“Listen, Jake. I’m really sorry about what happened. I shouldn’t have kissed you. It—”
“Please. Don’t apologize. I am the one who needs to apologize. Running off and leaving you out there...” I blew out a puff of air. “It was totally awful, and I am so ashamed I did it. I’m really sorry, Cassie. I totally panicked.”
“It’s okay.” She reached out and touched my arm. That familiar bolt of lightning traveled through me even from the featherlight touch. When my eyes darted to her hand, she retreated, and I felt those agonizing fingers of regret tighten around my heart. “Sorry.”
“Please don’t apologize. Again. It’s me, Cassie. It’s all me. I just... I’m pretty fucked up from what went down.”
“I get it, Jake. I totally do. And I’m sorry I pushed. It won’t happen again.”
She hadn’t pushed. I’d pulled. Just like I wanted to do right now. To pull her back into my arms and taste those lips I couldn’t get out of my mind.
“Even if you aren’t ready to, you know, date or whatever,” she stumbled. “I don’t want you to avoid me. The Ox is your bar. Hell, that seat of yours still sits open waiting for you. Please don’t let things that happened, or didn’t happen, between us ruin your world. I’m the tourist. You’re the native. If anyone needs to go, it’s me.”
“Don’t go.” The words came out with more force than I’d intended. “I mean, this is my issue. Not yours. I’ll get over it.”
“Well, I won’t go if you promise to start coming back to the Ox. Jo’s gonna kill me if you don’t come back. And you know Jo. She can mess me up.”
A small chuckle started and just like it had when I first met her, it startled me.
“So, will you come back to the Ox?”
I nodded. “I suppose. I don’t want Jo to kill you. And she’s got a hell of a right hook. I’ve seen it.”
“And a left I bet.”
We laughed together, and just like before, her icepick chipped a little piece away again.
“So, you’ll come back?”
“I’ll come back.”
“Good. I’m getting pretty good at this bartending thing. You ought to see me in action.”
“Yeah? I see you figured out how to drink beer, even. Impressive.” I gestured to the cup in her hand.
“Yep. I drink beer and I do shots of... wait for it... Jägermeister.”
“Holy shit! Not shots of dirty martinis, straight up, extra cold, extra dry, extra dirty?”
“You remembered!”
She laughed and her eyes sparkled. When that happened, it felt like all my loneliness and pain could evaporate. And I’d be whole again.
“Yep.” Of course I remembered. I remembered every moment I’d spent with her.
“You doing okay, though?”
The answer was no, but I nodded anyway.
“Good. I’m finally getting the hang of things around here. I’ve made some friends. They’re up for the summer working as well.” She gestured to the group of girls she’d been talking to I hadn’t met before. “They’re really nice and we’ve been having a lot of fun. They’ve shown me the beaches, and I even started stand-up-paddle boarding. It’s my therapy.”
“Like my fishing.”
“Exactly. Now I need a coffee cup that says, ‘I SUP so I don’t choke people’.”
A laugh exploded out of me and I felt the warmth returning to my soul. She was like sunshine breaking through the darkest storm clouds. Feeling her light shining on me melted away another layer I’d worked so hard to construct in her absence.
“So, I’ll see you tonight?”
“Sure. Why not. And I really am sorry, Cassie.”
“Hey. You’re not the only one who got hurt and did some screwed up stuff in the aftermath. I get it. I could write the book on taking a bad situation and making it worse.”
“Thanks, Cas. I’m trying. I just need to find my way back.”
“You will.” She reached out and touched me. This time I didn’t recoil. “I did.”
We exchanged a smile.
“I’ll see you tonight,” she said. When her fingers drifted off my shoulder, I had to force myself not to reach out and take her hand.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
She turned and walked back to her friends, tossing a smile over her shoulder before the crowd swallowed her up.
All it took was one look. One word. One touch. And I was sliding back down the cliff again.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Cassie
“Where’d you go?” Lucy asked when I got back to my group.
“Just bumped into a friend.” Jake wasn’t just a friend, but even though I now considered Lucy and Josie just that, I hadn’t told them about my almost-romance with Jake. Knowing it wasn’t going to happen for us, I didn’t see the point in reliving the ache of his rejection. Only Poppy knew what had transpired because she’d curled up in my arms that night while I cried and recounted the whole tale.
“You need another beer?” Josie asked.
“No, I’m good.” I lifted the half-full cup and smiled.
We’d met at the Ox last week. Josie and Lucy were roommates in college who came up here to work for the summer. After a few shots during my shift we’d gotten to talking, and they’d invited me to join them at the beach the following day. Avid paddle boarders, they’d taught me how to do it and even lent me my own for the summer. Outdoor sports, well sports at all for that matter, had never been my thing. But being on the water and enjoying the peace and tranquility of this little town had been just the thing to help heal my heart from Jake’s scathing rejection, and the loss of my parents I still struggled with every day.
I looked back through the crowd, but he was gone. Seeing him today hurt more than I’d been prepared for, but I hoped I’d kept my feelings hidden away. Easy and breezy. That’s what I’d gone for. In reality, agony and misery were what I’d felt when those azure eyes had stared down at me. And those lips. Now that I’d tasted them all I wanted to do was launch back into his arms.
But he was still hurting. And that I understood. The searing pain of loss coursed through me as well, but in a different way. It was death for me; betrayal for him. Guilt mounted on top of my loss is what had sent me to the bottom of the bottles after I lost my parents. But for the first time in two years I was dealing with the pain I’d hidden from in a mist of parties, drugs, and alcohol. Even though I’d been more than reluctant to come to Door County, I was finally healing here. Grandpa had been right, and I owed him my eternal gratitude for helping me find my way back.
“Hey, I’ll catch you guys tonight at the Ox. I’m going home for a little while.”
“You sure?” Lucy asked. “We were going to head over to go watch the band by the docks.”
“Yeah, I’m sure. I need to make a call and get some rest before tonight. If it’s as wild as you guys say it is, I’d better take a break!” Moderation. That was my new motto while I found the new balance in my life.
Josie laughed. “It is. Go nap. Rest. We’ll meet you at the Ox at eight.”
“I’ll see you then.”
After finishing my beer, I walked back to where my beast was parked on the side road up from the Blue Ox. When I climbed inside, I pulled out my phone and pushed my grandpa’s number. It rang twice.
“Cassandra?” he answered.
“Hey, Grandpa, it’s me.”
“You okay?” The intention threaded through the words. It had been two weeks since we’d talked, and I knew he was still expecting me to toss up the white flag and beg to come home. But that was just it. This place now felt like home and returning to New York was the farthest thing from my mind.
“I’m great, Grandpa.”
“Really?” Shock settled in his voice. “You’re doing good?”
“I’m doing great. I just wanted to call and tell you thank you. You were right. I needed this. For the first time since my parents I feel like myself again.”
“I can’t te
ll you how happy I am to hear that, sweetheart.”
The fact I could even bring them up was a monumental step for me, and I knew he understood that.
“I love it here. I’m making friends. My job is pretty great and I’m making enough money to get by. A lot of people up here work two and even three jobs just to make ends meet. It’s unreal how hard they have to work just to pay rent and buy groceries.”
“I’m glad you’re starting to understand the struggles of the other half. Not everyone has a trust fund waiting to support them. When I was your age, I was lucky to have a roof over my head.”
“I see that now, Grandpa. You were right. I never appreciated it before.”
“I’m glad to hear it. If you take over Davenport Industries, a lot of hardworking people will depend on you to take care of them and ensure them jobs to support their families.”
“I understand that now.”
“Good. Very good, Cassandra.”
“So, I work. A lot. Poppy and I are getting by in our little cabin. And I’ve started SUPing and really love it. It’s therapeutic for me.”
“SUPing? Is that a new drug?” He growled.
Laughing, I was shaking my head even though he couldn’t see it. “No, Grandpa. It’s stand-up paddle boarding. I go out on the lake on a big board and paddle around. It’s good exercise, relaxing, and it’s given me so much time to think. I love it.”
“Oh, good.” He blew out a breath. “Sounded more like the latest designer drug.”
“No more drugs, Grandpa. I don’t need them anymore. Door County has changed me. I mean, I still struggle with the guilt, and I miss my parents all the time, but I can move forward now. I feel lighter.”
“I don’t know how many times we have to tell you that it wasn’t your fault, Cassie. You have no reason to feel guilty. They wouldn’t want that weight on you.”
I was nodding, but again he couldn’t see me. “I know. I’m working on it, Grandpa. I just wanted you to know I was doing great and I think you’d be proud of me. They’d be proud of me.”
“I am proud of you, Cassandra. So proud. Proud enough I put the sale of the company on hold until we can figure out if this is the right path for you.”
“You really were selling it?” Part of me thought it was just a threat.
“Yes. Edward Garvey was going to purchase it with the promise to keep all the jobs and continue running the company like your father and I had all these years.”
Garvey. He’d been the Chief Business Officer of Davenport Industries for the past thirty years. Even though my father and grandfather respected and trusted him, there was always something about him that raised my hackles. I didn’t trust him and the thought of him taking over the company if I failed only deepened my resolve to climb out of this hole I’d dug myself into.
“Don’t sell to him, Grandpa. I’ve got this. When I get back, I will show you I can do this. I can run our company and make sure it stays in the family.”
“I hope so. Let’s give it some more time and then we’ll see.”
“I love you, Grandpa. I’ll call you later.”
“I love you, too, Cassandra.”
We hung up, and I pressed my head back against the rest. Part of me wanted to stay here in Door County forever and give up the dream of running Davenport Industries. The other wanted to take up the helm my family had forged for me and do the job I’d dreamed of since I was a child. The one I’d worked so hard to prepare myself for and threw away in the wake of my parent’s passing.
With the weight of my decision settled on my shoulders, I drove home to play with Poppy and go for a paddle on Kangaroo Lake.
“You missed!” Josie taunted when the bimini ring I’d tossed swung left and missed the hook on the bull’s nose.
“Damn it!” I laughed, stepping out of the way.
“My turn!” Lucy took my place.
“I’m going to check on Jo and Jamie and make sure they don’t need me.” With the Fourth of July crowds, the town had been packed all day. And apparently the Blue Ox was the bar all the locals flocked to on Fourth of July night to watch the fireworks happening over Lake Michigan at dusk.
“You guys sure you’re okay?” I called over the bar to where Jo and our co-worker, Jamie, were hard at work.
“We’re good, Cassie!”
“You sure? I don’t mind jumping back!”
“Three people is too tight back here. We’re good with two,” Jamie said as he slid up beside me, handing a bottle of beer to the guy on my left. “Not to mention the money is amazing tonight.”
Grumbling, I nodded my head. I’d actually wanted this shift, but since Jo and Jamie had seniority over me, they got first dibs. Watching the bills flying over the bar had me itching to get back there.
“Just go across the street to the Beachfront Inn and watch the fireworks. You can cozy up on their beach and get a front-row view of the fireworks at Anclam Park. They’ll be starting soon!” Jo called before diving back into the beer cooler.
“Okay. Don’t say I didn’t offer.” I shrugged.
I kept scanning the bar looking for Jake, but he hadn’t shown. Maybe our armistice today had just been for show and he still intended to avoid me like the plague. Sadness settled over me thinking about him avoiding his friends and his bar on my account.
“You guys watching the fireworks?” I asked when I got back to Josie and Lucy.
“Nah. We’ll be here drinking.” Lucy raised her glass.
“Are you?” Josie asked.
I shrugged. “Yeah. Why not. I’ll be back.”
The last time I’d gone to watch fireworks, I’d been a kid sitting on my dad’s lap. My mom had spread out a blanket and the three of us clapped each time an explosion lit up the sky. The thought of watching fireworks without them caused that lump to swell in my throat again, but it felt like part of my healing process to experience it again and let their memories flood back over me.
After leaving the Ox, I crossed the street and walked through the parking lot of the Beachfront Inn. Children splashed in their outdoor pool, their innocent laughter carried away with the warm summer breeze. As I walked past, I remembered the way my father used to lift me over his head when I was a child playing in the pool at our summer house in the Hamptons. He’d launch me through the air only to scoop me back up before I splashed into the water below. I looked over and saw a man holding his son in the air, sweeping him across the water while the little boy squealed with the same joy I used to have. Smiling, I kept walking, hoping that little boy would always cherish this memory of his summer vacation and of his father the same way I would always cherish mine.
When I made it to their little stretch of beach, I paused to inhale the intoxicating smell of the lake. Darkness hovered just above the strip of light settling into the horizon. The fireworks would start soon. Careful not to step on the people scattered along the beach, I found an opening just down the way. When I got there, my feet stuttered to a stop when I saw Jake standing alone staring at the sky. As I debated on bolting before he saw me, his head turned, and our eyes connected.
Too late now.
With the same soft smile I’d given him when I saw him earlier in the day, I walked to his side.
“Fancy meeting you here,” I said, followed by a nervous chuckle.
“Yeah, I guess.” His own nerves were apparent in the way he shifted his feet.
“I can go somewhere else if you want. I didn’t know you’d be here.”
“No. No, it’s fine.” Though he said the words, the intent behind them was missing.
“Are you sure? I can totally find another spot.”
He blew out a deep breath and shook his head. “No. Stay.”
The fear in his eyes shifted and that look I’d seen in them before slid into its place. It looked like a war waged inside him, and I recognized it because the same one waged inside me.
“Okay,” I answered and stepped to his side.
Silence settled between u
s while we stood staring at the darkening sky. When the tension was thick enough I could slice it with a knife, I took a deep breath and spoke.
“I haven’t seen fireworks since I was a kid. With my parents.”
He turned to me, and I saw the recognition in his eyes. He’d seen how difficult it was for me to talk about my parents that night at his house.
“Is it hard?”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“I haven’t missed a Bailey’s Harbor fireworks in my life. Even as an infant, my parents brought me here. They’ve been friends with the owners of this hotel for ages, so they always saved us a spot. And we watched fireworks together every year until they moved away. They aren’t like, gone, or anything, but I still wish they were here.”
I stared up at him.
“It’s stupid, right? I’m like a grown man who still watches fireworks alone and misses his parents.” Rolling his eyes, he shook his head.
“It’s not stupid.” I touched his arm. It was the third time today my hands went rogue and reached out. “It’s not stupid at all.”
Another silent exchange passed between us. The battle in both of us shifted, and I didn’t make any attempt to fight it. A firework exploded and snapped our attention toward it. Sparkles illuminated the sky while bursts of color lit the world surrounding us.
Memories of my mother’s laughter echoed in my mind, and I could almost feel my father’s tight squeeze while he held me and pointed to the sky. It had been two years since I’d lost them, but for the first time since it happened, I wasn’t numbed by drugs and distractions. I let myself feel the grief I’d fought to suppress. While I felt their absence deeper than I had prepared for, a tear slipped out of my eye and slid down my cheek. Another explosion lit the sky and Jake glanced down at me. With teary eyes, I looked back up at him. Before I could shed another one, his arm slipped around my shoulder, pulling me in tight. I pressed against his chest and wrapped my arms around his waist. That feeling of safety and protection I’d gotten in my father’s arms once again settled over me in Jake’s embrace.
The Other Half (Door Peninsula Passions Book 1) Page 15