Squad Goals

by Kate Karyus Quinn

  But BJ is the one to answer, pushing her crown back to the right place again. “I know you’re worried about your sister, Mavis. We all are.”

  “It really does not feel like you are,” I mutter.

  “But what we have to keep in mind is that Edie is a dragon. She’s a freaking demi-god.” Her eyes get wider when she says it, like she’s still surprised by this fact. “The truth is that I don’t think anything in this world can hurt her, or anyone who is with her. We know that Edie would protect Val and Cassie with her life, so how much trouble can they actually be in?”

  Their argument is Edie is safe because nothing can harm her. There was a time when nothing could harm the gods either, but Zeus died and Hades was defeated. I can tell that argument won’t sway them, though. Or… maybe they don’t want to be reminded that they aren’t infallible.

  “What about Cassie’s sudden silence?” I counter.

  Zahara speaks again, but the concern that was there is gone. “We know that Cassie’s powers aren’t always…dependable. It’s entirely within the realm of possibility that her ESP went on the fritz.”

  “Like my hair, oh my god,” BJ says, suddenly turning to Alaric. “You have no idea how many hot oil treatments I went through when I was just a human.”

  “Just a human?” I ask, like her previous incarnation as a rocking-hot beauty queen was so godsdamn stressful for her.

  “Speaking of humans,” Alaric says. “Have you succeeded with any societal re-introductions of paranormals? We all know your first attempt with Griff was...”

  “A disaster!” Brandee Jean breaks in. “Oh my gods. It was like the Miss Holy Spirit of God competition thrown by the All Christians Assembly.” I settle back into my seat and take a drink of water. Once BJ gets going with a pageant story you just gotta wait it out.

  “We all had to wear dresses long enough to cover our ankles ’cause they had some sort of modesty hang-up. Anyway, Marybeth Goolahilly decided to do her tumbling routine in the long dress ’cause they said her usual tights and leotard made her look like a harlot. It was going fine until during one of her cartwheels the dress flipped and went right over her head. That’s when we all found out Marybeth wasn’t wearing underwear. Even worse, with her head all covered she stumbled right off the stage and her girl bits ended up right in the face of Pastor Mike.”

  “Yes,” I say, tightly. “That does indeed sound like a disaster. And I’m well aware what happened with Griff was too. We’re being extra careful before we try again, but it’s been difficult. We’re short-handed since Cassie disappeared and hasn’t been heard from.”

  “Are you familiar with this Humans First movement?” Alaric goes on, ignoring my tone.

  “Sadly, yes,” I say, remembering Mallory’s baby shower.

  “We’ve got a petitioner in the waiting room who is concerned about the harpy high holiday gathering. He’s demanding electrified fences to keep them contained,” Alaric says. “It is unfortunate timing that they’re the same day. Both are expecting quite a high attendance. We’re worried about the rising anti-paranormal feeling among humans. It would really help if we could counter their narrative with a successful integration story to show UWR is actually working.”

  I don’t know what to say. I can’t argue that it is working, because I have nothing to back it up. Nothing except some scratch marks where Kit managed to grab me across the table, that is.

  “We’ve had some…troublesome intakes lately,” I admit. “Combined with Cassie’s absence and Greg’s distraction over her disappearance, hasn’t created the best working environment.”

  “I stay in close contact with all my progeny, especially the ones who are mourning the loss of their fellow sisters. Several of them contacted me today, overjoyed with the capture of a baby vampire they’ve been tracking for over a year now,” Zahara says

  “Kit,” I say, although I really don’t want to get into talking about him right now.

  “Yes, that’s the one that murdered so many of my children,” Zahara nods, an ugly look on her face. I could point out that if she doesn’t want her children killed then maybe she should stop sending them after the most dangerous and deadly supes on the planet. But I’ve been around enough to know that parents never want advice on how to raise their children.

  “Ugh, he does sound bad,” Brandee Jean adds softly. She reaches a hand toward Alaric as if looking for emotional support. “I hate to say it, but if some of these can’t be reformed...what’s our next step? Keep them locked up for life?”

  “Kill them,” Zahara says coldly. “It’s better than a life behind bars and below ground.”

  “Some might disagree with you,” I can’t help but say. I may not have Cassie’s level of love and empathy, but the thought of killing supes just for giving into their natures doesn’t sit right with me.

  Alaric nods. “Perhaps it’s time we move forward with assembling some sort of court that will decide the punishment for those deemed unreformable and who remain a danger to our guards while in lock-up.”

  BJ sighs. “I didn’t think this goddess gig came with executioner as a skill set.”

  “We have to make these hard decisions,” Zahara says. “That’s the job.” Her words are tough, but she rubs BJ’s shoulder as she says it. Clearly, the Triumvirate are close—even when they’re not all on the same page policy-wise.

  Alaric looks to me. “Mavis, we’d appreciate your thoughts on worthy nominees for the court of judgment.”

  I grimace. This is so far from the reason I came before them today. And that sounds like a thankless job, sitting in a cushy boardroom like this, debating over who lives and dies. I wouldn’t nominate my worst enemy. No one on this planet could possibly enjoy such a—

  Suddenly, I realize there is one person who would actually love that job.

  “Themis,” I say. “I know her scales broke after Zeus died, but I think they were mostly stagecraft anyway. She seems a bit at loose ends with Mount Olympus Academy closed down and I think she would be a voice of reason and…” I stop as the Triumvirate exchange glances. “What?”

  “We’ve reached out to Themis,” BJ explains. “Athena did too. She even came and sat with us here one day. But she was…” BJ looks to Alaric for help.

  “Erratic. Irrational. Easily upset. Prone to outbursts and long speeches about the golden bygone days of a better era.”

  I frown. That doesn’t sound like Themis. Well, the speeches part does, but not the rest of it. Of course, I only saw her that one time and we talk on the phone now and then, but only briefly… Maybe those scales were more than just a cool prop.

  “Could've been she was just having a bad day,” I say, with a shrug.

  “Possible,” BJ says kindly. It doesn’t comfort me to have her placation.

  “We’ll consider it,” Zahara says. “But in the meantime, what do you need? I can provide a fresh brood of guards in about…” She puts her hand to her forehead like she’s taking her temperature. “I’m currently ovulating, so 36 to 72 hours.”

  I sigh. “I don’t need more harpies. I need…”

  I fall silent, frustrated that they just don’t get it.

  Some people suck. And that goes for supes too.

  Nothing is going to convince that little fae/vamp crossbreed Shauna to be a good person. Same with Tigger, Griff, Mac, and a few others I can think of. Instead of trying to reform them, we should be finding ways to keep them secured, because if they all decided to team up, they could bust out of UWR and be out on the streets causing gods know what kind of chaos.

  How am I supposed to be able to manage all of them without—

  “Wait, what?” I ask, and Zahara patiently repeats herself.

  “What do you need from us to help make UWR successful?”

  But I’m not listening, because I don’t need to make UWR successful. I need to get my sister back, and I think I just accidentally came up with the answer about how to do that on my own, without the Triumvirate’s help—or bl
essing.

  “I need time,” I say. “Give me time to assemble a list of necessities and I’ll get back to you.”

  Alaric nods. “That seems reasonable. Thank you, Mavis, for all your hard work.”

  “Absolutely,” I say. “And thank you for…”

  Not being able to read my mind

  “Being so attractive.”

  It’s a stupid thing to say, but it makes for a great getaway.

  BJ goes, “Awwww….” and reaches over to rub her blushing boyfriend’s bicep, while Zahara rolls her eyes and then seems to flex her thighs. I’m pretty sure she’s already cooking up another brood by the time I leave the room.

  But UWR doesn’t need more guards. Quite the opposite.

  Because I’m going to bust some prisoners out.

  6

  The next day UWR is just as I left it—slightly insane.

  Without Cassie here, some of our more emotionally needy prisoners are having anxiety, and a minotaur having a panic attack is not a pretty sight. Greg has put more supes into isolation than usual, which is making him feel guilty—something that Cassie can usually soothe right out of him. But again, she’s not here, so…

  Somehow I just became the person everyone is coming to for answers.

  I’m sorting through files on my desk when a First Brood sticks her head in my office. “Mavis? Sorry, but there’s an issue in holding cell three, and Greg is…”

  She doesn’t finish her sentence, which tells me that Greg is probably bat shifting. Again. Sigh.

  We put all of our intakes in holding cells and try hard to keep different supe species apart. There’s historically bad blood between fae and vampires. Werewolves tend to distrust vampires, too. I dig my palms into my eyes, leaning in against the pressure until sunbursts dot my vision.

  “What’s the problem?” I ask.

  “The holding cells are getting crowded and we brought a vamp in last night—”

  But her words are cut off by a long groan from me. Why is it always the vampires? I swear, the only rational vampire I’ve ever known was a classmate from back at Mount Olympus Academy. Tina was a hardcore bitch, but there was zero drama in it. Her bitchiness didn’t discriminate; we all got hit with it sometime. There was something weirdly reassuring about that.

  Suddenly, I wish Tina were here at UWR. She could settle supe squabbles so fast it would make heads spin, and she’d have no problem tossing a few troublemakers into isolation. If Tina were here she’d be able to handle the day-to-day of UWR, the Triumvirate, the Humans First movement, baby-showers, and disappearing friends without any—

  Wait a minute…does Tina even know that Val has gone missing?

  They’re twins, and super close. They spent their whole lives hiding the fact that they weren’t pureblood vampires; there’s some nasty folks who refer to any mixed blood supes as Moggies. Vamps can get especially snooty about the whole thing, so it was kind of a big deal that their mother was a mix of every supe imaginable. That gave them some interesting powers. Val can control the weather, while Tina is like a punk rock Poison Ivy...she has a thing for plants.

  Tina and Val protected each other throughout childhood and into their teens so that no one would ever suspect they were Moggies. Now, her brother is missing and I never even thought about letting her know.

  Plus, Tina is a vampire mix herself. She might be able to help me deal with that absolute wreck of a supe named Shauna. That this never occurred to me before is just another indicator of how rattled I am right now.

  “Get your shit together, Mavis,” I say to myself, then look up to see that the harpy is still in my office, awaiting orders. I clear my throat and try to sound confident.

  “If there’s a vamp giving you trouble, put them in isolation,” I tell her. “If the holding cells are crowded go ahead and put some of the more volatile ones in intake rooms.”

  There are six intake rooms, and since I’m going to be the only one handling evaluations for the foreseeable future, they could be waiting awhile. But, whatever. I’ve got bigger issues than prison wait-times.

  “Yes, ma’am,” the harpy says. “Anything else?”

  “Close the door on your way out,” I say. Once it clicks shut, I pick up the phone, concentrating hard on the image of Tina. Sleek black hair, white skin, red lips, pointy teeth—Tina’s fangs are almost always erupted, as she lives a life on high alert.

  “Hello?” She answers the phone just like she does a knock on her dorm door—with minor irritation at the fact that you even exist.

  “Tina, it’s Mavis,” I say.

  “Hello?” she says again, and for a second I think we’ve got a bad connection. Then I realize she’s correcting my manners.

  “Hello,” I concede. “How are you doing, Tina?”

  “I’m well, thank you,” she says. A silence follows while I wait for her to ask how I am, but all I get is a continuing, deeply disinterested silence.

  “I’m calling because your brother is missing,” I say, and am not ashamed to admit that there’s a little flutter of glee in my stomach when I get a reaction out of her.

  “What?” Tina says, her voice hitching up a notch.

  “Your brother and my sister,” I go on. “Plus Cassie.”

  “Are you sure Cassie is missing?” Tina asks. “She’s very easy to overlook. I’ve forgotten she exists many times.”

  “Yes,” I say, smothering my irritation. “All three of them. I think—”

  But I don’t get a chance to tell Tina about my suspicions, Hermes’ strip club, or that I’m considering breaking out my own prisoners to help save my sister and her friends.

  “Let me get my sunblock on and I’ll be there in twenty,” Tina says.

  There’s a loud click in my ear as she hangs up on me, and I realize I just traded my empathetic, psychic partner for a self-centered bitchy blood sucker. I put my head into my hands again, and say the only thing I’m thinking.

  “Shit.”

  “How did you know?” A voice asks.

  I glance up, confused. “What?” I ask the harpy who has re-entered my office.

  “There’s an ape-shifter with an incontinence issue in cell block A…”

  Great, my shit day now has literal turds.

  “You’re Kalinda, right?” I ask. She nods. “You just got a promotion. I think I need an assistant.”

  “Oh, this is great. Thank you,” she tells me. “I’m the first of my clutch to get promoted. They’ll be so proud. You know, we’re seen as the newborns around here. We’re not even allowed to celebrate…” She says a word that sounds like she’s clearing her throat. “We have to work that day…”

  “That’s terrible,” I say. “Now, I’m gonna need you to take notes…”

  I sort out a few of the issues by having Kalinda shuffling prisoners around. I get the vamps some crosswords, and even though they glare at me like I am the biggest idiot in the world, they open them. They just needed mental stimulation. I also tell Kalinda to hand out candy to the fae. It shuts them up when they’re all high on sugar.

  As I gnaw on my lunchtime protein bar, it occurs to me that Cassie’s mom, Merilee, should also be told that she’s missing. She’ll be worried, but unlike Greg, I’m not concerned that she’ll totally freak out. Once again, though, it’s Themis who picks up the phone. After exchanging quick hellos, I get right to the point.

  “I need to talk with Merilee. I’m sure she’s deep in the archives doing whatever she does, but could you dig her out for me?”

  “Mavis, I would,” Themis says with a deep sigh. “Unfortunately, Merilee was having some female troubles, I didn’t want to pry so I can’t tell you exactly what. Luckily, she found some old papers referring to an ancient herbal cure. She’s out in the fields right now, looking for, whatever she’s supposed to find. I suppose she knows.” Themis laughs in a way that sounds tired, like Merilee is wearing her out.

  I can see that. Merilee, like her daughter, can be a little flighty. She has the abi
lity to remember and store everything she’s ever read or seen on paper. This means that sometimes you’ll ask her a question and in response she’ll stare into the air for several moments as she sifts through the contents of her mind.

  “Okay, have her call me back when she returns,” I tell Themis.

  “Of course, Mavis,” She answers. “I’m sure she’ll be upset that she missed you.”

  I hang up and finish my sad desk lunch, suddenly remembering that I’d called for Merilee yesterday too and she never returned my call. I guess that’s where Cassie got her bad phone habits.

  Tina shows up right after I’ve finished sending Kalinda on a run to the local pharmacy with a bizarre shopping list. We need XXL adult diapers for the ape shifter, bandages for an anemic vampire who got into a scratching match with a werewolf, and allergy meds for the siren who I didn’t know was allergic to cats before I went to her intake meeting. I’ve since made a note in her file, but she’s back in a holding cell since we were unable to finish the interview and I’m the only fully functioning intake officer at the moment.

  Well, half-functioning, anyway.

  “What is even going on?” Tina flops into the chair across from my desk putting her feet up on the surface as if she owns it. I hate to admit it, but I’m glad to see her. I definitely wouldn’t call it affection, but it’s nice to have someone highly capable in front of me.

  “UWR is a shitshow right now—”

  She holds up her hand to cut me off. “No, what is going on with my brother?”

  I fill her in on what I know, while her eyes widen further with every word. When I get to the part about Edie and Val going through the portal, she sits up.

  “What the hell are we waiting for? Let’s go to Hermes’s skeevy strip club and beat some answers out of him.”

  “It’s not that easy,” I say. “I was thinking of breaking out some of the prisoners to back me up.”