Ginger Up

by Rayanna Jamison

  “I’m not hungry.”

  His jaw set in a hard line, he set his fork down on the table. “Eat. I know you haven’t eaten since breakfast. You’re breastfeeding. If you aren’t going to do it for me, do it for your daughter.”

  That got her, just as he knew it would. That and the fact that Endelé’s enchiladas were her absolute favorite, and she had probably only been resisting out of sheer stubbornness.

  They ate in silence for a few minutes, her eyes never leaving the swing. Hazel was swinging happily, cooing and jabbering away at the small mobile that hung from the top of it. Interesting. Ginger had sworn up and down that Hazel hated being in the swing, and screamed every time she tried to put her in it. It may very well have been true when they first brought her home, but it didn’t seem to be the case now.

  “She likes it.”

  His wife grunted in response. “She’s just in a good mood. She had a good nap today.”

  “Nevertheless, if she likes the swing, you should be able to put her in there for a bit each day long enough to get a few things done.”

  This was met with silence.

  “What did you do today?” Even as the words rolled off his tongue, Beau had to stifle a laugh at how foreign they were to him, and how standard practice they might have been in other homes around the ‘Bend.

  “I…” Ginger trailed off, scrunching up her nose as she sat there, racking her brain, he was sure, for an acceptable response. Her chin jutted out in defiance before she answered. “I took care of our daughter.” Her voice was hard, and her tone was cutting. “That should be enough.”

  Beau pressed his lips together before answering. “She certainly looks well cared for, sweetie. Her mother, on the other hand…”

  It was a low blow, one designed to cut to the quick. It worked. He could see Ginger’s famous temper threatening to make an appearance. The fire was there, and he was ready to fan the flames. He actually missed that part of her, as crazy as it was. She really hadn’t been herself since Hazel was born. Some days it worried him.

  Her mouth opened, and her finger pointed at his face, and he steeled himself for what was sure to be a loud outburst. He was almost giddy to see what she would come up with.

  Nothing happened. After a minute, her mouth closed and her hands went to her lap. She picked up her fork, and the force with which she stabbed at the cheese covered pile was the only outward indication of her emotion. When she finally spoke, her tone was even, and her eyes were dull.

  “Excuse me for putting her needs before my physical appearance. I’ll be sure to glam up before you get home in the future. I’ll make sure to put on my pearls and high heels to spend the day wiping spit up and catching baby drool.”

  Beau choked on a chuckle he was trying hard to keep in. Her voice and eyes may have been void of emotion, but her words had all the fire he was used to from her, and then some. His palm itched.

  “Pearls and heels aren’t necessary, darling. But a shower and deodorant might be nice.” He was smiling, but his joke fell flat.

  Ginger pushed her plate across the table and reached for Hazel. Beau let her. She had eaten plenty, and this wasn’t going anywhere.

  She took the baby and sat on the couch in the living room. Beau sighed. He took their plates to the sink, and cleaned the kitchen without a word, listening for her footsteps to head up to the nursery, as she always did. Amazingly enough, when he came back out, she was still seated on the loveseat with the baby lying on the cushion beside her.

  He perched across the arm of the easy chair, and turned towards her. They couldn’t continue on like this. It wasn’t them, and it wasn’t healthy. He had waited for Ginger to pull out of it, and had given her ample time to recover, but even after her body was healed, she wasn’t the same. Without DD to back him, he feared he didn’t have much of a leg to stand on, but he was going to have to lay down the law anyway.

  “Over the break I did everything I could to make life easier for you when I went back to work. I scrubbed this house from top to bottom, paid bills two months in advance, and made a dozen freezer meals. To ask you to throw a load in the wash every so often, and load your dishes into the dishwasher during the day, and throw a casserole into the oven isn’t too much. Tomorrow when I get home, I expect the house to look the way it did when I left in the morning, and I expect to see you showered and in clean clothes. Choose a meal for dinner, and at least have it ready to pop in the oven when I get home. These are completely reasonable requests, and I expect your obedience. Do I make myself clear?”

  Beau swallowed, hoping his words were forceful enough to inspire obedience. He didn’t really know what he was doing, as these were not things he had ever had to ask of her before.

  “Crystal,” she replied, not looking at him. Her eyes were wet, and he could tell she was fighting her need to tell him off, and her knowledge that things had indeed gotten out of hand.

  She scooped the baby into her arms, and without another word, turned and headed up the stairs.

  He let her go. There were more things he needed to address, such as the fact that she hadn’t been into her restaurant in months, but those could wait for another day.

  * * * * *

  Ginger fought tears all the way up the stairs, not allowing them to fall freely until she was safely back in the nursery. Just the fact that Beau felt he had to tell her to do the simplest things had embarrassed her to no end. He had never before spoken to her like a child that needed to be reminded of the simplest chores. The worst part was, she knew that every word was deserved, and that he had hated it as much as she did. She knew she was slacking, and she knew she needed to pull it together, just like she knew he really didn’t expect too much.

  She didn’t even like the person she had become from one minute to the next. Her attitude towards herself and her expectations was a constant roller coaster. On one hand, she still hated disorder, and had the best of intentions for resuming to life as normal, or as normal as one could get with an infant. On the other hand, just the thought of doing half, or even a quarter of what she used to do in a day was utterly exhausting and made her want to cry.

  And then there was Hazel. The intensity of her love for that tiny little girl literally took her breath away, and the reality of how close they had come to losing her was always there at the forefront of her mind. Still, she knew her obsession with her tiny daughter was getting to a point where it bordered on unhealthy. Surely, she could manage to put her down long enough for a five minute shower and thirty minutes of housework. Once again, she vowed to do better tomorrow. After all, even though she cherished every minute spent with her precious baby, she truly hated the person she was becoming. She literally did not recognize herself, but most days she couldn’t put one foot in front of the other and focus long enough to do anything about it. So much had changed, and trying to find a new normal was frightening and overwhelming. At least, she thought with a nod, Beau had given her a plan of action. A plan seemed to be half the battle these days. Tomorrow, she vowed, as she changed Hazel into her pajamas for the night, was a new day, and she would put Beau’s plan into action.

  She felt better already, and she hummed as she rocked her daughter to sleep, feeling inspired with the promise of a new beginning and a new sense of normal.

  Chapter Three

  Her day had started off okay. Managing to awaken before Beau, she had time to shower and dress before Hazel had gotten up. After a small breakfast of coffee and toast while holding Hazel on her lap, she felt great, and more like herself than she had in months. Beau had joined her at the breakfast table, and that’s when things had begun to go wrong.

  “Wow, honey, you look great, and you’ve already accomplished half of what I asked of you today! Good job!”

  Beau was being kind and encouraging, but for some reason his encouraging words made her angry and combative. She glared at him from behind her coffee mug. “Don’t patronize me. I said I would do your precious list, and I will. I don’t need a
running commentary as I do each thing. I may be doing less than usual lately, but that doesn’t mean I’m incompetent or need to be treated like a child and praised for each little accomplishment. Fuck!”

  She knew as soon as the four letter word left her lips that she had taken her rant too far. Beau had been totally shocked and ready to apologize a second ago, but now his eyes narrowed, and he pursed his lips in disapproval. It was a look she knew all too well, and it usually meant there would be hell to pay. They didn’t have many rules beyond her temper, and control issues, but cursing was one of them, and cursing at somebody, especially him, was never tolerated.

  Her heart quickened, and her bottom tingled, but then she remembered. They were on a break, and for all intents and purposes she had withdrawn consent. No matter how much he wanted to spank her over it, he couldn’t and she knew he wouldn’t.

  Judging by the look on Beau’s face, he had just remembered the same thing. Ginger smiled, gearing up for her parting shot.

  Beau got there first, and with a lot more class, she had to admit. He stood up, grabbed his briefcase, kissed both her and Hazel, and walked out the door, with a hasty, ”Have a good day!” tossed over his shoulder on his way out.

  Ginger was left stewing in his absence. She didn’t know why she was so upset. Beau hadn’t said anything mean, hadn’t taken the bait, and hadn’t even threatened to spank her. And really, she hadn’t even figured out a good comeback yet, so it’s not like she had missed out on some really great scathing comment.

  Still, his lack of reaction troubled her. Which, she knew, was insanely stupid. Unlike her, Beau wasn’t a reactive person. No matter how many pot-shots she took at him when she was angry, he very rarely countered. Last night had been a rare occurrence. So why did his lack of reaction leave her feeling cold and empty?

  He just breezed out of there without so much as a warning, or a remark about her being lucky, or anything. That was what bothered her. It was almost as if he no longer cared.

  The thought took her breath away. That’s what she had been feeling, that fear she hadn’t been able to put her finger on. It wasn’t always there, and it was fleeting when it was, but this morning had been a perfect example.

  She started to examine it, when it had started, how often it happened, when it happened, and most of all, why, but her musings were cut short by the hungry and impatient cries of her daughter.

  Smiling, she carried her to the big easy chair in the living room and got ready to feed her daughter, smiling as the infant latched on greedily to her breast. The simple and natural act instantly calmed her worries, and she was completely at peace doing what she now did best. Fine, she told herself. It’s okay if he doesn’t care. If he doesn’t care what I do, then I don’t have to either.

  * * * * *

  Beau was seething as he walked to his car. He couldn’t believe Ginger had spoken to him that way in the first place, but to top it off by cursing at him would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. He hated this helpless feeling he had, of not having control in his own home. It was a foreign concept to him, and the look he was getting at their life without domestic discipline was sobering. They had always had it, from the beginning, and he wasn’t sure their relationship was strong enough without it.

  The thoughts he was having were causing him physical pain, as if a vise had settled in his chest and squeezed his heart tighter with each sentence.

  He didn’t drive away at first, just sat in his car, staring blankly at the house. He pictured Ginger inside laughing at him, giddy with freedom, and all that she was getting away with. He fought the urge to march back in there and bend her right over the kitchen table for a nice solid reminder about who was who, and how things worked.

  Just thinking about spanking her had him as hard as a rock, and there was no time to seek relief in any form. He had to get to work. As he made the short trek to the middle school, he willed himself to think of mundane topics. Baseball stats, report card season, a grocery list, anything but his naughty wife at home.

  It worked enough to allow him to walk into the school without a tent in the front of his pants, but only barely, and it was taking all of his concentration to do so. He was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he ran smack into Dr. Devon, who was walking into the school beside his son, Michael, who was carrying some sort of giant diorama.

  “Oh, my goodness, Marcus, I am so sorry. I was not watching where I was going. My mind is all over the place this morning. It’s been one of those days,” he confessed with a rueful smile, trying to edge past them into his office.

  Marcus, who was nothing if not intuitive, furrowed his brow and stepped in front of him, blocking his path. “Please forgive my nosiness, Beau, but is everything okay? I’ve been meaning to call and check in on Ginger, and Hazel, but,” he said with a sigh, “you know how life goes. Anyway,” he continued. “How is everybody doing? Are things calmed down and getting back to normal yet?”

  Beau sighed. “More or less. Listen Marcus, not to cut you off or anything, but the bell’s about to ring, and I’ve really got to get to work.” He had figured out by now that he should have taken more of his friend’s advice regarding their roles in the relationship, and he didn’t really want to admit how quickly things were unraveling.

  Marcus looked suspicious, but he let him pass. “Okay, Beau. Have a great day, man. We’ll see you soon, I’m sure.”

  Beau just nodded in agreement, and closed the door to his office behind him.

  Sinking down into his oversized leather desk chair, he rubbed his hands over his face and sighed. He should have taken the doctor’s advice in the first place, and he shouldn’t be blowing him off now. He knew that, just like he knew this situation was getting out of hand. He needed to get some advice, and as a doctor, Marcus was probably a good place to start. He should have been up-front with his friend. Then maybe he would be one step closer to getting this resolved.

  The bell sounded then, and Beau got up from his chair, going out into the hallway to greet the students.

  * * * * *

  Ginger cooed at Hazel as she carried her from room to room, putting away laundry from the load Beau had done the night before. During her earlier fuming session, she had told herself she wasn’t going to do what he asked, or at least not all of it, but once she got going, productivity felt so good. She had dragged out the baby wrap from the top of the closet, and carted Hazel from room to room with her. This way, she could get stuff done, and still have her eye on Hazel at all times. “I really don’t know why we didn’t think of this sooner, baby girl,” she cooed. “This is great! Still, we really want to keep Daddy on his toes, so we’ll just do some of it, not all of it. Cause, we’re still mad at him, yes, we are.”

  Hazel just smiled up at her with her big gummy grin. Ginger kept working, keeping up a constant stream of mindless chatter the whole time. She just rambled on, going over all of her fears and feelings all the while cooing and smiling, chattering in a high pitched voice. By the time she was finished, she realized she had finished nearly everything Beau had asked of her and then some.

  She sighed as she realized that not only was she totally caught up on laundry, she had made their bed, and cleaned up the bathrooms, and unloaded the dishwasher as well. So much for being un-cooperative. The house, which had been pretty clean to begin with, nearly sparkled from her efforts.

  “Well, isn’t that just great,” she muttered. Ginger realized belatedly that she was spoiling for a fight with Beau. She actually wanted him to be mad, and she had no idea why. Fighting back a yawn, she smiled as the baby yawned with her. A nap sounded great, but a quick glance at the clock told her that school was already out for the day, and Beau would be getting home soon. She needed to pull out something to have for dinner, so it would be ready to throw in the oven when he got home.

  Ginger yawned again, and as she did, she smiled. She could take a nap with Hazel, and forget about dinner. She had done enough for one day, and it would be the one way to let
him know what she thought about his stupid list, anyway.

  It took her only a few minutes to change Hazel, and lay down on the bed with her, ready for a nap. Of course, the minute she did her phone rang. She looked at it, and sighed. It was Beau.

  “Hey,” she answered, trying her best to sound bored.

  “Hi, honey, I just realized we forgot about Laney’s surprise party tonight. So don’t worry about pulling anything out for dinner. Just make sure you and the baby are ready to go when I get home.”

  Darn it, she thought to herself. Of course, now I don’t even need to make dinner. She gritted her teeth together.

  “When will you be home?” It was already five.

  “I’m leaving here in the next ten minutes, and I’ll need about five minutes to change when I get there. So, be ready in thirty minutes.”

  Ginger peered at herself in the mirror. She was not ready for a party, nor could she possibly have herself and Hazel ready in such a short time. She didn’t plan on going, but she would let him know when he got home.

  “Okay, honey, see you soon.”

  She hung up the phone and curled up next to Hazel on the bed. Hazel was already asleep, and Ginger was ready to join her. She felt mildly guilty about not going to Laney’s surprise party, but her cousin would have to understand. She had a new baby, and she couldn’t do things on such short notice.

  She was already dozing when Beau came in.

  “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be getting ready to go. Josiah wants us all there and ready before him and Laney get there! Everyone is coming straight off work!”

  “I’m not going,” she informed him, without opening her eyes. “You go. Have fun. I’ll call her later. Her birthday’s not until tomorrow anyway.”