by Stacey Lewis
She’s halfway out of my office when she finally turns around to face me. There’s a look in her eyes, one that promises pain.
“Don’t ever touch me again, or I swear Ryker you’ll regret it.” I can’t explain the pain coursing through my body at the combination of anger and hurt in her voice. She’s just another woman, no one special to me. There’s plenty of willing women who will let me drown my grief in their bodies, so it’s not like I need her. Not really.
The only problem I have with that is? The only person I want isn’t someone I can actually have. My mystery girl from the bar is gone and I have no idea how to find her. The only thing that has remotely helped even a little is touching Ava and I don’t understand why.
I want to dislike her so badly it hurts, but I can’t.
I just fucking can’t.
So I do the only thing I know I can do. I turn around, and walk back into my office, slamming the door so hard it rattles the blinds.
I don’t care if anyone knows I’m mad.
I don’t care if I scare anyone.
I’m drowning, but with Ava near I’m on the clipse of getting just enough air to survive the next sink to the bottom.
Chapter Seven
Ava
Disgust and bitter disappointment coursed through me for the rest of the day and into the evening. I forced myself to go through the motions even though I wanted to burst out into tears. Ryker was different. The man I met that night in the bar wasn’t the same man I saw today. I could feel it deep in the pit of my stomach and I think that made the feelings I had for him worse. I wanted to believe in him. I wanted to see him as the knight and shining armor that whisked me away and kissed life back into me, but I couldn't. I just couldn’t.
“Okay, I’m going to give you five minutes to tell me what’s going on.” Gabby met me at the door, her dark gaze meeting mine. She was perfection. Her dark skin was toned, and her face was pure and without any imperfections. She looked like a barbie; tall, but with olive skin and with more curves. I had been avoiding her texts all day, and I knew as soon as Marie walked in the door if I didn’t skew my emotions shit was going to hit the fan.
“Nothing is going on. I’ve just been busy all day and I’m exhausted.” I lied, placing the chinese takeout on the table, before sagging against the couch, while kicking off my heels. “Plus the only reason you care about my sanity is so I keep bringing you chinese food home.” I faked a laugh trying to cover up the anger inside me.
Us women were strange creatures sometimes. When we were angry we cried, hell we cried even when we weren’t angry. Crying was just a mechanism used so we didn’t start killing people off.
Gabby stared at me, her eyes narrowing as she investigated my face. She did this until she felt good and ready and then turned on her feet, and walked into the kitchen to get what I assumed would be silverware.
“You have to understand something Ava. I’ve known you since we were little kids, which means I’ve seen you lie, which also means I know what your face looks like when you’re lying.” Ahh, fuck. She was right.
She appeared a second later in the dining room, a sad look maring her features. I was going to have to tell her what happened today, even if I didn’t want too, and worse yet I was going to have to explain to her how I had found out who Mr. Serious was.
“Remember that guy I met at the bar…” I started, moving from the couch and into the dining room, taking the seat beside her.
“Oh I remember… Mr. Serious, with his piercing eyes, and lick worthy jaw line. Fuck yes I remember.” Her response makes me smile but just barely. I’m still livid over the way Ryker treated me today.
“Okay, so what would you say if I told you, Mr. Serious was actually my boss.” I licked my lips, and watched as her face morphed into disbelief, then excitement, and then back to disbelief.
“I would say it’s time to see how far your relationship with him can take you with the company.” Rolling my eyes at her, I made grabby hands at the takeout boxes.
“No Gabby. I’m not going to use him to get ahead in the company, hell I don’t even like him, not really. He’s not the same person he was when I met him that night at the bar.” The emotions I had been holding at bay all day were on the verge of spilling out of me.
“What do you mean he’s not the same person?” Concern filled Gabby’s voice and I inhaled a shaky breath trying to keep the tears from coming.
“He’s mean, menacing even…” I started my voice cracking with emotion. Gabby’s hand reached out across the space and rested against mine.
“Did he hurt you? I swear if he hurt you Ava I will cut his balls off, and shove them straight up his rectum.” The look on her face told me she was serious and while the thought made me feel better it didn’t explain to me what happened to Ryker to make him the way he was.
I shake my head, pieces of my hair escape from behind my ear and fall into my face, “He didn’t hurt me, not like you think he did. He’s just, he’s not the same…” My voice trailed off. I didn’t know why I was actually bothered by it.
All we did was sleep together once. It wasn’t like he owed me anything. I made the choice to sleep with him, without knowing as much as his name.
“Oh sweetheart I am so damn sorry… tell me what happened did he say something? Do something?” I bit the inside of my cheek contemplating if I really wanted to get into the nitty gritty details of what had happened.
“He kissed me.” I reveled in the memory of his lips against mine then. The softness of the kiss while his full lips pressed against mine.
“But it was the things that he said before he did it that bothered me most. He acted so hateful, as if I was disposable, and the worst part is… he doesn’t even act like he remembers me.” Something inside of me cracked, like saying the words out loud had a harder effect on me then keeping them to myself. The tears came next and no matter how much I swiped them away more came, covering my cheeks with wetness.
“Ava.” Gabby whimpered as if she was feeling my pain, her body moving without notice so that she could wrap her arms around me. Her hug was warm, and it brought me back to reality.
“And even though I’m mad that he doesn’t remember me, or that he tried to proposition me for sex I.. I still want to figure out what happened to him…”
Gabby pulled away as I spoke her eyes scanning my face, “I understand why you’re mad. The dude is a douchebag, especially since he doesn’t even remember sleeping with you. But… to add insult in injury you want to know what’s wrong with him that’s making him be such an asswipe.” I nodded, the tears finally ceasing.
“I do, because the night we made love, he was different, he was gentle, caring, and passionate, and having had a taste of that man I want... “ I paused for a brief second knowing that wasn’t the right word. “No, I need to know what happened to him to make him so cold.” I couldn’t lie to myself, or even Gabby and say I wasn’t interested in the man, even after everything that had happened today.
The hate, and disdain he spouted didn’t really affect me in a way he wanted it too. It just made me more curious as to who the man was underneath the suit. It made me want to see if I could catch a glimpse of the man I’d shared one impossible night with.
“Do I smell chinese food?” Marie’s voice meets my ears, as she enters into the living room her eyes settling on Gabby and I.
“Is everything okay? What happened?” Concern replaces the happiness that previously lingered in her voice and I hate that I’m going to be the reason everyone’s night is ruined. I don’t want to be the center of attention, hell I don’t want anyone to care about me, or my feelings. I’m already used to dealing with it all on my own.
“Yeah, everything is fine.” I smile, but I can tell Marie isn’t buying it. Her blue eyes pierce mine, and I know that look. It’s one that says, tell me now, or someone’s ass is going to get beat.
“Since Ava can’t seem to answer me without ly
ing…” She sneers directing her attention away from me and to Gabby, “Is everything okay Gabby, or do I need to go get my prison orange on?” Gabby rolls her eyes, and snorts, holding back laughter.
“Orange isn’t really your color so you should burn whatever of it you have, but yes everything is okay. Ava’s just having a hard time with her new boss, who she also happened to end up sleeping with…” My face deadpans as she says the words, while Marie’s face fills with shock. Seriously Gabby.
“Wait, let me sit for a second because I can’t actually believe what I’m hearing.” Marie shoves herself into one of the cheap dining room chairs before looking between Gabby and I to continue on with the story.
“Believe it because that’s what happened…” Gabby paused briefly, letting what she said sink into Marie before she started again…”Basically Ava had a one night stand with a man she thought she didn’t know, until she shows up for her first day at her new job, and guess who her new boss is?” Gabby’s eyebrows wiggle as if to insinuate we’ve been fucking non-stop since we met. I suck air into my lungs, letting it fill my chest cavity. I feel less burdened by my thoughts, and sadness but I still don’t know how I’ll face Ryker every day at work.
“So your boss is the mystery man you met at the bar.” I nod my head yes. Marie blinks, before throwing her hands into the air…a smile pulling at her full ruby red painted lips.
“And this is a bad thing why? I thought you wanted to know who he was?” I swallow down lump in my throat. When Marie hears what happened she’s going to hate Ryker, and that’s the last thing I want my best friend to feel for a guy I kinda, sorta like.
“I did…” I admit. “But I also never expected him to be such an asshole.”
“Asshole in what way? What’s this guys name? I’ll look him up and see if he’s really worthy of dealing with…” The questions slam into me all at once and before I can stop myself I’m spilling the beans.
“His name is Ryker Winston and he’s overseeing the company while his brother, and his wife have their first baby…”
I can’t tell immediately what is wrong but I know something is when I look at Marie. Her expression has went from playful to disappointed and angry so fast, I wouldn’t even believe her emotions could change at such a rate of speed had I not seen them do so myself.
“I’ve got to get to bed. It’s been a long day, and I’m worn out.” Her voice has changed too, and that leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Is there something she knows about Ryker that I don’t? Did she sleep with him?
“Wait, what’s wrong? I told you his name and now you don’t want to talk about it anymore? Is everything okay? Do you know him?” I’m peppering her with questions in a panic, but I feel this empowering need to ask things. Without even thinking I’m following her to her bedroom, more questions linger on my tongue but I hold them in, wanting to give her a chance to answer the ones already out there.
When she turns on her feet quickly, our bodies collided, and as long as we’ve been friends, I can’t say I’ve ever seen such a sadness in her eyes when she looks at me.
“Nothing’s wrong Ava… I’m just tired, and need some space, that’s all.” She doesn’t answer my questions in fact she avoids them all together, and that only drives the knife of betrayal further into my chest, because regardless of her saying so I know there’s something wrong.
“Don’t lie to me Marie.” I exclaim and am met with a dark glare.
“I’m not lying Ava, and I don’t appreciate my best friend assuming I am. Go away, if you don’t believe me. Either way I’m done talking about it.” She doesn’t give me even a second to respond to what she’s said, she simply walks into her room, and slams the door behind her, the sound of her door locking meets my ears.
What the fuck?
I stare at the wooden door for a bit longer than necessary, willing it to open.
Maire knows something about Ryker, even if she says she doesn’t, and suddenly all the things that happened today don’t matter anymore.
Ryker and Marie know each other, and without knowing the reason how, or why, a ball of jealousy starts to roll around inside my belly. And one question seems to swirl around inside my head: what am I going to do if my best friend slept with the man I’m secretly lusting after? Or worse what if he broke her heart, or hurt her?
I squeeze my lids closed, and rest my head against her door, wanting answers but knowing they’re far to out of reach.
Marie doesn’t want to talk tonight, and maybe not ever, and that scares me. It scares me a whole lot more than feelings I have for Ryker.
Chapter Eight
Ryker
Day drinking. The thing that dreams are made of. Also the one thing my boss, aka older brother doesn’t allow in the office. Yet, apparently has made a rule change for today as he sits two clinking glasses, and bottle of dads best whiskey on my desk.
“What is this?” I question lifting a brow.
“Something I like to call fuck-it-all-let’s-drink.” I can tell he’s stressed. The creases on his forehead are much more noticeable, and the bags beneath his eyes certainly don’t lead me to believe everything is roses for him right now. I almost feel bad for being an asshole to him.
“You don’t allow drinking during office hours, so what’s the catch…” I purse, leaning back in my office chair watching and waiting for him to deliver the real truth.
When he doesn’t do much other than sag into the chair in front of my desk and start opening the whiskey I know something is wrong.
“Remember when you were there for Fallon, and I wasn’t. When I was too weak of a man to know the goodness that was standing right in front of me?” He questions pouring whiskey into the two glasses he brought.
I exhale, not wanting to think about Fallon, and him, and there happily fucking ever after. Reed fulfilled dad's dying wish...but he left me feeling of course, lost, and spiraling out of fucking control.
“I remember… I also remember that you would’ve gotten to that point eventually. You just needed a little nudge.” The truth was Reed didn’t know what the fuck he was doing. He wanted Fallon but he was to afraid to admit it to himself, and he also didn’t want to fuck up their friendship since Fallon had technically been like an adopted child to my parents after her own died in a car accident. She meant everything to Reed.
“Well…” He laughed, tipping back the glass against his lips, while taking a swift swig of his drink. “I’m right back where I was before, except this time I’m terrified of being a dad. Absolutely fucking terrified and I can’t bring it up to Fallon because she’s already worried about so much it’ll just be another thing on her shoulders.”
Okay, so he really did need a day drink.
“Come the fuck on, Reed. You were always meant to be a dad, just like Fallon was always meant to be yours. It’s in your DNA.” I announce taking my own drink and downing it in one gulp. The burn of the whiskey warms me from the inside out, but it also reminds me of the mystery woman that I sunk myself deep inside a few weeks ago.
Reed shakes his head, setting the glass down on my desk. He’s conflicted I can see it in his eyes. He’s also scared, and worried beyond disbelief.
“What if I’m not a good dad? What if I’m shit? What if I don’t know what I’m doing and I disappoint Fallon. I’ve hurt her enough… She deserves better…” His rambling carried on and I knew if I had to listen to him sulk another second I was going to replace the glass he’d given me with the bottle of whiskey instead.
“Stop.” I ordered, my blue eyes meeting his. “Stop doubting yourself. Dad has huge plans for you and this company. He laid them out in the will. Hell he practically pushed you and Fallon together. You’re bound to succeed, so stop your belly aching. At least you aren’t screwing nameless women to deal with the pain.” The last part had slipped out before I could stop it.
Fuck me. I didn’t want to be having this conversation right now, not when it was obvious Reed
needed the support and not me.
“Please don’t tell me you’re drowning yourself in women and booze.” The sting of disappointment in his voice couldn’t be missed and really I didn’t know why I cared if he was disappointed. It wasn’t going to stop me from doing either of them.
“I’m doing what makes it easier to deal with things. If women, and booze help then I’m going to use them, even more so when both are more than willing.” I smile mischievously, though the feeling doesn’t last long.
“You need a woman Ry, someone who holds you to the ground.”
“Coming from the one who has a hard enough time believing he’s good enough to be with the one single woman who loves him more than life?” I raise a brow in questioning. “Plus I thought I found someone, or at least someone that it could’ve been…”
I trail off, dropping my eyes to the floor. Reed waits impatiently for me to continue, and I can feel the heat of his stare against my face even as I continue to look at the floor as if it’s the most interesting thing in the room.
When I don’t finish the sentence or make an effort to do so, he finally speaks “And? What happened?”
Jesus why did I even bring it up? This isn’t a conversation I want to have with my brother, at least not today anyway. I already feel shitty enough after seeing the look on Ava’s face before she left my office yesterday, and it’s not like I can tell him about that fiasco. He’ll never understand what I’m feeling.
If anything he will kick my ass if he finds out I kissed my new assistant. He won’t give a damn even though he’s now married to his.
“Ryker?” Reed’s voice is hesitant, something I don’t think he’s ever been. “Talk to me, please?” he implores. “Let me help you.”
“Help me what?” I lift my head, taking in the Reed’s concerned features. I’ve seen my brother in a number of situations, his face running through a million emotions but I’ve never had anything directed at me before.