Gossamer

by Rebecca Hagan Lee

  “Sir?”

  James looked up and realized Delia stood waiting expectantly for him to continue. “Never mind,” he answered softly. “I’ll tell her myself.”

  ELIZABETH FOUND HIM hours later where she knew she would—outside sitting on the quilt and leaning against the aspen tree, The fire had burned down to glowing embers that flared into flames occasionally and flickered out again, casting little light. She thought he must have fallen into an exhausted sleep and carefully lowered the wick on her lantern to keep from waking him as she set it on the ground. But it was too late. He’d heard her approach.

  “You should be in bed, asleep,” he said.

  “You think I can sleep after what happened? You think I can sleep knowing Ruby’s lost and that it’s my fault?” she asked. “My, how your opinion of me has fallen, James.”

  “I didn’t mean what I said this afternoon,” he told her. “I confused what happened today with something that happened a long time ago.”

  “You confused me with your wife, Mei Ling,” Elizabeth answered. “And you accused me of negligence. Maybe I am negligent,” she admitted. “But I didn’t deliberately allow Ruby to become lost. I didn’t deliberately rid myself of Ruby the way Mei Ling rid herself of Cory.”

  James whirled around and faced her.

  Elizabeth could see the look of surprise on his face, the shimmer of unshed tears in his eyes and the stains his previous tears had left behind.

  “Will told me.”

  James nodded. “Then you know everything.”

  “Yes.”

  “So, tell me, have I botched it, Elizabeth?” he asked. “Have I ruined what we have together?”

  “I don’t know,” she answered honestly, coming to stand at the edge of the quilt, close enough to touch, but not touching. “It’s cold out,” she shivered, running her hands up and down her arms to dispel the chill. “You should be keeping warm in that quilt instead of sitting on it.”

  “I can’t,” he said simply. “Ruby’s out there somewhere without a quilt. How can I wrap myself in a quilt knowing she doesn’t have one?”

  “You can’t,” Elizabeth said. “Neither can I.”

  James looked past her face and saw that she was wearing the same lightweight dress she’d had on that afternoon. James stared at the lantern. “I found my oldest daughter,” he said, at last. “Or rather, I found what was left of her.”

  “I know.” Elizabeth knelt down and placed her hand on his shoulder. “That’s why I’m here. I knew you’d refuse to leave until Ruby’s found. And after Will told me what happened with Cory, I knew you’d be sitting here remembering and wondering if the fates could be so cruel to you a second time.”

  James turned to her, wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her to him. “Sometimes I can’t sleep at night for remembering. Oh, God, Elizabeth, I can’t go through this another time. I can’t stand to think about what I may find.” He buried his face against her bodice, and Elizabeth held him while he wept.

  And when he’d cried all his tears, she held him in a different way and showed him how much—how very much—she cared.

  “I love you, James Cameron Craig,” she said as he lay spent in her arms. “I love you.”

  He kissed her hungrily, then followed it with a kiss so tender it took her breath away. “I-I—” He faltered. “I want to say it, Elizabeth. I want to say the words. But I’m afraid. If we don’t find Ruby alive … If we don’t find Ruby …” He searched her face, begging for another dram of understanding. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to …”

  “Forgive me?” she asked, already knowing the answer.

  “I couldn’t forgive Mei Ling,” he said. “Not even when she begged me with her dying breath.”

  Elizabeth smiled at him and her eyes filled with tears. “Then I have my answer.”

  “Elizabeth.” He reached for her again, but she rolled away and began to straighten her clothes. “I-I …”

  She placed her fingers against his lips. “Don’t. Not now. Not until we have Ruby back in our arms safe and sound,” she told him.

  “Stay,” he said when she got to her feet and started to leave. “Stay with me. Keep the ghosts at bay.”

  “I can’t,” she said. “Diamond will be wanting her bottle soon.”

  “Delia’s there. She can feed her,” James said.

  Delia does a better job of looking after them. James’s words echoed in her head. “No.” Elizabeth shook her head. “I need to feed her. I want to feed her. I may not—” She broke off abruptly, held her breath to keep from sobbing, then turned and hurried down the path before she had a chance to change her mind, before she allowed the look on James’s face to change her mind.

  She was sobbing by the time she reached the cabin. “Go to him,” she begged when Will opened the door to let her in. “Go to him. Don’t let him stay out there alone.”

  Thirty-two

  THE SOUNDS OF men cheering awoke her from a fitful doze the following morning. Will burst into the cabin, made a beeline for Elizabeth, and lifted her out of the chair where she’d spent the night He swung her around in his arms. “They’ve found her!” he said. “Praise God, they’ve found her!”

  “Is she … ?” Elizabeth asked when he set her on her feet.

  “She’s alive. Cold, scared, and hungry, but she doesn’t seem to be hurt,” Will said.

  “Where is she? When can I see her?” Elizabeth asked, pulling on her shawl and racing for the door.

  “Well”—he cleared his throat—“that’s a problem. You see, they haven’t gotten her out yet.”

  Elizabeth stopped in her tracks. “Out? Out of where?”

  “A ventilation shaft of one of the old abandoned mines.”

  “Ruby fell down a ventilation shaft? In the forest?”

  Will shook his head. “In the meadow. There’s a group of boulders in the meadow covering the opening of one of the ventilation shafts”

  Elizabeth put a hand to her throat. “But James said the meadow was safe.”

  “He thought it was,” Will told her. “Jamie didn’t realize that one of the old shafts reached that far out of woods and into the meadow. None of us did.”

  “But I searched the meadow,” Elizabeth protested. “I searched near the boulders.”

  “You couldn’t have seen her,” Will said. “Apparently she crawled between two of the large boulders covering the opening and tumbled down the shaft when the ground gave way.”

  “How did they find her?”

  “Jamie heard her crying before dawn, and he crawled over the meadow, following the sound until he got to the boulders. Even then he couldn’t see where she was until the sun came up and he could see the hole between the rocks that he missed yesterday afternoon.”

  “Where is he now?”

  “He’s in the meadow. He sent me to get you.”

  “What about Delia and the girls?” Elizabeth asked, knowing James would want the other girls with him when Ruby was rescued.

  “I’ll come back for them. He needs you now. You’re the only one who can help. I’ll explain on me way.” He grabbed hold of Elizabeth’s hand. “Hurry!”

  “NO! NO! DADDY! Daddy!” Ruby’s screams of terror and her plaintive cries for her father echoed up from the depths of the ventilation shaft as James lay flat on his belly on the ground in front of the opening, bracing himself and steadying the rope that held one of the few men small enough to go down the shaft and try to get her. But Ruby was fighting him, hampering his struggle to reach her. James cursed beneath his breath in frustration. “It’s all right, Button. The nice man is trying to help you,” he called down to her, trying to soothe her. But Ruby’s screams grew more frantic and James could hear the chunks of dirt and debris raining down on top of them as Ruby’s struggles intensified.

  James was too big. The shaft had filled with dirt and debris over the years and the opening had narrowed. He didn’t fit. He couldn’t get down the shaft and Ruby was frightened of the
Chinese laborer who’d volunteered. James could hear him, now, speaking to her, attempting to soothe her in Cantonese, but Ruby didn’t understand Cantonese and the laborer didn’t speak English and James was very much afraid that Ruby’s fear stemmed from the fact that the last time she’d been so close to a Chinese man or heard Chinese spoken, she’d been abandoned on a pile of rocks in the ocean. He listened as the man tried again to soothe Ruby. And heard the scuffle and the screams. “No! No! Daddy!”

  James couldn’t stand it any longer, nor could he risk having the walls of the shaft cave in around her. He called down to the laborer in Cantonese, then motioned for the men and the team of oxen to slowly pull him up.

  “I’ve brought her, Jamie, she’s here.” Carefully avoiding the ground above the shaft, Will led Elizabeth forward, then knelt on the ground and touched James on the shoulder to get his attention as the laborer surfaced from the depths of the shaft.

  It was worse than he expected, James learned as he untied the man from the swing chair he’d fashioned. Ruby was wedged on a ledge of rock, too frightened to do anything but lash out at the man who hadn’t been able to make her understand that he was there to help her—to take her to her daddy.

  James glanced around and saw Will with Elizabeth. “Thank God,” he breathed. “I’m too big to get down the shaft. So are most of the men here, and I don’t want to try to tunnel her out unless we fail to get her out this way. The shaft is narrow and dry and crumbly and I’m afraid digging will trigger a collapse.” He paused, then raked Elizabeth with his urgent gaze “I need you to talk to her while we send the man back down,” he said. “See if you can calm her down. She won’t listen to me,” he said. “She just keeps screaming my name, begging me to come down and get her.”

  Elizabeth took a breath. “What if I make it worse? She doesn’t like me, James. You know that.”

  “I know,” he said, “but I’ve got to try something.”

  He nodded to the next Chinese volunteer who climbed into the swing chair, then at Elizabeth. “Talk to her. Tell her that it’s you and that a nice man is coming down to get her.”

  Elizabeth did. She lay on her stomach in the dirt beside James and talked to Ruby as the men lowered the second volunteer and then a third one, into the shaft, but Ruby didn’t listen. She cried. She screamed for James, and she fought the young men sent down to rescue her like a termagant.

  Finally Elizabeth could stand it no longer and turned to James. “Pull him up,” she ordered, getting to her feet. “Pull him up. He’s terrifying her. She doesn’t understand.”

  “I know,” James snapped.

  “That’s why I’m going down to get her.”

  “I can’t let you,” James said. “I can’t risk your life, too.”

  “Try stopping me,” she challenged. Then ignoring the crowd of men gathered to offer help or to watch, Elizabeth unbuttoned her skirt and pushed it over her hips, untied her petticoats and bustle, and pulled her chemise over her head, stripping off clothing until she stood before James and the rest of the assembly in her camisole and drawers. When she’d shed all the cumbersome garments she could shed, Elizabeth climbed into the chair the last volunteer had vacated. “Strap me in,” she ordered James. “Strap me in before I have time to think about what I’m doing.”

  She took a deep breath as James tied the ropes around her waist that secured her to the chair.

  Alone in the shaft, Ruby began to cry.

  “It’s all right, Ruby,” Elizabeth soothed as James carefully lowered her into the dark, dirty tunnel. “Stay right where you are and don’t cry, sweetie. I’ll be there in a minute. I’m coming down to get you.”

  “Daddy!” Ruby cried.

  Dirt and debris rained down on Elizabeth, filling the air with dust as she inched her way down the shaft. Her eyes stung and her nose and throat burned from the dust she breathed. Roots and bits of rock and wood scratched her arms and legs as she scraped the narrow walls. She bit back a frightened cry as a clump of dirt broke loose and bounced off her shoulder.

  “Be a brave little girl,” Elizabeth said to Ruby as her feet touched the ledge. She looked down to find Ruby crouched behind a broken beam. “I can reach her,” she called up to James to tell him to tighten the slack in the rope. “Come on, sweetheart, come to me and let me hold you.”

  “Want Daddy,” Ruby said.

  “Then come with me,” Elizabeth coaxed. “He’s waiting for you at the top of this nasty old hole.”

  Ruby debated a moment longer, then lunged off the ledge and into Elizabeth’s arms. The swing rocked violently, bounced off the walls, and sent a cascade of dirt and pebbles tumbling down the shaft, but Elizabeth grabbed hold of her precious cargo and refused to let go. She hugged Ruby to her, burying her face in Ruby’s hair as a flood of tears poured unchecked down her face and left jagged tracks in the dirt on her face.

  “I’ve got her,” she called out to James. “Bring us up.”

  THE CELEBRATION BEGAN as soon as Elizabeth and Ruby appeared at the surface and lasted late into the morning. James declared a holiday and ordered the cooks in the canteen to break out the barrels of beer, but for Elizabeth, the celebration ended the moment Ruby pushed out of her embrace and ran for James. Elizabeth would never forget the expression of gratitude on James’s face as he fell to his knees, wrapped his arms around Ruby, and covered her little face with kisses, nor would she forget the pang in her heart as he reached out to include her in their embrace and Ruby pushed her away.

  James started to speak, but there was nothing he could say, nothing he could do to change the fact that while Ruby had allowed Elizabeth to rescue her, she wouldn’t allow Elizabeth to share in his love. He covered his frustration and his embarrassment by yelling for the company doctor as he lifted Ruby into his arms.

  Elizabeth stood off to the side, her heart nearly bursting with love for James and for Ruby, as she watched them together. Ruby was safe and secure in her father’s arms. Safe and secure in the warmth and knowledge of James’s love. And James was secure in the knowledge that he had dodged a horrible fate and been given another chance to take care of the child who had saved him by securing the place in his heart Cory’s death had left empty. James and Ruby were together. A family again—as they were meant to be. Elizabeth had done her duty and made up for her terrible mistake; now it was time to go on. She bent and picked up her discarded skirts and petticoats and slowly walked away.

  “Wait, Elizabeth!” James called to her. “Where are you going?”

  Elizabeth held up her discarded clothing.

  “You should have the doctor look at you,” he said.

  “I’m fine,” she told him. “I don’t need a doctor.”

  Ruby wiggled in his arms and James turned his attention back to his daughter. “Are you sure?” he asked again, his voice laced with concern for Elizabeth.

  Elizabeth managed a teary smile. “I’m sure,” she said. There was nothing the doctor could do for a broken heart.

  By the time James returned to the cabin to put Ruby to bed, Elizabeth was gone.

  “Where is she?” James demanded of Will when he turned around in Elizabeth’s empty bedroom and found Will standing in the doorway looking at him.

  “She’s gone,” Will said. “She left on the express train while you were with Ruby. I loaned her some traveling money and sent Delia and Garnet and Emerald and Diamond with her to keep her company. Delia and the girls are getting off at Coryville. But I don’t think Elizabeth is planning to get off with them.”

  “How do you know?”

  “She asked me to send her belongings.”

  Stunned, James sank down onto the edge of me bed. “She didn’t say good-bye. She didn’t tell me good-bye.”

  “I thought she said a rather eloquent good-bye last night,” Will told him.

  “You knew she was leaving last night?”

  “I suspected it,” Will said, “when she came in crying after making love with you.”

  James
raised an eyebrow at mat.

  Will snorted. “Unlike some men in this room, I’m not a fool. All you had to do was tell her you love her and ask her to stay.”

  “I couldn’t,” James said. “Ruby …”

  “Ruby is a child. A jealous, spoiled little girl who wants her daddy all to herself,” Will answered brutally.

  “Ruby went through a terrible ordeal,” James said. “She’s a little girl. It’s understandable that she wants me to herself for a while. Is there anything wrong with that?” he demanded.

  “No, Jamie,” Will said. “Except that Ruby won’t always be a little girl. She’s going to grow up and meet someone and fall in love and leave you. So will Garnet and Emerald and Diamond and any others you adopt. And where will you be?” Will didn’t wait for him to answer. “Alone, Jamie, and just as lonely as you are now. And all because you let Ruby decide the course of your life, instead of following your heart.”

  “I made a promise to Ruby when I found her in the ocean. I promised he that as long as I was alive, she wouldn’t have to worry about the people around her not loving her.”