My Serenity

by M. Clarke

  Elijah gave him the evil eye. I knew he was teasing back, but there was a hint of “stay away” possessiveness. “I don’t share.”

  We all had a good laugh. After we cleaned up, we packed away the catering containers in Seth’s trunk.

  “You’re going to the party, right?” Lexy asked Seth.

  “I’m kind of tired,” he replied, closing the trunk.

  Lexy trailed behind him. “Cameron and Jonathan are expecting you.”

  Seth lightly smacked his head as if to remember. “Oh, yeah. I invited them. I’ll go for a little bit.”

  A part of me wanted to scream at him. I wanted to ask him what was wrong—why he was acting so nonchalant, like I wasn’t there.

  “Josie, you coming with me or Seth?” Lexy asked, breaking me out of my stupor.

  I would have said Seth, but since he didn’t offer to drive me back, I got pissed off. “I’ll go with you,” I answered. “Can you give me a minute with Seth? I’ll be right there.”

  “Sure.”

  When Lexy got in the car and we were alone, I summoned the courage to ask him questions. “Is there something bothering you? Are you mad at me?”

  Seth was tall, and he looked even taller when I felt so small, shrinking into the ground. I had no idea what he was going to say, especially when his eyes turned cold and dark. With the door opened, he leaned against the side of the car.

  “Where were you last night?” he finally asked, piercing his eyes into mine.

  I shivered from the sudden breeze. It wasn’t that cold, but Seth’s angry stare made me cold. “I was at work.” I looked at the pebbled ground, shuffling the small stones under my shoe. I couldn’t look at him, especially when I was telling him a lie.

  “You’re lying to me, Josie. You have one more chance to tell me the truth.”

  I looked up at him in surprise. My face turned pale and blood drained out of me, but heat flushed through my body. Shit! How did he know? “Were you checking up on me?” I sounded angry, but I didn’t mean to.

  “I wanted to surprise you. Elijah and I went to Karina’s to surprise you. Why did you lie to me?”

  For one thing, I didn’t know what Seth and I were to each other. All I knew was that I really liked him, but I knew that once he found out about my past and where I had come from, he might be disgusted with me. Why I bothered to try and then pushed myself away like a yo-yo was me being crazy. I wanted something, but I couldn’t have it. But I reached for it anyway. A temptation I couldn’t resist. I already knew this wasn’t going to work—whatever we thought we had.

  I leaned on one side of my hip and crossed my arms. “First, I don’t appreciate you checking up on me. Second, I really don’t have to tell you anything. I don’t even know what we are to each other.”

  Seth’s face flushed, and I knew it was from anger. His clenching jaw became tighter. “Even if we are just friends, friends don’t lie to each other. Friends trust each other. Just like you should have trusted me before you left and never came back. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? You just come and go as you please and never trust anyone?”

  He didn’t let me speak and continued, “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m going back to grad school soon. We should all move forward and never look back. The past is the past. It should never resurface. I’m trying to dig up the past that wasn’t meant to happen.”

  Seth got in the car and slammed the door. Without looking back at me, he drove off.

  CHAPTER 28

  Seth

  Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I hit the steering wheel so hard my hands hurt like hell. I felt bad for saying what I had said. In fact, I couldn’t remember all that I’d said. Shit! What was I thinking? I was going back to school, and even if we were an item, long distance relationships sucked. They rarely worked out anyway. Maybe it was good we had this fight. It only showed that we needed to stop whatever we were trying to create before one of us got really hurt. But why did I feel like my heart was already broken?

  “Seth? Is that you?” Mom called from the living room when I stepped into the house.

  “It’s me, Mom.” When I saw Mom’s and Sara’s smiling faces, my anger subsided, somewhat. They were sitting on the sofa, watching a show on television, and eating popcorn. Sara hit pause when she saw me.

  Mom’s eyes were eager and before I could say anything, she blurted, “Did he do it?”

  I nodded, knowing whom she meant when she said he. “It was beautiful and perfect.”

  Sara shifted in her seat with her eyes wide. “I bet it was.”

  Mom ate several pieces of popcorn. “I plan to ask Alex about every detail.”

  I ignored a text vibration from my phone in the back of my pants pocket.

  “Oh,” Mom said suddenly, turning her body toward me. Oh no! I knew that look and that gesture. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out?”

  Crap! I tried to prepare myself so I could come up with a good excuse. There was a list of things I didn’t want her to know. What was it? “Know what, Mom?” I tried to sound casual.

  “People talk, you know? I know about what happened at the auto shop. I’m glad everyone is safe. You don’t have to hide things from me. I can handle it. But I appreciate that you were trying to give me one less thing to worry about.”

  “Okay, Mom.” I nodded. “Officer Thomas is on the case.”

  “I know. But please tell me about anything that happens from now on, whether it’s the shop or the restaurant. I am your mother.”

  I nodded. I was relieved to get this out of my head. Hiding this information from her was eating at me.

  While Mom and Sara were chatting away about Elijah and Alex, I contemplated whether I should go to the stupid get-together. I needed a little space from Josie. Whatever this was between us was confusing the hell out of me. Just before I could decide, I checked the text from Cameron and Jonathan, urging me to get my ass there as soon as I could.

  I looked down at what I was wearing. Good enough. “I’m going out. I won’t be back too late.”

  Too engrossed in their show, Mom and Sara waved without looking at me.

  The party was at a restaurant called Pulse. Soon as I walked in, music vibrated through me. The smell of alcohol, sweat, and perfume wafted past my nostrils. Tammy and her friends caught my attention from the distance. They charged through the crowd and huddled around me.

  “It’s good to see you,” Tammy said, giving me a hug. After she slid her arms off my shoulders, I smiled, greeting her friends. Tammy and her friends wore tight black dresses, showing their long legs and curvy figures. Their dresses gave a peek-a-boo look to their cleavage, and I couldn’t help but take a glance at all three of them. Were they wearing the same outfit? I thought there was a rule against that? Apparently, it didn’t apply to them.

  “How long were you here?” I asked. “Have you seen my friends?” I asked the second question before she could even answer the first one.

  Tammy pointed. “I saw the two girls back there. The one named Lexy, I think.”

  I excused myself and headed to the back. Seeing Josie, thousands of emotions rushed through me. I didn’t know whether to be happy or mad. And again, I didn’t know what I wanted, so I decided to pretend nothing had happened. Maybe it was better to move forward and not bring up the subject of where she was again. Just pretend we never had that fight. I’ll just let this go and try to be friends, since that was my intention from the start. But when her eyes caught mine with elation, sadness, and an “I want you” look, my heart leapt to a place I never thought it could.

  “Seth.” I heard Lexy’s voice, but my eyes were still locked on Josie. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was full of curls, just like it was when she had flipped me off. But I frowned at what she wore— black short shorts and a deep purple halter top that wrapped around her neck and tied in the back. The black killer heels—the ones she’d worn to her interview at my office—almost gave me a hard-on. Guys were checking her out. I could see their hungry stares
from the corner of my eye as I approached her.

  “Josie, Lexy,” I greeted them. “Oh hey, Cameron, Jonathan.” I nodded, knowingly. Too busy staring at Josie, I hadn’t seen my friends next to them. They each held a beer bottle in their hands.

  Everyone said hi to me except for Josie. Was she still mad at me? She wouldn’t have looked at me that long if she was, right?

  I felt a small hand running from my back to my front, then two arms wrapped around my waist. A head popped up around my arm. “Where did you run off to?” I smelled alcohol on Tammy’s breath as she showed me all of her teeth. I’d seen her minutes ago. Either she was wasted earlier and I didn’t notice, or she worked real fast.

  “Tammy? You okay?” I asked, feeling my muscles tighten when her hand gripped my ass. Holding her wrist, I brought that hand in front of her and peeled her off me.

  “Let’s dance.” She started tugging at me.

  I looked at my friends for help, but they offered none. Josie rolled her eyes disgustedly and turned away. She looked off to the distance, and then froze. Maybe she spotted someone she knew or found someone else she was interested in. I didn’t know why that pissed me off, so I let my muscles ease and let Tammy take me to the dance floor.

  Josie

  My heart was pounding so fast I thought I was going to have a heart attack. When I saw Brad and his friends walk in, I wanted to vomit. I had avoided his texts and messages, hoping he would leave me alone. Even though I feared he wouldn’t just go away, I had to find a way to get my point across. Every nerve in my body shot alive in the most unwanted way. When Tammy took Seth to the dance floor, it was my chance to kick them out. I led them to the only place that was away from the crowd—the hallway that led to the restroom.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I stammered, backing him against the wall.

  “Getting feisty with me, aren’t you? I’ve always liked you that way.” When Brad tried to wrap his arms around me, I shoved him. His back hit the wall. With an angry growl, he pushed me, making me stumble a few steps back. Brad had never laid a hand on me before, but I prepared myself for a possible hit. I had seen him at this worst, and sometimes his friends paid for it. It was the reason why he didn’t have steady friends. They were scared shitless of him or he beat them up.

  I crossed my arms to steady myself. “Get out,” I huffed. “And out of my life too.”

  He slammed his hands on either side of the wall behind my head, making me flinch. “It’s over when I say it’s over. Got that?” His eyes drilled into mine with so much power, evil, and determination, it scared me to death.

  But I was even more determined to get him out of my life, the sooner the better. Building up my courage, and with my eyes wearing the same intensity as his, I said coolly, “Go fuck yourself.” My words came out slow and soft. But when I punched his arm, his hand raised, but it never contacted my face.

  A group of girls that came rushing through was the reason Brad didn’t hit me. He’d heard their footsteps. One of Brad’s friends took out a pocketknife and chased the girls out of there. Hopefully, one of them would tell the manager or one of the workers.

  “So brave, aren’t you? You need idiots to help you,” I hissed.

  Throwing daggered eyes at me, he gritted his teeth. “I can’t wait for your boyfriend to come down this hall. You know what my idiot friends are going to do? They’re going to make you wish you never laid eyes on him. We’re going to cut him up so good that his own mother won’t recognize any of his body parts.”

  My thunderous pounding heart got worse, knowing he would do as he said. He’d messed up the other guy I dated, so I believed him. Greg had to go to the hospital with a broken nose, black eyes, and a few broken teeth. Seeing Seth all cut up in my head, I started to panic. “Seth is not my boyfriend. Please don’t hurt him. We’re not together anymore. Brad, please. I’ll do anything you say,” I pleaded and whimpered, letting him know the sincerity of my words so he would believe me.

  Brad’s lips curled in the most malicious smirk, liking my answer. He knew he had me pinned. There was no escape for me. “I want you to tell him that you’re mine. I want to see the look on his face. I want you to hurt him as much as you hurt me.”

  “He’s coming this way,” one of his friends said, peeking out in the hall.

  “Please, Brad,” I begged once more. “Think of the consequences. You might go to jail.”

  “Not if I don’t get caught.” He waggled his brows, as if this was some kind of cat and mouse game.

  “Please. I’ll even kiss you in front of him. Deal? That will make him hate me forever.” With those words, a dagger had jabbed into my heart. I was hurting so much that it felt like my heart was bleeding. This would be the end of Seth. He would hate me forever, and I hated that it would be his last thought of me. I would have to move out of Lexy’s apartment and restart my life again, in another city.

  Never taking his eyes off me, Brad directed, “Guys, hide in the restroom. Be ready.”

  Not knowing what Brad was thinking, not knowing what would happen, my heart raced to its limits, and I wanted to faint. No—I wanted to die.

  Seth

  I wasn’t the type to play games, but I was doing it tonight. Not only to make Josie jealous, but to prove to myself that I could let her go. I had to, anyhow. It was better this way. Tammy’s hands were all over me. I might have liked it if Josie wasn’t around to see it, but for some reason that I couldn’t comprehend, it was bothering me. I felt like shit. One, I was using Tammy and I wasn’t a user. Two, a part of me was trying to make Josie jealous, and I had no fuckin’ clue why. I was messed up and screwed.

  When I saw Lexy and Jonathan on the dance floor, I figured Josie and Cameron were there too. But Cameron was with another girl, and Josie was nowhere to be seen. Jealousy got the best of me, so I glanced around, looking for her. When I didn’t see her, I figured she had gone to the bar or the restroom. After five minutes, and having had enough of Tammy’s hands all over me, I excused myself. When I turned back to see if she was okay, Tammy continued to dance by herself, and then her friends pulled her off the dance floor. Shaking my head, I wondered why anyone would get that drunk to the point they made fools of themselves.

  I waved and nodded at acquaintances on the way to the bar. Trying not to make it obvious, my gaze traveled from bar stool to bar stool after I ordered a beer. No Josie. I casually looked behind me and on the dance floor again—no Josie. After I paid for the beer, I walked around. Still no Josie. Did she leave? The only place I hadn’t checked was the ladies’ room. And why was I looking for her? Enough of this. I spotted Lexy and went to her.

  I tapped her shoulder. “Lexy. Do you know where Josie is?” Instead of answering, she shifted her body away from Jonathan and turned to me. “I don’t know. She said she would be right back and took off.”

  “Thanks,” I said, heading to the only inch of the restaurant I hadn’t set my foot in.

  When I got to the restroom sign, where I would make a turn up ahead, a group of girls flew in my direction, almost knocking me over. I growled in agitation and weaved around them, and then stopped when a few friends I hadn’t seen in a while wanted to chat. Cutting it short, I made an excuse to use the restroom. Then, I found out where Josie had been all this time.

  At the end of the hall, she was in the arms of another guy, kissing him. Like the way she’d slapped me across my face when our paths crossed in Lexy’s bathroom, I felt the same hard sting on my face and in my heart this time. I guessed what we had didn’t mean anything to her.

  “Josie?” I bit my tongue after I called her name. Instead of walking away, I opened my big fat mouth. I couldn’t help myself. Feeling betrayed, used, and lied to, I needed to do something.

  The guy turned and gave me the most cunning smirk. When I realized he was the jerk that gave Josie a hard time at my restaurant, my anger grew tenfold. My blood boiled and I was sure my face was as red as the painting on the wall. What the fuck? Was she pla
ying me all this time? Was she going out with him from the start?

  “Seth.” Josie didn’t seem surprised at all. In fact, she showed no remorse and no expression. Her eyes were somewhat sullen, but other than that I was stunned when that was all she could say. She didn’t try to explain or push the guy away, as though she was glad I had found out.

  Still planted in place, not knowing what to say, I felt the need to get out of there as fast as I could. I didn’t trust myself to keep calm. Every inch of my muscles were taut and ready. It took every ounce of my strength to keep from punching that guy. You were with him on the night you told me you were at work, weren’t you?” I didn’t wait for her to answer. “You know what—never mind. You’re going to tell me another lie anyway. I’m going to make this clear—” I couldn’t say her name, “—don’t think of me. Don’t text me. Don’t call me. I don’t exist.”

  Just before I turned to leave, I heard the dickhead’s sly voice, “Tell him to go away, Josie. Tell him that you’re mine.”

  “I really don’t give a fuck,” I spat before anyone could say another word. Then I flipped him off and left.

  CHAPTER 29

  Seth

  After I had made a few phone calls to Officer Thomas, I made an offer to Kevin to look after the auto shop starting Monday. His new title required him to basically take over. Kevin was more than honored to do it. I didn’t think I could’ve hired anyone else to be the manager. Kevin had been with my dad since the day we opened the shop, and considering his loyalty and trust, I knew he was the one.

  The door to the auto shop was fixed and an alarm had been installed. Being in such a wonderful community, my dad had never felt the need to have one. We put my dad’s Mustang as near the back of the shop as possible for now. Someday Elijah and I would fix that baby back to new again, but for now, it would have to wait. I had more pressing matters to take care of before I left, like hiring another waitress to take over Josie’s position and a manager. After what had happened between Josie and me, I knew she wasn’t planning on showing up for work.