Anguish

by Bella Jewel

  “Well, stop sayin’.” He grins.

  “Ah,” I say, staring around the room.

  “Poor girl.” Ash laughs. “Let me introduce you to the, ah, family.”

  Jesus. Family.

  “The big guy giving the fuck-me eyes to Santana, that’s Maddox. He’s the president of the club, and a giant pain in the ass.”

  Maddox bares his teeth at Ash, and she simply blows him a kiss. Okay, then.

  “Next to him you have my man, Beau Dawson, but you can call him Krypt. He’s the vice president, and is equally as pain-in-the-assey as Maddox.”

  Assey? Is that even a word?

  Krypt, handsome devil he is, winks at me. Oh, boy.

  “And then you have Tyke. He’s not a pain in the ass and is a complete sweetheart.”

  “Hey,” Tyke grunts. “Don’t ruin my rep.”

  I smile at him, and he gives me a warm smile in return.

  “You’ll meet the rest of the club later, lucky you, and don’t worry, they don’t bite.”

  “Much,” Maddox grunts.

  Double oh-boy.

  “Ah, okay, well . . . it’s nice meeting you. I’m Jaylah, but you can call me Jay. Or Lah, if you prefer. Though I really don’t like that, because it makes me sound like a Teletubbie, and—”

  Mack clears his throat.

  Shit, I’m rambling and talking about Teletubbies. Way to impress the bikers.

  “Well, Lah,” Mack says, and I want to slap him, really hard. “I think they’ve got the point.”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “Jay.”

  “Lah,” he says, tilting his head to the side and giving me a challenging look.

  “Really?” I growl. “Why couldn’t I have gotten a cooler biker to babysit for, like Krypt? He looks cool. You’re just bossy.”

  “Krypt is bossy, too.” Ash giggles.

  “Woman,” Mack hisses. “Be grateful you’re gettin’ anything from me. I’m payin’ you good money to do this job. Quit complain’ about it.”

  Woman . . . WOMAN?

  He did not just call me woman.

  “Oh, you did not just call me woman.”

  He cocks his head. “I did, woman.”

  “Mack,” Maddox warns. “Ease up, bro.”

  “Poor poor girl,” Santana sympathizes, patting my shoulder. “He’s a challenging one.”

  I shake my head, throwing my hands up. In doing this, my boobs bounce around freely, being that they’re unchained. A whole lot of eyes go to my chest. I quickly cover them and mumble, “I’ll take Diesel. I need to get my things today.”

  Speaking of, Josie never showed up last night so I’m only left with the basics I had in the car. That’s not what bothers me, though. No, what bothers me is that Josie never showed up. Worry fills my chest and my face falls.

  “Is everything okay?” Ash asks.

  “Ah,” I say, turning. “Yeah. My friend was meant to bring some things over and she didn’t . . . I’m sure it’s nothing.”

  “You look worried. Is there something that would stop her?”

  Yeah, an angry drug dealer.

  “No, it’s . . . fine.”

  I reach for Diesel, but Santana doesn’t let him go. “Have a shower, go and get your things and then come back. I’ll watch him.”

  Mother hen.

  “Okay, thanks.” I smile.

  She returns it, and looks down at Diesel. “I missed you,” she coos. “Yes I did.”

  “Jesus,” Mack grunts.

  I start towards him and realize he’s blocking my way. He doesn’t move when I reach him, and I cross my arms. “Move.”

  He gives me an intense look, and we have a complete Mexican stand-off for a moment before he steps aside. I hurry past him, feeling naked and exposed. The moment I’m in my room, I press my back to the door and sigh. Damn, that was just too much. I head into the shower. I need something to wake me up.

  I turn when I step into the bathroom and face the full-length mirror running down the wall next to the dark blue tiles. Well, aren’t I a sight? No wonder they were all staring at me. I look like a hooker. I’m not really tall, but I am curvy. Not fat, but certainly not skinny. I’ve got a well-shaped booty, curvy hips and ample breasts. Apparently just enough to attract a lot of male attention.

  My hair is as wild as me. It’s black with streaks of pink and purple. It falls in long, semi-curly waves down to the middle of my back. My eyes are somewhere between green and blue. I’ve never hated myself, or thought I was ugly—no, I was never that girl. I’ve just never loved myself, either. I’m happy with my looks, I flaunt what I’ve got, and I hold no shame.

  That’s good enough for me.

  I strip out of my clothes, which smell scarily like baby vomit, and get into the shower. After soaking for half an hour, I force myself to get out and get dressed into the clothes I had on yesterday, because I don’t have any fresh ones. Great. This looks...professional. Then I fetch my phone and flip it open, dialing Josie.

  “Jay?” she squeaks when she answers.

  Her voice doesn’t sound right.

  “Jos?” I ask. “Are you okay?”

  “I, ah, I’m sorry I didn’t make it last night, but . . .”

  “What happened?” I demand, knowing she’s dancing around something big.

  “Gregor came past when I was at your place getting your clothes.”

  Shit.

  Double shit.

  “Are you hurt?” I cry. “God, tell me he didn’t hurt you.”

  “No,” she says softly. “He just wanted to know where you were. I said you had to go out of town for work, but you’d have his money. I didn’t bring your clothes or come to you because I was scared he’d follow.”

  “Shit, honey, I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” she says. “I’m okay.”

  “I’ll come and get the clothes. You just stay away from my house and everything me until this is sorted.”

  “I’m okay, Jay.”

  “No,” I yell. “No, you’re not getting hurt because of me. Do as I ask, Josie.”

  She sighs. “Okay, but I’m worried about you.”

  “I’m as safe as I can be,” I whisper, thinking of all the bikers in Mack’s life.

  “Are you going to get your things?”

  “I’m on my way.”

  “Okay.”

  I hang up and drag a brush through my hair, then I hurry back out. All the bikers are still there, and Santana is on the couch beside Ash, cooing over Diesel. I rush out and into the kitchen, past all the bikers standing around the counter.

  “Fuck,” I hear Mack mutter. “It just gets better.”

  “Feelin’ ya,” Krypt grunts.

  I don’t glance at them. I don’t really need or care to know what they’re talking about. I pour a coffee, then I rush past them and take a dive for my keys.

  “Where you goin’?” Mack asks, snatching the keys before I can reach them and lifting them into the air.

  “Give them to me,” I say, my voice a little more frenzied than I’d like.

  “I said,” he grinds out, “where you goin’?”

  “To get my things!”

  “You takin’ the baby?”

  “I’m sorry,” I snap. “Are you deaf, or did you miss the part where Santana said she’d watch him?”

  “I didn’t hire Santana.”

  “Fuck me!” I cry, throwing my hands up. I charge over to Santana, pull Diesel from her arms and then charge back towards Mack.

  “Give me my God damned keys.”

  “Something’s wrong,” he observes, studying my face.

  “Yeah, I need more clothes.”

  “You in some kind of trouble, girl?”

  I growl, “No, now give me my damned keys!”

  He tilts his head to the side. “Tyke, go with her.”

  “What?” I screech. “No!”

  “Do it,” Maddox orders.

  Fuck me.

  “Take my truck,” Mack continues
. “It’s got a seat.”

  I close my eyes, struggling for calm. Diesel squirms in my arms, and I force myself to open my eyes and stare down at him. He smiles at me. Smiles. This cute little, open-mouthed, baby smile.

  “Awwww,” I croon, unable to stop it. “He’s smiling at me.”

  “What?” Ash cries, leaping up.

  “No way!” Santana yells, doing the same.

  They rush over and skid to a stop beside me, staring down at Diesel.

  “Oh my lord!” Ash croaks. “Oh, look how cute he is.”

  “Ohhhh, I’ve wanted a smile for weeks,” Santana breathes.

  “Fuck me,” Mack grunts.

  I spin around, turning the baby towards his father. “Don’t you want to see?”

  “No,” he says, something painful flashing in his gaze before he turns away.

  Whatever the reason for this baby coming into Mack’s life, it isn’t a good one. He barely looks at Diesel, and he rarely addresses him by his name. I’ve picked all this up in just one day. I turn back to the girls, and Santana is giving Mack a sad look. Yep, definitely something going down.

  “Well,” I say, forcing my eyes away from them. “Time to go.”

  Ash takes my arm before I leave. “You should come to our cookout on Saturday. We’re having one at the club.”

  “The club?” I say. “The . . . biker club?”

  Maddox barks a laugh. “We scare you, girl?”

  I turn to him. God, he’s daunting. So huge, all muscle and man. “No,” I say. “I just . . . What does one bring to a biker club cookout?”

  “Dead bodies,” Krypt adds, his voice completely serious.

  I gasp.

  “Guns,” Maddox adds.

  “Ass,” Mack comments.

  “Stop it!” Ash snaps. “You’re all horrible. Honey, don’t stress. It’s really fun; trust me. I’ll swing by Saturday and we can get ready together, then I’ll ride with you.”

  “Hey,” Krypt cuts in. “What about me?”

  “You can suck it up, after that mean comment. Poor Jay.”

  “Yeah,” Mack grunts. “Poor Lah.”

  Fuck you, I mouth at him.

  He grins.

  Oh boy, does he look good grinning.

  Yum.

  “You ready to ride?” Tyke asks, wheeling his chair towards me.

  Wait, can Tyke drive?

  He must see my confused expression because he laughs and says, “I can drive. Only one of my legs is completely fucked. The other is mostly good.”

  Mostly. Eeek.

  “Right,” I say. “Well, let’s go.”

  With that, we’re out the door.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Josie isn’t there when I stop in to get my things, but neither is Gregor, which I’m grateful for. I’m not entirely convinced he’s not following me, so I lead Tyke on a wild goose chase on the way home, telling him I need to stop and get things. By the time we’re back at Mack’s house, he looks as if he’s about had enough.

  Poor guy.

  I text Josie and tell her I’m safe, and she tells me she’s going to see her grandmother for a few months. She lost her job as a reporter recently and now I’m going to be here for a while, she’s no doubt decided to take a break. She deserves it, and she’s really close to her grandmother. I’m happy for her, and even more than that, I’m glad she’s away from Gregor.

  No one is home when I get in, and Tyke tells me I’m welcome to the club, but I refuse. I thank him and then head inside, putting Diesel down for a sleep. He goes easily, which I’m thankful for. In the time he’s asleep, I unpack my things and set my room up. I’m mid-way through when I hear a feminine giggle.

  Narrowing my eyes, I head into the lounge to see Mack standing at the counter with a slutty girl wrapped around him. Awkward. I take a step back, trip over a coffee table, and land flat on my ass. When I dare to look up again, they’re both watching me.

  “Who is that?” the girl snaps.

  “My nanny,” Mack grunts.

  “Yes, I’m fine, thanks for asking,” I mutter, shoving to my feet.

  The girl twists her face in disgust. “You have a nanny?”

  I roll my eyes. “He has a kid, moron.”

  Her eyes widen and Mack glares at me.

  “You have a kid? I thought you didn’t have an Old Lady?”

  “I don’t,” he growls, still staring at me.

  “But you’ve got a kid?”

  “A baby,” I point out. “Tiny. No mother. Poor thing.”

  I’m horrible, I know, but he deserves it. He’s done nothing but ignore his child, acting as though he doesn’t exist. I don’t care what sort of situation he’s in—the child is innocent, and deserves the love of his father.

  “Bedroom, now,” Mack snarls at me.

  I don’t get the chance to answer. His fingers curl around my arm and he hauls me down the hall and into his room. He slams the door behind him and spins, pinning me to the wall by pressing his body against mine and putting his hands up beside my head. Holy mother. This is extremely close, and I’m getting a great view of his gorgeous face.

  “Back up,” I breathe. Wow, that didn’t come out exactly how I’d planned.

  “There are rules,” he growls. “The first is that you stay the fuck outta my business. That means you don’t share it, nor do you involve yourself in it. The second is that I bring women over, you wanna live here and keep this job, you fuckin’ live with it.”

  I open my mouth to argue, but he cuts me off.

  “The third, and most important, is that you do your job, and you do it without becomin’ involved in my life. I don’t need or want your opinion, and if I didn’t have to keep you here, I wouldn’t.”

  Um, rude.

  “Let me tell you something,” I hiss, finding my sass once more. “You couldn’t find another girl to stick around if you tried. You have a child who you ignore, and I don’t think it’s right that you’re giving your attention to whores instead of him.”

  “I hired you, and now it’s up to you to make him your problem.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I snarl, shoving at his chest. He doesn’t move.

  “I’m in a situation I don’t wanna be in. End of fuckin’ story.”

  “Then give him to someone who will love him the way he deserves, you selfish son-of-a—”

  He guts me off with a snarl so low and throaty it has the words coming to a screeching halt in my throat. His eyes, two deadly brown orbs, burn into me. Oh, boy. He’s scary. Really scary. He leans in close, so close the warm puffs of his breath brush against my skin. When he speaks, his voice comes out in a deadly hiss.

  “What makes you think you’re holier than fuckin’ sin? You don’t walk in my shoes, you don’t know a fuckin’ thing about me, and you don’t get to fuckin’ tell me what kind of man I am. Keep your mouth shut, or I’ll throw your ass out of this door tomorrow. What’s it gonna be?”

  He’s serious; I can see it in his eyes.

  “Fine,” I snap. “I’ll do my job and keep out of your shit.”

  “Smart fuckin’ girl.”

  “Are we done?”

  He pushes off the wall and swings the door open. “We’re fuckin’ done. Send the girl in.”

  Asshole.

  Giant asshole.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  MACK

  “You can’t keep ignoring him.”

  I turn and glare at Santana, who is giving me yet another lecture about the baby my dead ex left behind, a baby she didn’t tell me about, a baby that was shoved on me, all while a huge bomb was being dropped on my life. Ingrid came into my life like a warm sunny day, and left like a fuckin’ hurricane. The anger I feel for her right now, drags deep down into my soul.

  “Keep your nose outta my shit, Chante,” I warn. “You might be the one girl I can tolerate, but it don’t mean I won’t put you in your place.”

  “If you don’t want him here¸ you should just . . .”


  “I said,” I growl, low. “Keep your nose outta my shit.”

  She throws her hands on her hips, tilting her head to the side. “Don’t speak to me like that, Chief.”

  I quirk my lips. Tiny, sassy and full of attitude is the best way to describe Santana. Maddox must be a solid man for puttin’ up with her. God knows, deep down I love the crazy woman; she’s the only one I tolerate.

  “We’re done here, Chante,” I say, pressing a fist to the side of her face and giving her head a little jerk. “Go and find your man.”

  “There’s something I came here to tell you,” she says, flopping onto the couch at the club and staring up at me. She pats the cushion beside her and I give it a disgusted look.

  “Oh, come on,” she prompts.

  With a frustrated grunt, I sit down.

  “So, I went past your place to get the last of my things, and there was a car outside your house.”

  “Cars drive all the time,” I point out sarcastically.

  Santana smacks my shoulder. “Don’t be smart. No . . . this one was just sitting there. I saw a man inside. He was watching the house.”

  My chest clenches.

  “Was it someone from the Tinmen?”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t think so. It was strange. He was just watching. I didn’t go in. I walked past and waited until he was gone before I entered.”

  “Jaylah?”

  I know it’s not Jaylah. I know because I saw it before she came, but I don’t want Santana to get suspicious.

  She shrugs. “It could be. Is she in some kind of trouble?”

  “No idea.”

  “Maybe you should try and find out.”

  I shoot her a glare. I’m not about to spend any more time with the girl than I already do. It’s been four days, and we’ve officially driven each other up the wall. She feeds me sass on a daily basis, and I am a prick to her. She’s good with the baby, though. She keeps him quiet, and she does her job well. Still, she drives me fuckin’ crazy.

  “Not gonna happen.”

  Santana sighs. “You’re such a pain in the ass.”

  I flash her a grin and she rolls her eyes.

  “Just try and see what that guy was doing there. He gave me the creeps.”

  “I will,” I assure her, but this isn’t something I’m going to involve the club in. This goes far deeper.