Bride's Dilemma in Friendship, Tennessee

by Diana Lesire Brandmeyer

  “Can I come down and talk to you?”

  “In the root cellar?” The man had lost his mind. Why would he want to converse with her amid rows of beans? “I’m on my way up.” His face retreated, and she climbed the ladder.

  Jake waited for her. “Let me take those for you.” He slipped the basket from her arm and set it on the dry sink.

  “I came in for a drink of water and wondered where you disappeared to.”

  “Just gathering a few things to trade before the women leave. Did you get your water?”

  “No.” He shook his head.

  “Mercy, let me get you a glass then. One of the other women would have been happy to serve you.” She slid a loose lock of hair behind her ear.

  Jake grasped her arm. “I didn’t want anyone else to serve me. Heaven, I—can, will you take a short walk with me for a moment?”

  She glanced around the cabin. Most of the women were outside helping where they could. Only Mrs. Miles remained seated by the fire. “No. I can’t. There’s too much to do before everyone leaves.”

  “Just a short walk.”

  She didn’t want to be alone with Jake. Despite her responsibility to the promise she made him, she wasn’t ready for the conversation she knew he wanted to have. “I don’t want to be lollygagging while the others are working on my home.”

  Jake grimaced.

  “It’s my home, as long as I’m in it, and so far Travis hasn’t mentioned me moving out.”

  But he hadn’t asked her to stay either.

  “I understand. If it will ease your mind, why not help me carry some of the split wood to the porch while we converse?” He held out his arm for her.

  She shifted her weight from side to side, for a moment undecided, and then she noticed him—the Jake that had returned. Gone was the quick wit that made her hold her stomach in laughter, the sureness he carried himself with, as if the world would grow a rose path for him to walk on wherever he went. She sought the memory of him in his eyes and saw a depth they’d once lacked—worry, hurt, fear? She grasped his arm and remembered the man he was, the one who made her smile, the man her mother said would give her the world. The one she should be grateful to God for, for providing such a fine specimen for her to marry.

  “Let’s get the wood on the porch.”

  Outside Heaven piled the split wood into Jake’s arms and waited for him to say something. They’d made two trips to the porch with the wood, and he’d been as silent as the wind today.

  “Guess you’re wondering about what I wanted to say?”

  “Yes I am. If you want to talk without the others, you’d better start. Angel will be looking for me soon.”

  “I doubt that, as she seems to have attached herself to Logan.”

  She slapped a piece of wood on top of the others.

  “Sorry. It’s just that I came up here to release you from marrying me, but now that I’ve seen you, I can’t let you go. I still love you, Heaven. I want to marry you, but not in Nashville.”

  He’d said it, what she didn’t want to hear. She swallowed and tears burned. “It’s been so long. I thought you were dead.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry about that. I should have written the moment I could. I thought it would be better this way. You could find someone whole to marry. That’s not me, not right now.”

  “I don’t know what to say, Jake. I feel like I need to get to know you again. And then there’s Angel—where I go she goes. You need to find a way to get along with her.”

  “I understand. Do I still have a chance at winning your heart?”

  She placed one more piece of wood on the stack, covering most of his face.

  He let the stacked wood roll out of his arms to the ground.

  She jumped back. “Why did you do that?”

  “Stop. Don’t stay anything else. I need you to know that I’m not going back to Nashville. I’m leaving Tennessee.”

  “Where are you going?”

  “West, maybe to Colorado, stake out a claim at one of those gold mines. I want to start a new life with you as my wife.”

  “But your mother and father expect you to go back and work in their business.”

  “I can’t do that, not anymore.” He grasped her hands in his.

  She never noticed before how her hand didn’t seem to fit in his, not like Travis’s. And now that Jake held her hand, where were the spitting sparks of fire that happened when Travis’s hand touched hers?

  “So will you think about it? Will you give Logan this house your father wanted him to have and marry the man your mother wanted for you?”

  She withdrew her hands and hugged her arms around her chest. “Jake, I don’t—”

  Annabelle ran up to them out of breath. “There you are, Heaven. Travis found something, and he’s looking for you.”

  “Think about it. Will you, Heaven? Leave with me, next week?” Jake turned to collect the wood he’d dropped.

  “Leave where?” Annabelle tugged on Heaven’s shawl. “Where are you going?”

  Heaven didn’t reply. She just shook her head and put up her hand to stop Annabelle from asking more questions. Clutching her shawl tightly in one hand, she went to find out what Travis discovered that was so important. Meanwhile, she had so much to think about. Should she marry the boy her ma wanted her to have or the man Pa had sent for her?

  Annabelle watched her friend walk away. Jake still gathered wood in his arms. “Here, let me help you.” She bent down and with care picked up a wood chunk hairy with splinter offerings. “It’s always easier when you have someone to help you put the last pieces together.”

  “Sometimes it is.” Jake straightened. “Thanks.”

  She searched his face. “Did you tell her you weren’t going to marry her?”

  “The opposite. I asked her to marry me and leave next week.”

  “You’ll go back to Nashville then?” If Heaven went back, it could be bearable to go home to her father’s house.

  “No, not Nashville. Never back there. I asked her to go west, leave this life that’s happened to us far behind.”

  “Next week? That won’t work, Jake. I told you I’m not going home. You have to return with your mother. I have other plans.” She let the wood she held roll back to the ground and turned away from him. Why had she thought he was adorable or would be if he could change his attitude? Her lips burned as she remembered the kiss he’d stolen from her a week after getting betrothed to her best friend. Jake didn’t deserve Heaven, and she would do what she could to help her see the truth.

  Chapter 27

  The hammering continued as Heaven rounded the corner of the cabin. The noise echoed Jake’s question: marry-him-go-west. It wasn’t exactly what Ma had in mind when she orchestrated the engagement. When Heaven accepted Jake’s betrothal, Ma’s face had beamed as if she were the bride to be; she praised God that her daughter would be living in comfort and be a part of society. Heaven shivered. Why hadn’t she been as excited? She liked Jake, thought she loved him, and when she’d lost him, she’d cried herself to sleep for months.

  But now? If Travis hadn’t kissed her and woke feelings inside of her she didn’t even know existed, she’d be accepting Jake’s offer of a new life. But Travis did kiss her. And she liked it. A lot.

  The side of the cabin seemed different. The logs appeared lighter than the ones on the front. She hadn’t realized how much work it would have been for Travis to repair the cabin alone. How would he have even lifted those heavy logs into place?

  Her steps halted. The room they were adding on was bigger than before. She tilted her head to get a better angle. It was larger. Too big for just one room, now it would be a fancy two-bedroom cabin. Angel could have her own room if they didn’t leave with Jake. God, I need direction. You’ve placed two good men in my life, and I don’t know who You want me to choose. I’m so tired of worrying about taking care of Angel and where the next meal might come from, and yet You keep blessing me with gifts from You. But which
of these men is the gift?

  She shielded her eyes from the sun, trying to locate Travis among the men working. She didn’t see his dark hair at first. Then he turned and saw her. His smile blazed across the distance, and she responded.

  He scampered down a newly made ladder and trotted over to a pile of coats abandoned as the men grew warm from the sun and the work.

  She hurried over, not wanting to squander any of his working time. “Annabelle said you found something?”

  “I did.”

  Light bounced off something in his hand. She blinked.

  “While we were looking for fallen trees to use, I found this. Does it belong to you?” He held it out to her.

  Rubbing her arm, she stepped back. Grief hammered her heart as her mind recognized what precious memory Travis held. Could it be? Her fingers trembled as she reached for the frame. With great care, she traced the crack that ran between the people in the photo. There wasn’t any water damage. Other than the broken glass, it had survived. She looked up, and her eyes melded with his. Warmth filled her, soothing the pain. “It’s my ma and pa.”

  She couldn’t look away.

  He took a step closer. “Heaven, you don’t have to go through this alone.”

  Their connection snapped. Unsettled, she hugged the picture to her chest. “We’ve never been alone, Dr. Logan. God has always been with us.”

  “That is true.” He pulled a hammer from his back pocket. “I guess I’d better get back to work.”

  “You made it bigger.”

  “Is that all right with you?”

  “Does it matter? This doesn’t belong to me anymore, as you like to remind me as often as you can.”

  Travis rubbed the wooden handle. He took a breath and looked as if he were going to say something. Instead, he glanced over at the grove of cedar trees. “I’ll be working out here until supper if you need anything. We should have the logs pinned by then. The chinking will have to wait.”

  “Heaven!” Angel called out from the porch. “Mrs. Reynolds wants to know if we have any salt. We’re making pie. Never mind. She said she found it.”

  Heaven raised her hand in acknowledgment and then slowly lowered it as she remembered her sister couldn’t see her. It didn’t matter anyway, since Angel had scampered back into the cabin, not waiting for her sister’s response. “I’ll take this inside. Again, thank you for finding it.”

  Travis watched her walk away clutching that photo with her shoulders sunk lower than rock in a river. He cherished her reaction when he’d given her the photo. What would it be like to lose almost everyone you loved? Then have the things that reminded you of them swept away? He’d left home by choice, no room for him there and a strong desire to be his own man. And to get away from the painful memories of Mary. He couldn’t watch her marry and raise kids that weren’t his. He’d made his peace with that and forgiven the both of him, but he didn’t have to stick around and watch their future unfold. It no longer mattered. What did was finishing this cabin and winning Heaven’s love.

  “Travis.” Heaven called. “Wait.”

  He turned back and waited until she walked across the dead weeds to him.

  “Can I ask you something? It’s about doctoring.”

  Her face was pinched tight enough to cause him pain. Was something wrong with her? “What do you want to know?”

  “You know how my ma died? The fever? And then Angel got sick but she lived but lost her sight?” “Yes, you mentioned that.”

  “I know you didn’t have any luck saving Pa from the same fate, but I’m wondering if I could have done anything to save Ma, and maybe Angel’s sight?”

  She might as well have mule-kicked him in the stomach. How did she know his most vulnerable weakness? How could he answer her, tell her there was never hope, at least when it came to him saving people who contracted a fever? He had to say something, offer her a bit of hope that the next time the ending wouldn’t be the same. “Why don’t you tell me how you tried to get the fever down.”

  Annabelle meant to go back inside and help the church women prepare the meal, but instead she found herself leaning against the railing feeling all warm and happy as she watched Heaven and Travis. They stood close to each other, a bit closer than necessary. Annabelle rubbed her hands together. Heaven surely had feelings for the handsome doctor.

  She knew right then she had to keep Jake from marrying Heaven and hauling her out west somewhere. Her friend had suffered more than enough this year. To marry Jake, a ladies’ man at his best and a broken man at his worst, would likely bring Heaven even more grief.

  Annabelle leaned over the porch railing, trying to get a better view of her friend’s face. She couldn’t, but she did see Heaven’s posture shrink, like her spine wasn’t capable of being straight despite years of training. Then she hustled away from Travis toward the woods. What had he said to upset her? Maybe Annabelle had made a mistake, and Travis wasn’t as good as she thought.

  She grasped the fold of her skirt to lift her hem and took off at a quick trot to follow her friend and offer her comfort.

  Heaven had numbly thanked Travis and then headed to the woods. She couldn’t go inside, not right now. He hadn’t said it was her fault, but when she’d said she’d kept Ma and Angel tightly covered and kept the fire stoked, his eyebrows shot heavenward. Right then, she’d known it was the wrong thing to do. They were so cold, shivering so hard their teeth were clattering. She’d made them sicker by piling on more blankets. Why hadn’t her ma taught her how to nurse someone? Most likely her ma never thought Heaven would have to since she’d be married to a Miles. As Jake’s wife, she’d have access to a doctor anytime one was needed.

  “Heaven … wait.” Annabelle huffed behind her. Heaven wiped her shirt sleeve across her eyes and spun around.

  “I saw you … talking … to Travis.” Annabelle’s cheeks were pink from exertion.

  “Were you running?”

  “No, walking fast.” She dropped the skirt fabric from her hands. “It would have been easier to run.”

  “It is. When we moved here, Angel and I would sneak off to the back pasture and run. We knew Ma wouldn’t catch us and Pa wouldn’t care.” She angled the photo for Annabelle to see. “Travis found this and brought it back to me. He wasn’t even sure if it belonged to me.”

  “He’s nice. Thoughtful, too.” Annabelle extended her hand. “Can I see?”

  Heaven, reluctant to let it out of her grasp, held on to it a second longer then gave it to her. Annabelle wouldn’t harm it, and she knew Heaven’s parents. She was the only person as close as her sister was to her. “The glass is cracked. But the picture is okay.” She hovered next to Annabelle. “I wonder how old they were? I never thought to ask Ma.”

  “You look like her. You both have that wavy hair and penetrating gaze.” Annabelle handed it back.

  “I’m sorry that I didn’t share Ma with you more. I never knew how hard it was without one.” She’d been mean more than once to Annabelle when she’d asked if Heaven’s mom would fix her hair, too, or show her how to arrange flowers. Jealousy had risen like the flooded Mississippi, causing her to say things she now regretted.

  “I forgive you. We were kids.” Annabelle pushed aside a branch that crossed in their path. She held it back for Heaven. “If I could have told you in words what I was missing, then you would have shared her.” She let go, and the cedar branch shivered back into place. “I know your heart. Back then you probably saw me taking away from you precious time with your mother.”

  A broken branch crunched under Heaven’s foot. “Ma was gone often, doing things for the church and the poorer families. The time she spent with me often felt limited. And when Angel came, there was even less.” A small brown bird flew overhead and landed on a bare tree limb, making it sway.

  “So, do you know what you’re going to do? Are you going to marry Jake?”

  “He asked me to marry him again this morning.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I
wasn’t trying to eavesdrop. Travis sent me to find you, and then I overheard Jake ask if you would go out west with him. Does he have a plan for when he gets there?”

  “I don’t think so, other than finding gold.” She tried to picture what the West might be like. She’d heard stories, and that life seemed even harder than the one she was living now. Even with Jake by her side, there would be a lot of difficult days. Not that she minded times like that. It made the good days seem so much better. But somehow when she pictured living out west, Jake’s face did not come to mind; Travis’s did.

  She looked up as another bird flew overhead. It came to a stop by the other one. That’s nice. They must be family.

  “You have other options. You could marry Travis.” Annabelle’s red curls bounced as she rose up and down on her toes in front of Heaven. “Or come with me to Memphis! And we’ll open a shop together. That would be so much fun! And of course Angel can come, too. We’ll teach her all the special knitting patterns, and she can help keep the shelves filled.” Annabelle grabbed Heaven and pulled her into a hug. “Please, it would be delightful to be together.”

  Holding the photo in one hand, Heaven embraced her friend while considering the possibilities. Starting a knitting shop with Annabelle sounded like fun, but also irresponsible. She had to consider Angel in her plans. How long would it take to find a place to live? Did Annabelle even have enough money for all three of them to live and pay rent on a shop? Most of all, was she ready to say good-bye to being a wife and mother now that it was truly possible?

  Chapter 28

  Angel listened to the footsteps, heel, toe, heel, toe, as Travis headed for the cabin door. “Are you going to the barn?” “I thought I’d walk out and check on Junior. I find the little babies entertaining. Want to go with me?”

  She liked the way he asked her to do things with him, just like Pa used to. She scratched at a spot behind her ear. Mosquitoes must not die off here as early as they did in Nashville, ‘cause it seemed she’d wandered into a pack of them. “Yes sir.” She scrambled off the floor to her feet. “Do you want me to lead you since it’s getting dark?”