“Mark never said you came to New York.”
“I guess it was before you two started seeing each other.”
“It was before she agreed to officially date me,” Mark says, coming up behind me and doing his usual by hugging me around my shoulders. He kisses my cheek. “I see you survived a day of shopping with Mom,” he says and releases me. He kisses his mother.
“Markham it wasn’t that bad,” his mother says.
“What did you buy, Nella?” he asks, patting the seat beside him on the sofa.
“Something for Zoi.”
“Of course,” he says smirking at me.
“Why of course?” I ask, sensing attitude.
“How about your sons, Etienne, your dad, your brother-in-law and Tempest?”
“Oh,” I say a little embarrassed.
“Why are you making her feel bad?” Mrs. Gagnon asks.
“Because she does it all the time,” he says staring at me.
I reach up and touch his face. “I will buy you something tomorrow if you take me downtown.”
“You promise?” he asks grinning big.
I lean into him and kiss his lips. “I promise.”
“You’re coming shopping with us tomorrow, Markham? Excellent,” his mother says with delight.
Mark covers his face and groans. His mom and I laugh.
That night, we’re all watching TV, hockey for his dad’s sake when Mark’s phone rings. He walks out of the room to talk. After a while, he returns and beckons for me to come. I walk toward him and he hands me his phone.
“Hello,” I say in a skeptical voice.
“Hi, Daddy says your name is Nella. My best friend’s name is Nella, how cool is that?” she asks.
“Hi, Tiffany, what else did your dad say?”
“He said I get to meet you tomorrow. Are you really his friend?”
“I am.”
“Are you blond too? My friend Nella is blond,” she says with excitement.
“No, I’m not blond, my hair is black. Is Nella as pretty as you?” I ask.
She giggles. “You know what I look like?”
“Yes, I’ve seen lots of pictures of you and Zack.”
“At Daddy’s apartment in New York or at Grandma’s?”
“In New York.”
“Nella, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Please tell Daddy bye; it’s my bedtime.”
“Thanks for talking to me, Tiffany, have a good night.”
“Bye,” she whispers and hangs up.
I keep my eye on the phone and wonder. I turn and hand it to Mark, but instead of taking the phone, he holds my hand and pulls me toward him. I walk into him and slip it in his pocket before I put my arms around him.
“She’s really sweet. She said to tell you it’s past her bedtime; she’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Nella?” he groans and I ignore him.
“Will she be shocked when she sees that I’m black?” I ask, moving out of his embrace.
Mark stares at me and shrugs his shoulder. “Maybe, but we’ll deal with it tomorrow.” He reaches out his hand toward me and I take it. “There are dark-skinned people in my family. You will not be the first one Tiffany will meet. She and Zack can handle it.”
I nod. “I had a great time site seeing and shopping with your mom. I think we could actually become friends.”
“I thought so. Do you want to meet with Chloe alone or do you still want me to be present?”
“Will she be here tomorrow?”
“No, Saturday, but we can meet her at her house while the kids spend time with Mom and Dad.”
“Okay and I need you to be there, so I don’t have to hear later what I didn’t say.”
“Nella?” he asks again.
“If you keep begging before you sneak into my room your parents are going to know.”
“Mom said she knows how you got that lovely behind and the image has me a little … a lot … horny.”
I laugh. “Go take a cold shower.”
“Why did you have to tell her?”
“Wait until she gets a pole in her bedroom,” I say laughing and he can’t help himself but to burst into laughter too.
On Friday afternoon, Mark picks up the kids from school and as soon as Tiffany enters the house she asks her grandmother for me.
“If you see a black woman in the family room then she’s there and if not she maybe upstairs.”
“Granny, she’s black?” Tiffany asks in the same elevated tone of voice.
“She is, Tiffany, and please lower your voice. Go and find Nella, say hello and then come back and greet me properly.”
“I will, Grandma,” she says, and I hear her footsteps before I see her. “Are you Nella?” she asks with the biggest smile on her face.
“I am. Hi, Tiffany. You’re as pretty in person as your pictures. It’s nice to finally meet you,” I say, standing and reaching out my hand to her.
“I’m sorry I asked you if you were blond. It seems lame now. Black girls aren’t usually blond unless they’re ghetto or something, right?”
“Right,” I say laughing as I look up at Mark and Zack. “Hi, Zack, I’m Nella.”
“Hi,” he says shyly.
“Tiffany, Mom wants to see you, something about screaming in the house,” Marks says.
“Oh, yeah,” she says making a face. “Nella, don’t say anything New York like until I get back, okay.”
“Okay,” I say opening my eyes wider as I smile with Mark. “Zack, would you like to sit with me until Tiffany returns?”
“Sure,” he says.
“How was school?” I ask.
“Same as usual,” he says, changing the TV channel.
I turn to Mark for help and he shakes his head. I leave him alone. Tiffany returns and asks me if I want to sit with her and Grandma in the kitchen. I’m happy to do that. I like Tiffany. She talks openly; she’s smart and animated and doesn’t miss a thing. She keeps us entertained, but I feel guilty her father cannot enjoy her every day.
After dinner, I watch the three of them play video games. Apparently Mark is horrible at it, but I imagine he does it for them. Zack wins most of the games. Both grandparents sit in an area off the family room in glider recliners reading and talking. I find my coat in the closet near the front door and head to the back of the house, beyond the family room, and out the back door onto the deck.
When I call Zoi, she sounds so upbeat I can’t talk to her about what I’m thinking.
I listen to her talk about Tempest and I imagine I’m there, so I could cheer myself up. After I hang up I remain where I stand. I shake my head. Those children deserve to be with their father all the time. He should be coming home to them every weekend.
He does.
Leaving me will not change that.
He lives in New York. This is how things are and it has nothing to do with me.
“You like the cold?” Mr. Gagnon asks from behind me.
“No,” I say. I turn around to face him. “I was actually talking to my sister and now thinking a little.”
“Yes, I can see that. I also saw the guilt on your face.”
I stare at him then say, “Mark and I broke up after Christmas, so he could make up his mind about going back to his wife. I understood … going back for the children.”
“But …”
“We love each other and …”
“As you sat there and watched them you believe they should be together. They deserve to be with their father every day. Am I right?”
I nod.
“If you breakup with Markham again that will not solve the problem. He still works in New York and will still only have limited access to his children.”
“I just came to that conclusion, but I still feel lousy about all of it. Maybe Mark should …” I stop. I cannot say it out loud.
“Nella, your children survived without their father and if I am to believe you, they have done well. Tiffany and Zack are not unhappy. They miss their father, but they have a m
uch better time with him when they do see him than when they had to listen to him and their mother argue and bicker.”
I nod. “Thank you, Dr. Gagnon.”
“It’s Jacob, and if you stay out here any longer you will get sick.” He turns around and walks back inside.
I nod continuously then turn back to staring into the darkness. I still feel uneasy.
He hugs me tightly and puts his warm cheek against my cold one.
“I love you so much. You can’t leave me, so don’t even think it or suggest it.”
I turn in his arms and hug him tightly.
“Those kids love you and deserve to see you all the time.”
“What you saw are children who miss their father, absence making the heart grow fonder. If they see me every day they will behave differently. I have come to terms with the way things are, so don’t suggest I quit my job or quit you.”
“Mark, I love you,” I say, lifting my head to receive a kiss I desperately need.
He holds my head and the effect of his kiss travel slowly right to that spot, warming me up. I hold him tighter and cling to his lips longer.
“Daddy, is Nella your girlfriend? Because if she isn’t, you shouldn’t be kissing her.”
We stop and I turn my head away from the direction of Tiffany’s voice and wipe my mouth. I slowly release Mark, but he holds me close.
“She’s pretty isn’t she, Tiff? I think she should be my girlfriend. What do you think?”
“I like her and she is pretty. Nella, do you want to be Daddy’s girlfriend?” Tiffany asks with a big grin on her face.
“He’s not fooling you, is he?” I ask with a shy grin.
She shakes her head. “You look at each other like you like each other.”
“We do. He’s my boyfriend. We didn’t know how you would take it. We didn’t want to upset you.”
“I’m not upset. Daddy looks happy.”
“I’m happy, Tiff, and I need you to go back inside because you don’t have a coat on. We’ll be right there.”
“Okay, but don’t take long.”
We watch her walk away.
“Do you think Zack knows too?” I ask Mark.
“He’s not as perceptive as Tiffany, but if he doesn’t she’ll tell him.” He examines my face. “Do you feel any better?”
“I could move up a notch, but … yes … I do.”
“Would you prefer to find me tonight or should I be the silent one again?”
“It’s your house and if anyone should get in trouble it should be you, but I need to hear your voice telling me how much you love me.”
“Like this?” he asks, kissing me with tongue.
On Saturday, Mark and I drive to the house Mark shared with Chloe. The house is along the lines of what I expect now I know they are both rich. It’s a contemporary house with large windows, and no protective covering over them; I can see the inside from outside, and of course, it has an ocean view. It’s spectacular from the outside; I expect no less on the inside. I see why Mark kept coming back. The house alone is enough for him to keep changing his mind.
He rings the doorbell. She immediately opens the door, I assume, without looking because she’s surprised I’m black. I like that he can surprise her.
“Come in,” she says, staring into Mark’s face.
“Chloe, this is Nella.”
“Hi, Chloe, it’s nice to meet you,” I say, holding out my hand to her.
“It’s nice to meet you too,” she says taking my hand. “Let’s talk in the family room,” she continues and leads the way past the formal living room on the right and the dining room on the left.
She shows me the sofa and Mark and I sit together.
“Can I offer you something to drink,” she asks, looking directly at me.
“Thank you, no. I’m fine,” I say and turn to Mark.
He shakes his head in response.
She sits in a matching club chair across from us. I gaze out at the view of the deck through the French doors. My eyes move to the kitchen and stop when I hear Chloe’s voice.
“How long have you two been seeing each other?” Chloe asks. I look at Mark.
“We met at the merger meeting a month before I moved to New York. Nella was the assistant vice president of the company and she stayed on for three months after I arrived. After she left we started dating.”
“We were still together then, weren’t we?” she says accusingly. She seems a little upset.
I stare at her and smile inadvertently. I quickly suppress the urge, hoping she didn’t notice.
“Chloe, Nella is familiar with our story; so please stop trying to shock her.”
“What are you here to tell me?”
“I wanted to meet you and make sure you and I understand each other since your kids will be in New York for the summer. I think you should know what I’m about, so you’ll be comfortable knowing they’ll be around me.”
“What makes you think you will last until the summer? You’re not even Mark’s type.”
“He’s not my type either; yet, here we are.” We glare at each other. “Are you still in love with Mark?”
She is taken aback at my direct approach.
“I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
“I believe it is. He’s my man and your ex-husband and if you’re still in love with him we need to set up some rules.”
“Rules? I’m not the outsider here. You are. He is the father of my children and I should have access to him whenever I choose.”
“He is the father of your children, but the access whenever you choose is out of the question if it pertains to sex or having any more of his children.”
She gasps and glares at Mark. “How dare you share what’s between us with her?” she asks, quickly standing. “You were my husband and if I want you back it’s none of her business.”
“I’m going to ask you once again,” I say, standing too. “Are you in love with Mark?”
She glowers at me and I dare her to lie in my face.
“No, but we can get back there given time,” she says, and I get the feeling she believes that.
“Good, since we’ve established you’re not in love with him then all you need to know is that he belongs to me and only me until we both decide otherwise.”
She moves in order to see Mark’s face. I turn to take a look too. He stares back at Chloe.
“You heard her. We’re over and it’s time to let it go.”
“Mark, do you honestly mean that or are you just saying that because she’s standing here?”
He’s on his feet too.
“Chloe, we have been over for years and because of the children neither of us wanted to let go. Moving to New York helped me to make the decision. I’m closer to the children now and I don’t want what we’ve been trying to preserve. I love Nella and when she’s ready we’re going to get married.”
“Married? Do your parents know?”
“Yes, they know.”
She turns to me looking truly upset.
“And what are you, thirty? You think he won’t trade you in too? Do you have kids?”
“Yes, I have two kids,” I say, feeling for her.
“What if I don’t want my children around yours, then what?”
“I don’t believe my children will be interested in playing with yours, so you have nothing to worry about.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
I look at Mark and he’s amused too, but I hate that she thinks I value my kids above hers.
“Chloe, my children are grown. Roland is in med school and Zander is twenty, and in his second year of college.”
She’s shocked.
“You’re not thirty?”
“No, I’m not thirty.”
“Are you going to have more children?”
I scoff. “You and I are not friends yet, so you really don’t need to know that.”
She looks at Mark then back at me. “He wa
nts more kids and I can give him that,” she says sounding desperate.
“Chloe, we need to move forward here. You cannot give my man anything that involves sex. So think about keeping your legs closed where he is concerned and let’s work on what you would like to see happen with the kids for the summer.”
At some point we finally sit down. Between the two of them we are able to come up with a general idea of what the children will be doing especially while Mark is at work. Mark had asked me to help him research ideas on educational programs and camps in the city, and since I’m more familiar with New York, I volunteered to do the legwork. Mark appears to be impressed and appreciative, and I mentally pat myself on the back.
When we’re leaving Chloe’s, I assure her I will do my best to take care of her children when they’re with me. Mark adds that they’ll be with me a lot. She seems resigned to our relationship. I make a note to thank Joline for letting me piggy-back on her experience.
Four days before the party, Dad calls and asks me over to my apartment for dinner and to meet her, I assume. I immediately call Zoi to get her feedback. She has only seen the back of her head but hasn’t met her. Zoi promised Dad to give him privacy, so she refused to spy for me. On Tuesday evening I dress carefully in a blue-green, ruffle top and black pants and drop by early to spend time with Tempest. I miss her because of the trip to Canada and I’ve been at Mark’s since then.
I pick her up and hold her close to me while on the sofa talking and listening to her coo. I kiss Tempest’s chubby feet as she sucks on her hand and smiles now and then depending on the tone of my voice.
“Nella, it’s time to go,” Zoi says.
Zoi is dressed up for the first time since Christmas, wearing the necklace I got for her in Canada with a dove-gray, safari dress.
“You look very nice Mrs. Whitney,” I say, smiling at her.
“You do Babe. You look beautiful,” Darnell says as he stands and kisses her cheek.
I gaze at them and sense trouble. No sex is happening. I stand and hand Tempest to Darnell. I kiss his cheek to let him know I sympathize. He gets it.
“Thanks, Nella,” he says, looking at me with sad eyes.
As we leave I wonder what to say. Is she depressed or is Dad too close to allow for the intimacy she needs or is she feeling like a mother and nothing else?
I put my arm around her shoulder.
TAKE ME as I am Page 20