A Husband for Christmas

by Gail Gaymer Martin

  God could do anything. His words echoed in her mind, but her doubt remained. It would take a miracle like the parting of the Red Sea or the total darkening of the sun at noon to reverse her infertility.

  The sound of mugs clinking reached her, and her pulse skipped. Should she be open and tell him? The answer fell on her heart. She wasn’t ready to end their relationship. Maybe the Lord had something up His sleeve or why would He have brought them together to face more disappointment?

  “It’s decaf coffee. Is that okay?” Doug headed toward her with a wooden tray and set it on a small side table. “And cake.”

  His boyish excitement lifted her spirit. “What’s a wedding without cake?”

  “Agreed.” He handed her the mug and set the cake on the lamp table beside her. Then he shifted to a nearby chair and sat. “What is this cake?” He ran his tongue over his lips after taking the first bite.

  She thought a moment. “White chocolate with a hint of raspberry. That’s what I taste.”

  He nodded. “That’s it. I tasted the raspberry but it was the white chocolate that threw me.” He took another bite and gave her a wink.

  The look rolled through her, and she watched him, unable to leave and yet unable to stay.

  Finally he set down the plate and studied her a moment. “You said something at the wedding that made me curious.”

  Her memory ripped through the evening, fearing it was the statement she wanted to erase. She tried to look unconcerned while she held her breath. “I said a lot of things tonight.”

  “But this one made me wonder.” He studied her serious expression.

  It made no sense to delay the inevitable. “And what was that?”

  “What you said about believing a great marriage happened when the couple believed in the vows, in sickness and in health.” He shifted from his chair to the sofa and clasped her hand. “Nina, are you ill? Do you have cancer or MS or something that you think stops you from finding happiness in a marriage, because I don’t think—”

  “No, Doug. No. I don’t have a terminal illness.” Questions remained on his face. “I have nothing debilitating, nothing that will limit my life. I—”

  “Nina, I’m so happy to hear that.” He slipped his arm around her and drew her close, his eyes searching hers. “I could only think that you had a health issue so serious that you thought no one would love you. But that’s not true, even if you were ill. Most people don’t fall in love with good health or with perfect people. We... I fall in love with the person’s heart and attributes. You are a beautiful person no matter what.”

  Tears pooled in her eyes, seeing his sincerity, and though she’d tried to avoid the truth, Doug loved her. Tonight dissolved any doubt she’d had.

  Doug brushed his finger beneath her eyes, wiping away the dampness, tears she couldn’t hide. His arms drew her closer, so close her heartbeat reverberated against his chest. His lips lowered as her breath depleted. His mouth covered hers, tender and sweet, then the feeling grew to a depth she’d never experienced, as if their hearts and souls melded as one. An amazing sense of wholeness washed over her.

  He drew back, his gentle look kissing her eyes and filling her with joy. Tell him. Tell him now. The voice echoed in her mind as fear crept in and cocooned the admission she’d longed to release. Unwilling to ruin the amazing moment, the kiss she’d longed for, she let her confession lie for now, but soon—very soon—she had to tell him the truth of her fear.

  Doug drew his hand along her hair, his eyes capturing hers, until he lowered his lips to hers again.

  Silence filled the room as she rested her head on his shoulder and prayed for courage.

  Chapter Nine

  Doug studied the documents piled on his desk, weighing his clients’ options to purchase new properties. He had two good choices to present, but as their advisor, he wanted to suggest options.

  The word option settled in his mind. He’d decided to open up to Nina, and though he hadn’t fully proclaimed his feelings, he sensed that she knew. The kiss validated his hope that she had similar feelings. The next step was to break though the blockade she’d put up to her past or whatever it was that made her veer away from commitment again. He’d prayed often and hoped the Lord—

  His cell phone jarred him from his thoughts, and he pulled the phone from his desktop. Roseanne. His stomach hitched seeing her name. He couldn’t help worrying. After two rings, he hit the talk button. “Hi, sis. Are you okay?”

  “I’m great. I came home yesterday, and—”

  “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have come over and—”

  “Doug, I have to know I can take care of myself. I knew you’d come, but then I wouldn’t know how I’d do alone. But thanks for caring. You’ve already done more than anyone could ask.”

  “You’re my sister. That’s what family does.” As the words left his mouth, Nina’s family dangled in his mind.

  “I’m ready for Kimmy to come home. I really miss her, and—”

  “Are you sure, Roseanne? She’ll add a lot of work to your life. Have you forgotten? I’m happy for her to stay until you’re really up and stronger.”

  “Doug, I wouldn’t ask for her back if I didn’t think I could handle it. And she’s seven. She can be a big help to me. I can’t drive yet, but I can order food in and I have a connection with a grocery, which will deliver what I need. One of my neighbors will drop by and I’ll have people come in to clean. Actually I often get help on that when my work becomes overwhelming.”

  “It sounds as if you’ve planned it well. Do you want to tell Kimmy yourself? She can call you when she gets home.”

  “Good idea. I’m sure she’ll be thrilled.”

  He ended the call with her words ringing in his ears. Kimmy would be thrilled but he wouldn’t. He’d miss her too much. Yet the experience had been validating and helped him know he was ready to be a dad to a little girl or boy. Even two or three children. He dropped the cell phone onto his desk and rubbed his temple. He had known the day would come, but he wasn’t ready for it, especially so close to Christmas. And Nina would be disappointed without Kimmy there, he had no doubt.

  The more he thought, the need to talk with Nina compelled him to call her now and not wait. He hit her phone number and listened to the ring.

  “Hi, Doug. Aren’t you at work?”

  “I am, but I wanted to call you. Roseanne is home already.”

  “She is? That seems fast.”

  He heard concern in her voice. “I’m not sure she’s ready to be alone, but I couldn’t say much to her. She’s determined she’ll be fine, and then...” His voice caught in his throat.

  “Then...what?” Silence except for the sound of open air. “Don’t tell me she wants Kimmy home already.”

  “That’s it. I’m... I don’t know, Nina. I have no right to Kimmy but she’s been so much a part of my life the past months I already feel lost—and even more important, I’d like Roseanne to wait and see how she does on her own first. Don’t you think—”

  “You’re right. It’s too rushed.”

  Her voice softened, and he recognized the same loss he’d experienced. His chest ached with the vision of being home in an empty house with no child’s voice piping questions or needs. He loved being needed and being loved. He... “I’m almost speechless, Nina. I’ve never felt this way before.”

  “I’ve known Kimmy a much shorter time than you, Doug, and the loss still hurts. Sure, you’ll see her over the holidays, but... It’s not the same, is it?”

  “No. I’ll tell her tonight, and I’m sure she’ll be happy, so I’ll try to be happy, too.”

  “Doug, I’ll be over when you get home or you can come here. Rema’s visiting now, but we can talk more then, okay?”

  “I have to go anyway. I have a pile of work in front of
me and absolutely no desire to do anything...but the work goes on.” He shook his head. “Thanks for understanding, and I’ll see you later.”

  He ended the call, lowered the phone and placed it on the pile of documents and memos on his desk. Unable to concentrate, he caved against the chair back and drew in a breath, trying to digest his conversation with Roseanne. All he could do was tell Kimmy her mother wanted her back home, and then wait.

  Waiting had become the bane of his life. He prayed one day the Lord would bless him with life moving forward.

  * * *

  When Nina returned to the living room, Rema watched from the sofa and scrutinized her with concern. “Is something wrong?”

  She shrugged, hoping to cover her sadness. After she sank into the chair she had occupied earlier, she told her about Roseanne’s hospital release.

  Rema’s expression relaxed. “Kimmy will be thrilled.”

  The comment pierced Nina’s heart. “She will.”

  A frown returned to Rema’s face. “But Doug isn’t.” Her frown deepened. “Neither are you.”

  “I am, I suppose. A child should be with her mom, but...from a selfish viewpoint, I’ll miss her terribly. She’s been a light in my life.”

  Rema’s head tipped, her eyes searching Nina’s face. “Doug’s still here. Doesn’t that help?”

  A sense of guilt tore through her. Was it Kimmy who had captured her heart or...? She closed her eyes a moment trying to imagine life without him. “Doug makes it easier. We’ve become very good friends.”

  “Friends?” A faint grin curved Rema’s lips.

  “Good friends.”

  A laugh shot from Rema. “Are you trying to convince me or yourself?” She shook her head and rolled her eyes. “Nina, I would have to be blind to not see...even hear in your voice...how you really feel about Doug.” She closed her eyes a moment. “Girl, you are in love.”

  Nina drew back, startled with the blunt comment. Did everyone interpret their relationship as love? She loved him, yes, but anything deeper than friendship...

  “Frankly, I’m jealous, Nina. Trey’s and my marriage was hopeless from the beginning, I fear.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I saw things...suspected things, but refused to dig deeper. I closed my eyes and accepted his excuses for being late or having to travel for his work. After I looked back, once I realized he was having an affair—maybe more than one—I revisited those excuses. I should have used my brain, but...” She lowered her head and shook it. “I wanted to be married. All my friends had husbands and some with little ones, and I was envious. I felt as if I had the plague and couldn’t get a husband.”

  Her heart weighted, hearing the truth of Rema’s marriage. Situations like that were the kind she feared. How easy was it to be duped? How often did women or men allow their desire to marry hide the truth they were seeing but didn’t want to admit? “I’m really sorry, Rema.”

  Her own failed marriage washed over her. She’d trusted him, never seeing the truth. Her husband was there for the better but not for the worse. “Sometimes, Rema, we want to trust so badly that we twist the facts to make them fit our want and not our need.”

  Need. What did she need? Her mind swam in a sea of confused images. A good job. Hers was perfect. A cozy home. She had one. Faithful friends. She had new friends that she enjoyed. Someone to share her joys and sorrows? Someone to hold her when she cried? Someone to cuddle with at night?

  If two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

  The scripture floated through her mind on a wave of faith.

  “You’re right, Rema. I do love Doug, but sometimes I worry it’s not in the plan. I’ve had one unsuccessful marriage, and I wonder if marriage again is meant to be.”

  “Why not?” Rema’s eyes widened. “You were innocent. I tried to be a good wife. I did everything I could to make Trey happy. You didn’t know me when I didn’t do a thing. No classes, no friends, no job. He wanted me home. I hated my life, but I did it for him. Then I realized why he wanted that. If I stayed home, I wouldn’t hear the rumors of his carousing.”

  A lump formed in Nina’s throat, imagining a life controlled by another. Being under someone’s thumb with no movement. No activities. No joy. Nothing. “God gave you a blessing, Rema. Yes, in a strange way, going against His Own Word, in a way. But I believe the Lord plans our steps despite the course we devised.”

  Her response knocked her cold. Chills rolled up her arms and down her back. Had she determined that she would never fall in love again and now the Lord was showing her otherwise?

  “I’m not a big churchgoer, Nina, but I do have faith, and yes, I agree. Look at me now. I’m a person. An individual who is enjoying life. I take yoga and I’ve met a very nice man. He’s not pushy. He’s friendly and kind. He’s invited me to stop for coffee after the class. I’m not looking for anything now. It’s too soon, but it lets me know that maybe I’m a little bit appealing.”

  “Little bit? Rema, you’re very pretty.”

  Rema grinned. “I fixed myself up a little. Got a nice haircut, bought cosmetics and learned how to use them.” She chuckled. “That was another class I took. Can you believe? I found a night school class that teaches improving self-image.”

  Nina rose and gave Rema a hug. “You look lovely, and I’m glad you took the class. If we don’t love ourselves, it’s difficult for others to love us.” She shook her head. “Except maybe our parents, and then that’s not a guarantee.”

  Rema hugged her back. “You’ve become a good friend, Nina. Thank you. It’s so nice to visit people and not think I’m like a termite appearing at their door and wanting to be friends. I always felt people were kind but standoffish. That’s not a good feeling.”

  She nodded, unable to imagine having self-esteem that devastating.

  “Now at least I can smile.” She grinned. “But I need to go. I have dinner planned with a couple of women I met at the self-image class. It’s fun to hear what’s happening in their lives. I never wanted to be a glamorous model. I just didn’t want to feel like a termite.”

  Nina shifted back while Rema’s frank admission lifted her spirits. “You amaze me, Rema. I can’t even picture you in that way. It makes me realize we can create an image of ourselves, and then work to change it for the better.”

  “Positively.” Rema pushed herself up from the sofa. “Thanks for the great talk, and I hope everything turns out for the best with Kimmy. I know it will be difficult when she’s gone. Children can fill a life with love and noise. Both can be missed.” She chuckled.

  Nina walked her to the door, and after saying goodbye, she stood a moment digesting everything that had been said and what it meant. She’d heard herself say things that had new meaning the longer she thought about them.

  She wandered to the kitchen, pulled out a diet pop and eased into a chair. What did the Lord have planned for her? Was He guiding her away from the images she had created for her life and changing her steps to His plan? A plan that included Doug?

  A new weight struck her heart. Doug deserved children and she couldn’t give him those with her issues. But with God all things were possible. Could it be? She loved Kimmy. Could she have a child one day? Lowering her head, tears spilled from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks, a few dripping to the table.

  Changes. What needed to be done? Like an arrow, Thanksgiving shot into her thoughts. Maybe having company could soften her mother’s negativity? No, not her mother. Shame rose like a dragon. She backed away from her thought. Anything could happen. She wasn’t in charge. Things could change.

  Her mental argument gave way to a solution. She would host Thanksgiving dinner for Doug, Roseanne, Kimmy and her parents, God willing.

  God willing times two. She needed assurance.

  * * *

>   Doug observed the smile on Kimmy’s face with a heavy heart. When her mother told her the news, he’d managed a contrived smile that must have resembled a grimace forced upward at the edges.

  After her bubbling excitement, her expression faded. “But I won’t be here for Christmas and the decorations. Nina said we could make acorns with ribbons and sparkles.”

  Despite his ache, a smile eased the tension in his face. “I think you mean pinecones.”

  She tittered and gave him a toothy grin. “One with the little ruffles all around.”

  A novel way to explain it. He was smiling now, inside and out. “That’s right. The one with ruffles. But don’t worry about that. Nina will make sure you get to make decorations with pinecones.”

  Her concern fell away, and she turned to look behind her. “Where’s Nina?”

  “She’s home, but she said she’d come down to visit.”

  A deep frown inched to her face. “Is she mad at me?”

  “Mad? Why in the world would she be mad?”

  Her eyes lowered to the carpet. “’Cuz I’m not going to be here for Christmas.”

  “Am I mad?” He managed another grin and hoped it looked sincere.

  “No, but... I’ll miss you and Nina every day. I have fun living with you, Uncle Doug. You do things with me and take me to the park, and...”

  Her lip trembled, and he opened his arms and drew her in. “Kimmy, you can come here whenever your mom agrees. We’re not that far away that I can’t pick you up at school and bring you here.” His arms tightened around her for himself as much as for her. “We can still have fun and do things.”

  She brushed the tears from her eyes with the back of her hand. “Momma needs me to help her, but... Uncle Doug...”

  His lungs constricted. “What, Kimmy? Are you worried?”

  “I don’t know how to do things, and maybe she needs me to—”

  “Sweetheart, she doesn’t want you to cook dinner and clean the house. Your mom just wants you there. She misses you.” The words hit the air as they hit his heart. Roseanne did need her reassurance. She’d faced a life-and-death situation, and his hope was that she’d learned what was precious in her life. It wasn’t giving her life to her work. Kimmy was her most precious gift, and he could only pray she realized it now.