Obsession 3

by Treasure Hernandez

  Secret quickly dug down in her purse and pulled out a piece of mail she had along with a pen. She wrote her address down on the envelope and then ripped the piece off and gave it to her former high school counselor.

  Mrs. Langston looked at the paper. A puzzled expression came across her face. “This is a Flint address.”

  “Yeah, well uh . . .” Secret stammered for words.

  “Oh, yeah, I know it’s hard keeping up with mail when you’re dealing with dorms and roommates. Students use their parents’ mailing address all the time. Don’t you worry; I’ll make sure I get the copy mailed out to you.”

  “Thank you so much, Mrs. Langston. The sooner the better and I really do appreciate it.”

  “No problem, Secret. Take care.”

  Secret nodded then headed back up the aisle to the exit door. Her mind was a million miles away from the cart full of groceries she was leaving behind and the fact that in ten more minutes she was supposed to be meeting Shawndiece.

  She made her way to her car just in time for the dam to break. She could no longer contain her mixed emotions. Secret gripped the steering wheel as tears poured from her eyes. Had either Mrs. Langston or her mother made a mistake? Had there been some sort of crazy mix-up on the scholarship committee’s part?

  If anything, Secret felt her mother would have had deliberate intentions, lying to Secret just to keep her from her dreams. But was Yolanda really that hateful where she would rip all that Secret had worked for right from underneath her? Secret didn’t know.

  “But what I do know,” Secret said to herself, “is if that bitch stole my life, I’ll kill her.”

  By the time Secret made it to Yolanda’s door and was banging on it like she was the police, her emotions had gotten the best of her. She couldn’t even remember if she’d shut the car off, closed the door, or even how she’d managed to get to the apartment safely. She’d been crying and her emotions had boiled over.

  “What’s wrong?” Yolanda said as she snatched the door open and stuck her head out. She was looking over each of Secret’s shoulders. “Is a dog chasing you? You gotta pee or something? You knocking like it’s a matter of life and death.”

  Secret brushed past her mother. “It is.” She stood inside the door with her arms folded across her chest. “Why are you doing this for real?”

  Yolanda had a look on her face that Secret couldn’t quite make out. Either she was feeling confused or feeling busted. “Doing what, Secret?”

  “Why did you all of a sudden feel a need to patch things up with me? Was it guilt?”

  “Guilt? I have no idea what you are talking about.” Yolanda went to walk away while uttering, “Let me get this baby ready for you.”

  “No!” By the time Secret realized she’d jumped in her mother’s path, it was too late. So she stood her ground. “I want answers, Mom.”

  Yolanda stood in front of Secret taking in deep breaths as if she was trying to keep her cool. “Look, girl, watch yourself. Don’t take my kindness for weakness.” She went on to walk around Secret.

  Secret spun around to see that her mother’s back was to her while she walked over to the playpen that Dina was lying in. Yolanda had bought it for her grandbaby.

  “Did you lie about the scholarship?” Secret just came out and asked, stopping her mother in her tracks.

  “Pardon me?” Yolanda replied without even turning around to face Secret.

  Secret cleared her throat and willed herself to keep the courage to continue the conversation with her mother. “Did you lie to me about the scholarship? That day we got into it and you kicked me out, you told me that the letter from the scholarship board had come in the mail and they’d denied me the scholarship. Was that true?”

  There was too long of a pause, in Secret’s mind, for it not to be true. Finally her mother slowly turned around and faced her.

  “And so what if I did?”

  There it was. There was the tone Secret recognized. There was the look in her mother’s eyes she recognized. The real Yolanda was back. This sudden shift in demeanor startled Secret to the point where she took a step backward. She was stunned to the point where she didn’t even reply to her mother’s question. So Yolanda repeated herself, taking a step toward Secret.

  “I said, ‘And so what if I did?’”

  “Well, I, uhh . . .” Secret hadn’t thought about that one. She’d been so hell bent on finding out whether her mother had sabotaged her out of going off to college that she hadn’t even considered what she’d do once finding out the answer.

  “You walking up in here like Billy Bad, like you da baddest bitch. Banging on my goddamn door like you ain’t got no fucking sense.” Oh, Yolanda was back in full force. “So I lied about the scholarship letter. So what? You shouldn’t have been walking around this bitch like you was better than everybody else. Like you was the smartest motherfucker to ever walk the planet. Fuck that.” Yolanda rolled her eyes and stood her ground as if she was just as right as the day was long. She stood there practically daring Secret to do something about it.

  Secret was absolutely fuming on the inside. Her head was throbbing and her heart was hurting. Her eyes were watering and her bottom lip was trembling. If she had to compare the feeling of Lucky watching her go to jail and the feeling of knowing her mother destroyed her chances of going to college, she didn’t know which one hurt the worst. Both had changed her life completely, had put her on a path that couldn’t have possibly altered her life for the better in any way. At least that’s how Secret saw it in this actual moment.

  “I don’t even know what to say to you right now,” Secret said.

  “You can start with a thank you.”

  “Thank you?” Secret said shocked. “For what?”

  “Prior to me telling you that you didn’t get that scholarship you were going to get an abortion and go head off to Ohio. If that had happened, this baby wouldn’t be here.” She pointed to Dina.

  Secret’s eyes traveled over to Dina as she recalled the exact thoughts that had run through her mind after finding out she hadn’t received the scholarship.

  “Why can’t I keep this baby?” she asked herself. The main reason why she was even considering aborting the baby in the first place was so that she could live her dream of going to college and making a better life for herself. But Yolanda was right: no money no college. She hated to admit it, but as Secret stood in the mirror she wondered if perhaps her mother was right about everything. Secret’s destiny appeared to be sewn up in a bag. A life in Flint just like her mother’s and every other chick on the block was the life she would live. There was no going up against destiny. The more Secret thought about things, the more she began to lean toward giving birth versus taking a life. After only a few more minutes, Secret’s mind was completely changed and completely made up. “Oh, well, baby. Looks like it’s just going to be you and me,” Secret said to her unborn child.

  And even now it would still just be Secret and her baby. She would have loved for the three generations of Miller females to have a relationship, but that wasn’t going to happen. She was in a position where she was forced to forgive Lucky, but when it came to her mother, it was 100 percent up to Secret. She looked at the evil, relentless, coldhearted woman who stood before her. No way could she forgive her. Not today, not tomorrow, not forever. A leopard never changes its spots, only its location. Once a bitch always a bitch.

  All Secret could do was storm past her mother and go get Dina.

  “Whatever,” Yolanda said. “Take her. Take all her stuff and don’t even think about showing up with her at my doorstep tomorrow for me to watch her while you go to work.”

  Secret ignored her mother as she gathered up her baby and all her belongings. She even went to the kitchen and made sure there wasn’t a single bottle or can of milk. If Dina grew up and wanted a relationship with her grandmother, so be it, but as long as Secret had a say, she would keep her daughter as far away from Queen Bitch as she could. Otherwise she might
risk the chance of having to raise Princess Bitch.

  With Dina and all of her belongings in hand, Secret was at the front door. When she went to open it, Yolanda jumped in her way.

  “Wait a minute, hold up. We can’t do this again,” Yolanda said, reconsidering. “I’m sorry. You can bring her back tomorrow. She’s my grandbaby. Got nothing to do with what’s going on between me and you.”

  “She has everything to do with what’s going on between me and you,” Secret begged to differ. “I got lucky. I didn’t turn out like you, and I know you don’t want to believe it, but I owe that to Grandma. And I know you say Grandma wasn’t who I thought she was. Clearly from the time she raised you from the time I got older she changed for the better. So it’s my prayer that the same will happen with you. Now excuse me, but I’m taking my daughter and getting the hell out of here.” Secret snatched open the door and hauled it on out of her mother’s house, vowing it would be the last time, for real this time, that she ever stepped foot in it.

  As Secret made her way to the car Yolanda was furiously shouting out insults. “Take your bastard-ass baby,” Yolanda shouted. “I was just trying to help you. I tried to be nice to your ass, but I should have known that all the money in the world wasn’t worth it.”

  Secret steadily put everything in the car and buckled Dina in as Yolanda finished her rampage. Just as Secret opened the driver door to get in Yolanda shouted out one last thing.

  “That detective can offer me all the money in the world. Hell, he can have back what he gave me. I’m done fucking with your stuck-up ass. You didn’t get an abortion, but I should have.” Yolanda walked back into her house and slammed her door.

  Secret stood paralyzed. Typically when a person is paralyzed, they can’t feel anything, but she was full of pain. She could feel every knife reentering every wound, and fingernails pulling off unhealed scabs. Her body was throbbing. Her head was throbbing. Her heart was aching.

  Whatever little voice that was inside of her telling her not to let her mother in so quickly had been on point. Her mother wasn’t trying to make things right. Her mother had only reached out to her because apparently she’d been paid to.

  With tears streaming down her face, Secret hopped into her car. She needed to find out if there was anyone else who had been paid to reenter her life.

  Chapter 19

  “My own mother! You paid my own mother to be a part of my life?” Secret screamed to Detective Davis through her cell phone as she drove away from her mother’s apartment complex. “Who else have you paid?”

  “Nobody, Secret, I promise,” Detective Davis assured her. “I know how you must feel, but believe me—”

  “And why should I believe you? How do I know I’m not the one being played here? For all I know this could be a set up to throw my black ass back into jail.” Secret didn’t know who or what to believe now.

  “I promise you, your mother is the only person we reached out to. And that’s only because I knew you’d need someone to keep an eye on the baby for you.” Detective Davis continued, “If it makes you feel any better, she didn’t ask for the money; we offered it, you know, to sweeten the deal.”

  “Yeah, but she took it,” Secret said. “You had to pay my mother to spend time with me and my baby like some trick. I can’t believe this.”

  “Look, I’m sorry, Secret, but this isn’t about you. I like you and you are a sweet girl. I’m sorry you got caught up in all this, but the thing is, you’re in it now and there’s only one way out.”

  Secret hung up in Detective Davis’s ear before he could say another word. She wiped the tears from her eyes as she continued to drive. She looked in the rearview mirror at Dina in her car seat.

  “You are the only one Mommy can trust now, Dina. And I promise you’ll always be able to trust me. Mommy is never going to let anything happen to you. Ever.”

  Secret cleared her tears away and made her way home. By the time she walked into her front door she was all cried out. Like her mother had said, she was moving on. She had tougher skin than she thought. Not many girls would have been able to so easily get over the fact that their mother wished they’d been aborted and was only playing a part in their life because she was getting paid to. She had a daughter to worry about now. No way was she going to give Yolanda another second of her time.

  Secret inhaled and then exhaled. She allowed her mother’s awful and evil words to play inside her head. This go-around they truly had no effect. They didn’t make Secret angry. They didn’t hurt her. Finally turned out Yolanda had done something right after all. She had taught Secret to be tough. Yolanda was who she was. She was never going to change, not even if she got paid to. And Secret realized there wasn’t a damn thing she could do about it. For the next few moments she mourned the death of the mother she had always dreamed of but would never have. All cried out about the situation, Secret was more than ready to move on.

  With Secret no longer having Yolanda as a caregiver for Dina, thank God her childcare assistance from the state kicked in, and right on time. Secret found a nice older woman who only lived about five minutes from the store to care for Dina. The woman’s, Miss Good’s, spirit reminded Secret so much of her own grandmother’s, who she missed dearly. Yolanda had been removed from Secret’s life, but Miss Good was certainly filling in the void as a grandmother for Dina. Miss Good had only been caring for Dina a couple of days, but her warm and inviting ways made Secret feel as if she’d known this woman all her life. She was just what the doctor ordered.

  “She’s just the sweetest little chunky button ever.” Miss Good cooed over Dina as Secret fastened her up in her bucket seat.

  Baby Dina just smiled and kicked as the older woman talked to her. She would even look at Secret and smile as if to say, “You see the nice woman, Mommy?” It comforted Secret’s heart knowing that her baby got the same type of vibe from Miss Good as she did.

  “I fed her before we left,” Secret told Miss Good.

  “What did you feed her?” Miss Good asked.

  “Milk.”

  “Milk?” Miss Good scrunched her face up. “You mean you gave her something to drink then. You feed people food. Milk ain’t food.”

  Secret chuckled. “She’s just a baby,” she told the caregiver.

  “And babies are little people, and little people need to eat!” Miss Good was emphatic.

  Secret just shook her head and smiled. “Her bottles are in her bag.”

  Miss Good brushed Secret out of the way and started talking to Dina. “Don’t you worry. Momma Good’s got something good for you. They don’t call me Miss Good for nothing.” She then shot Secret a look, daring her to even fix her mouth into talking Miss Good out of giving Dina anything solid.

  Worry covered Secret’s face, as the doctors had said Dina couldn’t have solid foods until she was six months.

  “What’s that look for?” Miss Good asked Secret, throwing her hands on her hips. “Child, I been taking care of kids longer than you been born. I know what I’m doing. I ain’t gon’ give her nothing but a little bit of baby cereal.”

  Secret felt a bit more relieved and it showed as some of the tension left her face.

  “Maybe a little grits and scrambled eggs,” Miss Good mumbled.

  “Miss Good,” Secret said, tilting her head to the side.

  “Child, I’m just playing with you. Carry yourself on to work.” Miss Good shooed her hand.

  Secret kissed Dina one last time and then headed to the door. Before walking out she pointed to Miss Good and said, “No mashed potatoes either. I know how your generation thinks it’s okay to give babies mashed potatoes and gravy just because it’s soft. Then y’all wonder why there is child diabetes and high blood pressure.”

  “Get on out of here already,” Miss Good ordered playfully.

  Secret laughed and went to her car. Ten minutes later she was already clocked in at work and working the cash register.

  While Secret checked out customers in the gro
cery store line for the next couple hours, her mind was 100 percent focused on the job and not worried about the safety of her child. Secret didn’t know how she was going to feel leaving her baby with a complete stranger. But Miss Good didn’t feel like a strange at all. That was a priceless piece of mind for a working mother.

  “Have a great day and thank you for shopping with us,” Secret said to her customer who she’d just finished waiting on. She immediately let the next spiel fall out of her mouth while straightening up a few plastic bags. “Did you find everything okay?”

  “Absolutely,” she heard a voice say.

  Secret looked up from the bags only to find herself staring right into Lucky’s eyes. “Lucky, what are you doing here? And how—”

  “I came here to see you of course. Oh, and pick up this loaf of bread.” Lucky held up a loaf of bread he’d just randomly picked up to have an excuse to go through Secret’s line.

  “Boy, please. In all the time I’ve known you I’ve never seen you make a sandwich. You don’t need that bread.” Secret looked over her shoulder and saw that she had two customers standing behind Lucky. She turned her attention back to Lucky. “Let me take care of the rest of these customers in line and then I’ll get off the register.”

  “Cool.” Lucky went to walk out of the line.

  Secret playfully snatched the bread from him, shook her head, smiled, then set it down in the basket of items that needed to be returned to the shelves.

  Lucky smiled and went off to the side and waited.

  Secret turned off her light so that customers would see her lane was closed and wouldn’t get in it. She rang up her last customer, grabbed the basket of returns, and signaled Lucky to follow her.

  “So how did you know where to find me?” After the incident with Detective Davis and her mother, Secret was leery of the entire situation now.