by Brynn Hale
He grabbed a beer and sat. “First, are you okay?”
Every time I needed to talk to my guys, they thought I was in crisis. I wasn’t always in crisis. I’d hit a couple of rough patches, but that was to be expected.
“I’m good. Like…really good…or I was…but I’m not sure if I will be.”
“Whoa, dude. That was like a verbal Rubik’s cube.” He rubs his hand over his goatee. “Just spit it out.”
“Your daughter wrote me a love note.”
I slide the paper over to Hemi and he sets his beer down to pick it up. He shakes his head like he’s clearing what he just saw.
“That was…”
“And now you know why I can’t talk straight.”
“I knew she had a crush, but this is…”
“Again, I know. What can we do?”
“Cece thought it was cute and she’d grow out of it, but I think we need to talk to her. You okay?”
“Little freaked out to be hit on by an eight-year-old.”
Hemi threw his head back and laughed. “We’ll take care of it.”
“I don’t want to hurt her, but I want to be clear, she’s not my type. Speaking of, I spent the night with Rissa.”
“Okay.” Hemi leaned forward his elbows on his knees. “She know about Viv and Jillyn?”
“I told her. I think it scared her. Her daughter’s father did a disappearing act and I think she’s thinking I’m doing the same to this child.”
“Well…” He raises his shoulders.
“Well, what?”
“I’m here to support you.”
Fuck.
“Just stop it. I never should have taken you to that meeting.”
He leans back in his chair and swivels to face me. “But you did. So I’m here. What are you gonna do, Valore? You know you can have both in your life? Hell, you can have it all.”
“I want it all, but do I…”
“Do you what?”
“Do I deserve it. Am I fixed enough to believe I can make this happen without freaking out and going back—”
“You will never go back. We won’t let you. Copper said that when he thought you were going for that shot a month ago, he was going to knock them all down the bar if your finger got any closer.”
“You can’t be with me all the time.”
“But you called us to be with you. That means you knew what you were going to do didn’t sit right. You just wanted someone there to support you.”
He’s right. I need someone to support me and Rissa needs someone to support her, too. Not financially. Just to listen to her and hear what her heart really has to say.
“So, Valore…one more time. What do you want to do about your spawn?”
“I want to be happy.”
He grabs my shoulder and squeezes. “You remember when we stole Cece’s car together?”
“How could I forget?” We were lucky to be alive. And my parents almost killed me after picking me up from juvenile hold.
“Remember that feeling. Remember how free we felt as those stupid seventeen-year-olds? Remember we said ‘no regrets’ and I don’t have any. Will walking away make you happy or will you have regrets?”
“Our babies could grow up together.”
“That’s true.”
I lean forward and pull a piece of paper out of my back pocket.
“Don’t tell me that’s a return note to my daughter.” He rears back like the paper will burn his eyes.
I shake my head and chuckle. “No. It’s a check for what you lent me to get my business out of trouble three years ago. I’m doing really well and I’m ready to repay you.”
He entwines his hands behind his head. “Nah, you use it for something else—a house or more equipment or hell, Dillon’s college education. I don’t want it back.”
“You sure.”
“Leif, seeing you happy will be repayment enough.”
My friends were too good to me.
Now it was time for me to be good to me.
No regrets and happy.
Seven
Leif
Two weeks later.
I took Hemi’s advice. I got to know myself and find out what I like, what is my happiness. First, I found out that I was kind of boring, but I also found out that I hate doing laundry, but love doing dishes. I make a horrible meatloaf—a beef brick flavored like feet—but great mashed potatoes and gravy. I read three books, more books than I had since high school, all four years. I took long walks, went on long runs and I loved both. I avoided Graffiti Street Bar. And that taught me the most.
Today, I took Dillon and Skye to the zoo. I explained to Skye that she and I could be friends but nothing else. She said “Yeah, Hemi told me I couldn’t like you that way.” Then she turned to my son and said, “Okay, Dillon, I’ll be your girlfriend.” I tried to insert that wasn’t what I meant to have happen, but by Dillon’s face, it’s what he wanted to have happen.
I’d have to have another conversation with Hemi. Great. Or maybe I’ll let Tracie take care of it. That sounds even better.
Speaking of Tracie, now I’m dropping both of them back at their homes. It’s Sunday and I know Rissa’s at the bar.
I walk Dillon and Skye into Tracie’s house. It’s no longer mine. I have to face this.
Dillon gives his mom a hug and then he and Skye run outside.
“Trac, you have some time or is Guy here?”
“Guy won’t be here ever again.” She plops down on the couch and lifts her phone to her face.
I take a seat on the couch, but far away. I reach out and lower her phone. Her glare like icy barbs into me. “You okay?”
“He’s found someone else.”
“I’m sorry, that sucks.”
“Guy found a guy.”
I break out laughing. “I knew it!”
“You knew?”
“Tracie, the way he was looking at me, I felt like a slab of beef.”
“He thought he was bisexual. He decided he wasn’t. I’m not mad at him.”
I cock my head at her.
She rolls her eyes. “Okay, maybe a little mad, but not because he’s gay, but because he used me to find out.”
“Only you, Trac.” I shake my head. “I am sorry.” I reach for her hand and she stares at the connection. “And I’m sorry about everything I did to…us.”
A long sigh brushes the air. “I know you are. I’m sorry, too. I wish I could have loved you through all of it, but I knew I wasn’t equipped for how hard it would be. I wasn’t strong enough.”
“Stop, please. It wasn’t you. I wasn’t a good husband. I expected a lot from you that was unreasonable and I used alcohol to treat my downfall. I’m sorry.” My swallow hard as the truth settles between us.
“Thank you.”
“You think we can stop yelling at each other?”
Tracie smiles and sniffles. “Yeah, I think so. And you were right about Dillon needing the tutor. He’s getting all As and Bs now. So, thank you.” She crosses her arms. “But I have something to ask you.”
“Okay. Shoot.”
“Have you decided what you’re going to do with Vivian and Jillyn?”
“You’re the lawyer on the paperwork?”
“Yeah. I tried to tell them it was a conflict, but since I’m the only woman in the firm, they demanded me and since I’m up for promotion…it wasn’t like I could turn it down and it wasn’t a lawsuit, it was a contract. Sorry, again.”
“It’s okay. Yes, I’ve decided what I’m going to do.” I stood and walked toward the door.
“But you’re not going to tell me?”
“Nope. You’ll find out soon enough.”
“Leif! Leif! Come on!”
I chuckle as I leave her house.
But as soon as I hit the truck, I see the manila envelope.
It’s time.
Rissa
Two weeks is a long time, but I know forever will be longer. I thought maybe he’d ignore my request
and I’m kind of bummed that he didn’t.
“Hey, Rissa. Since no one’s in here, can I start some different music?” The new bartender Nene asks as she finishes up stacking the chairs.
“Sure.”
“What do you like?” The girl with two sleeves of tattoos that are gorgeous looks back over her shoulder.
“Just about anything.”
“Death metal?”
“Eh, not my favorite, but if it’s yours.”
“Nah, I was just messin’ with you.”
Thank God. My head is already pounding from how long this night has been.
She starts playing some Run DMC and we both dance around as we do the closing routine. Zale’s in the office and I walk back there with the nightly deposit bag.
“Hey, boss, wondering if I might have a minute of your time?”
“Sure. What’s up?”
“I’m going to start back to college next month.”
“That’s great.”
“The first three months are day classes, so it’ll be a while, but then I’ll need to start a new schedule when I have to take some night clases. Is that going to be a problem?”
“Not at all. You find someone to watch Riley since your schedule will change?”
“Not yet. Cami can do some of the nights, but I need some day help, too.”
“You might want to talk to Nene, she has a degree in early childhood education.”
“Thanks.”
The music changes to Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me.”
“Wow, Nene’s eclectic.” But the words settle into me. You and me Sam, we’re both not good at a one-night stand.
I step further into his office. “Hey, Zale would you happen to know Leif’s—” I hear the front door open. “Shit, I forgot to lock up the door.”
Zale’s eyes dart to the cameras on his computer. “It’s okay. He’s allowed in here after hours.”
My heart starts to pound. “Who is it?”
“Rissa?” His voice pours over me like honey and I let it slide through me, coating me in hope.
“I’m gonna go help Nene and lock up.” Zale slides out of the room.
I don’t turn around. I can’t. I’ve missed Leif so much. My emotions teeter on the edge. I don’t want to lose control. I’ve missed him too much.
Just like Dillon waits for Skye, I’ve been waiting for him.
He moves in close behind me. I can feel his breath on my exposed shoulder. The cut-outs on this jersey shirt torturing me.
“I’m going to be a father again.”
“How’s that?” I know I’m not pregnant, so it’s not me.
“I told Viv and Jillyn that I want to be a part of the baby’s life and they agreed that’s for the best. Hell, they’re kinda excited that the baby might have a big brother and a big sister.”
My eyes well with tears, but I can’t turn, my heart has wanted this moment for so long.
“Rissa, I know how sacred you are. I’ve been scared for the last three years because I didn’t know how to be me. You forced me to take a look at me and who I really am so that I could hopefully…” His hand settles on my waist and I have to stare up at the ceiling to calm myself. “Hopefully be the man you, Riley, Dillon, and this baby deserve.” His back presses into mine. “Baby, I’m here for you. That one night won’t ever be enough. I’m ready for forever with you. I love you, Marissa.”
I turn to face him. “You’re sure? Cause I won’t live through you leaving us. I…” I swallow. “I love you too much.”
“Baby, I’m staying right here.” He starts our bodies swaying and then dips me, his lips floating across mine. “Let’s go home.”
“Yours or mine?” I ask.
“What about Riley?”
“She’s at my sisters for the night. Maybe I…I was going to come find you after work. I was getting your address from Zale.”
“Then he would’ve been wrong whatever he’d have said.”
“What?”
“Come with me and I’ll show you.”
He slips his hand into mine. I’ll go wherever he is and I know he’ll always be right where I am.
I grab my purse and jacket, and Zale waves us out the door. “Have a good night.”
Outside, Leif guides me to his truck. “I’ll bring you back for your car tomorrow.”
His warm hands lift me into the cab and I slide into the middle. Bench seating takes me back to high school and I’m almost giddy.
Leif climbs in and his lips claim mine. I sink into him, enjoying my breath leaving me.
He touches his forehead to mine. “Thank you, Rissa.”
“For?”
“Being strong enough to tell me that I needed to get my shit straight before you’d be with me.”
“I don’t want you to think that I wouldn’t have been with you, if you’d decided not to be the father. I was… scared that you’d leave me and Riley.”
“No, I didn’t think that. I thought I was doing okay, but I wasn’t. I hadn’t spent time learning how to be me by myself. I was always at Graffiti Street if I wasn’t at home or the gym or the marital arts center. I took the two weeks to do things that I haven’t since I was young and remember what happiness really is. It’s not having my shit together. It’s about being on the path to having my shit together and being accountable for my past shit.”
“I think we both have past shit that we never truly dealt with.”
“Yeah, but admitting it is the first step.”
I smile. “Riley missed you.”
“And you?”
“I cried myself to sleep for the first two nights.”
His eyes cloud. “I’m sorry.”
“No, I pushed you away when I asked you to go and stay away.”
“I know, baby, but I’m back and I’m not going anywhere. You can’t scare me off this time.”
His lips settle to mine and we take it slow. Seconds of time suspend, and I can’t wait to spend eternity having my breath stolen away.
He sucks in a quick breath. “Okay, more of that later.” The truck starts and we’re off. Driving into Zale’s neighborhood, he points out where Hemi and Cece live next door to Dillon and his ex-wife, Tracie. I tell him the story about Dillon and Skye at the playground, and he tells me one that has me swooning for him even more. I remember having crushes as a little girl and how heartbroken I was when I realized it just wasn’t going to happen. He did it right.
We pull into the drive of a house that looks like about three bedrooms and a big “For Sale” sign in the yard.
“Welcome home, baby.”
“What?”
“The owners accepted my bid today and since they’ve moved out, I’m renting it until I get in. I’d gotten preapproved for a mortgage three months ago, but with summer work I kept putting off buying one, but I don’t want you living in that apartment anymore. Please. Please say you’ll move in.”
I slide out and walk to the porch, complete with a porch swing. “Wow. I…are you sure?” I want to say yes, every molecule of my body is screaming to say yes.
“Rissa, I’m not saying that every day is going to be easy, but I’m going to promise you that I’m going to do everything…everything, baby…to make sure that you’re happy.”
“And I’ll do whatever I can to make you happy, too.”
“Having you move in would make me happy.”
“Okay. Let’s do this.”
He lifts me into his arms, and I slide my hands back into that hair that I’ll never get enough of. Thankfully, it’s attached to this great guy, who I’ll never get enough of, too.
Epilogue
Leif
Two years later.
“Leif, did you get a check from GSGMC?”
I plop the check on her desk and kiss her cheek. “You look gorgeous today.”
She puts the check number into the computer, ignoring my platitudes and the fact I’ve walked in without shirt on because we’re at work. Work is business. Home is… I
remember this morning and how I took her up against the shower wall, driving deep and devouring her neck, concentrating on that one place that’s basically a hair-trigger for her orgasm.
The Graffiti Street Guardians hired me to make their compound look more…friendly. Finding love had changed the Guardians a little, they were a little happier and less intense.
Rissa finished up her accounting degree. She only had a year and a half left and now she’s Valore Lawn and Landscaping’s Operations Vice President. Well deserved in my mind.
I plop down in his desk chair and look over at her, taking a moment to just breathe. “How’s my beautiful wife doing?”
Wife. She said yes this summer, and I put a lovely band of diamonds on her hand. My forever is tattooed on my ring finger.
She looks up at the picture on the wall of that day and I imagine her remembering back. Copper did the ceremony in our backyard…dressed as Elvis, as per my request. Paybacks are hell in our group of guys. My love walked the aisle in a lace, deep V-neck mermaid dress that hugged every curve, which I tell me every day that I love.
Her only requested that the group’s children be a part of the ceremony. Roxie and Rebel handed out programs. Riley was flower girl number one. Copper and Harlow’s daughter Corey was flower girl number two. Hemi and Cece’s daughter Jovi was flower girl number three. And Vivian, Jillyn, and my daughter Kinsley was flower girl number four. It was a sea of petals as Kinsley tried to feed hers to Zale and Ella’s dog, Bailey Jo, who walked along with her. And Dillon, in his little tuxedo, stood up next to me as my best man. I’ve never seen a twelve-year-old more proud and a thirty-two-year old man cried that day. Rissa kept her shit together, but later she told me it was only because she spent too much on her makeup to ruin it. Then I ruined her lipstick with a soul-bending kiss, and she admitted it was totally worth it.
Now that she’s not breastfeeding, Kinsley stays with us one week and then with Viv and Jillyn one week, before that she was only an overnighter and sometimes a couple days when Viv and Jillyn wanted a quick weekend vacation. Dillon is the same with all three of our kids in one house one week and only Riley here the off week. Riley misses her sister and brother so much. It’s not traditional, but sometimes doing it different isn’t a bad thing.