Our Way

by T L Swan

  He rolls his eyes. “I thought as much.”

  “Why did you think that?”

  “I saw him in New York.”

  My face falls. “You saw him on the sidewalk?”

  “No, I saw him in the restaurant. He was sitting at the bar for our entire date.”

  My mouth falls open as I imagine poor Nathan watching me laughing, giggling and flirting all night.

  “Oh God.” I drag my hand down my face. “I’m sorry, Henry. I didn’t know he was there, and I most definitely wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

  “I know.” He smiles as his eyes hold mine.

  I put my head into my hands. “This is a disaster. I didn’t know he was there, I’m so sorry. We talked that weekend, and we’ve since decided to try again.”

  “I knew it.” He gives an annoyed shake of his head. “That’s fine, I understand.”

  I take his hand across the table. “Thank you for understanding.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “What do you see in him?”

  I smile softly. “I know how he comes across to the outside world.”

  “Like a lunatic?”

  “I’m not perfect, either, and this time, I know it’s going to be different between us. We are going to make it work. It's only new but I think there’s hope, you know?”

  “How are you going to make it work?”

  I look over and see Nathan pacing outside on the sidewalk. I smile at the beautiful rageaholic that he is before I turn my attention back to Henry.

  “I’ve no idea.” I pick up my purse, take out some money, and I put it onto the table. I stand and kiss Henry’s cheek, and then I put my hand on his shoulder as I walk past him toward the door. “You’re a good friend, Henry.”

  He smiles. “Good luck!” he calls. “You’re going to need it.”

  I giggle to myself. That is the understatement of the year.

  I walk toward the door just as Nathan bursts through, and I point to the street outside. “Out,” I mouth.

  He stands still, his chest is rising and falling as he struggles for air, he looks like he’s about to explode. I walk past him and out the door. With one last warning glare at Henry, he turns and follows me.

  The car is still parked in the same spot across the road where he had dropped me off…of course it is. I should have known he wouldn’t leave.

  “You took too long.” He stammers as he storms to the car. “I hope you have a defibrillator in your handbag because I’m about to have a fucking heart attack, Eliza.”

  I chuckle as I walk across the road. This man kills me.

  “This isn’t funny.” He growls.

  I try to open the car door but it’s still locked. “Open the door, Nathan.”

  He opens the door and we both climb in. I look over at his poor, tortured face.

  I’ve put this poor bastard through hell. “Take me home.”

  He starts the car.

  “To my place.”

  He stops what he’s doing and glares at me. “Oh, so you are going to carry on about this?”

  “No, I’m going to get some clothes to bring to your house, you moron.”

  He watches me as if scared I’m about to run. I guess the old me would have.

  “I understand why tonight bothered you.” I lean over and kiss him. “I never have to see Henry again. I get it, and it’s over now.”

  He frowns, as if surprised. “You do and it is?”

  “Yeah.” I smile as I run my hand over his two-day growth. “You know what, Nathe? We have to stop carrying on like idiots and start talking to each other. If this is it for us—and we both know that it is—and we want to plan a future together, we won’t make it unless we communicate better and grow the fuck up. No more tantrums, no more leaving, no more jealousy, no more spying on people in restaurants.”

  His face falls.

  “Yes, I know about you in New York. No more secrets, and no more fucking bullshit, Nathan.”

  He smiles softly, as if he’s hopeful, too.

  “Do we have chocolate at home?” I ask.

  “No.”

  “Well, you better stop at the store then.” I sit back and pull my seatbelt over my shoulder casually as if I have this conversation every day. “Hadn’t you?”

  He stares at me for a moment, and then a slow, sexy smile crosses his face. “I love you, Eliza.”

  “I know.” I smile as I pick up his hand and kiss the back of it before cupping it around my face. “And I love you.”

  We did it. We got through an argument like adults.

  He pulls out into the traffic and I smile as I look out of the window. And just like that, I feel the tectonic plates slide into place. The bullshit between us is over.

  We can finally start afresh and look at each other through untainted glasses.

  We love each other so much. We have put each other through so much.

  And for what?

  The games end now.

  I walk out of the elevator like I’m a rock star. I’m at Nathan’s office, and after our little fight last night—or should I say, lack of fight?—I have a spring in my step.

  I have hope for us. Actually, that’s not even true. I don’t have hope. I know. The time apart wasn’t for nothing. It did us both good.

  This is it for us. We are going to make it.

  I walk into the reception area, and Maria lets out an audible gasp. “Eliza.” She jumps from her chair and rushes to hug me.

  I laugh out loud as she nearly knocks me off my feet. “Hello.”

  “Oh my gosh, you’re back?”

  “Yes, I am.” I laugh as she holds me at arm’s length. “Is he free?” I ask.

  “He is.” She smiles as she continues to hold me.

  “Maria, why aren’t you this pleased to see me each morning?” Nathan’s distinct voice asks from behind me.

  We turn to see Nathan leaning on the doorframe, watching us. He’s in his dark charcoal suit, wearing a pale blue shirt and a dark blue tie. He looks every bit the gorgeous, pin-up CEO.

  My heart swells. “Hello, Dr. Mercer.”

  “Hello, Eliza.” His eyes hold mine. He’s different today. That twinkle is back in his eye. “Maria, you will be relieved to know that Eliza is back in charge of my schedule. Please converse with her on all my engagements from here on in.”

  “Yes, Doctor.” Maria smiles goofily.

  “Can you organize a month off with her at some point?” he adds.

  I frown in question.

  “Are you going away?” Maria asks as she looks between us.

  “Yes.” His eyes find mine, with the best ‘come fuck me’ look I have ever seen. “Back to Majorca.”

  My heart swells.

  “Any special occasion?” Maria fishes.

  “Maybe.” He raises an eyebrow and chucks his chin toward his office. “Block me out for half an hour, Maria.”

  “Yes, Doctor.”

  I walk to him. He puts his arm around me, pulls me close, and kisses my temple as we walk toward his office. I nearly fall over in shock. Nathan has never touched me before in front of his employees. I didn’t even know if they knew we were together for that brief six weeks. It seems like a lifetime ago now, though. So much has happened since then.

  “Awe, you two are so cute!” Haley calls from behind us.

  “Back to work!” he barks. “I’m sure you’ve better things to do.”

  “Not really!” she calls back.

  He pulls me into his office, and his lips find mine as he kicks the door closed behind us.

  I giggle into his kiss. “I’ll come and see you every day if this is the reception I get.”

  “Or you could just work for me all the time?” His tongue sweeps through my open mouth.

  “You’re wrecking it,” I murmur. “Stop talking.”

  He falls into his chair and pulls me down onto his lap. We kiss again and again, and I can feel his ere
ction beneath me. “Let’s go into my consultation room,” he breathes.

  “No chance.”

  His hand slides over my breasts and he kneads them hard. “Why not? We’re breaking all the rules here, anyway,” he whispers into my ear.

  “Nathan, no,” I whisper. “We’re not having sex with all those people just outside the door. What if they come in?”

  “Then they’ll have something to look at.” He bites my neck, and goosebumps scatter my arms. His phone dances across the table, and the name Amanda lights up the screen. “I have to take this.” He nips me with his teeth again. “Hello?”

  “Nathan, it’s Amanda.” I can hear what she is saying as clear as day.

  “Hello.”

  “I forgot to email you the transcript of our session.”

  “Oh.” He frowns. “Okay.”

  “What’s your email address?”

  His eyes find mine. “Actually… can you send it to Eliza?”

  “Ah, Nathan, this is wonderful progress. Yes, I would love to. What’s her email address?”

  He tells her my email address before he nips my neck with his teeth again.

  “Okay, perfect, I’ll send it now.”

  “Oh and, Amanda?” He smiles wistfully. “Thank you. You’ve helped me… more than you know.”

  “You’re most welcome. It’s been my pleasure.”

  I don’t know who she is but whatever she said to him has healed something. He hangs up, and I don’t ask who it is. I don’t care.

  “That was my new therapist,” he says.

  I smile, surprised that he offered information without me pushing for it.

  Who is this man, and what has he done with my Nathan?

  “A woman. How very liberated of you.”

  He chuckles. “She’s sending the recording of our session to you.”

  “Why?” I frown.

  He shrugs and nips my neck again. “You said no more secrets.”

  I smile as I stretch my neck to give him access. “I did, didn’t I?”

  “Although, this may just prove how fucked up I really am.”

  I giggle as I kiss him. “I love your fucked up.” We smile against each other’s lips.

  “I forgot to tell you,” he says. “This weekend, I’m getting a kitten.”

  I frown. “A what?”

  He shrugs as he tries to act casual.

  I’ve been trying to get a cat for years and he would never let me. “You told me you were allergic.”

  “Maybe not.” He smirks.

  “You don’t like cats.”

  “But you do.”

  My mouth falls open. “Nathan Mercer, you wouldn’t stoop so low as to get a kitten to make me move back in with you, would you?”

  He raises an eyebrow and gives me that ‘come fuck me’ look again.

  I whisper, “Diabolical.”

  He chuckles and I stand, leading him into the consultation room by his hand. “You have seven minutes to fuck me.”

  He slams me up against the wall, and his lips drop to my neck. “I only need five.”

  I struggle with the grocery bags as I let myself into Nathan’s apartment.

  I wanted to come back and make a special dinner for us. I’ve missed cooking for him. It’s 2:00 p.m., and after my R-rated lunch date in the consultation room, I’m buzzing.

  Everything just feels so different this time.

  Like it’s meant to be.

  I drop the shopping bags in the kitchen and put my favorite play list on.

  I open the fridge and see a bottle of our favorite wine. It’s too early for wine.

  Why not?

  I smile broadly as I take it out, you know what? Fuck it. After the shitty six months I’ve just had, I’m letting myself just be for a while. If I want a glass of wine at 2pm….then damn it, I’m having it.

  I pour myself a glass and smile as I take a sip. I can hardly wipe the goofy smile from my face. I’m not getting a head of myself or anything but this feels promising.

  I make my marinade, and I baste the beef and wrap it before I put it into the fridge to cook later. I peel the apples and put them on the stove top to breakdown. I’m making Nathan’s favorite apple pie for dessert. Next, I’ll make the shortcrust pasty. I forgot how wonderful it is to cook for someone. The music plays through the apartment, and I smile to myself as I dance and chop. My mind goes over our little lunchtime rendezvous.

  I go over the last few days and how me not falling into Nathan’s arms in New York worked out well. I have my own apartment and my independence now. I don’t feel pressured or insecure. I feel like me—like how I’m supposed to feel.

  And him asking his new therapist to send me the transcripts is a big deal. Nathan has always been so secretive.

  Actually, I wonder if she sent them. I dry my hands on a tea towel and grab my phone to check my emails.

  Amanda Beynon Therapy Transcripts.

  I click on the first one and hit play. I stand my phone up against the window sill so I can listen as I continue with my pastry.

  I hear a rustling, and I turn up the volume on my phone as I concentrate to hear them.

  “Hello, Nathan,” a female voice says. “I’m Amanda.”

  I listen intently as I spread the flour over the counter, they must be shaking hands.

  “Hi. Nathan Mercer.”

  “Please take a seat. Lay it back until you’re comfortable.”

  I smile as I visualize Nathan lying on her office chair.

  “What brings you here today?” Amanda asks.

  “Um.” He hesitates. “I’m… I’m not … doing so well.”

  I frown and stop what I’m doing so I can concentrate. The hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention.

  “Tell me about what’s going on,” she replies.

  “I, … I had.” He stops.

  My heart drops, he’s struggling to talk.

  “Take your time,” Amanda says softly. She’s kind and caring, I can hear it in her voice.

  “I just…” He pauses again. “I broke up with my girlfriend and I don’t seem to be able to move on.”

  “Okay, I see. How long ago did this happen?”

  “Six months.”

  I frown. Wait. Is this from before we reconnected?

  “Have you seen her since?” she asks.

  “No.”

  Oh shit, it is before we saw each other again.

  “I see.” She listens for a moment. “And why did you end your relationship?”

  “She left me.” He sighs sadly.

  “Why was that?”

  “She didn’t love me enough to stay.”

  “What’s her name?”

  “Eliza.”

  “Did Eliza tell you that?” Amanda asks.

  “Yes, and she moved to New York to get away from me.”

  My heart drops.

  “Were there any issues between you?”

  “A million,” he replies, monotone, I close my eyes as I am transported back to the darkness.

  “Tell me about Eliza,” Amanda says softly.

  I hold my breath “She’s the most beautiful person I know. Selfless and sweet.”

  “You sound very close.”

  “She’s more myself than I am,” he replies softly.

  My eyes fill with tears.

  “What happened between you?” she asks.

  “We were best friends for ten years and I was with other people. Men.”

  “How do you identify your sexuality, Nathan?”

  “Pansexual,” he replies without hesitation.

  My eyebrows rise. Wow, he seems definite on that answer now.

  Progress.

  “But while we were friends, I fell in love with her.”

  I smile softly.

  “How long were you together?”

  “Six weeks.”

  “How long were you in love with her before that?”

  “Ten years.

  I sip my wine, fascinated b
y what I’m hearing.

  “Although, I didn’t realize it for a long time.”

  “And how did you finally come to that realization?”

  “I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with anyone else. I only wanted to be with her.”

  “So, you were having sex with her the entire time?”

  “No, we were platonic friends. But I would rather go without sex than sleep beside someone else. In the end, I couldn’t betray her. Not even if I had wanted to.”

  “Sleeping beside her was important to you?”

  “She was the best thing in my life.”

  I close my eyes in regret. Why didn’t he just talk to me.

  “What was the catalyst for your breakup?” Amanda asks.

  “She thinks that I only wanted to be with her so that I could have children.”

  My heart sinks, and the apple hisses in the saucer on the hotplate. “Shit.” I snap as I lift it off the heat.

  “How did that make you feel?” Amanda asks.

  Silence…

  “Nathan,” she urges. “Tell me how that made you feel.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Aren’t you here to sort this problem out?”

  “I… I can’t talk about it,” he stammers. “I have to go.”

  I frown as I listen. What? He’s going to just walk out?

  “Sit back down, Nathan,” she demands.

  Silence.

  With a shaky hand, I sip my wine.

  “I would like to talk about it if we can,” Amanda says.

  “I can’t.” Nathan stammers and I can hear the stress in his voice. “I tried.”

  Nerves dance in my stomach.

  “Who did you try and talk to about it?”

  “Eliza,” he replies softly.

  “What did Eliza say?”

  “She fobbed it off—said I was overreacting,” he whispers.

  God, I did.

  “She was more worried about my ex.”

  “What about your ex?”

  “He told her that he wanted me back, the day after I found out what she thought of me.”

  “How did that make you feel?”

  “I was too upset about Eliza to care about Robert. He’s irrelevant.”

  “You don’t feel the same about him?”

  “No. Eliza knew that. I told her many times I didn’t have feelings for him.”