Torn

by A. F. Crowell

  Love Drew. I made a mental note to thank him later.

  After dinner, Drew and Jaxon were in the kitchen loading the dishwasher when I heard them start whispering. I tried to listen in but Ruger, that little furry bastard, ratted me out. He stood in front of me, prancing in place like the ground was on fire and whining.

  “Ruger, go,” I whispered. What he heard must have been Ruger wanna go, because he barked like I had just stole something.

  Oh my God you goofy dog. At that point I had no choice but to walk into the kitchen and pretend I hadn’t been standing there eavesdropping.

  “Babe, Ruger needs to go out and I just don’t have the energy to stand out there while he marks every blade of grass along the fence line.” Smiling sweetly at Jaxon, I plopped in one of the island barstools.

  “I was wondering why he was barking.” Drew, that rat bastard, narrowed his knowing eyes at me.

  “Yep, just needs to go out.” I cut my eyes back at him, silently telling him to shut up.

  The minute Jaxon was out the door we both started. Me about the conversation they were having and him on the eggs.

  “Tell me what’s going on, Drew, because so help me God I will…will… Well, I don’t know what I will do, but you won’t like it.”

  With a chuckle, he said, “That’s all you got? I won’t like it? You’re really pullin’ out the big guns with that one, sis.”

  Cussing, I started to climb down out of the chair to go beat him with a wooden spoon I had grabbed off the counter and I would have if I weren’t smuggling a watermelon under my skin.

  “Seriously, sit back down before you hurt yourself or put yourself into labor,” he reprimanded. “I’ll make you a deal, you tell me what I wanna know and I will tell you what you wanna know.”

  After a few seconds of eyeing him, I huffed, “Fine.” I let out a long dramatic sigh. “You may have startled me when you knocked and if that were the case, I might’ve dropped the eggs. Happy?”

  “Not particularly. You’re not as fine as you’re letting all of us believe you are.” He came around the island and hugged me from the side. “You need to talk to Jax and tell him how you are feeling. That was part of the conversation you heard while you were eavesdropping, you little snoop. He’s worried about you. You don’t give him enough credit for knowing you like I do. He knows that you’re just telling him what you think he wants to hear.”

  “Drew, I don’t want him to worry about me right now. He needs to focus on keeping his ass safe, not on poor pitiful me.” His brows drew together. “No, you aren’t saying a fucking word and I’m not playing, Drew. I will talk to you, but not him. He doesn’t need to know.”

  “Who doesn’t need to know what?” I turned around and saw Jaxon standing in the doorway of the backdoor.

  Well fuck.

  “I was just telling Lei she needs to talk to Brody about what’s gonna happen after y’all come home with the baby. She needs to tell him her plans. She disagrees that he needs to know.” Drew to the rescue, as always.

  “I just don’t think he needs to know everything I do,” I added to sell the lie. God, I hated lying to Jaxon. I reasoned with myself that I would tell him after all this bullshit was over.

  “Agreed, don’t tell him. He doesn’t need to know every move you make.”

  Drew rolled his eyes and made his exit not too long after I had lied straight to Jax’s face. The pit in my stomach was festering and bubbling.

  Later that night, after we went to bed, I stayed up reading, or at least that’s what I told Jaxon. Not wanting him to stay up with me after he didn’t sleep the night before, I grabbed my iPad and pretended to read until he fell asleep.

  I told myself I was fine over and over. And I knew I was fine as long as I had Jaxon next to me. I just couldn’t convince my brain to stop reliving the nightmare long enough for sleep to take over. Of course, being nine months along and ready to pop didn’t help either.

  Looking over at the clock—it was almost one a.m.—I had finally convinced myself that no one was going to break into the house in the middle of the night and try to kill me.

  Again.

  At 3:26 a.m. I woke myself up from another vivid, horrendous nightmare and found the bed empty. Ruger was also MIA. I was completely alone in the same room that I had just faced a kill-or-be-killed, real-life nightmare a day ago.

  Just as I threw my legs over the side of the bed I heard the second-floor stairs creak.

  Oh Jesus, please be Jaxon.

  I had to pee so badly, if Drill came back to finish the job, I would piss myself right here in my bed. As the steps neared, I heard a quiet whistle followed by a familiar clicking on the hardwood.

  I released the breath I didn’t realize I was holding just as Jaxon’s shirtless, brawny chest came into view. “Babe, why are you awake? You all right?”

  “Where were you?” My question came out more flustered than I had wanted.

  Jax crossed the room in three short strides and was at my side. “I took Ruger out and checked in with the guy stationed out front. What happened?”

  “I need to pee.” I climbed down from the bed and went to the bathroom, not turning on the light or looking at the floor. I knew once I made it back to bed I would have to explain my mini freak-out but Jax knew better than to get in my way when I needed to pee. I have the bladder control of a frightened Chihuahua.

  As expected Jax was sitting up in the bed with an inquisitive look on his face. “You wanna tell me what’s goin’ on, Lei?” His gravelly voice was low with concern.

  “I woke up and you weren’t there. And Ruger wasn’t there… I guess, I mean…” A single tear rolled down my cheek. “I had a bad dream and when I woke up you weren’t here and I was alone. In here.” Slowly I climbed into bed into Jaxon’s outstretched arm and nestled myself into his side.

  “I got you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here when you woke up. Ruger was whining so I ran him outside. We’ll have to work on gettin’ you two on the same schedule,” Jax joked. When I didn’t laugh he continued. “You wanna tell me about the dream?”

  How could I put this politely? Fuck no. No chance in hell. He had a better opportunity to sell ice to an Eskimo.

  “Not really. I just want to forget it and go back to sleep.” Rolling away from him and curling the king-size down pillow around my chest, Jaxon tucked in behind me and draped his tattooed limb over my protruding stomach, then kissed the back of my head.

  “Get some sleep, babe.”

  Sleep? Yeah, okay, funny man. I’m not sleeping again tonight.

  It took almost an hour, but eventually I lost the fight and succumbed to another hellish terror of a sleep.

  Chapter Twenty

  Leila

  The next Saturday, just after noon, I was in the kitchen searching for a quick snack when I felt a pair of strong, sexy arms encompass me.

  “You know how much I love you?” Jaxon always knew exactly what I needed to hear.

  “Hmmm, I’m not sure I do.” Grinning as he spun me around to face him, I teased, “Maybe you should show me?”

  “Oh, I think I can show ya all right.” A devilish smile crossed his face as his eyes darkened. I knew this look all too well. If I wasn’t nine months pregnant I’d be running instead of thinking of ways to tease him mercilessly, then the light bulb moment happened.

  “How about you show me on the dining room table?” I rasped in my best low, seductive voice. His eyes got seriously close to exploding, not just popping out of his head, exploding.

  “Okay, now I know you’re still feelin’ the effects of that concussion and you can tell me later that I’m a prick, but damn straight I’m takin’ advantage of it,” he said as he grabbed under my arms and lifted me off my feet. I didn’t even try to wrap my legs around him, my stomach was too big for that. He set me down on the dining room table. I was grateful that we weren’t people who kept the table set, because the little bit of mail that had been sitting there was now scattered all over the har
dwood.

  Jaxon kicked the chairs out of the way as he practically ripped the yoga pants off my legs. I couldn’t help but let out a little giggle. I didn’t expect not to have at least one second to get away or renege on the offer.

  “Whoa there, big guy, I wasn’t serious,” I teased and tried to pull my pants back up that were now at my ankles. “I was just teasing. Not on the table, honey.”

  “Oh fuck no, you said table and you’re gettin’ the table.” He pulled the Lycra leggings from my hand and threw them haphazardly behind him with one hand as he unbuttoned and unzipped his faded jeans with the other. I wasn’t quite done making him work for it so in a last-ditch effort to get away, I squirmed and scooted my ass toward the opposite side of the table. I barely got a foot away before he quickly grabbed my ankles again and pulled my ass right to the edge. Taking my feet and placing them on his chest, he growled, “And just where do you think you’re goin’?”

  “We are not havin’ sex on the table. I was teasing.” I played the part and pretended to be outraged. I loved getting him all riled up.

  “Don’t worry, baby, we’re not havin’ sex on the table. I’m fuckin’ you on the dining room table.” With that he gripped his thick girth and rubbed the head back and forth through my pussy, coating himself. While meaning to tantalize him, I ended up turning myself on so much I was almost dripping wet. The thought and anticipation of feeling him inside of me, driving in and out, was almost enough to make me explode the first time he rubbed the head of his cock over my clit.

  “Ohhhh.” I threw my head back and arched my back off the table. Taking advantage of my position, Jax reached forward, slid his hand under my shirt, and grabbed my breast, tweaking my nipple. In one swift motion, he drove into me as I screamed. “Oh God, Jaxon.”

  “Fuck, babe,” he grunted in rhythm to his thrusts.

  “Oh, I’m so close, don’t stop.”

  As I pleaded with him, I heard the front door open. “Hey, Lei, you down here?”

  Barb! Damn her straight to hell.

  “Oh. My. God,” Barb shrieked as she spun and bolted from the dining room. “I’ll never, ever, be able to unsee that. Jesus, who has sex on their dining room table?”

  “Fuckin’ Christ, Barb, don’t you ever knock?” Jaxon growled, still buried deep inside me.

  “Jax, get off me.” I attempted to push him off me, but he wasn’t having it.

  “No, she can wait outside.” He continued to thrust forward as he slipped his thumb over my clit.

  God, he felt so good. I was seriously torn about making him stop, I was so close to coming. As if he could sense my reluctance, he quickened his pace, essentially making the decision for me. A loud moan escaped my lips and a split second later I heard the front door again. I prayed she was alone. The last thing I wanted was Viper coming in here seeing my lily white, fat, pregnant ass.

  Jaxon didn’t take his time finishing as he normally did, but he sure as shit didn’t rush. The minute he finished I grabbed my leggings and ran—okay, I didn’t run but I waddled quickly—to the bathroom to get cleaned up and dressed. When I came out of the bathroom, Jax was grinning like the Cheshire cat in the kitchen with an eye-rolling Barb.

  “You really need to consider getting your ass waxed if y’all are gonna be havin’ sex all over the house.” Barb’s face was still twisted in disgust.

  “You’re fuckin’ nuts, chick. Just don’t walk in the front door like you own the place and you won’t have to look at my hairy ass, ’cause I’ve seen The 40 Year-Old Virgin and yeah… That shit’s not happenin’.” Jaxon grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and twisted the cap off.

  Clearing my throat, I signaled my arrival in the kitchen. “Hey, Barb, sorry about that,” cutting my eyes to Jax, “some of us can’t make it to the bedroom.”

  “That was not my fault. You offered the dining room table, I took it.” Jax pulled a large swig of his Bud Light before resting it on the granite countertop. “Besides, this is our house, I’ll fuck you wherever I damn well want. Dining room, stairs, front yard, or in our bedroom. I don’t care.”

  “You might not, you big Neanderthal, but I do. I don’t want people seeing me naked. Especially when I’m nine months pregnant and look like a whale.”

  Simultaneously Barb and Jaxon fussed at me about making fun of my size, saying that I was small compared to most women nine months along. Finally I agreed, I was too tired to argue anymore.

  “So what’s up? You normally don’t just drop by without calling.” Crossing the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. “You want a beer or glass of wine?”

  “Yeah, I’ll have a beer, maybe I can drink the image of Remi’s ass out of my mind.” She sneered at Jax then looked back to me. “I just wanted to see if we could make plans for next weekend. I was thinkin’ we could have one last girls’ night before the baby comes. Maybe dinner?” She grabbed the beer from me then sat down at the island.

  “That might be a good idea, babe,” Jaxon answered, leaning on the white farmhouse sink. “Mark wants to have church next Saturday. We’ve got lots to handle, so I may be late. This way you’re not home alone, waitin’ on me.”

  Ah, I see what this is. Jax probably called Barb to babysit me. I wasn’t sure who was more freaked out about me being alone in this house and refused to admit it: Jaxon or me. I decided I needed to find out.

  “I would be fine by myself, Jaxon. No offense, Barb, you know I love you and I would love to have a girls’ night, but I don’t need you babysitting me. I’m perfectly capable of staying in the house alone.” My voice had gone up two octaves, and I realized I was shouting.

  “Babe,” he said gently.

  Damn, damn, dammit. I was scared, and I hated it. Hated Drill for bringing that into our home. Hated the way it made Jaxon think he let me down. Hated the whole fucking thing.

  “Lei.” Barb grabbed my hand. “No one had any idea that Drill guy was gonna lose his shit and go all Buffalo Bill and wanna make a Leila dress.”

  Leave it to Barb to break the tension. I burst out laughing at her Silence of the Lambs reference. “Well, I’m glad to know you think Drill was going to drop me in a well.”

  “Don’t forget wear your skin as a maxi dress,” she added with a smirk.

  “Babe.” Jaxon’s jaw twitched. No levity for him. “You have to know if I had any idea Drill would go after you I would’ve never left you alone. I love you more than anything else in this world. I’d never put you or the baby in jeopardy.” He pushed off the counter and walked over to me. “I know you think I put Barb up to this, but I swear I had nothin’ to do with her plans.”

  He tucked a mess of curls behind my ear, leaned down and gave me a sweet, perfect kiss as he wrapped his arms around me.

  “Honey, I know you’d never intentionally hurt me. I just hate the thought that you don’t think I can take care of myself.” Standing on my tippy toes, I gave him another quick peck.

  “Barf. You two are givin’ me diabetes over here. Take that sweet, sappy shit to the bedroom.” Barb pretended to shove her finger down her throat.

  “Blah, blah, blah.” Pulling away from Jax, I turned my overinflated stomach back in her direction. “What time do you want to do girls’ night?”

  “How about I pick you up here? I will let you know about a time once I make a reservation for dinner,” she said as she brought the brown bottle back to her lips.

  “Babe, I gotta make a call. I’ll be back in a few.” Jaxon pulled his cell out of his pocket and exited through the back door

  “Okay, now that he’s gone. What the hell is up with sex on the dining room table?? I’ll never be able to eat a meal on that table without seeing his ass or picturing him fucking you ruthlessly. Which, by the way, holy hell, his cock is huge.”

  “Jesus Christ, Barb. Filter. Ughhhhh, you perv. I was attempting to tease him but he took me seriously and before I knew what was happening I was half-naked and he was already inside me. Annnnnnnd…he�
�s reeeeally good at what he was doing.” I shrugged. “So who am I to stop him?” I let out a little giggle.

  “Hell yeah, get it while you can, because once the baby is born it will be about six to eight weeks with no sex.”

  “Don’t remind me. Jax is a hornball after a few days. I can’t imagine what two months with no sex is gonna do to him.” I grimaced at the thought of abstaining for that long.

  Barb and I sat in the kitchen talking for another hour while Jax went to the grocery store and grabbed something to cook for a late lunch. He’d been sweet, cooking for us so I didn’t have to stand on my feet in the kitchen for too long.

  Once he got home, Barb decided she was going to make tacos with red beans and rice for us. Jaxon of course started worrying that the spicy food might send me into labor. I said, “Bring it on.”

  I was so over being pregnant. The indigestion, swelling, weight gain, and not being able to see my feet. Yeah, it all sucked. But when I felt my little monkey bouncing around inside of me, I knew it was all worth it. I constantly worried I wouldn’t be as good of a mom as my mom was to Drew and me. She loved us so much. And while I loved this child, I couldn’t help but be terrified I wouldn’t be enough.

  *****

  Later that day Jaxon and I were sitting on the couch when I grabbed his hand and placed it on my belly. “Feel that?”

  Grinning ear to ear, he said, “Yeah, it’s still so crazy to think that not too long ago she was just a little lima bean and now I can see her movin’ around in there.”

  “Hey, I was thinking, I want to do maternity pictures.” I grabbed the jar of belly butter.

  “Okay, so call someone and go do it.” He flipped through the channels on the TV.

  “No, I mean I want you to be in them with me,” I explained as I rubbed the salve on my stomach.

  “Wait, what? Me?” He stopped channel surfing and looked at me.

  “Oh, I like this movie.” I looked at the TV. “Yeah, I want you to be in the pictures with me.”