The Vizier of the Two-Horned Alexander

by Frank Richard Stockton

  VII

  "Now, my dear," said Mr. Crowder, regarding his wife with a tender kindnesswhich I had frequently noticed in him, "just for a change, I know youwould like to hear of a career of prosperity, wouldn't you?"

  "Indeed, I would!" said Mrs. Crowder. "You will have noticed," said herhusband, "that there has been a great deal of variety in my vocations; infact, I have not mentioned a quarter of the different trades and callingsin which I have been engaged. It was sometimes desirable and oftenabsolutely necessary for me to change my method of making a living, butduring one epoch of my life I steadily devoted myself to a singleprofession. For nearly four hundred years I was engaged almostcontinuously in the practice of medicine. I found it easier for me, as adoctor, to change my place of residence and to appear in a new countrywith as much property as I could carry about with me, than if I had doneso in any other way. A prosperous and elderly man coming as a strangerfrom a far country would, under ordinary circumstances, be regarded withsuspicion unless he were able to give some account of his previous career.But a doctor from a far country was always welcome; if he could curepeople of their ailments they did not ask anything about the formercircumstances of his life. It was perfectly natural for a learned man totravel."

  "Did thee regularly study and go to college?" asked Mrs. Crowder, "or wasthee a quack?"

  "Oh, I studied," said her husband, smiling, "and under the best masters.I had always a fancy for that sort of thing, and in the days of thepatriarchs, when there were no regular doctors, I was often called upon,as I told you."

  "Oh, yes," said his wife; "thee rubbed Joshua with gravel and pepper."

  "And cured him," said he, "You ought not to have omitted that. But it wasnot until about the fifth century before Christ that I thought of reallystudying medicine. I was in the island of Cos, where I had gone for a veryqueer reason. The great painter Apelles lived there, and I went for thepurpose of studying art under him. I was tired of most of the things I hadbeen doing, and I thought it would be a good idea to become a painter.Apelles gave me no encouragement when I applied to him; he told me I wasentirely too old to become a pupil. 'By the time you would really know howto paint,' said he, 'supposing you have any talent for it, you ought to bebeginning to arrange your affairs to get ready to die.' Of course thisadmonition had no effect upon me, and I kept on with my drawing lessons.If I could not become a painter of eminence, I thought that at leastI might be able, if I understood drawing, to become a betterschoolmaster--if I should take up that profession again.

  "One day Apelles said to me, after glancing at the drawing on which I wasengaged: 'If you were ten years younger you might do something in thefield of art, for you would make an excellent model for the picture I amabout to begin. But at your present age you would not be able to sustainthe fatigue of remaining in a constrained position for any length oftime.' 'What is the subject?' I asked. 'A centurion in battle,' said he.

  "The next day I appeared before Apelles with my hair cropped short and myface without a vestige of a beard. 'Do I look young enough now to be yourmodel?' said I. The painter looked at me in surprise. 'Yes,' said he, 'youlook young enough; but of course you are the same age as you wereyesterday. However, if you would like to try the model business, I willmake some sketches of you.'

  "For more than a month, nearly every day, I stood as a model to Apellesfor his great picture of a centurion whose sword had been stricken fromhis hand, and who, in desperation, was preparing to defend himself againsthis enemy with the arms which nature had given him."

  "Is that picture extant?" I asked.

  Mr. Crowder smiled. "None of Apelles's paintings are in existence now," heanswered. "While I was acting as model to Apelles--and I may remark thatI never grew tired of standing in the position he desired--I listened withgreat satisfaction to the conversations between him and the friends whocalled upon him while he was at work. The chief of these was Hippocrates,the celebrated physician, between whom and Apelles a strong friendshipexisted.

  "Hippocrates was a man of great common sense. He did not believe thatdiseases were caused by spirits and demons and all that sort of thing, andin many ways he made himself very interesting to me. So, in course oftime, after having visited him a good deal, I made up my mind to quit thestudy of art and go into that of medicine.

  "I got on very well, and after a time I practiced with him in many cases,and he must have had a good deal of confidence in me, for when the King ofPersia sent for him to come to his court, offering him all sorts ofmunificent rewards, Hippocrates declined, but he suggested to me thatI should go.

  "'You look like a doctor,' said he. 'The king would have confidence in yousimply on account of your presence; and, besides, you do know a great dealabout medicine.' But I did not go to Persia, and shortly after that I leftthe island of Cos and gave up the practice of medicine. Later, in thesecond century before Christ, I made the acquaintance of a methodistdoctor--"

  "A what?" Mrs. Crowder and I exclaimed at the same moment.

  He laughed. "I thought that would surprise you, but it is true."

  "Of course it is true," said his wife, coloring a little. "Does thee thinkI would doubt anything thee told me? If thee had said that Abraham had aQuaker cook, I would have believed it."

  "And if I had told you that," said Mr. Crowder, "it would have been so.But to explain about this methodist doctor. In those days the physicianswere divided into three schools: empirics, dogmatists, and methodists.This man I speak of--Asclepiades--was the leading methodist physician,depending, as the name suggests, upon regular methods of treatment insteadof experiments and theories adapted to the particular case in hand.

  "He also was a man of great good sense, and was very witty besides. He madea good deal of fun of other physicians, and used to call the system ofHippocrates 'meditation on death.' I studied with him for some time, but itwas not until the first century of the present era that I really began thepractice of my profession. Then I made the acquaintance of the greatGalen. He was a man who was not only a physician, but an accomplishedsurgeon, and this could be said of very few people in that age of theworld. I studied anatomy and surgery under him, and afterward practicedwith him as I had done with Hippocrates.

  "The study of anatomy was rather difficult in those days, because theRoman laws forbade the dissection of citizens, and the anatomists had todepend for their knowledge of the human frame upon their examinations ofthe bodies of enemies killed in battle, or those of slaves, in whom noone took an interest; but most of all upon the bodies of apes. Greatnumbers of these beasts were brought from Africa solely for the use ofthe Roman surgeons, and in that connection I remember an incident whichwas rather curious.

  "I had not finished my studies under Galen when that great master one dayinformed me that a trader had brought him an ape, which had been confinedin a small building near his house. He asked me to go out and kill it andhave it brought into his dissecting-room, where he was to deliver alecture to some students.

  "I started for the building referred to. On the way I was met by thetrader. He was a vile-looking man, with black, matted hair and littleeyes, who did not look much higher in intelligence than the brutes hedealt in. He grinned diabolically as he led me to the little house andopened the door. I looked in. There was no ape there, but in one cornersat a dark-brown African girl. I looked at the man in surprise. 'The apeI was to bring got away from me,' he said, 'but that thing will do a greatdeal better, and I will not charge any more for it than for the ape. Killit, and we will put it into a bag and carry it to the doctor. He will beglad to see what we have brought him instead of an ape.'

  "I angrily ordered the man to leave the place, and taking the girl by thearm,--although I had a good deal of trouble in catching her,--I led her toGalen and told him the story."

  "And what became of the poor thing?" asked Mrs. Crowder.

  "Galen bought her from the man at the price of an ape, and tried to haveher educated as a servant, but she was a wild creature and could not betaught
much. In some way or other the people in charge of the amphitheatergot possession of her, and I heard that she was to figure in the games atan approaching great occasion. I was shocked and grieved to hear this, forI had taken an interest in the girl, and I knew what it meant for her totake part in the games in the arena. I tried to buy her, but it was of nouse: she was wanted for a particular purpose. On the day she was to appearin the arena I was there."

  "I don't see how thee could do it," said Mrs. Crowder, her face quitepale.

  "People's sensibilities were different in those days," said her husband."I don't suppose I could do such a thing now. After a time she was broughtout and left entirely alone in the middle of the great space. She wasnearly frightened to death by the people and the fear of some unknownterror. Trembling from head to foot, she looked from side to side, and atlast sank crouching on the ground. Everybody was quiet, for it was notknown what was to happen next. Then a grating sound was heard, with theclank of an iron door, and a large brown bear appeared in the arena. Thecrouching African fixed her eyes upon him, but did not move.

  "'THE CROUCHING AFRICAN FIXED HER EYES UPON HIM.'"]

  "The idea of a combat between this tender girl and a savage bear could notbe entertained. What was about to occur seemed simply a piece of brutalcarnage, with nothing to make it interesting. A great many peopleexpressed their dissatisfaction. The hard-hearted populace, even if theydid not care about fair play in their games, did desire some element ofchance which would give flavor to the cruelty. But here was nothing ofthe sort. It would have been as well to feed the beast with a sheep.

  "The bear, however, seemed to look upon the performance as one which wouldprove very satisfactory. He was hungry, not having had anything to eat forseveral days, and here was an appetizing young person waiting for him todevour her.

  "He had fixed his eyes upon her the moment he appeared, and had paid noattention whatever to the crowds by which he was surrounded. He gave aslight growl, the hair on his neck stood up, and he made a quick movementtoward the girl. But she did not wait for him. Springing to her feet, shefled, the bear after her.

  "Now followed one of the most exciting chases ever known in the history ofthe Roman amphitheater. That frightened girl, as swift as a deer, ranaround and around the vast space, followed closely by her savage pursuer.But although he was active and powerful and unusually swift for a bear, hecould not catch her.

  "Around and around she went, and around went the red-eyed beast behindher; but he could not gain upon her, and she gave no sign that herstrength was giving out.

  "Now the audience began to perceive that a contest was really going on: itwas a contest of speed and endurance, and the longer the girl ran the moreinclined the people were to take her part. At last there was a great shoutthat she should be allowed to escape. A little door was opened in the sideof the amphitheater; she shot through it, and it was closed almost in theface of the panting and furious bear."

  "What became of the poor girl?" exclaimed Mrs. Crowder.

  "A sculptor bought her," said Mr. Crowder. "He wanted to use her as amodel for a statue of the swift Diana; but this never came to anything.The girl could not be made to stand still for a moment. She was in achronic condition of being frightened to death. After that I heard of herno more; it was easy for people to disappear in Rome. But this incidentin the arena was remembered and talked about for many years afterward.The fact that a girl was possessed of such extraordinary swiftness thatshe would have been able to escape from a wild beast, by means of herspeed alone, had she been in an open plain, was considered one of the mostinteresting natural wonders which had been brought to the notice of theRoman people by the sports in the arena."

  "Fortunately," said Mrs. Crowder, "thee did not--"

  "No," said her husband, "I did not. I required more than speed in a caselike that. And now I think," said he, rising, "we must call this sessionconcluded."

  The next day I was obliged to bid farewell to the Crowders, and mybusiness arrangements made it improbable that I should see them again fora long time--I could not say how long. As I bade Mr. Crowder farewell andstood holding his hand in mine, he smiled, and said: "That's right. Lookhard at me; study every line in my face, and then when you see me againyou will be better able--"

  "Not a bit," said Mrs. Crowder. "He is just as able to judge now as hewill be if he stays away for twenty years."

  I believed her, as I warmly shook her hand, and I believe that I shallalways continue to believe her.