Gossamer

by Rebecca Hagan Lee

  “Yes, I did,” Mrs. G. agreed. “And it was no worse than anyone else would react upon seeing three little Chinese girls when they were expecting blond-haired, blue-eyed beauties who looked like their father.”

  “I don’t have blond hair,” James pointed out. “And you didn’t react badly at your first sight of Ruby.”

  “I’ll wager you had blond hair as a child,” Mrs. G. retorted. “And like you, I’m accustomed to the looks and ways of the Chinese. My late husband was a construction engineer who supervised gangs of Chinese laborers during the building of the Central Pacific Railroad back in the late sixties. I traveled right alongside my husband and became quite accustomed to being around Chinamen and seeing the half-Chinese offspring of the soiled doves who set up camp behind the railroad construction crews. I’ve got nothing against the Chinese. They helped build this country, are still building it, but you introduce me to one of those Apache warriors I read about terrorizing the settlers, and I just might react the same way Miss Sadler did.”

  “We’re not talking about Miss Sadler’s behavior toward an Apache warrior, Mrs. G. We’re talking about innocent children and the damage she might do to them emotionally if her initial reaction continues.”

  But Helen Glenross just smiled mysteriously and said, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about.”

  “You’ve said that before, Mrs. G.,” James replied. “Now, tell me what you mean by it.”

  Mrs. G. nodded toward the door to the nursery, then turned and started down the hall toward the stairs and the kitchen. “See for yourself.”

  Knowing he was being baited, yet unable to resist the bait, James walked to the door of the nursery, turned the doorknob, and entered. He walked through the play area to the Treasures’ bedroom, and his heart seemed to stop beating when he realized that the bed Ruby and Garnet shared—the bed he’d securely tucked the girls into last night—was empty. And one glance at Emerald’s crib told the same story. Ruby, Garnet, and Emerald were gone. Only Diamond lay sleeping peacefully. James calmly checked the closets and under the beds, then tossed the covers on the bed and the crib. He took deep breaths and fought the overwhelming sense of panic by reminding himself that Mrs. G. hadn’t seemed concerned. But Mrs. G. hadn’t shared his past. She had never returned from a business trip and discovered an empty crib. James opened his mouth to shout for the housekeeper and demand an explanation when he noticed the door leading from the Treasures’ bedroom through the kitchen, to the governess’s private quarters was open.

  The balcony! James rushed through the kitchen alcove like a shot, intent on reaching the open balcony door before the Treasures stumbled upon it. The balcony! Bloody hell! How could he have forgotten to tell Elizabeth to keep the balcony door closed and latched? The wrought-iron railing surrounding the balcony was secure and the rails were close together—too close for small bodies to slip through—but James had a horror of discovering the Treasures had somehow breached the four-and-a-half-foot-high railing and fallen onto the flagstones in the garden below. James rued the day he’d given the architect his approval to build it. He’d worried about the balcony ever since he’d brought Ruby home to live there.

  James clenched his fists as he focused solely on the balcony, not bothering to glance around the room or at the half-tester bed as he crossed the room to the French doors in a few quick strides. He swallowed hard, and flicked his tongue at the tiny beads of perspiration on his upper lip, then squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to wipe away the grisly images of the three shattered little bodies he was afraid he’d find. I can do this, he told himself as he breathed deeply through his nostrils and opened his eyes again. I can survive this. He knew the sight would be terrible. But he also knew he’d seen worse. Survived worse. Still, James thought he would scream as the sheer drapes blew in on the morning breeze coming from the balcony and wrapped themselves around the legs of his trousers. He batted them away, then grabbed a handful of sheer fabric in a fit of frustration and started to rip the drapes from the rods.

  “Hi, Daddy. Whatcha doing?”

  The soft voice startled him.

  James let go of the curtains and his breath at the same time. He glanced down to find Ruby curled up on the chaise longue near the balcony door. As he watched, she sat up straighter, rubbed at her eyes with the back of her hands, and yawned widely as if it were perfectly natural for him to find her on the chaise longue in her governess’s room every morning instead of in her own bed.

  Suddenly James’s knees refused to support him. He sank down onto the end of the chaise.

  “Hi, Daddy,” Ruby repeated, her tone of voice demanding an answer to her greeting.

  James leaned over and hugged her tightly, pressing her warm little body against his chest, breathing in the baby-soft scent of her until she squirmed in his embrace. “Hi, Button.”

  Ruby pushed at his chest until James realized he was holding her too tightly and reluctantly let go. “Whatcha doing, Daddy?”

  “I came looking for you and your sisters,” James answered. “I went to your room to wake you up and you were gone. What are you doing here sitting all alone in the dark in Miss Sadler’s room?”

  “Waiting,” Ruby replied matter-of-factly.

  “Waiting for what, Button?”

  “For Garny and Emmy to get up.”

  “Where are your sisters?” James gently prodded.

  “Over there,” Ruby pointed toward the big half-tester bed, where Garnet and Emerald lay sleeping, snuggled close to Elizabeth. “I waked up in the dark and Emmy and Garny were gone. I was sleeping all by myself. So I came to get you. Onlys you weren’t here. Her was.”

  James automatically lowered his voice to a whisper to keep from waking Elizabeth and the other two girls. “Have you been here a long time?”

  The grandfather clock in the hall downstairs chimed six times. Ruby turned toward the balcony, saw the pinkish streaks of sunlight lightening the sky and realized it was morning. “I been here since it was weal dark. When the clock didn’t make so many noises.”

  “Are you hungry?” James asked.

  Ruby shook her head.

  “Thirsty?”

  Ruby nodded.

  James smiled. It was too early for Ruby to want to eat, but she had been awake long enough to want something to drink. “Why don’t we go down to the kitchen and see if we can scrounge some warm chocolate for you and a cup of coffee for me?”

  “Okay.” Ruby scrambled off the chaise and made a beeline for the bed..

  “Shh!” James put a finger to his lips to remind Ruby to try to be quiet, then whispered, “Where are you going?”

  “Don’t we want to get Gamy and Emmy to go to the kitchen wid us?”

  Staring at Elizabeth’s lovely slumbering form and watching as the lace trim on her virginal nightgown rose and fell with each breath she took, James realized the impropriety of his actions—the impropriety of entering the bedroom of an unmarried woman in his employ regardless of the reason. James weighed his decision. Should he risk waking Elizabeth to get his daughters and have her discover he’d disregarded her right to privacy and barged into her bedroom while she slept? Or should he allow her to awaken on her own and risk her reaction at finding two of his Chinese daughters in bed with her? Should he take matters into his own hands or trust Elizabeth to do the right thing?

  James shook his head. After witnessing her first reaction to the Treasures yesterday, it wasn’t easy to walk away. But he’d decided to entrust his daughters to her care, and he had to start somewhere. He had to believe, as Mrs. G. believed, that Elizabeth wasn’t the sort of person who would intentionally cause the Treasures emotional pain. He had to trust her. And to trust her, he had to take Ruby and walk away and hope for the best. “It’s early yet,” he said to Ruby. “Let’s let them sleep a while. You and I can have our morning coffee all by ourselves.”

  “Just us, Daddy?” Ruby asked, her little face alight with joy. “Me and you?”

  “Jus
t us,” he reaffirmed, reaching out to lift her into his arms. “You and I.”

  “Good, Daddy,” she continued to beam at him. “But first …” Ruby leaned close and whispered in his ear.

  James hugged her closer to him, planted a reassuring kiss on her cheek, bypassed the bath and water closet opposite the tiny kitchen which connected the governess’ quarters and the nursery, and carried Ruby down the hall to his bedroom and the water closet in his private bath.

  Fourteen

  ELIZABETH OPENED HER eyes and found herself face to face with a small child—one with dark black hair and deep brown, almond-shaped eyes. Startled by her near proximity to an Oriental child, Elizabeth tried to move away, but as she watched warily, the delicate-featured child gently patted her on the face. Garnet, she remembered. The second daughter was Garnet. The third was Emerald and the infant was named Diamond. Precious and semiprecious gem-stones. Treasures.

  “Wake up, lady,” Garnet said.

  Elizabeth levered herself up from the mattress and leaned back against the feather pillows propped against the headboard. She blinked in confusion. Another, smaller little girl with one arm twisted at an awkward angle slept with her feet pointed at the pillows and her head pointed toward the footboard. And each time the feather mattresses shifted beneath Elizabeth’s weight, the smaller child roiled up against her.

  “I’m awake,” she whispered. She glanced over at Garnet, then gingerly reached over and repositioned Emerald’s arm, turning her so that her head rested closer to the pillows and her feet pointed toward the foot of the bed. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?” In her concern for the children, Elizabeth forgot all about her aversion to the color of their skin. “Are you all right?”

  Garnet nodded. “Emmy broked her rails down. She gots out of her bed in the dark and waked me up, so we came to sleep with Daddy.” Garnet lifted the edge of the bed-spread and peered under the covers. “But I can’t find him. Where’s mine daddy?”

  “I don’t know,” Elizabeth said.

  “Mine daddy here.” Garnet patted the bed, then looked over at Elizabeth, tears sparkling on the base of her eyelashes as her bottom lip began quiver. “Daddy gone to work? Mine Daddy gone Sanfrwansco?” She asked, in broken little gasps. “Daddy leave? Daddy go back Sanfrwansco?”

  “No,” Elizabeth told her. “I’m sure your daddy wouldn’t leave you without saying good-bye. I’m sure he’s here somewhere.”

  “I want mine daddy,” Garnet said.

  Eager to allay Garnet’s fears, Elizabeth shoved the covers aside, swung her legs over the side of the bed, grabbed her satin wrapper draped over the bedpost, and got to her feet. “Then, we’ll go find him.” She lifted Garnet and set her down beside the bed where she stood shifting her weight from foot to foot. Barefooted herself, Elizabeth realized the wooden floor was cold—too cold for a small child. “Do you have slippers?”

  Garnet nodded.

  “Where are they?”

  “At mine bed.”

  “Let’s go get them, shall we?” Elizabeth reached for Garnet’s hand, but Garnet refused to budge.

  “What’s wrong?” Elizabeth asked. “Aren’t your feet cold? Don’t you want your slippers?”

  Garnet nodded again. “Emmy.” She pointed to her sister, who still lay sleeping in the center of Elizabeth’s bed.

  Elizabeth made a rueful face. “Of course! We can’t leave Emerald up here all alone.” She looked to Garnet. “What do we do with her?”

  “Put hers back in hers bed,” Garnet sagely replied. “And pull the rails up taller.”

  Elizabeth leaned down and rolled Emerald from the middle of the bed toward the edge. The muscles in her back ached from the awkward angle, but Elizabeth managed to roll Emerald into her arms without waking her. She straightened and cuddled the sleeping child closer, suddenly aware of how small and vulnerable she was and how dependent she was on the tender care of the adults around her. Elizabeth looked to Garnet for further instruction. “Okay, we’ve got your sister. Now what do we do?”

  Garnet grinned. “We get mine slippers and find mine daddy.”

  Elizabeth grinned back. It sounded like a good plan to her and the fact that she was seeking guidance and instruction from a precocious two-year-old didn’t escape her notice. But what else could she do? She had a wealth of experience handling school-aged girls, but she was at a complete loss with toddlers. Even Garnet knew more about caring for her younger siblings than Elizabeth did. She shifted Emerald in her arms, then took Garnet by the hand and allowed the little girl to lead the way into the nursery.

  As they entered the nursery bedroom, Elizabeth discovered she and Garnet had other problems to attend to. The baby, Diamond, was awake and fussing in her crib, and Emerald had wet her undergarments.

  “Di hungry,” Garnet said, stepping into her slippers before pushing a child-sized step stool from the foot of her bed and using it to peer through the slats of the crib at the crying and squirming baby.

  “And Emerald’s wet.” Elizabeth felt the warm wet liquid on her arms and on the front of her nightgown as she lowered the protective rails and placed Emerald on her bed. She tugged the end of Emerald’s nightie up over her hips and legs and stared down at the soggy diaper. “Where are the diapers?” she asked.

  “Over there.” Garnet shifted her weight from foot to foot and pointed to two neatly folded stacks of cotton cloths and infant dresses sitting atop thin, flat cotton padding protecting the surface of a rather squat and unadorned bureau. “Mine bring you,” she answered, hopping off the step stool and pushing it over toward the bureau, eager to help.

  Elizabeth watched as Garnet stopped several times on her journey across the nursery floor, pausing for breath and wiggling back and forth from one foot to the other. Understanding dawned and Elizabeth feared Garnet had the same urgent need as her younger sister.

  “Emerald’s already wet,” Elizabeth said, pulling the rails on Emerald’s bed firmly into place as she addressed Garnet. “She can wait a moment longer for her diaper. Do you need to use the pot?”

  Garnet looked blank.

  Elizabeth searched for an expression Garnet would understand. “Do you need to use the potty? The privy? The convenience?” She thought for a moment. James Craig was British. What did the British call it? “Do you need to use the water closet?” Still, Garnet didn’t reply. “The w.c.?”

  “Wacee.” Garnet beamed, then nodded her head.

  Elizabeth heaved a sigh of relief. She didn’t remember seeing a child’s nursery chair anywhere about, so she assumed they used the same water closet Mrs. G. had pointed out to her. She knew Delia had bathed the Treasures there the night before because the floor was still slightly damp when she used it. And since she didn’t see another water closet in the nursery, she turned to Garnet for guidance. “Go on. Go on to the wacee.”

  Garnet frowned. “Mine not go by self.”

  Elizabeth spared a glance at Emerald, who still slept soundly, despite the wet diaper, then at Diamond, who was making her presence known by crying louder. Elizabeth walked over to the crib and carefully lifted Diamond, cradling her against her shoulder and feeling, once again, the unmistakable dampness of a wet diaper staining her nightgown. “All right, Precious,” she cooed to the baby, jiggling her a bit on her shoulder, “I know you’re hungry and wet, but we must take care of Garnet’s needs first, then we’ll take care of you and Emmy.” Elizabeth smiled down at Garnet. “Lead the way to the wacee, sweetheart. Diamond and I are right behind you.”

  Garnet did as she was instructed, leading Elizabeth through the bedroom to the tiny kitchen, where she turned and opened the door to the bath and water closet. Elizabeth took note of the second porcelain doorknob on the door of the water closet—one set inches lower than the regular doorknob. One she had failed to notice the night before. Elizabeth followed Garnet into the necessary, and leaned against the vanity, watching as the little girl walked around the toilet and pushed aside the privacy screen at the foot of the
large bathtub to reveal a step stool identical to the one in the nursery bedroom and a child-sized invalid’s chair complete with porcelain pot.

  When Garnet finished with the invalid’s chair, Elizabeth helped her set her nightgown to rights and maneuver the step stool into place beside the tub so she could wash her hands at the bathtub faucet. Elizabeth was feeling quite proud of herself as she led Garnet back into the nursery bedroom. She thought maybe even Mrs. Glenross would be proud of her for correctly interpreting Garnet’s needs and learning to assist her, while she soothed the fretful baby—and all at one time.

  Diamond had discovered her thumb while Elizabeth was helping Garnet in the bathroom and her crying had subsided to little satisfied sucking sounds as she dozed. Elizabeth softly patted the baby on her back, then placed Diamond in her crib. All that remained was the task of diapering the two wet bottoms and Elizabeth decided to start with Emerald and work her way down to Diamond. She grabbed two of the neatly folded cotton cloths from the top of the bureau and two infant sacques and walked over to Emerald’s bed.

  Lowering the rails, Elizabeth leaned over the bed. She studied Emerald’s diaper carefully, noting the positioning of the three corners and the way it was fastened, then unpinned it and rolled Emerald from one hip to the other in order to remove it. Elizabeth lifted the sodden diaper away from Emerald and from herself, holding it gingerly by one corner as she looked around for a place to deposit it.

  “Here,” Garnet said, lifting the lid from a large pail.

  Elizabeth dropped the diaper into the pail. Garnet shoved the lid into place, then hurried out of the room. Elizabeth heard the splash of water running in the necessary next door. Alarmed, Elizabeth called out to her, “Garnet? Garnet, what are you doing?”

  Garnet returned to the nursery carrying a dripping facecloth that she shoved at Elizabeth.

  Realizing that Garnet knew more about the running of the nursery and the changing of diapers than she did, Elizabeth made use of her little fount of helpful information. “Show me.”