Because she would never forget the look on his face when she’d walked out of Stefan and Jen’s house. He’d believed he was doing the right thing. He’d been trying to help her. He was in love with her, and it was only natural that he would defend her.
He just hadn’t been prepared for the devastation it had caused to his friends.
He should've listened to her, but she wasn’t surprised that he hadn’t.
She also wasn’t surprised when his SUV pulled into her driveway and parked next to her Jaguar. She’d known he would come. That he wouldn’t be able to stay away. That was why she was sitting on her porch, listening to the swing chains creak as she waited for him.
He would never be able to stay away. He would always come back, only to lose a little more of himself to the darkness that made up her world.
Every part of her wanted to fly down those stairs, throw her arms around him, and kiss the pain she could see in his face despite the shadows the oak tree threw across her driveway. But her heart, the part of her that he’d given back to her, stopped her. Instead, she moved to lean against a column, crossing her arms, and waiting for him. She could feel her face freezing into a blank mask.
It stopped him. He didn’t even put a foot on the bottom step, just looked up at her, and she watched part of him die right there in front of her.
This was necessary, she told herself. She was good at doing what was necessary, no matter how much it hurt. She might hurt him now. She might even scar him for life. But at least he’d have a life.
She could do this for him.
Then his expression changed, hardened in a way she never wanted to see again. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked away.
“I’m not sorry,” he said, not looking at her until he finished.
“I know.”
“But what you’re doing now is wrong. You’ve been trying to convince yourself from the second I kissed you that you’re no good for me. So I’m not sorry I told Jen the truth, but I fucking hate that I gave you the excuse you needed to end us.”
“There’s no us,” she said quietly, trying not to flinch when he did. “There never was.”
“You are such a fucking liar. There’s never been anything but us, you’re just too scared to admit it. It’s easier to punish yourself and be unhappy because that’s what you know and that’s what you think you deserve.”
Electric heat seared through each layer of her body until it scorched her heart.
And then she felt her.
The Red Queen.
Moving through her veins, spreading into the darkness and all the burned places, covering her in the only thing that would let her survive the next few minutes and the rest of her life.
Cruelty.
It laced the words building inside her with disdain and disgust. They formed into jagged rocks, and she flung them as hard as she could at him, hurting him so he would run away and never come back.
“What makes you think I’m giving you up?” she purred. “That’s sweet, but I don’t give up my toys so easily. You still have a few working parts, so by all means, come in. Let’s play.”
His jaw dropped slightly. The shock that settled over his pale features was a knife through her chest. She couldn’t feel it. She couldn’t feel anything.
“Don’t worry, you aren’t completely wrong. I’ve spent the last few days convincing myself that I’m no good for you. I don’t deserve you. That you’ll only get hurt. But after tonight, I don’t care. Frankly, the sex with you is mind-blowing, and I’m too selfish to give that up.”
His expression grew more remote as his eyes turned cold. When he spoke, it was so quiet and deadly that if she could have felt her skin, she’d would’ve found it crawling. “You think you’re selfish?”
She gave him a long cat-like smile, faking triumph. “What else?”
He nodded and wiped his hands across his face with an aggravated sigh. “This is what you want?” he asked. “For me to just walk away?”
“No,” she denied, tossing her hair. She pressed her index finger to her bottom lip. “Not at all,” she breathed out in an over-the-top, sex kitten whisper.
He closed his eyes, and in the second before he opened them, she died all over again.
“There’s a condition.”
“You don’t get to set conditions.”
He looked older, harder, as he quickly climbed the stairs until he was right in front of her. She held her ground but rested against the column for support, licking her bottom lip provocatively. He lowered his face to hers, and she fought to keep her eyes open as her entire body went heavy. One kiss and he’d taste the lies.
“You will take the job my father offered you.”
She blinked at him, not sure she’d heard him correctly. He didn’t know she’d signed the contract?
“Done,” she whispered back as he straightened. “But I have a condition.”
He paused. “Name it.”
“You quit the law firm. I won’t work there if you’re there. I can’t work with people I don’t trust.”
It had been meant as a killing blow, but Jared was already dead, so it fell short. Instead, he just shook his head. “You know about the job Elliot offered me, don’t you?”
“What job?” she asked, her expression a blank slate of lies. Did she really think he couldn’t see her? Couldn’t see what she was doing?
“His sous chef has taken a leave of absence to go on a reality cooking show.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding bored. “A temp position?”
His pride kicked in, and he couldn’t let that go. “Yeah, it’s a temp position until Elliot opens his new place in the Marigny. Then he wants me to take over as chef de cuisine at the Bistro.”
Her entire demeanor changed, the edges fell away, and she couldn’t hide the flash of pleasure that flickered in her eyes for him. It undid him in a strange way that turned everything he was feeling into a bittersweet sting.
“He didn’t tell me that,” she admitted, her voice quiet with pride. “Jared, that’s incredible.”
He relaxed, just basking in having that side of her back for a moment to celebrate this with him. The Carter family had owned Bistro Lagniappe for over a hundred years. No one outside the family had ever been chef de cuisine of that kitchen. It was no small thing for Elliot to trust him with it. “I think he’s lost his mind,” Jared said, the tension between them suddenly ebbing.
“No.” She shook her head. “He trusts you with his family’s legacy. I’m so proud of you. Your family should be, too.”
Jared couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his mouth. “My father surprised me. Apparently when he told me I could do anything I wanted after I passed the bar, he meant that literally. He just wanted me to prove to myself I could pass the bar.”
The small laugh that escaped her broke his heart into smaller pieces. It continued to break as the silence lengthened between them.
“So that’s it then?” he asked when he couldn’t stand it any longer.
“Yes.” But her expression slipped for a moment.
“Okay,” he said, blinking hard as his vision swam. “But you should look up the definition of selfish. ’Cause, babe, you are a world-class failure at it.”
Her expression turned brutal. “Are we done?”
“Yeah,” he muttered, suddenly exhausted. “I think we are.”
He ended up at the bar at Trick’s, sitting next to Reese while Reese’s ex Toni poured tequila shots and set long-neck beers next to them.
“Please tell me they cremated him.” Reese swallowed a shot and slammed it back down on the bar. “That’s the only way to make sure they’re really dead, you know.”
“Who died?” Toni asked.
“The Hanging Judge,” Reese answered.
“Ah,” she smiled, pouring him another shot. “The crooked judge who sent you to juvie.” She poured herself a shot and tapped it against Reese’s. “That sounds like we’re celebrating.”
Jared covered his shot glass before the petite brunette could fill it again. She was nothing like he’d expected, and when she moved away from them to hand out more beers, he lowered his voice. “Are you sure she can kick Trick’s ass?”
Reese laughed. “She’s fast, brother. Trust me.”
Jared looked hard at him. “You’re playing a long game, aren’t you? What the fuck are you into?”
“Now you’re starting to sound like that smoking hot attorney.”
Jared flinched. “Cheap shot, asshole.”
Reese tapped his beer against Jared’s. “You got bigger problems anyway. Finish that beer.”
“What problems?”
“Drink,” Reese urged as he fished his cell phone out of the pocket on his cut. Jared finished the beer, and Reese spread his arms out on the bar. His smartphone was cued up to play a video. “Now I’m going to hit play, and you’re going to count to ten before you say anything.”
“Just get it over with,” Jared moaned, not really wanting to see what sick porn Reese had found on the internet. But when the video started, it was so much worse than he expected. “Is that Evie Christian?” he asked, grabbing the phone and sitting up so he could look closer.
“So I’m right, then. That is one of Adam’s songs?”
“Yes, it’s one of Adam’s.”
“I was hoping you were going to say he sold her one of his songs but…”
“No, he didn’t fucking sell her one of his songs.”
Reese took his cell phone back and clapped Jared on the back. “Now you have an excuse to call your attorney.”
Jared tapped his shot glass against the bar, and Toni showed up again with a smile and a brand-new bottle of tequila. It didn’t help.
And he wasn’t going to use this as an excuse to call Madlyn.
He’d hurt people he cared about tonight, but he’d done it for their own good. Maybe they would all blame him for throwing things into chaos. They might even hate him. He could live with that.
Besides, Madlyn had Robbie to consider. She needed time with him. They needed time to get used to living with each other, and she needed time to rebuild her relationship with Jen and Stefan. To rebuild her life.
A life that didn’t have a place for him. Or at least she didn’t want to give him a real place in it. The sooner he accepted that, the easier things would get for everyone.
So he would back off, give them all some space. He just wanted them to be happy.
He almost choked on the tequila as he knocked it back. He slammed the shot glass down on the bar too hard as he realized he’d just done exactly what Madlyn had done ten years ago. Given up people she loved for their own good. Was this pain clawing at his gut what she’d felt for the last ten years? He suspected it was, and he just didn’t know how to live with that.
“Have you seen these?” Stefan Sellers asked as he stomped into her office and tossed a wad of crumpled paperwork across her desk.
“You had to know this was coming.” Madlyn said, putting the papers aside. She didn’t have to read them to know they were from Gary and Suzanne’s lawyer.
“What’s our next move?”
“Our next move,” she echoed, still not accustomed to how quickly Stefan had gotten past everything that had happened between them. He and Jen both acted as if there had never been a problem.
“Yeah. They aren’t taking our boy, Madlyn. How are we going to stop them?”
“We don’t have to.” She unlocked her bottom desk drawer and took out a thick file. “My grandfather has already done that. He left everything to Robbie in a trust and named Nic Maretti as the trustee and Robbie’s legal guardian.
“Son of a bitch,” Stefan muttered, a smile tugging at his mouth. “I guess he didn’t know about Nic and Lizzie, did he?”
“No,” Madlyn smiled. “I guess not. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have handed the keys to his kingdom to Mac Sellers’ future son-in-law. Nic is going to make them an offer so they’ll go away. They just want money.”
“We can help with that.” Stefan pushed to his feet.
“That’s not necessary. We plan to honor the visitation you and Jen have.”
“We don’t need a formal arrangement. We’re family, Madlyn. Remember? That old man tried, but he did not take that away from us. Now he’s dead, Robbie is happy, and Jen has her memories back. Can’t we call that a win?”
“Definitely,” she agreed, taking a deeper breath than she had in almost a decade.
Jared stopped in his tracks in the lobby at Marshall and Marshall when he saw Stefan step out of Madlyn’s office. All his senses went on alert, but the big guy looked relaxed, so Jared ducked into Grant’s office before Sellers saw him.
“You don’t work here anymore, remember?” Grant looked up from his laptop as Jared dropped into one of the leather chairs in front of his desk. “You look like hell.”
Jared flipped the CD he’d bought on the way to the office across the desk.
“What am I looking at?” Grant examined the cover. “Evie Christian’s new CD?”
“Yeah. Three of the songs are Adam’s lyrics, but her ex-husband is credited as the songwriter. We need to file a lawsuit or…”
“Again, you don’t work here anymore.” Grant’s teasing smile died a quick death at Jared’s expression. “You want to tell me what the hell is wrong with you?”
Jared scoffed. He wasn’t in the mood to share. “No.”
Grant frowned. “If I don’t hear some sort of smartass comment from you in the next thirty seconds, I’m calling an ambulance.”
He forgot sometimes that his brother had once had a very dry sense of humor. And even though he wasn’t in the mood for jokes, Grant’s serious-sounding threat was ridiculous enough to make the corner of his mouth quirk. “I’m fine. I swear.”
Jared left his office before Grant could stop him. He stepped out into the hallway just as Madlyn stepped out of her office. She froze, then almost stumbled back through her doorway.
That quick retreat was like a red flag in front of an enraged bull. He hadn’t planned on stomping to her office, but he couldn’t help it. He stopped short in the doorway.
She stood in front of the bank of glass windows, her arms wrapped around herself and her back to the door. She looked so vulnerable all the rage eating him alive dissolved.
“I saw Sellers…I wanted to make sure that you were okay.”
She nodded, breaking the paralysis as she glanced over her shoulder, then thought better of it. “No, he’s…we’re…” She turned slowly, but not towards him. Towards her desk where she looked for something to keep her busy. “We’re meeting with Nic this afternoon to get started on settling my grandfather’s estate. He left Robbie everything and Nic in charge of it.”
“Nic?” he asked, thinking he should’ve been more surprised.
Madlyn nodded, still staring down at her desk. “My grandfather’s final slap in my face, only it backfired, didn’t it, since Nic and Lizzie are together?”
“He really wanted you to marry Nic?”
“No, he wanted me to marry the De Santis fortune.”
He hated the wall building between them, taking the place of their anger. It might be transparent, but its size and height weighed down on him, making his body ache from the strain of not being able to breach it. He’d never felt so inadequate in his life.
“So what now?” he asked. This distance hurt worse than her anger. The way her eyes slid away from him transformed that ache in his gut to a debilitating pain.
“Now?” She considered the question, then answered slowly, dropping the pen she’d picked up for no reason. “Now I take Robbie on vacation. Angie and I have been talking about taking the boys to Disney World. Nic agrees that getting Robbie out of New Orleans for the summer might be for the best. And we might join Stefan and Jen in Hawaii until school starts. Robbie wants to help Stefan train for the Iron Man.”
She continued listing plans that didn’t include him, and the distance
between them grew even wider. After a few minutes, he couldn’t hear any of it as he floated in the pain of accepting this was over.
“You need to spend time with Robbie.”
“Yes,” she agreed, emotion seeping into her expression. “Yes, I do.”
He decided right then he could do this. He could go away like she thought she wanted him to. But only because he knew that if he didn’t, she would do everything in her power to make him leave, which would hurt her more than him.
“Just promise me one thing, Madlyn.” He cleared his throat and took her lead, letting his emotions go and giving in to the eerie calm that had been trailing him for days. “Let yourself have fun.”
The startled expression on her face was almost funny, but she recovered quickly. “I will.”
He turned then, ready to walk out of her life. For good this time.
“Jared.” His name trembled on her lips, and hope was like a blowtorch under his skin.
But when he faced her, her expression was completely closed off, and all that hope died as she said, “It’s better this way.”
He must have nodded or agreed or something. He was never sure later when he tried to remember it. He had no memory of leaving the office and making it to work. It was all just a blank, the pain too intense to relive.
Chapter Twenty
“I can’t believe you named her Presley,” Jared said, cradling the sleeping infant in the crook of his arm and unable to look away from the perfect little face.
He’d fallen instantly in love with Stefan and Jen’s daughter from the second Jen had handed her to him. She’d been born in Hawaii only an hour after Stefan had finished the Iron Man in record time, so Jared had not been there to protest naming her after Elvis.
He wasn’t happy about her name. Not even a little bit.
“I thought we all agreed we were going to call her Joan.”
“I never agreed to that,” Jen said, not looking up from the three-layer chocolate cake she was smoothing icing on as Robbie turned it slowly on the stand.
“Joan’s a funny name,” Robbie said.
“Exactly,” Jen said, and stopped long enough to fist bump her nephew. “We are not calling her Joan.”
The Fall of the Red Queen (Self Made Men...Southern Style Book 3) Page 23