TAKE ME as I am

by C Osborne, Laurina

  “You found someone to do it?” Zoi asks.

  “I finally did and I scheduled it six months ago and cancelled because I didn’t talk to Mark about it. He would be pissed as hell if he found out I did it without his input.”

  “Nella, you agreed to marry him, right? Or you will on Saturday. After that Mark will start planning a wedding.”

  “How long will that take?”

  “The bigger, the longer,” Zoi says laughing. “You do not want big, so I will say six months tops.”

  “I’m counting on you to make it at least a year,” I say challenging her.

  “I go back to work soon; I won’t have time to help. I believe people of wealth usually hire a wedding planner.”

  “Dad, a little help here. I want a small wedding and I want it in a year. What can you do for me?”

  “I can have him kidnapped until then; short of that, my advice is to marry Mark as soon as possible and take him off the market.”

  I shake my head at him. “What good are you anyway?”

  “I do not meddle in affairs of the heart especially where true love is concerned. Do you want my opinion?”

  “Yes, Daddy dearest,” I say.

  “If Mark asks you to move in with him say yes and move in.”

  I keep my eyes on him and it hits me suddenly. I laugh so loudly Tempest jumps in her sleep.

  “You have been in my apartment, how long? A minute and a half and you fell in love with it and now you want to move in,” I say, moving my chair closer to his. “You would sell your daughter down the river for her apartment?” I ask in mock outrage.

  “It’s a nice place and you love him,” he says with very little guilt.

  “Does that mean you’re staying?” I ask with excitement.

  He smiles. “I would like to and Trudy has been asked to move to the Manhattan office.”

  Zoi and I smile at each other.

  “You love her!” Zoi exclaims.

  “I’m getting soft in my old age. Being retired is having some kind of doltish effect on me, and since Trudy doesn’t mind I’m going for it.”

  “You have no guilt about sacrificing me for your old age pleasures?” I ask jokingly.

  “Eunella,” he says holding my chin, “Mark knows you and loves you. It’s not a race. It’s a process and marriage is just one part of it. It’s not your whole life. You still have your family, your job … jobs, your friends and whatever else you want to slip into it.”

  He’s so happy; I’ll consider it.

  “Mark has to ask me first and you need to stay out of it. In the mean time, I get my apartment back, right?”

  “Yes, yes of course,” he says, but I sense he doesn’t want to give it back.

  I turn to Zoi. “Guess who’s here in New York?”

  “Keith,” she says seriously.

  “How’d you know that?”

  “My nephews called and told me they invited him to the party. They thought it was a surprise. It’s already done, so I was planning to tell you today.”

  “I was actually going to say Matt, but same difference.”

  “Keith is the father of my grandsons?”

  I nod. “I’m meeting Matt tomorrow and I think something is up. He didn’t want to tell me last night. If it was good news he would’ve said.”

  We both turn to Dad and he opens his eyes wide.

  “Okay, in this I can be of help and you won’t even have to ask. In trying to find you both I did some checking around St. Matthews before I went there. I started at the top and your husband’s name came up on the FBI’s list of one to watch in reference to cars being stolen out of the States and shipped to the Caribbean, St. Matthews being one of the final destinations.”

  “Are you sure Dad?” I ask, surprised at the suggestion of criminal activity.

  “He is not a suspect, but he does own one of the cars that was stolen in New York and shipped out of Miami. He might not be directly involved, but he will have to return the car.”

  “Should he have known the car was stolen?” Zoi asks.

  “The price of the car should have alerted each person who bought one. These are fairly new cars. His was a Benz with less than five thousand miles and he paid ten thousand US dollars for it.”

  “Does Matt have one of those cars too?” I ask.

  “No, which says that the Chief Minister’s brother may have suspected.”

  “Or doesn’t know or thought it was too good to be true,” I say, being hopeful.

  He shrugs his shoulder.

  “So how can Nella use this information to her advantage if she should need it?” Zoi asks.

  Dad looks at me seriously. “You are still keeping secrets and I suspect your husband is involved. You have not decided if you should be afraid of him or not. He cannot hurt you. Approach him as you would Zander. Let him think he has a choice, but remember he is still the father of your children. If you need to, tell him what I just told you, imply I got it from Scotland Yard. He will be more scared of the Crown than the FBI.”

  Around ten o’clock Friday morning I head to meet Matt at his Midtown hotel. I decided after talking with Mark that I will try to take care of any issues with Keith early. I knock on Matt’s hotel room door, but no one answers. I call the number he called me from. He’s in Keith’s suite and will meet me in the lobby. I persuade him to let me come to Keith’s room, which is two doors away. When I knock, Matt opens the door.

  We greet each other with a hug.

  “Oh my gosh, it’s so good to see you,” I say, looking up at Matt.

  “Same here. You look like you’re getting younger,” Matt says bending and kissing my cheek.

  I peer into the room. There are four men, including Keith and Kingsley. The other two are unfamiliar. They’re staring at me.

  “Hello, everyone,” I say, giving a pleasant smile.

  None of them respond. I turn to Matt who’s glaring at the men. I touch his arm and he turns toward me.

  “Since I’m not welcome maybe we should go. I have to pick up the boys in a little over an hour and we’ll go to lunch. In the mean time, I can show you a little of the city.”

  Keith makes a noise with the chair as he stands and walks over to me.

  “You look good, Eunella. Life agrees with you.”

  I smile. I feel at ease, surprisingly. “I guess whatever I’m doing agrees with me, so thank you for saying that. How have you been?”

  “I’ve been so, so, but now that I see you I’m better.”

  I glare up at him and he’s flirting with me. I look past him to Kingsley’s face. His eyes are on the table, but I can see he’s listening.

  “So who are the rest of the party?” I ask to avoid the tension.

  He shakes his head as if to clear the cobwebs.

  “Cabinet members, Beresford and Olson, this is my wife, Nella.”

  “Hi, Beresford and Olson, I’m his ex-wife, Nella,” I say as I walk farther into the room and shake their hands. They appear to be in their late twenties.

  “Keith talks about you all the time,” Beresford says.

  “I would disregard anything he says; he has no idea who I am.”

  I glare at Kingsley. He feels my stare and looks up at me with very direct eyes.

  “Hello, Kingsley. I trust you too are well.” His face says he didn’t expect me to be polite to him.

  “Yes, I’m well.”

  “Good.” I turn back to Keith. “Do you have plans with Roland and Zander? If you don’t, I will take them home with me after lunch.”

  “Why don’t I accompany you to lunch? I need to talk to you,” he says, giving me a very intimate look.

  “No offense, Keith, but we have zilch to talk about. If it’s about your sons, they are both of age and are capable of making their own decisions; plus I invited Matt to lunch because I want to have a good time.”

  He folds his arms across his chest and backs away from me. I put my bag on my shoulder, balance my legs better by moving th
em a little farther apart and bury my hands in my Trench coat pocket. We do the stare down.

  “Just in case you missed what I’m saying, here it is. I am not about to pay for lunch for you and then listen to you talk. Do you want me to bring your sons back here, so you can spend some time with them or not?”

  “My sons invited me to their home for dinner this evening, so we can talk then.”

  “The last time I checked, your sons live in dorm rooms and neither of them cooks, so come again.”

  “Nella, why are you been a hard arse? What I have to say to you involves my sons and I need your input.”

  “In that case I will bring them back here after lunch.”

  “Why can’t you invite me to your house for dinner and we can all talk there? I’m the father of your children and you used to love me once.”

  I laugh. “Actually, I’m staying with my boyfriend and my Dad is staying in my apartment.”

  “Your Dad? I thought he was dead.”

  “No, he’s very much alive and works for the secret service.”

  “So where are my sons supposed to stay when they’re not at school?”

  “You never worried about that before, why start now?”

  I see his anger building.

  “Why do you need to get into my house to talk to your sons?”

  “It’s a personal conversation and you have influence over them.”

  “What do you want from them that they may not be willing to give?”

  “Nella, you owe me for taking them away and I’m just trying to collect.”

  “Collect this!” I say and stick my middle finger in the air at him. “Matt, please let’s go before … before I sin my not so righteous soul.”

  “Nella,” he yells in a commanding voice.

  “Go to hell, Keith,” I yell back and walk toward the door, which Matt opens.

  In the elevator, I pretend I’m not affected. I look up at Matt and remember what Mark said. I squeeze my eyes shut at the thought of spending time with Keith. I turn to say something to Matt, who’s staring at the down arrow.

  “Matt, does the elevator make you nervous?”

  “Who said that?” he asks in a shaky voice.

  “You just did. Look at me,” I say, putting my hand in his. He holds my hand tightly; his palm is sweaty. “Now take your eyes off the arrow and look at my face.”

  He does very slowly.

  “The way to do this is to talk a lot to take your mind off the ride. Before you know it, you are there,” I say as the elevator door opens.

  He drops my hand and steps out quickly and I laugh. Who knew?

  We leave the hotel and head west. As we window shop, Matt tells me Samantha is pregnant, but he doesn’t seem happy. She miscarried three months ago, so he doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He’s not sure what’s the problem; I suggest she stay at home for the duration of her pregnancy and refrain from sex.

  He stops dead in his tracks. He looks at me and laughs.

  “You are still the same old Eunella. I didn’t think you could still do that.”

  “Do what?” I ask.

  “Have a ready solution. Are you still always right and pretend it doesn’t matter?”

  “Was I like that? Was I a know-it-all?”

  “No. You were an old soul with the simplest solutions to complicated issues. The doctor did say bed rest might help, but she didn’t make it sound as if that was the solution. And you know where we’re from, the moment I stop making love to my wife, she will think I’m sleeping out.”

  “I’m suggesting it because if it’s not obvious to the doctor it could be that when Samantha climaxes it’s intense and … and the baby doesn’t like it or likes it too much. Maybe not total bed rest but sleeping longer and being off her feet can’t hurt. She should walk for exercise and rest often. And you should let her touch you, kiss her a lot and touch her too, just don’t … you know … go all the way.”

  “Nella, didn’t you want to be a doctor? What happened?”

  “Two kids who needed tuition; besides, I’m a Ph.D.”

  “You got your Ph.D.? In what? Don’t tell me,” he says scratching his balding head. “You always wanted to either go to med school, teach or do research.”

  “You have a good memory, Matt. It’s in education.”

  “You will make an excellent teacher.”

  “I’m trying. I have freshmen this year and there’re some promising ones among them, so I’m hopeful.”

  I drag him into a department store. I buy a gift for Samantha and a shirt for him. My dad calls to find out if he should cook. Without thinking, I ask him to cook for five additional people, not including the boys. He reminds me that the party is tomorrow but asks for suggestions.

  Soon after the boys call, we meet them and continue on to lunch. I have not seen them interact with Matt before, so I’m more of an observer than a participant. I feel good about their relationship. I decide to suck it up and work it out with Keith, even if I can never forgive him.

  After lunch, Matt calls Keith and we agree to meet him at the hotel.

  When we arrive, he’s alone. The boys are excited to see him. He expected to see Etienne too, but my nephew’s train out of New Jersey arrives later this afternoon. Keith keeps saying how much he misses seeing the boys every summer.

  “Listen Keith, you wanted me to be here for this, so whatever it is you want, ask them. Dad’s cooking and I told him I will invite you and your friends and I would like to help him out.”

  He observes my face and slowly nods. There’s kindness in his eyes.

  “Roland, I know you’re in med school and you just started, but I was thinking that it’s time you come home and maybe get your feet wet with a government job and start learning the trade.”

  I cover my mouth unable to believe his nerve.

  “What? Dad, I want to be a doctor. I’m no politician.”

  “Ro, we have a tradition in our family and politics is in our blood. You are smart and I could use you as an advisor, especially since you’ve been educated here and have the American experience. You will definitely be an asset.”

  Roland stands, shaking his head. “No, Dad. Not this time. Mom slaved to pay for my education and this is what I want.”

  “That was your mother’s choice. She ran off. We had a plan to come to the States together and she stole you from me. In the middle of the day, she took you out of school and took off with you. I had no say in that. She chose to do this on her own.”

  “Dad, I don’t know what happened, but I remember. I remember Mom crying, and when Uncle Matt showed up in Antigua she was a wreck. She didn’t just run off. Something happened even if you don’t want to admit it. I remember how panicked she was when she sent us back the first time. She made us take self-defense classes and we had to be really good before she let us go back to visit. But this is not about Mom. I … me … I want to be a doctor. I won’t quit school.”

  “Roland, I’m your father. You don’t have a choice.”

  In spite of my words about the boys making their own choices, I’m hot. I glare at Roland daring him to let himself be bullied.

  “You know, I asked Selena to come home with me and she wanted to, but she needed to study. I was disappointed and I told her so. She held my hand and dragged me into her room. She showed me what she called ‘her ledger.’ Her entire family put together to send her to med school. She writes down exactly how much each person sends her monthly in a little red book. She said, ‘Roland all these people have invested in me. I’ll be the first doctor in my family and they expect to get a return on their investment when I’m through. I will not let them down’.”

  He glares at his father and then turns to me.

  “I went back to my room sulking and feeling disappointed, but she was still echoing in my head. Selena is not as intelligent as I am, but the professors see something special in her and that attracted me at first, pure curiosity. But I’ve learnt so much from her. I thought about
the people who invested in me, Mom and Auntie Zo. I remember when Mom sat with us on Sundays going over homework we got wrong or didn’t understand and she wouldn’t let up until we understood.

  “My first year in college, I received a B for the first time. I called home crying. Mom bought the text book and night after night we went over it until I got my confidence back.”

  He stops and turns to his father.

  “Dad, did you send Mom a check to invest in my future? Selena says I’m selfish and I don’t give my mother enough consideration. I want to change and be considerate. Dad, did you invest in my future and do I owe you for that? If I do, I will certainly consider going back home.”

  Keith gives me a look of hate then turns toward his son.

  “Roland you will learn that every man picks his destiny and letting a woman influence the way you feel about your family is just wrong. I realize that I didn’t have the resources to physically pay for your education, the exchange rate rendered my money almost useless; however, we should not let money get between us. We share a bloodline and that, my son, is the most important thing. I am offering you the chance to run a country, a chance of a lifetime. Please think about it.”

  He turns his attention to Zander, dismissing Roland as if he had the last word. Then immediately, as if he had another idea, he turns to me.

  “You took my children. We had a plan and you had no right to just run off with them. Nella, they are all I have. They are my genes, my seed and you owe me.”

  “Tell me how much in Eastern Caribbean Currency and I will write you a check,” I say, easing forward in my chair. “The exchange rate is definitely in my favor.”

  “You cheated me, Nella. You cheated my sons out of their birthright.”

  “I didn’t know that the office of chief minister was inherited. I thought it was an elected office.”

  There’s spite in his eyes. Knowing now that I didn’t raise sons with jelly for spine, I’m ready to let it all out.

  “Keith, you and I know why I left. If you would like me to share it with your sons I will right now, every dirty, nasty detail of it.”

  He grins big.

  “Do not call my bluff. I will never forgive you, but I’ve forgiven myself for not using a skillet to knock you out cold as you lay bent over on our bed.”