Bad Girl Blues

by Brenda Barrett

  She stood outside for the longest while, staring at the sea below. She watched a boat as it appeared on the horizon and then disappeared.

  "Paradise," Thomas said behind her. "A place where you don't have to think much."

  Brigid spun around and looked at him. He had changed into khaki shorts and a t-shirt which showed off his well-toned biceps.

  "Yes. I guess." Brigid sat down in a comfortable chair that was on the patio and closed her eyes. Thomas sat across from her.

  "Dinner will be at six in the main dining room. By then all my cousins and my friends will be here. I invited thirty persons."

  "Okay," Brigid said disinterestedly.

  "Normally I wouldn't pressure you, not even a teeny bit, to eat with the rest of us because this weekend is totally for you but Nick is going to be here and I just want to let him know that you are here too."

  Brigid stiffened. She had missed Nick's class today. No doubt he would think that she was putting her personal life over her classes when she didn't show up. He probably thought that she was the ultimate party girl too. Skipping class so that she could hang out with her boyfriend.

  She wasn't going to spend one more minute thinking about what Nick thought about her though. It was futile. What was the use?

  "Fine," she gritted out. "Do I have to go to any more of your dinners?"

  "No." Thomas grinned. "It's good enough that everybody sees you at least once and that they know that you are here in my cottage."

  "This is so childish." Brigid looked at Thomas lazily.

  Thomas raised an eyebrow. "You don't understand, Brigid. A part of me will always be the little boy who has to sit by and watch my Benedict cousin get everything he wants, but for once I have the upper hand. I've got the girl he wants and he's making it so obvious."

  "He doesn't like me," Brigid said, "and he won't if he knows who I really am and what I do."

  Thomas frowned. "You may be right, but he doesn't need to know any of that, now does he?"

  *****

  After Brigid had a nap and showered she exited the cottage and almost bumped into Sonia.

  "You have been ignoring me these past couple of days," Sonia said to her, an accusing note in her voice.

  "Can you blame me?" Brigid asked. "You are impossible. You had me living with you and not once did you tell me the true nature of your circumstances. And now, because of you I am not only homeless but living with a guy that paid me to be his girlfriend."

  "It's not that bad," Sonia said, "and you wouldn't be doing any of this if you didn't want to. There is always a choice in life. You just happen to have chosen the easier one and now that you have made your choice you are blaming me."

  "Shut up," Brigid growled.

  Sonia looked around. "Don't be mad at me, Brigid. I am in a tough spot too. I lost my business, home and everything in one day. And my father is ill."

  "Your father?" Brigid looked at Sonia. "How'd you know that?"

  Sonia shrugged. "My mother called to let me know. He is in the hospital. Apparently, he is on the verge of dying."

  "But..." Brigid was confused. Sonia hardly mentioned her dad. She knew that he lived abroad—she didn't even know where abroad—and that he had only returned to Jamaica when Sonia was a teenager, or that was the story that Sonia told her.

  "It's a long story," Sonia said, reading the confusion in Brigid's face. "I promise to tell you one day. He lives in St. Mary. He has a guest house there too."

  "He does?" Brigid shook her head in exasperation. "Why is everything in your life such a secret? So your dad lives in Jamaica and he owns a guest house and now he is dying?"

  "Something like that," Sonia said solemnly. "I think we should go for a visit on Monday, when this weekend is over."

  "And face some family demons?" Brigid asked humorlessly.

  "Something like that." Sonia nodded.

  "And how are we going to get there?" Brigid asked. "We came with Thomas, if you recall."

  "We rent a car," Sonia said. "It's not that hard to reach where he lives."

  "All this time you knew where he lived?" Brigid asked. "And not once have you even thought to visit. You really don't understand the importance of having a father, do you?"

  Sonia took the rebuke in stoic silence.

  "I'll go with you," Brigid said after a loaded silence, "if you tell me who my father is."

  "I will." Sonia inhaled and then expelled her breath shakily. "I promise to tell you on the way there. It's no use to ruin your weekend now. By the way, I am staying at Flamingo cottage. Nice view. One of Thomas' cousins is my housemate. She can't shut up about how proud she is of her cousin."

  Brigid wasn't listening to much of what Sonia was saying. They walked around the winding path past two other cottages which were nestled behind thick hibiscus bushes and then they came upon the dining cottage.

  It was an open-air thatched place. Ska music was playing. She could smell the scent of fish and other spicy foods. She heard Thomas' laughter and when she advanced further into view she saw that he was sitting at a table with Nick.

  She barely registered that the tables were made of large tree trunks and the place was as rustic and unique as the rest of the property. She didn't even register that the sun’s dying rays gave the sea a golden hue in the background. Nick's eyes connected with hers and then they shifted away from her hurriedly, as if he was burnt.

  "Hey everybody," Thomas said loudly. "It's my girlfriend, Brigid!"

  He stood up and joined her, taking her around to his friends and family and personally introducing her. Everyone was friendly.

  One of his friends, an older gentleman named Geoff, was interested in Sonia and she sat at his table, laughing and chatting like they had known each other for years.

  They finally settled down at the table where Thomas was sitting with Nick.

  "And of course you know my cousin Nick and my cousin Marnie." He pointed to a girl who looked vaguely familiar. Thomas kissed Brigid soundly on the cheek as she sat across from Nick; he sat beside her and hugged her close to him.

  Nick raised his brow and looked at her. "You missed class today."

  "Yes." Brigid nodded and then continued, feeling like an airhead, "But I just had to be here. It's a lovely place, isn't it?"

  Nick nodded slowly. "You do know that missing one day of summer school is like missing a week of regular classes."

  "Oh, she'll make up for it," Thomas interjected. "Won't you, honey? I was thinking that you shouldn't have to take summer classes either. I mean, when you move to the States with me, you can do med school at your own pace. No need to rush. I am more than happy to take care of you while you weigh your options."

  "Oh," Marnie grinned. "You two are that serious with each other, huh? I wish I had a rich producer guy to sweep me off my feet and tell me not to worry about anything."

  Brigid avoided looking at Nick after Thomas' declaration. She was visibly trying not to grind her teeth in frustration.

  Thomas had declared that he would take care of her but she could take care of herself. She was used to being self-sufficient. She was used to fighting for everything the hard way. Nothing came easy to her, and this whole situation was not sitting well with her. To herself she felt like a sell-out, and a sell-out to God. Caitlin’s accusing voice entered her head.

  It hadn't been easy to overcome her dubious beginnings to be where she was now. She had to push herself every single step of the way. She had learning problems when she was younger because of the drugs. She had been in rehab when she was less than a year old.

  She had gotten over that. She had gotten over everything with God's help. She had triumphed despite her circumstances and now here she was, a rich producer’s girlfriend.

  A sell-out.

  She didn't even love the guy. She liked Thomas, yes. She even felt gratitude to him for understanding her current situation and not forcing the issue, but she wasn't even a fraction attracted to him and she knew without a doubt that if she
slept with him under the current circumstances she would be worse than a sell-out. She would be no better than a prostitute.

  "Can I take your orders?" a wait staff member asked them happily.

  Brigid looked over at the colorful menu board though she didn't feel hungry.

  "The pea soup looks good," she said, trying to avoid Nick's watchful gaze. Why was he constantly watching her? Didn't he know that Thomas was reading that as interest in her? "I'll have that."

  "I'll have the catch of the day," Thomas said, grinning. He was pleased to see Nick looking so grim across from him while his eyes rarely strayed from Brigid.

  "Aren't you allergic to fish?" Nick finally dragged his eyes from Brigid and looked at his cousin.

  "I have had fish since then," Thomas said, waving his concern away, "and I have been fine."

  "Okay." Nick shrugged. "You should know. I'll have the catch of the day too. What is it?"

  The waiter smiled. "Red snapper. How would you want it?"

  "Steamed," Nick nodded, "with lots of pepper."

  "Me too." Marnie chimed in. "The Kellier family has a pepper thing."

  "Make that three," Thomas declared.

  "Aren't you afraid of spicy food?" Nick asked, goading his cousin. "You like your food mild."

  "That might be so, but today feels like a day to match my food with my woman. My woman is spicy and flagrantly exotic."

  Marnie chuckled. "Yes, we can all see that."

  Nick looked at her with unconcealed dismay in his gaze after that statement. Brigid shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

  *****

  "I told him he shouldn't have eaten the fish," Nick said a couple of minutes later, after three of the cousins helped Thomas back to the cottage. "He was just showing off as usual and bam, he almost collapsed right at the table."

  One of Thomas' friends, Harvey, who was also a doctor, and Nick were conferring outside Thomas' door.

  "When we were younger he almost went into anaphylactic shock after eating fish. We all thought he was going to die back then."

  "And he still had it today?" Harvey murmured. "He is crazy. I'll go and get the meds for the vomiting."

  Harvey pushed his head through the room door. Thomas was doubled over in the bed, clutching his belly.

  "I am dying, aren't I?" Thomas groaned.

  "No, you are not dying, Thomas. I'll soon be back."

  "I don't want Brigid to see me like this," he whispered faintly.

  Harvey looked at Brigid; she was sitting in the living room, a concerned look on her face. He chuckled. "Okay. I'll try to keep her away."

  Nick was left standing in the living room with Brigid when Harvey left. He gave her a half smile. "This cottage is way bigger than the one he put me in."

  Brigid nodded. "He is the boss."

  "Yes, he is." Nick sat across from her. "His problem is he wants everybody to know it."

  Brigid looked at him. He was in a dark blue shirt that was tucked into his jeans. He looked effortlessly sophisticated. She could bet that he hadn't changed from his journey from Kingston and that this was what he wore to class. The class she missed because she could no longer afford med school.

  "Would you like a drink?" Brigid asked in the silence. "There is a well-stocked fridge."

  "No. I am fine," Nick said, "I have a well stocked fridge back in my cottage too. I checked it out after I arrived. Nice place. This was a good purchase by Thomas. I am sure it will do well if he follows through with it."

  "Why did you come?" Brigid asked after a short, charged silence.

  "Because I am a stickler for punishment." Nick looked at her. "After accepting Thomas' invitation I changed my mind a million times. I didn't see you in class today and that sorted it out for me. I had to see you. I wanted to apologize."

  "For what?" Brigid whispered.

  "For propositioning you on Monday, sneering at you on Wednesday. I saw the way you were reluctant to collect your paper and I knew your grade wasn't very good. I had no right to taunt you as I did. Medical school is hard enough as it is, without adding fuel to fire."

  Brigid hung her head. "My grade was terrible. I thought your class would have been a walk in the park. After my first degree it’s like an intro course to me, but I..."

  "But you are so caught up in your love affair with Thomas you can't concentrate." Nick finished for her erroneously. "Maybe he is right, maybe summer school is not for you at this time."

  "No, that's not it," Brigid whispered, looking at Thomas' closed door. "I can't talk about that now.

  "Want us to go down by the beach," Nick asked, "when Harvey gets back?"

  Brigid didn't know why she agreed. Maybe she was a stickler for punishment too.

  Chapter Twelve

  The stairs on the way to the private beach were well lit; Brigid and Nick made their way down to the white sand. It looked pristine in the dimly lit dusk. There was only the sound of birds and the gentle lapping of the sea on the shore. Though the temperature was just right, she was happy that she had carried her shawl because the wind made it surprisingly chilly for summer. She wrapped it tightly around her arms as she stepped down on the powdery sand.

  "It's so peaceful here," Brigid breathed. "It is weird, I have lived in Jamaica all of my life and I rarely get to enjoy the sea."

  Her body was already hyper aware of Nick and goose pimples stood up on her arms as he stood near her.

  "Where in Kingston did you grow up?" He had his hands stuck in his pockets and he was looking over on the water. He wasn't even looking at her directly and she was trying to stifle the breathless feeling that was enveloping her body.

  She cleared her throat when he looked at her. Even in the semi-darkness she could see the question in his eyes.

  Brigid wanted to change the subject. Why did she volunteer information about herself like that? What was wrong with her? This was Nick Benedict. She didn't want him to know anything incriminating about her.

  At the back of her mind, she had even longed for the illusion that she could pretend that she was just a normal girl, maybe like one of those girls that he was used to talking to.

  "Brigid?"

  Brigid licked her lips subconsciously. She missed the darkening of Nick's eyes or the way he turned to her as if he couldn't help himself.

  "I grew up in a girls’ home." Brigid cleared her throat. "One of the private ones."

  "Magnolia House?" Nick asked softly. "My grandparents’ old place?"

  "Yes. That's the one." Brigid swallowed. "Small world, huh?"

  "Not that small," Nick said under his breath. "How is it that you grew up in a girls’ home? That lady you were talking to today, Sonia. She's your mother?"

  "Oh yes." Brigid sat down in the sand and looked up in the sky. "Sonia had issues when I was younger. She couldn't take care of me. It's a long story."

  Nick sank down beside her; their arms touched. Both of them were aware of it but neither of them moved.

  "Tell me," Nick said, "what it was like growing up at Magnolia House?"

  "Are you serious?" Brigid asked incredulously. "You are interested in that?"

  "Why not? It sounds like an interesting time."

  "It was." Brigid laughed. "I was eight when they took me there. I was a little terror. I had ADHD but Patricia was determined that I become a well-behaved young lady. I saw psychiatrists and doctors and a barrage of professionals when I was little. No wonder I have always wanted to be in the medical field."

  "Aunt Pat?" Nick turned to her.

  "Yes." Brigid swallowed. "Your aunt Pat. She was our anchor—still is, actually. Nobody cared for us as much as she did."

  "I wonder why we never met before now," Nick mused. "I have been to Magnolia House before."

  "Seriously? When?" Brigid asked interestedly.

  "Periodically through the years," Nick said, "mostly to the offices, though. After all, it is a girls’ home. They wouldn't let me past the magnolia tree in the front of matron's office."


  Brigid laughed. "That's right. No male past the magnolia tree except for the gardener, and he was watched like a hawk. You know, we could have met at Patricia's place before she got married to Simeon Simpson; we used to be at her place all the time."

  "I wasn't around," Nick said. "I went to school in the US."

  "Yeah," Brigid said, "Patricia was very proud of you. She mentioned you more than once. Things changed a lot after she married. We only got the privilege of going there at Christmas time. Patricia got married when my sister and I were young teens.

  "I think I was thirteen at the time. Maybe we shouldn't have cried at her wedding. It was a miserable day for us." Brigid said sadly. "We knew that everything would change when she got married and had her own children. We would just be the kids she visited when she came to the home. We wouldn't be special to her anymore. And you know what, everything did change."

  Nick nodded. "Simeon doesn't like children."

  "I don't think it's children in general. I just think he doesn't like poor troubled ones," Brigid snorted. "And the four of us had deep-seated issues at some level or other. Except for Caitlin, of course; she's the only normal sister."

  Nick was silent for a while. "So you call the other girls you used to live with sisters."

  Brigid nodded. "Yup. We are sisters in all but blood. Sometimes I think we are closer than sisters. We only had each other when we were growing up. House mothers would come and go. Everything else in our lives would shift except for each other."

  Nick nodded. "Friends that are closer than family. I can understand that. My cousin and I had a really tough time relationship-wise and he was family. I had much better friends than Thomas, I can tell you that. Unfortunately, you can't choose family."

  Brigid looked at him sharply. She didn't want to talk about Thomas. She was enjoying her conversation with Nick, with the beach in the background. The breeze. The silence. It felt like they were the only two people in the world and she was enjoying the feeling of being in an imaginary cocoon. Thoughts of Thomas could change that..