She closed her eyes, tightening her hold on him as she stroked his hair, grateful that, for once, she didn’t have to lie for her grandfather. “He loved you very much.”
He hugged her again and sniffed back tears he didn’t want her to see.
“Are you ready to go home now?” she asked, reluctantly releasing him.
“After lunch. Aunt Jen let me help her make a cake. She said you taught her how to make it when she was my age. Do you want to see it?”
She couldn’t react for a moment, torn between intense pain and sweetness that Jen would share that with her son. She straightened, disoriented and unsure how to answer.
“Yeah, we both do.” Jared’s arm went around her waist, startling her as he always did with that sudden feeling of safety and not being so alone. She just couldn’t allow herself the luxury of how he made her feel.
“Everything okay?” Stefan asked when he reached them, his hand automatically going to Robbie’s shoulder in a protective move Madlyn couldn’t help but appreciate. “You tell your mom about the cake?”
Robbie nodded.
Stefan grinned at him, the warmth in that smile clawing at Madlyn’s skin. He loved her son…no, she reminded herself, Stefan loved Robert’s son. She’d destroyed whatever regard Stefan had ever had for her. “Good. Lunch is ready,” he told Robbie. “Take your mom inside. She hasn’t seen the house since it was finished.”
Jared urged her forward, and Robbie’s hand slipped into hers. She had no choice but to go with them. There was a huge spread laid out on the island, and everyone was making their own plates. She hadn’t expected so many people.
Jean saw her first, then the chaos dropped into a tense silence as everyone waited for Jen’s reaction. They didn’t have to wait long. Jen took three steps, gave her a tentative smile, and then slid her arms around Madlyn’s neck. Madlyn absorbed the pain slicing through her at the unexpected embrace. The past clawed at her as she remembered similar hugs that had been so frequent that only their loss had made her realize how precious each one was.
She’d loved Jen so fiercely for so long that the choices her grandfather had forced on her hadn’t been choices at all. Now she knew those sacrifices had been worth it. Jen was safe, and Robbie was happy. They were surrounded by people who loved them. That was all that mattered.
Before Madlyn could speak, Jen stepped back, clearing her throat as she tried not to make a big deal out of it. “Do you want strawberry lemonade instead of iced tea?”
“I do,” Lizzie chimed in, trying to break the tension. “I sliced the lemons.”
“Yeah,” Jen nodded, forcing a laugh. “It took her three hours.”
Madlyn forced a smile and nodded, biting back the debilitating sob that was crushing her throat. They’d always had strawberry lemonade when she’d had picnics with the two girls a lifetime ago. “Yes. Thank you...”
Jen nodded, and the world started up again as everyone relaxed and found seats. The conversations that flowed around the table reminded her of the dinner she’d shared with Jared’s family. Her heart squeezed. Her son was also part of a large, slightly crazy but very loving family. Everything she’d been through was worth it to see him surrounded by people who loved him.
It was what she wanted for him, but she’d never felt so alone in her life.
If Robert had been sitting beside her instead of Jared…
Instead of Jared?
Her heart lurched. Pain spiraled deep in her chest.
There was no such thing as ‘instead of Jared.’ She didn’t want that at all.
She had loved Robert and still missed him every single day. Losing him had been one of the worst experiences of her life, and part of her would always be broken. But she’d managed to get up the next morning and the next until eventually she had survived it.
But Jared?
If something happened to Jared, she wouldn’t survive an hour. She would never get over him. And the force of that emotion and the fear it brought with it was so terrifying, she wasn’t sure she wanted to feel it at all.
“You should eat.” The concern in his voice coiled the spiral of pain inside tighter.
She didn’t deserve this man or the concern in his voice.
The spiral burst, five times worse than before, because she knew she didn’t have the strength to do what she should. She wouldn’t have survived the last few days without him. She needed him, and he would stay with her as long as she let him. He would never leave.
Until she destroyed him.
She discovered she could hate herself on an even deeper level, and that pain pulsed again, cracking her open until she couldn’t keep back the tide of emotions surging through her.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t face the prospect of destroying someone so generous and beautiful. Someone as special as Jared Marshall. He was a gift. But not for her.
The hair on the back of her neck prickled, and she looked up to find Stefan watching her. Caught with her guard down, she fought to stay seated as those wintry blue eyes saw too much, and his expression took on a dangerous edge. Her throat ached, and she could feel his hand around her throat again.
She shouldn’t be here. Sitting with this group of friends was the last place she deserved to be. Jared’s hand covered hers in her lap, and she gripped his fingers, feeling like she was going under for the third time.
“Relax,” he said against her ear.
“This was a mistake,” she whispered, hating the weak tremble in her voice. “I should go.”
Chapter Eighteen
Jared felt her pulling away at same rate Stefan was shutting down. Nic Maretti, Lizzie’s fiancé, was seated at the opposite end from Stefan. Jared realized Nic was aware of the deteriorating situation between Madlyn and Stefan, too.
When everyone finished eating, Jen enlisted Robbie’s help in serving dessert. As soon as they were out of the dining room, Stefan spoke to Madlyn, and a hush fell over the table. “We need to talk.”
Lizzie and Angie, Rogan’s wife, were suddenly on their feet, taking Angie’s son with them. “I think Jen needs help,” Lizzie said.
Stefan turned to Rogan. “You going to leave those two alone with Jen?”
Rogan laughed under his breath and stood. “One war at a time,” he agreed, and followed his wife and Lizzie into the kitchen.
Stefan turned back to Madlyn, but Jared cut him off. “She’s had enough today, Sellers. It can wait.”
“It can’t.” When Stefan rose to his feet, Jared didn’t hesitate to stand.
Madlyn’s hand curled around his forearm before he could take a step. He glanced down, and she shook her head at him. “No, it’s okay. I need to talk to him.”
“Not alone,” he said, standing with her this time.
“I agree,” Nic rumbled as he rose to his feet. “Any objections?” he asked Stefan, who shook his head.
“Office,” Stefan said. “Now.”
“He's not going back to your sister’s house.” Stefan shut his office door behind all of them but spoke to Madlyn as if they were alone. “That kid loves you, and he thinks he’s going home with you to stay. And for now, that’s going to happen whether you like it or not. You may not want him but—”
It wasn’t until Stefan landed on the floor, sending a chair crashing into the wall with a sickening thud, that Jared realized he’d punched him. Hard. The pain signals hit his brain, and he shook his fist out, wincing at the pain. The big guy was made out of iron, and it had been years since Jared had hit anyone. But the pain in his fist felt good.
“What the fuck, Jared?” Stefan rubbed his jaw.
“You don’t get to talk to her like that.”
Stefan laughed in disbelief and pushed to his feet. “I’ll talk to her any way I—”
He hit the ground again, but as Jared lunged forward, Nic caught him by the arm with surprising strength and stopped him.
Jen darted past him, dropping to her knees next to Stefan and pushing hard at his shoulder. “
What did you do?”
“Me?” Stefan winced, rubbing his jaw, and Jared grinned as he realized Jen was blaming Stefan. “The hippie hit me.”
“Get up,” Jared dared him. “So I can do it again.”
Jen glanced up at him, her eyes shocked, like she was seeing him for the first time. Well, maybe she’d never seen him angry. “What is the matter with you?”
Jared shrugged.
“There’s nothing wrong with him,” Stefan said. “This is all Madlyn. Somehow we always end up on the floor at the Red Queen’s feet.”
Rage exploded behind Jared’s eyes. “Do not call her that. You don’t have any idea what’s she’s been through. What’s she done for you.”
“He’s right,” Nic added, surprising Jared with backup. Then Jared realized Nic still had a hold of him, keeping him from going for Stefan’s throat.
Jared shook him off, but Nic didn’t let go. Instead, he shoved Jared into a leather chair.
“Stay,” Nic barked at him, and Jared realized that Nic knew everything, too. He’d probably always known, but he’d kept Madlyn’s secret, no doubt because she’d asked him.
She’d asked Jared, too, but as he looked around the room at the anger in Stefan’s eyes and the pain Madlyn was desperately trying to hide, his vision went crisp and bright around the edges.
He couldn’t do it.
He couldn’t keep her secret. He could not stand to see that look in her eyes. Haunted black eyes that pleaded with him not to do what he was about to do.
“Tell him,” Jared said, the quiet in his voice booming through the room. “Tell them the truth, or I will.”
It had always been inevitable. She’d known that from the beginning, but now that the moment had arrived, she wasn’t ready for it. Jared’s threat wasn’t an idle one. He would tell them. There was nothing she could say that would stop him. But she still tried.
“Please,” she whispered, sincerely begging him for the first time.
“Tell us what?” Stefan demanded.
Neither of them looked away. “You promised,” she reminded him as the floor drifted away from her feet.
There was no way to stop him. Part of her had always known he would never stay silent and that the moment he broke that promise, she would have the excuse to cut him loose.
The anger and pain on his face turned to resignation “I’m in love with you. Don’t you get that? I can’t stand by and watch…”
“Yes, you can,” she whispered, her voice catching. “If you love me, you’ll keep your promise.”
“It’s because I love you that I can’t.”
“Then we’re done,” she choked, the words burning her throat and mouth like acid.
His eyes misted over. “I can live with that, but I can’t live with watching you die so slowly you don’t even know that it’s happening.”
She closed her eyes. Her grandfather had won after all. History was repeating itself right in front of her. It was necessary. She knew it was. But instead, it just felt like dying.
“What the fuck?” Stefan whispered, and that was when she realized she was crying.
And not just crying, weeping, turning away from all of them until Jared was there. Her body shuddered. “Please don’t do this,” she begged.
His arms tightened around her and he kissed her forehead. For a moment she thought he had changed his mind, but his voice was calm when he spoke.
“She’s been protecting all of you.”
“That’s bullshit,” Stefan scoffed. “And just more of her lies. You can’t trust anything she says.”
“She wants you to think that,” Nic said before Jared could. “She’s spent ten years making sure you will all hate her so much you won’t ask questions.”
“Why?” Stefan demanded. “Will someone tell me what the fuck is going on?”
“Because,” Jen spoke before Madlyn could, her voice flat and eerily calm. “The car wreck wasn’t an accident, was it?” She directed that question at Madlyn, her voice trembling.
Pain lanced through Madlyn as she realized Jen already knew the answer.
“Was it?”
“No,” she whispered. “It wasn’t.”
Jen nodded slowly, her expression curiously blank. Madlyn stepped forward just as Stefan did, but Jen held them off. “I’m okay. When are you two going to get that I’m okay?”
“You already knew, didn’t you?” Jared asked.
She nodded again, sighing as she wiped her hands over her face. “Yeah, I think so. I always knew…there was another car and…”
“Wait,” Stefan interrupted them. “What?”
He looked at Madlyn, the confusion in his face burning through her skin as it dawned on him what they were saying. “The accident that killed Robert?”
“Not an accident,” Jen said gently, her arms going around her husband’s waist as she backed him up to his executive chair, explaining things Madlyn had tried to hide all these years. “There was another car that night. Chasing us…”
The combination of shock, horror, and agony on Stefan’s face reminded Madlyn why she had kept this secret all this time. Not just to protect Jen. She’d wanted to shield Stefan too. He would take this the hardest.
“I thought it was my imagination trying to fill in the blanks,” Jen continued into the stunned silence. “But I remember it all pretty clearly now, Stefan. A truck hit us.”
“It was a hit and run,” Stefan whispered. “It had to be.” He looked to Madlyn for confirmation, but she couldn’t find the words.
“It was Judge Robicheaux, wasn’t it?” Jen asked.
Madlyn nodded.
“But…” Stefan whispered, staring at Jen, then looking to Madlyn, desperation thawing into an expression she’d only seen once. The stark fear and pain looked wrong on the hard angles of his face. This was the Stefan Sellers who had stood next to her in the burn unit while Robert fought the inevitable. She could still smell it, still feel the horror of trying to understand that the body burned beyond recognition was Robert and that he was, somehow, still alive.
Robert had fought so hard, but no one wanted that for him. He was awake, right to the end. His eyes begging them for something he couldn’t articulate because he could no longer speak. But she’d understood what he wanted. Somehow, she’d found the strength to give up a slice of her humanity. She’d leaned close across the bed railing to smile at his destroyed face. Her words still echoed in her head.
I will take care of Stefan and Jen and our baby. I promise. But you have to go now. It’s okay, Robert. Just fly.
He’d understood her, and he’d done what she’d said, and after seventeen hours his nightmare ended and hers began.
Now, she wanted to tell Stefan that they could all wake up. That this was the nightmare and they were still at the beach, ready to take on another day in the sun, building sandcastles, going sailing, and having tea parties for two beautiful little girls they all loved. She wanted to give him that. It would be simple. She’d just say she’d lied to Jared. That they were fools if they thought she’d cared about any of them. She opened her mouth to take it all back, but there was nothing except, “I’m so sorry.”
“It was the Judge?” Stefan asked, the temperature in the room dropping by degrees. “Because Robert confronted him?”
She nodded. “I should've stopped him.”
“You couldn’t have stopped him,” Stefan said, exhaustion echoing in his voice. “I tried to stop him, too, but he hated that old man. Hated the way he treated you.”
“I don’t understand,” Jen said.
“He didn’t want them to get married,” Stefan guessed.
Madlyn nodded. “So he made sure we couldn’t.”
“Why go to such extremes?” Jen asked.
“No,” Stefan interrupted, turning on Madlyn without warning. “The real question is, why did you give that maniac custody of Robbie?”
And there it was. A thousand frozen blades hit her at once. She closed her eyes, turnin
g away from them all.
“How could you give that monster Robert’s son?”
She scrambled for an explanation, but nothing came to mind. Before she could say anything, Jared blew her world wide open.
“So he would leave Jen alone,” Jared said. “There weren’t supposed to be any survivors.”
“What?” Jen whispered, the small sound bouncing around the room, devastating everyone as her voice broke. All the color drained from her already pale face, and her eyes took on that distance they all dreaded.
Stefan caught her around the waist, but she pushed away, coming closer to Madlyn. “He made you give up Robbie because of me?”
Madlyn nodded, unable to think, much less make up an answer.
“Why would you do that?”
Tears blinded her, but it no longer mattered if she could see. “Because I promised your brother I would always keep you safe.”
“But…”
Madlyn moved first, hugging Jen without warning, words she’d never planned to say scraped from deep inside her. “I knew he would never hurt his grandson, not his flesh and blood, but I couldn’t take the risk of losing you, too. And I would do it again if I had to. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
Jen hugged her back. “I love you, too.”
They cried for a long time, ignoring the three men who would've gladly teleported to another planet to escape their tears. But when the storm passed, Madlyn knew she’d made the right decision all those years ago. It had been painful, but it had been right. And for the first time in ten years, she didn’t quite hate herself.
And now she had another painful and necessary choice to make. She wasn’t sure how she was going to survive it.
Chapter Nineteen
In the end, her grandfather won.
He was dead. She had her son back and the possibility of rebuilding a relationship with Jen. But she was never going to be truly happy. She’d almost been. It had been right in front of her. She’d felt its warmth on her skin, but Winston Robicheaux had made sure she would never have it. It would always be beyond her reach because in her heart, she accepted that she didn’t deserve it.
The Fall of the Red Queen (Self Made Men...Southern Style Book 3) Page 22