The Fall of the Red Queen (Self Made Men...Southern Style Book 3)

by Lexxi Callahan

  She kept her eyes forward. “If I look, I’ll wake up. I thought that was the rule.”

  “You wake up because you don’t want to see me.”

  “I do want to see you.”

  “Then look.”

  She did, and for a moment she couldn’t see anything. She tried to close her eyes quickly but couldn’t. Then the light cleared, and everything came into focus. He smiled at her, every inch of his face so familiar it hurt. Even the small details that she’d forgotten. All of it was right there. He smiled at her, the warmth in his brown eyes the only home she’d ever known.

  But he was so young. Shock rippled through her. He was still nineteen. She was almost thirty. A new ache built inside her. He was still a kid.

  Then he took her hands, and she could feel his fingers. They were rough against her skin as he pulled her to her feet. “Do you understand now? Why you didn’t want to look?”

  She nodded, blinking back tears. Time had stopped for him. But it hadn’t for her. Her life had gone on.

  Without him.

  And that was one of the many things she couldn’t forgive herself for.

  “Is this a dream, Robert?” Her voice broke. “I need to know.”

  “It’s New Orleans, baby. Anything is possible.” His smile was sad, and it broke her all over again. “But you’ve got to let me go, Maddie. You live here, in this place, and it’s no good for you. You need to move on.”

  “I miss you,” she whispered, knowing deep down he was right and even worse, she already had.

  He opened his arms for her. She stepped forward, wanting to feel his arms around her one more time. She could no longer breathe now that she could feel him.

  “You’re going to have to be strong now,” he whispered against her ear. “But it’s almost over, Maddie, and I want you to be happy. You always keep your promises to me. So promise me that you’ll try.”

  Blinded from the light increasing behind him, she choked on tears. “I promise.”

  Her eyes opened, and she waited for the suffocating horror that always followed the dreams. Her breathing didn’t even hitch. She closed her eyes, unsure how to react to not feeling like her muscles were shredding off her bones.

  It was over. Sadness settled around her. She wouldn’t dream about Robert again. But for once it didn’t hurt to think about him. She would always feel the ache of his loss. It was part of who she was. But it didn’t stab at her anymore.

  She pushed her hair out of her eyes as Jared returned. A tentative smile played at her lips. Robert was right. She had to move on. Now she could admit to herself that it was okay to feel what she was starting to feel for the man crossing the room. For once, she didn’t force it back. She didn’t swallow it down and hide it.

  Then he flipped on the bedside lamp, and the dangerous expression darkening his face froze the oxygen in her lungs. Her gaze dropped to his hands, and her blood went sub-zero.

  He dropped the soap dish in her lap. It would’ve been better if he’d thrown her off a cliff.

  “Why would you keep that all these years?” The question snapped out of him. “Why isn’t it packed away in those boxes with the rest of your life? Start talking. No more lies. No more games. Tell me the truth.”

  She stared at the soap dish, her vision going blurry as the memory hit her hard and fast. Her guard was down, and the images washed over her like acid, destroying the fragile ray of hope that had flickered inside her.

  Their last summer together at the beach, the last time she’d been really happy.

  “He loves her,” Robert had said in a rare, serious moment, as they watched Stefan patiently hold the treasures Jen found on the beach. Rogan ran past them, chasing a screaming Lizzie until he caught her and slung her over his shoulder. He spun her around, and Lizzie screamed with laughter, her arms out like airplane wings. It was a perfect day. Blue skies, warm sun, and calm waves perfect for little girls to splash in.

  “He’s going to marry her.”

  “What?”

  “Stefan. He’s going to marry Jen.”

  Madlyn had nearly choked on the bottled water she was sipping. “Are you crazy? She’s ten.”

  “Not now, freak,” Robert had laughed, the sound carrying down to the shore. The four playing down by the waves heard them, then they all heard Nadine Sellers calling them from the beach house saying lunch was ready. “When she’s grown, mark my words, he won’t let anyone else get near her.”

  “So you can see the future now?”

  “Nah, just wishful thinking.” Robert clasped his hands behind his head as he stretched out on the lounger, crossing his ankles and looking smug. “She’s already got him wrapped around her little finger. I doubt she’ll ever let him go.”

  Madlyn shook her head and recapped the water bottle. “You are crazy.”

  “Maddie!”

  She turned at the sound of her name, just in time to see Jen running towards her.

  “Guess what I found!”

  Jen dropped a handful of shells in front of Madlyn.

  “Check these out, Maddie.”

  Madlyn was careful to examine each one. “I like this one. It’s pretty.”

  “Stefan found that one,” Jen said, touching the perfectly formed sand dollar. “He said I could make a necklace out of it. What do you think?”

  Madlyn glanced at Robert and couldn’t help but grin. Then a rare mischievous impulse struck her, and for once, she let herself be as silly as Robert. “Jen, do you think you might want to marry Stefan when you grow up?”

  The ice chest creaked as it slammed shut. “What?” Stefan choked, his attention turning to them too late.

  “Yes!” Lizzie jumped up and spun around. “We could be real sisters.”

  Jen laughed, too. “That would be awesome.”

  Stefan turned green but then laughed when Jen added, “And you have to marry my brother, Lizzie. Then we’ll be double sisters.”

  “Oh, hell no!” Robert no longer liked his joke.

  “No way.” Rogan grabbed Lizzie and swung her over his shoulder again. “This one is mine. She’s marrying me.”

  “Oh, gross, no!” Lizzie cried, trying to beat Rogan on the back hard enough so he would let her down. “Let me go, you big beast. That’s so gross.”

  “Nobody is marrying anybody!” Stefan grabbed his stuff when his mother called them in for lunch again. “I’m hungry, let’s go.”

  Jen popped up. “Race you!”

  Stefan nodded, giving her a head start before turning to Robert. “What’s the matter with you?” Stefan snapped. “She’s ten.”

  “No worries, man. When she’s twenty-one, she’s all yours.”

  “Sick fuck,” Stefan said, then took off after Jen.

  “What’s a sick fuck?” Lizzie asked, still dangling from Rogan’s shoulder.

  “Nothing!” Rogan barked, spinning around so she laughed before he followed Stefan.

  And then Madlyn and Robert were alone together, and it was way too quiet. Robert moved to her lounger and curled around her. She sighed, relaxing into him until his hand moved to her still-flat stomach.

  “Don’t,” she whispered, worried someone would see.

  He kissed her temple. “We have to tell everyone sooner or later.”

  “My grandfather will be livid.”

  Robert sighed, pulling her closer. “Baby, you cannot live your life under that old man’s thumb.”

  “I know.” She was terrified of telling her grandfather she was pregnant. She still couldn’t believe it, but four different pregnancy tests couldn’t be wrong.

  “So we get married a few years early, no big deal. Quit worrying, Maddie. Everything will be okay. I’ll be with you when you tell him. He can’t hurt you as long as you’re with me.”

  But everything hadn’t been okay. He had gone with her to tell her grandfather. She’d never seen Robert so angry. He’d stood up to Winston Robicheaux in a way no one had ever done before.

  “You don’t own her
!” he’d exploded at the old judge. “She doesn’t need you, old man. She has me and my family. We love her. And we are done letting you hurt her.”

  Her entire body had frozen over until Robert slid his arm around her waist. She’d hesitated. That savage look twisting Winston Robicheaux’s expression had been pure evil, but there had also been a warning. He had dared her to make a choice, and she’d been weak. She’d held on to Robert, turning away from the man who had raised her, turning her back on the plans he had for her, the plans he had for the fantasy empire he’d spent years constructing in his demented mind.

  If only she had understood what her grandfather was capable of. Maybe things would’ve been different and Robert’s fate would not have been sealed that rainy afternoon when she chose him over the Judge.

  She wanted to believe she’d been young, in love, and still believed in happily ever after.

  But she knew that she’d just been weak, and stupid, and blinded by her feelings for the amazing young man who told her the notorious Hanging Judge had no power to hurt her. That he couldn’t hurt them as long as they stayed together.

  Robert had been so horribly, tragically wrong.

  And it was all her fault.

  “Madlyn!” The thunderclap echoed her name and pulled her back from the entrance of hell without warning.

  Everything was blank. Disoriented, she could only stare blindly.

  “Tell me what happened.” The warm request wrapped around her like a blanket, the false security slipping under her defenses and soothing away the exposure that had left her raw from the memories she had locked away for so long.

  “Tell me.” Warmth was giving way to impatience.

  She stared blankly at Jared, knowing he would drop her into the abyss if she didn’t tell him the absolute truth. And in a terrifying moment of weakness, she accepted that she didn’t want to let him go. She was afraid to go back into that darkness alone. There was so much light in him, so much strength, maybe she could let herself have just a little.

  “Madlyn,” he urged, his hands tightening on her.

  But the darkness sang to her, reminding her that it might be cold, but it was safe. It was familiar, and she knew how to navigate it. She might be alone, but it was better to be alone in that darkness. If she told anyone, the darkness would take them, too.

  She shook her head slowly and started to pull away‏‏, away from all that seductive light. She’d only destroy it, and she couldn’t stand the thought.

  “Jen told me you read them Alice in Wonderland when they were kids. That you knew Lizzie would love the hidden math.”

  Pain speared through her chest, and she was on her feet without warning, trying to put some distance between them. “She remembered that?” Madlyn choked.

  “Yeah. She’s remembering lots of interesting things.”

  He watched her withdraw so far away that for a moment he wasn’t sure he could get her back. But he didn’t give up that easily. Not when he wanted something as much as he wanted her.

  His slow movements towards her paid off. She didn’t move away until it was too late and he was right in front of her, backing her against the wall.

  “She did, didn’t she? And Jen loved the tea party.” He lowered his mouth to hers, although he had no intentions of kissing her. He wanted to make sure she couldn’t ignore him. “Jen said you had tea parties. Did you spend hours with Jen in the kitchen, showing her how to make little sandwiches, cookies, and tiny cheesecakes with sugar flowers? All painted with edible glitter?”

  Tears swam in her eyes, but he couldn’t stop himself.

  “You taught her how to make cheesecake. The Red Queen giving baking lessons? Now that’s my kind of nonsense.”

  “Stop.”

  “Jen loves glitter,” Jared whispered, his lips lightly brushing hers. “Jen puts glitter on everything to make it extra special. The glitter,” he paused for effect, “on her sugar flowers and cupcakes shows the love she puts into them. That soap dish is covered in glitter. Who taught her to do that?”

  “You’re wrong.” Her eyes were on his mouth, and it made him ache to close the final distance.

  But not yet.

  “She made that soap dish for you.”

  “No.”

  “And covered it with glitter.”

  “Stop.”

  “But that’s not even the best part,” Jared whispered, his body almost brushing hers. “You’ve kept it all these years. Kept it close, in your bathroom, the only room in this house that is really you.”

  “Step back.”

  “You want to know why you keep it?”

  “No.”

  “So you can see it every day and remember that she used to love you.”

  She shook her head.

  “Because,” he paused, wanting more than anything to just pull her into his arms, but she was so close. And he had to know. “You love her.” His hands touched her waist. “All of this has been about Jen.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “What happened, Madlyn? Why did you go from adoring big sister to the Red Queen?” He shook his head in disbelief when she didn’t answer. “I think it’s all been a ruse. You’ve been protecting her, but from what?”

  She turned to pale marble in front of him, then started to move her head from side to side, her weight pressed into the wall. Her fingers clenched into fists at her side. What would it take to get her to swing at him? To break through until she let that fury coiling inside of her fly? “You’re wrong.”

  His cocky grin was automatic. “You already said that.”

  And it worked, she bowed up so fast it was a miracle her spine didn’t snap. “Get out.”

  He didn’t move a muscle. “Try again.”

  “Get out of my house.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” he said, then added, “Babe.” Just to watch the outrage spit out of her like lasers.

  She didn’t disappoint him.

  “Get out of my house.” The whip crack of her voice was a relief.

  “Tell me what’s really going on, Maddie. Just say it once.” He made it sound like a dare, a seductive, irresistible dare. He moved in closer. The tension in her body gave way, but not the fire in her eyes. “I’ll never make you say it again.”

  Her lips parted as the air between them started to thicken. Jared took a ragged breath, trying to remind himself that kissing her wasn’t the answer.

  Then she kissed him, throwing her weight at him until he had no choice but to lift her. He groaned as her tongue fought his and her thighs clamped around him. His knees nearly buckled as her nails scraped across his skin.

  Okay, this worked, too.

  He swung around, stepping towards the bed, letting her devour him. Teeth, nails, tongue, sweat. He was drowning in her. She was a sickness in his blood. A fever he never wanted to break. Her nails clawed at him, and he dragged his mouth free of hers, his laugh husky. He turned, her nails sank in, and she took him with her.

  “Do that again.” He caught her bottom lip in his teeth. “I love when you go all wildcat.”

  She stopped struggling and stared up at him as if seeing him for the first time.

  “Give this to me, Maddie,” he whispered. “Let me help you carry it.”

  She cracked wide open, right there beneath him, her body relaxing into the tears that were streaking across her face. The despair that sighed out of her broke his heart, and he wanted to absorb all her pain.

  Because she was holding back the truth to spare him the pain he could see eating her alive.

  Which told him more than any words could have.

  “Walk away.” Her whispered plea was barely audible. “Why won’t you walk away?”

  “You say that like I have a choice.” He brushed her hair back, trying to get her to look at him. “You feel responsible for the accident, don’t you? But it’s not your fault. How can it be your fault? It was an accident.”

  Black eyes snapped up to him. Dead, black, shark eyes. She d
idn’t flinch. She didn’t look away. She didn’t agree or disagree. She died. Right there in front of him. Every single shred of life inside her curled up and away, and he was facing the real Red Queen for the first time.

  “Leave.” The flat menace in the word made all the tiny hairs on his body stand up. “Now.”

  Jared reeled, the ground no longer steady as the puzzle pieces slammed together. It was suddenly so clear that he couldn’t believe he hadn’t already guessed it. But the truth was staggering. His mind didn’t want to wrap around it, because now he was a faced with a choice he didn’t want to make. And he had to make it quick.

  He could walk away and leave her. He could pretend it was more of her bullshit.

  Or he could grow up and face it.

  And do something about it.

  He could step into that darkness with her and say the thing she couldn’t bring herself to say out loud.

  And it was surprisingly easy to speak. “It wasn’t an accident, was it?”

  “Go away.” Her fingers curled into fists at her side. “And stay away. I’m warning you for the last time. You’ll only get hurt.”

  His stomach twisted. “That’s the thing I don’t get. You keep warning me. But why do you care if I get hurt?”

  The almost imperceptible parting of her lips solidified the crazy theory bouncing around his brain.

  “I don’t care.”

  But the denial came too late.

  “I think you do, and I think you try to protect the people you care about, even at your own expense. So for the last time, admit it. It wasn’t an accident.”

  The silence drew out between them again, and Jared ached to put his fist through a wall. He wasn’t used to the rage trying to blow the top of his skull off. He only ever felt things like this around her.

  “What are you so afraid of?” The question was such a cliché. He asked it without thinking. It had never occurred to him that she was afraid of anything.

  But the sudden flush of color across her pale face told him another story.

  “Get the hell out of my house, Jared.” She enunciated each syllable. “This is over.”

  He shook his head slowly. “It’s not over. Was it an accident or not?”