Laughing, I shrugged. “Well it didn’t jump onto the grill by itself.”
“Well, you do have Hank pretty well trained. Maybe you can just command fish out of the water and into the flames.”
“Now wouldn’t that be a talent.”
“Well, however it ended up on that grill, it smells really good.”
She was right. The fish was cooking fast, and it would be ready soon. “Let me get the table set up and we can have dinner in a few minutes. Make yourself comfortable.”
“I’ll be right here,” she said, sitting down on the porch swing.
While she rocked herself on the swing my grandfather had built, I hurried to set up the small table on the deck. Two plates, silverware, and two glasses of water completed my setup. I thought about putting out a candle, but that looked like I was trying too hard. And even though I was warming to the idea of having her around, I wasn’t quite ready to take things to the next level.
Baby steps.
After plating the fish, green beans, and corn, I waved her over. “Come eat.”
Debating on pulling out her chair, I decided against it. My mother would have smacked me upside the head, but I was still balancing on that line right between casual hangout and date. Candles and pulling out chairs definitely said date.
“It looks amazing, Jake.”
“Not too shabby for a guy who can’t actually cook, huh?”
“Can’t cook? What do you call this?” She laughed.
“Grilling. I can grill like a son of a bitch, but cooking...” I sucked the air through my teeth.
“Don’t worry. I can’t cook either. Like... at all.”
“No?” I took a bite of my fish. Good. It turned out well.
“Not at all. When I lived in...” She paused. “Chicago, I only ate delivery food and out at restaurants.”
“How are you faring with food in Door County?”
“Not well.” She laughed again. “I’m pretty much starving to death. I can’t eat anything at the Ox because it has carbs and is fattening. The grocery store is hella expensive, and I don’t know how to cook.” She took a bite of her fish and I watched her face while I held my breath.
“Okay... but this. This is scrumptious. You weren’t kidding! Wow, Jake!”
“You like it?”
“It’s so good! Maybe I don’t need the grocery store at all! You can just teach me to fish. Then I just need to get some veggies and I’ll be all set.”
“I’ve got tons of vegetables in my garden. Seriously. Help yourself any time.”
“Seriously?” She looked up.
“Yes. You’d be doing me a favor. It’s right over there.” I pointed to the huge plot I’d planted with everything I could find at Jerry’s Flowers this spring. It had been therapeutic. Not to mention my mother told me she’d skewer me if I didn’t keep up on it for her when she visited.
“Wow! I will take you up on that. Vegetables are freaking expensive!”
“My garden is your garden.”
“Thanks, Jake.” That soft smile melted me like the slice of butter sliding down the side of my corn cob.
We ate our meal and watching her cut the kernels of corn off the cob sent me swaying back over to the side of the line where I wanted this to be a date. She looked so cute struggling with the corn.
“You can just bite it off the cob you know.”
“Then it gets stuck in my teeth.” Her face puckered. Then she smiled. There in the middle of her teeth was a piece of corn.
“Is that so?” I asked, choking on my chuckle.
“Yep.”
“Interesting. Because you have a little something right there in your teeth. Oh. Shocking. A piece of corn.”
With saucered eyes, she covered her face and turned away. When she turned back her ivory skin was the color of the hot coals. “Oops.”
Our dinner consisted of more laughs and when we were done my stomach hurt. This time it wasn’t from eating too much food like we’d done last night. It hurt from laughing.
“Can I help with dishes?” she asked when we stood up.
“Nope. Beautiful thing about grilling is I just need to toss out the tin foil and I’ll take care of the plates.”
“You sure?”
“Yep. Let’s grab the bottle of wine and go watch the sunset.”
“I’ll get the cups.”
After setting the dishes in the sink, I pressed my hands on the sides of the counter and took a deep breath. I was barely hanging on. Being this close to her without touching her, tasting her, was torture. Every laugh, every damned breeze that came by and wafted her perfume had me desperate to pull her into my arms. And that smile. Even with the corn in her teeth she still looked so beautiful. Being with her felt like tumbling down a cliff, desperately grabbing for rocks or vines to stop my plummet. But did I want to fall?
I walked to the porch and saw her and Hank sitting down on the dock. Trying to steady my nerves, I held that bottle of wine for dear life and walked across the yard to join her. When I got there, she had her shoes off and her bare feet dangling in the water. The amber color of the sky was already transforming into an arresting blend of oranges and pinks.
“It’s so beautiful,” she said while I settled beside her. Kicking off my own shoes, I rolled up my jeans and joined her, dipping my feet in the lake. Hank flopped down at her side, resting his head across her lap.
“It is. I come out here and watch the sunset most nights. But with a beer instead of wine.” I shrugged then poured more wine in her glass.
“It’s so peaceful here. Door County in general. Everything moves at such a different pace.”
“Do you like it? Some people love it. Some people can’t wait to get back into the fray.”
After a moment of thinking she looked up at me. “I love it.”
Her eyes fell to my lips. A soft breeze blew a piece of hair across her face and I desperately wanted to reach out and brush it away, capturing her face in my hands and finally tasting those lips that tempted me every time they moved. Eyes mirroring my desire looked up at me. The sunset danced inside them as they pulled me in, and I felt myself give up my futile attempt to stop this fall. The last fingers of my determination let go of my lifeline and I leaned toward her.
Cassie pushed toward me and I reached out, sliding my hand across her face. Leaning up, her lips brushed against mine. When they touched, I felt the free fall start. The dam of emotions inside me burst open as I pulled her lips into mine. Passion exploded between us while I let my lips wander free. One taste. One touch. I was hers to command. Her arms wrapped around my neck, and she dissolved into me.
Pulling her body against mine, I deepened our kiss, and with it, all the things I’d tried to bury bubbled up to the surface. Raw and exposed, the power in our kiss ignited me from the inside. But with the heat of the flames flickering between us, memories of the scalding pain she could bring resurfaced. As we became lost in each other, flashes of my pain broke through and I found myself scraping my nails on the side of the cliff, desperate to stop the descent.
As amazing as it felt to have her lips devouring mine, as much as I wanted to sweep her in my arms and never let her go, the weight of us crushed down on me. Eventually she would hurt me. Crush me. Destroy me. I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to go through this again. I couldn’t.
Clawing at my lifeline, I begged my lips to release hers. I pleaded with my arms to let go and my legs to take me away from the pain that awaited if I let myself continue the free fall with her. When I was certain her hold on me was too strong and I would never be able to break free from the feelings for her that held me captive, I pushed back, breaking our kiss.
“I can’t. I’m sorry,” I breathed, barely able to exhale the words I didn’t want to say. The words I had to say. “I’m not ready.”
The pain and confusion in her eyes threatened to pull me back under.
“Jake, I’m sorry. I thought—”
“I can’t. I’m sorry
.”
Unable to look at her without pulling her back into my arms, I jumped up and hurried back to the house with Hank trailing behind me. I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t look. It was too soon. It was all too soon.
Slamming the door to my house, I pressed back against the wall. Sadness, anger, and resentment collided inside me. Not only had Matt and Nikki stolen my happiness in the past, they’d stolen it in the future. Even while I held Cassie in my arms, I pictured her in Matt’s. Visions of her cheating on me, humiliating me, breaking me... they flooded my mind. I had nothing to give and everything to lose. The only thing I had left in this world was fear and loneliness. I was destroyed, and even my feelings for Cassie couldn’t put me back together again.
My lips still burned from his kiss. Heat radiated from the spot on my chin where his soft stubble had rubbed when our passion finally exploded. But it was my heart that burned the most from the sting of rejection. While I sat on the dock struggling to comprehend what had happened, I fought the tears stinging my eyes.
Did I do something wrong? Did I only imagine that he wanted to kiss me?
I could have sworn I saw it in his eyes. It was there. Desire. Yearning. And when our lips met, I felt it. You couldn’t make up the passion that crackled between us. It had been more intense than any kiss I’d ever had. But as quickly as it came, it disappeared. Just like the range of emotions I saw in him in our short time together, hot then cold, on then off, our kiss had mirrored our emotional dance.
I’m not ready. His words haunted me. Ready for me? Remembering now what he’d been through, what had happened to him, I closed my eyes. He was scared of getting hurt again. It had to be. The flames burning between us that I wanted to dance in? Those same flames terrified him.
Starting up the dock to pound on his door and demand he not run from the connection developing between us, I slowed to a stop. His great fear was being hurt again. And I wasn’t being honest with him. Hell, he didn’t even know my real name. His greatest fear... was me.
The shackles of my situation held me fast in place. I couldn’t reveal my identity... not yet at least. And I couldn’t continue lying to him, playing out his greatest fear. No. He was right to flee from me. Perhaps on some deep-down level he knew. He knew I was like Nikki. A liar.
The ground beneath me shook, or maybe it was my legs, but I knew as much as I wanted to barge in there and demand he not give up on us, I took off racing for my car. Hot tears burned down my face while I gave in to my situation and climbed behind the wheel.
Desperate to tell Jake my name and why I was here, I remembered the company and how much I wanted to make my grandpa proud... to pick up the reins where my father left off. Looking at the house, I swallowed down the last of my tears. No. This was my punishment, my purgatory. I couldn’t move forward. I couldn’t go back. All I could do was wait here until Grandpa decided I’d paid my penance. Proved my worth.
Maybe then I could tell Jake the truth. Force him to face the feelings between us I knew were real. But now... now I needed to give him space and keep my head down until I was back in the good graces of my grandpa. With one last look at his house, I turned the key and put the car in drive. A cloud of dust flew up behind me while I tore down the driveway and tried to get as far away from Jake Alton as I could... even though it was less than a mile. This was going to be torture.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Jake
The Fourth of July sun beat down on me while I finished cleaning up my boat. Grumbling, I hosed off the bloody remnants of my early morning charter trip I’d agreed to against my better judgement. Looking at the sea of people packed into Baileys Harbor for the parade, I regretted not charging double. Hazard pay. I hated crowds, and I really hated the annual Fourth of July parade in Baileys Harbor.
With the parade blocking off the routes, I’d had to park up the road on E and walk down this morning. Now the crowd stood between me and my truck and the peace and quiet of my home. Debating between sitting on my boat alone all day until they left or forging my way through them to get to my house, I grumbled again, hating both decisions.
Deciding on the latter, I slung my bag filled with fishing lures over my shoulder and headed into the crowd. Every time someone bumped me, I struggled to keep my snarls contained. Grumbling and snarling had been about all I could do since I’d left Cassie sitting on my dock two weeks ago. The memories of seeing her standing alone in my yard before running to her car were forever seared into my mind. I cringed at the memory, like I did every time, hoping when I closed my eyes tight it would miraculously fade away. But even in that split-second of darkness, her face remained. Like a ghost who haunted me, her presence stayed with me everywhere I went.
She was the first thing I thought of when I woke up. The last thing I thought of before I fell asleep. When I fished, all I could think about was holding her in my arms while we reeled one in. Eating was ruined because I just pictured her savoring those cheese curds. Drinking wasn’t helping. Not only was I avoiding the Ox like the plague, every time I was out at the Coyote Roadhouse or the Pub where I’d taken up refuge, the gossip featured the hot new bartender in town. Even my house wasn’t safe because I couldn’t look out in the yard without seeing her standing there. The kitchen, den... everywhere was haunted by the memory of Cassie and how poorly I’d behaved.
Sure, I was scared but leaving her sitting on the dock after inviting her to my home was unforgiveable. I wouldn’t be surprised if the next time I saw her she slapped me across the face. God knows my mother would if she’d seen what I’d done.
“Hell, yeah! You decided to join the party, Jake!” Aaron’s voice broke over the crowd while I pushed through.
Groaning, I turned to see him standing with a plastic cup of beer in one hand and a bratwurst in the other. “Hey, man.”
“I can’t believe you came to the Fourth of July parade! It’s about fucking time you got out of whatever new rut you’ve been lying in.”
“I’m not here for the party. I’m just getting back from a fishing trip and these people are standing between the dock and my truck.”
“So, we’re still in a rut?” He bit into his brat. “It’s like you’re starring in your own version of Groundhog’s Day. Except instead of Bill Murray, you’re Kevin Van Dam.”
“Nope. Just don’t want to be around all these people,” I lied. Although it wasn’t a rut I was in. It was a pit. A pit of despair. A deep, impossible to scale out of, pit of despair.
“Drink it.” He shoved the beer at me.
“No. I’m good.”
“Drink the beer, Jake. Drink it. It will help.”
Beer didn’t help. I knew this because I’d drowned myself in more beers than I could count, and I didn’t feel any better. Dangling the beer in front of me like a carrot in front of horse, Aaron continued chomping on his brat.
“Dude. Get that thing out of my face. No beer. No party. Home. I want to go home.”
“Well, I’ve been calling and texting for like two weeks. I haven’t even seen you since the fight. What’s up with that? Why aren’t you at the Ox?”
Dropping my gaze to the ground, I just shrugged.
“Is it the hot new bartender? Jo told me you took her fishing or something? Did you get back on the horse?”
“No.” No, I didn’t get back on the horse. I got my foot in the stirrup then panicked, fell in the mud and I’m never getting on another horse again.
“All right, well if you won’t hang here today, you at least need to come to the Ox for the Fourth tonight. It’s our tradition. Beer. Fireworks. More beer.”
Since I was a kid, I had come down every Fourth of July to watch the fireworks. As an adult, I’d joined the party that brought all the locals out for one debaucherous evening at the Ox. But this year, with Cassie possibly bartending tonight, I knew it was the first year I’d be breaking tradition.
“We’ll see,” I said to appease him.
“Yeah? You gonna come?”
�
��Probably. I’ll see you tonight.”
Desperate to get away and back to the serenity of my lake house, I gave him a smile and turned away.
“I’ll see you tonight, man!”
With a backhanded wave, I started back through the crowd. After I was certain I was far enough away to avoid any more of his persecution, I slowed while I searched for the path of least resistance leading to my truck. As I scanned the crowd, I froze when I saw her. Even though I was outside, it felt like all the oxygen had been sucked from the atmosphere.
She was standing with a group of people, a cup in one hand and her other hand waving in the air while she told a story. Her long hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail and it swung with the animated movements that had everyone surrounding her laughing. I remembered how easily she’d made me laugh... something that hadn’t happened since the last time I’d seen her. The plaid button-down sleeveless top made her look more local than tourist. My eyes slid down to the legs that went on forever coming out from the bottom of those jean shorts she’d worn the night she came over. With a hammering heart, I looked back up and saw those green eyes staring back at me.
Shit!
Desperate to run, I forced myself to remain steady when her hand lifted in a shy wave. I’d already run from her once and I’d never been more ashamed. Running wasn’t who I was, and the hell if I would do it again. It didn’t matter how badly I wanted to take out these people like bowling pins while I made a beeline for my truck.
Lifting my hand in an awkward wave, I forced the semblance of a smile. She smiled back, and before I could turn around, she started toward me.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Compelling my feet to remain glued to the pavement like I was standing in tar, I stilled while she approached. With every step that brought her closer, my heart pounded faster. That roller-coaster ride started up again in my stomach and the free fall was underway.
“Hey, Jake,” she said when she arrived, and the soft tones of her voice chipped away at me again.
“Hey, Cassie.” I kicked a stone by my feet then forced them to hold steady again.
The Other Half (Door Peninsula Passions Book 1) Page 14