Yes.” She took a drink of wine. “I have some self-esteem issues because of my weight, as you already know.”

  “Yeah, and I understand that. I’ve got a sister who’s struggled with her weight, so she’s gone through it, too...” Trent let his voice trail off, not knowing if he should continue or not. He opted for not, and instead waited.

  “I’m overweight,” Lauren said. “I’m still overweight, and I might always be, but not as much as before. I’ve dropped more than sixty pounds from where I was a year and a half ago.”

  “Wow.” It had to take courage for her to admit that. “You look wonderful,” Trent said. “If I haven’t said it enough, I think you’re very pretty.”

  Lauren smiled. She had such a beautiful smile. “Thank you,” she said. “I believe you mean that, and I want to believe it, too.” She sighed audibly. “There are some days when I do.”

  “And others when you don’t.” He was beginning to understand.

  “Yes, exactly. I have my good days, and others when I struggle,” Lauren said. “It’s better than it used to be. I used to hate myself. I hated the way I looked. I thought I was a fat, ugly cow, and that no man would ever want me. You know why? Because that’s what he used to tell me.”

  He. There it was. The truth Trent suspected. She’d been hurt before, and badly. “Lauren, I...” Trent started to say, but stopped when she held up a hand.

  “Please, I need to get this out. Let me get this out,” she said. “His name was Dirk, and I was with him for two years. For two long years, I put up with his emotional abuse and his degrading comments about how fat and disgusting I was.”

  Trent clenched a fist, wishing this Dirk character was here now so he could beat the shit out of him and have fun doing it. “He’s the disgusting one.”

  “Yes, I agree,” Lauren said with a humorless laugh, “and you can get in line behind my dad to tell him that. I know that now, but at the time, I believed what he said about me. He beat down my confidence enough that I believed it was true, and I stayed with him because I didn’t think I had any choice. It didn’t help that every time we made love—No, scratch that. Every time we had sex. There was never any love there—he’d insist that the lights were out and I kept my clothes on so he wouldn’t have to look at me. That’s how unattractive he found me.”

  Trent took it in, and alternated between the anger he felt for the jackass that shattered Lauren’s confidence, and his desire to take her in his arms and comfort her. Not sure the latter would be welcome at the moment, he held back.

  “I put up with it, because I thought it was the best I could do, and maybe it was what I deserved. Then one day, I finally had enough. I don’t know why, I just did. So I left. I borrowed some money from my parents, got in my car and left Houston. I drove on I-10 until I got to San Antonio, and then stopped. I had a friend from high school who was here, so this is where I stopped. I stayed with her until I could get my own place. I started seeing a therapist, and finished my nursing degree. I got a good job. I joined a gym.” She took another drink and set the glass down on the fireplace mantle. “I started snacking on carrots or apples instead of potato chips. And here I am, sixty pounds lighter. I’ve got a rewarding career, good friends, a nice apartment, and a fat, but adorable cat.” She smiled, and for the time it reached her eyes, which Trent noticed were damp with tears. “Now I also have a very nice, and very sexy, guy in my life who loves my cooking and seems genuinely interested in me, fat and all, if I don’t let my past screw it up.”

  A hiccup of laughter escaped Trent’s throat. He saw her so differently than she saw herself, and obviously the reverse was true, as well. “I’m not sure how sexy he is, but he’s definitely interested in you.” He moved closer, putting his arms around her. “And you’re not screwing anything up.”

 
; “I just want you to know, I want to be with you, so badly, but sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I still see the old Lauren, and it’s hard to believe you’d actually want me.”

  “Oh, I want you, all right, and I look forward to showing you how much, as soon as you’re ready,” Trent said, stroking her hair. “And when that happens, I want the lights on so I can appreciate how beautiful you truly are.” He kissed her forehead. “Got it?”

  “Got it.” Lauren wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “You’re an amazing man, you know that?”

  Trent shook his head. “No, I’m not. I’m nothing special. Just an average guy who is average at hockey. I do, however, like to think I know how to treat a woman.”

  ***

  Average? No. Lauren didn’t think he was average at all. He was right about one thing, though. He knew how to treat a woman. Trent comforted her, reassured her, and then held her in his arms while they finished watching the movie they’d earlier abandoned. There was no more talking, and no attempts to initiate sex. Instead, they simply sat together and enjoyed each other’s company. It was past midnight when the movie ended, and Lauren walked him to the door.

  “I shouldn’t have stayed so long. You have to be at work in less than seven hours.”

  “It’s fine. I’m used to operating on little sleep, and besides, after tomorrow, I get four days off,” she said.

  “Okay, then, sleep well. I’ll call you tomorrow,” Trent said before planting a soft kiss on her lips.

  When Lauren closed and locked the door behind him, the kiss lingered. She wanted him so badly, and hopefully by opening up to him about her past and her fears, she’d begun to clear the way so she would soon be able to give herself to him. It would be soon, too. She was already well on the way to being in love with him. It was hard not to be, after the tenderness and understanding he’d shown her, not to mention the desire in his eyes when he kissed her. And that was before discovered he’d left her kitchen spotless. Except for starting the dishwasher, which Lauren did before she went to her room.

  She washed her face and brushed her teeth, but instead of changing into pajamas, she stripped naked and studied herself in the mirror, trying to see her true reflection. There were some folds of loose skin remaining around her waist, a reminder of her heavier days and the weight she’s lost, but Lauren viewed those as a symbol of her accomplishment. Besides, if she toned up a little more, they would eventually go away.

  Her butt was still a wide load, and she hadn’t exaggerated that it it had plenty of padding, but with more of a waist indentation now than before, Lauren saw curves. And speaking of curves, there were her breasts. She’d dropped a full cup size since her heaviest days, but was sill generously endowed. Sometimes, it was an annoyance, especially when shirts were cut snugly, which most seemed to be these days. On the other hand, guys seemed to like big boobs, and Trent obviously did.

  All in all, it wasn’t bad. Some good, some not so good, but Lauren wasn’t repulsed by what she saw, which was progress. She knew from her sessions with Laci that self-acceptance was a hard process, and that it took time. She wasn’t all the way there yet, but more progress had been made tonight. As she pulled her pajama top over head, Lauren was able to smile and feel good about herself.

  Chapter Seven

  Trent slept restlessly and was up before seven, in spite of not having to be at the practice rink until nine. Still, he wasn’t concerned about the lack of sleep. If he got the word in practice that he’d be suiting up for the game that night—and he expected he would, based on the way he’d played against the Blue Jackets—then he’d be running on adrenaline the rest of the day. Who needed sleep?

  His thoughts were all over the place after the conversation with Lauren, and they kept him awake. Had he handled it the right way? Said the appropriate things? Was there something he should have done differently? Trent didn’t think so, but he wasn’t the smooth talking, charismatic larger-than-life superstar that some of his teammates were. He saw himself exactly how he’d described himself to Lauren. Just an average guy. Sure, at the moment, he happened to earn a living playing professional hockey, but who knew how long that would last? It could all end in a heartbeat.

  Since he had a little time before leaving for practice, and it was an hour later in Ontario, Trent decided to call his sister. Kara answered on the second ring.

  “Hey, hockey stud. How’s it going?”

  Trent laughed. Kara always had a great sense of humor. “I think maybe you’ve confused me for one of my teammates,” he said, “like the guy who’s top fifteen in the league in scoring right now.” At least he thought that was where Colton stood in the league’s statististics at the moment, with Casey in the top twenty-five.

  “No, I meant you. My favorite big brother,” Kara said.

  “I’m your only big brother.”

  “Maybe, but you’d still be ny favorit, even if there were more,” she replied. “Great game on Monday.”

  “Thanks. It felt good to get back on the ice.” When he played sporadically, Trent struggled to get in a rhythm. And he needed to be in that rhythm, and feel comfortable on the ice, in order to be a productive player. Talk about a Catch-22. “Hopefully I’ll get in the lineup again tonight.”

  “When do you find out?”

  “Couple hours. Coach’ll let us know after practice.” Though Trent would have a pretty good idea once he got to the rink and saw the line combos on the whiteboard. Would he make it on a line, or be the odd man out?

  “I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you,” Kara said. “Something tells me you didn’t call me before eight in the morning to discuss line rushes, though.”

  “No, I didn’t.” Kara knew hockey, though, and would readily offer her opinions to anyone who asked. “I could use some advice.”

  “Okay. Advice on what?”

  “Dating. Sex,” Trent said. “I’m seeing this new girl, and—”

  “You want your little sister’s advice on sex?” Kara snorted. “That’s a first. Probably a last, too.”

  Okay, maybe this wasn’t such a great idea. “Well, not sex, exactly.” Trent tried to backtrack.

  “What’s her name?” Kara asked.

  “Lauren,” Trent said. “She’s a pediatric nurse, and she’s beautiful and kind and funny. I’ve known her less than a week, and I’m probably already a little bit in love with her.”

  “Wow, nothing like moving fast.”

  “Yeah, that’s the thing.” Trent paced around his living room. “It’s not moving all that fast. We haven’t been intimate yet,” he said. Talk about awkward. What on earth possessed him to have this conversation with his sister, anyway? “You see, Lauren is...” he searched for the right word. “She’s had some issues with her weight, and she’s self-conscious about it. Some jackass guy she used to date messed with her confidence, and now she’s insecure. And I’m not sure how to handle it, what to say, what to do.”

  “So you’re dating a fat girl,” Kara said.

  “No. I’m dating a pretty and smart and compassionate and amazing woman who happens to be plus-sized. Overweight. Curvy. Whatever you want to call it,” he said. “Besides ‘fat.’”

  “Hey, I’m not offended by the word. Fat girls are awesome.”

  “Yes, you are,” he agreed, then slapped his palm to his forehead. “See what you made me do there?”

  “Yep,” she said. “And you need to relax and be yourself. Stop worrying you might offend her or say the wrong thing. The way you describe her, it sounds like she has a sense of humor.”

  Trent nodded. “Yes,” he said. “She is awesome, Kara.”

  His sister laughed. “Of course she is. I’ve never met her, and I know already know that,” she said. “I want to meet her, though, so chill. Just let things take their course. You’re a good guy, Trent, and I’m not just saying that because you’re my brother. It’s the truth. And I’m sure Lauren’s figured that out, too.”

  ***

  Lauren had
just come from a patient’s room when she received the page and returned to the nurses’ station, where Trent leaned against the counter, looking impossibly sexy, in jeans and a short sleeve shirt that showed off his muscled arms. He may not be an NHL All-Star, but he had damn nice biceps.

  “Hi,” she greeted him. “This is a nice surprise. I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” Lauren figured he would call, yes, but not stop by. She wouldn’t complain, though.

  “I didn’t plan on being here,” he said, flashing the sexy smile she’d come to love, “but you listened to my whole spiel about getting to sixty NHL games, which, by the way, isn’t nearly as important as what you do, so I thought I’d pay you a visit at work and see what is what it is you really do. Want to give me a tour?”

  “A tour?” Lauren repeated. “You want a tour of the pediatric neurology unit?”

  He shrugged. “Sure. I want to get to know you. All of you. That includes the work you do that you’re so passionate about.”

  “Okay,” Lauren said, exchanging a glance with one of the nursing assistants. No doubt Tori’s mind was racing ahead at this scenario. “I’ll show you around, then.” They walked down the hall as she gave him the tour. “This is the fifth floor, pediatric neurology, and we see all kinds of things here. Anyone with any sort of neurological issue, which means it could be epileptic, and very treatable, or it could be a terminal brain tumor.” Lauren swallowed hard. “Which means sometimes, sadly, we lose patients, and that’s the worst part of working in health care.”

  Trent nodded. “I’m sure it is.” They walked past the former room of a young brain cancer patient who lost his fight. It had been weeks now, but Lauren hadn’t forgotten. It was one of the few times when she hated her job. Most of the time, she loved it, but there were always moments when it sucked, too. Like when their eight-year-old patient, Braylon, lost his fight. Lauren knew she would never forget that day, nor would Riley or anyone else who’d worked on the fifth floor, from the medical team down to the orderlies who’d been responsible for flipping the room to prepare it for the next patient.