Shatter

by Rachel Van Dyken

  “How?” Mrs. Murray dragged out the H in how. I would have totally asked the same thing.

  “Who knows? God hates us? We never worked with her. She was more of a trophy-wife type of gal. Soon after she moved to L.A. fate intervened, and she met British producer David Cartwright. The rest is history.”

  “You’ll have to fill me in, Alec. Are they still married?”

  “Nope.” I closed my eyes again. “Oh and here’s the fun part. You ready?”

  “I don’t know if I want to know, Alec.”

  “In about a day, the shit is going to hit the fan and everyone in the world is going to believe that I slept with Demetri’s mom. Though, to be fair, I don’t even know if we slept together. Pretty sure we were both drugged. At any rate, it’s over with. It’s so incredibly over. Not only will Demetri want to kill me but Nat will be done with me, and I’m going to be ruining my brother’s music career. All because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and some high-stepping, B-list actress had a camera phone.” I winced. “She cornered me tonight — April — said some things that weren’t true. It was all caught on camera. I just… It’s making me look bad and her like a saint.”

  The clock ticked in the background. I still lay there, waiting for the sound of a gun hammer cocking and for Mrs. Murray to blow my brains out. Instead, I was left waiting.

  Five minutes went by and then another five.

  Finally I opened my eyes to peer at Mrs. Murray.

  She was staring at me, and writing some things down on that damn yellow notepad. “Good.”

  “Good?” I jumped from the couch. “Are you insane?”

  “Same time tomorrow? Oh, and you can use Nat’s old room. Mr. Murray won’t mind if you have to stay for a few weeks.”

  “Weeks?” I repeated.

  “Yes.” Mrs. Murray smiled. “I may have fired myself as your shrink, but you need someone to talk to. I’ll try to take off my mom hat when we talk. Regardless, you aren’t leaving. Welcome to Casa de Murray. Try to get some sleep.”

  With that she left me alone in her office and walked out the door.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  Demetri

  I had to sleep on it. I mean, any guy in my position would be not only pissed but scared shitless.

  The group was all downstairs for breakfast. Jaymeson looked like someone ran him over with a truck and Angelica looked like someone kicked her puppy. I refused to believe that chick had feelings. In fact, if she had a puppy and it hadn’t been kicked, well… okay, maybe that was too far, but still.

  Nat was in the corner eating toast, her cheeks were still puffy from all those tears, and Alyssa was baking.

  One thing I learned about Alyssa. When she was stressed she made food. Which was bad for me if I wanted to keep any sort of six-pack. At any rate, I told her to stop making muffins because they were making me fat.

  With a deep sigh I walked over to where Nat was sitting and pulled up a chair. “So… toast.”

  Wow. Shoot me now.

  Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “That’s it? After everything that happened yesterday, and the first word out of your mouth is toast?”

  “I’m a guy.”

  “I think you were better on drugs.” This from Jaymeson.

  “Not helping,” Alyssa sang from the kitchen, sweat poured from her face. The thing was going to have a stroke from making too many pancakes.

  I cleared my throat and tried again. “I…” Wow, that’s as good as it got. Pathetic. “I don’t know how to fix it.”

  Nat set down her toast and reached across the table grabbing my hand in hers. “You can’t, Demetri.”

  “But—” I clenched her hand until my fingers went numb. “I have to. Someone has to. I just… I’m stuck, Nat. I don’t know what the hell is going on. I don’t know how to fix him, and I sure as hell don’t know how to finish the damn fairytale.”

  “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” Nat’s eyes shone with tears. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to sit down and cry.” She wiped under her eyes and sighed. “If he needs this… I’m going to wait.”

  “But—”

  Alyssa smacked me on the back of the head before I could finish my thought. Jaymeson chuckled in the corner. His face looked like someone had just run him over with a truck.

  “Shut it.” I glared in his direction. “Shouldn’t you get your face fixed?”

  “Shouldn’t your brother stop screwing older women?”

  The room fell silent.

  I looked to Nat, but she was staring down at her plate. Jaymeson needed to rein it in before I killed him.

  I glanced at my phone. Five minutes until the filming would start. They always gave us a few minutes to get our shit together before the cameras started rolling. “Take a walk with me?” I nodded to Nat.

  She pushed back her chair and followed me outside.

  “I need to know what you know.” I put my arm around her and led her toward the boardwalk.

  With a shudder she tucked her head into my chest and sighed. “He’s on antidepressants and he said he hasn’t dealt with everything from his past. That’s basically all I know. I mean… honestly, what could be so bad that he feels like he can’t even talk to us?”

  I just shook my head and gave a bitter laugh. “Could it really be worse than him getting my girlfriend pregnant to get back at me and then her and his son dying in a car accident?”

  It wasn’t funny but Nat smirked, because we both knew the reality of it was our lives were full of drama, and it was all self inflicted and almost too unbelievable for words.

  “I guess it must be, otherwise he would tell us.”

  We kept walking, and all of a sudden I was hit with the extreme gut-wrenching, leg-stumbling, mind-altering feeling of déjà vu. “Nat?”

  She stopped. “What?”

  I looked down at the ground as I felt my heart constrict in my chest. “I wish it was me.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I cupped her face with my hands, gently wiping her tears away as I did so. “I wish so damn bad it would have been me. I wish you would have given me your heart so that in the end it was me breaking it — not him. I wish I could give you a do-over. I wish so much that you would have chosen me, because in the end, I could have saved you from this. Maybe then I could have been the one to ruin you — maybe then you would be in his arms instead of mine.”

  Nat’s eyes closed.

  “Nat, it kills me. This freaking kills me.” I choked down a sob. “Because I can’t do anything to make it better. I can’t fix Alec. I don’t even know what his big secret is. I just… I don’t know, sometimes I wish I could turn back time.”

  “But then you wouldn’t have Alyssa,” she pointed out.

  “I would have found her.”

  “And then what?”

  “At least I could have saved you.” I looked away so she wouldn’t see me cry. But it wasn’t for me. They weren’t selfish tears. They were tears for her, tears for my brother, and tears for the life that I knew was going to be affected more than anyone else in our group.

  Hers.

  Nat’s lower lip trembled, but other than that there was no visible sign of emotion. I wasn’t sure what freaked me out more, her indifference or the fact that her eyes were so full of fear that I knew I couldn’t abandon her if my life depended on it. Did that make me better than Alec? Or was he truly doing what was best for her by allowing himself to deal with his baggage before it consumed them both?

  “You excited?” I changed the subject and touched her stomach.

  Her face broke out into a beautiful smile. “I’m terrified.”

  I moved my hand and pulled her into a hug, kissing her forehead. “Nah, no reason to be terrified, that little baby’s going to have everything.”

  Everything but a father. The unspoken phrase made me close my eyes so tears wouldn’t drip onto Nat’s pretty head.

  If Alec knew, he wouldn’t have left. It was the only
thing keeping me from running him over with my car.

  “Time to go back.” I stepped away and grabbed her hand. “The production crew will want to film the drama of today.”

  “They had a frenzy last night.” Nat snorted.

  “Yeah, well… it was good TV, you can’t script that shit. It was media gold.”

  Nat sighed. “People’s lives getting ruined always is.”

  Chapter Twenty-nine

  Alec

  I slept like shit.

  I had such a bad headache that I wanted to crawl into a tiny dark hole and die, and then I thought of Nat. I ran into the bathroom and heaved all the contents of my stomach into the toilet.

  This had to end. I had to end it. Mrs. Murray was right. She couldn’t fix me, but I couldn’t keep going on like this. Carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and pretending that I had a damn rainbow stuck up my ass.

  Where to begin? I couldn’t just walk up to Demetri and say, “Hey man, sorry for being caught in a compromising situation with your mom. Oh, and sorry about lying to you for your entire life.”

  Saying it out loud just made it sound so much worse.

  I heard my phone go off.

  With a groan I walked into Nat’s old bedroom and snagged my phone from the charger.

  WE NEED 2 TALK.

  It was Demetri.

  Great. He was probably planning on running me over with his car. I’d welcome it at this point. I texted him back.

  GVE ME 15.

  I threw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

  My phone buzzed again.

  IN FRNT OF THE RESORT @ SEASIDE.

  I stuffed the phone into my back pocket and ran down the stairs to grab a granola bar. I needed something to eat since I’d just thrown up whatever was left in my stomach.

  Mrs. Murray was sitting at the counter, a cup of coffee in her hand. Her eyes were glued to her iPad.

  “Alec?” She looked tired. Her hair was thrown into a messy bun. She took her glasses off and rubbed her eyes. “Is there something you need to tell me about Nat?”

  Nothing that would make her feel any better about our relationship. “No. I… I love her. That’s about it.”

  “And you’ll do anything to protect her?”

  “Of course.”

  “Even from things like this?” She showed me her iPad and sighed. “What will you do when they do this to her in the media? I need to know you are on her side.”

  “I am.” My eyes scanned the article and then my blood ran absolutely cold.

  Demetri and Nat hugging.

  Demetri kissing Nat’s head.

  Nat crying.

  Demetri cupping her face.

  “Son of a—” I stopped myself, set the iPad back on the counter and stormed out of the room. I was going to kill him. What the hell was he thinking? He had Alyssa! He didn’t need to be comforting my girlfriend! It wasn’t his damn job, it was mine!

  A voice in my head said I was acting insane, but possessiveness washed over me. Well, that and a mixture of insecurity. What the hell was wrong with me?

  I ran as fast as I could to the resort in front of the bustling boardwalk.

  Demetri was sitting on one of the park benches waiting for me.

  He stood, disapproval practically radiated from him. “So the prodigal returns?”

  I punched him in the face.

  Demetri stumbled to the ground with a curse. I heard the clicking of cameras. Crap. I knew better than to bring all our baggage out into public, but I couldn’t control myself. Anger pulsated through my body. I wanted to punch him again, to kick him, to make him hurt. He groaned, I flexed my hand into another fist and made a lunge for him.

  He sighed heavily. “Do it again, man. Do it if it makes you feel better.” And then my irresponsible younger brother lowered his hands and gave me the perfect opportunity to beat the shit out of him. Hell, he even turned to the left which he always claimed was his money-making side.

  I was an ass.

  I fell to the ground next to him amidst the cameras and whispers and fought for control over my emotions. Everything felt so out-of-control, and it was in moments like these that I realized I was toeing the edge of self destruction. I was one bad choice away from prison or hurting someone I loved.

  “So.” Demetri rubbed his face as blood trickled down his cheek. “About that talk.”

  I bit my lip and nodded. “Yeah, about that.”

  Demetri was silent and then. “Let’s go see the seals.”

  We helped each other up and walked toward the Seaside Aquarium. Ever since Demetri and Alyssa started dating, they made it a regular Saturday pilgrimage. Something about her reminding him of a seal, which I always assumed a girl would take as a fat joke, but she loved it and he loved her, so they went.

  Demetri also knew the owners so it was easy for him to get them to shut it down while he and Alyssa visited, especially considering how crazy the paparazzi had gotten.

  I tried to look happy as I walked along the boardwalk. People openly gaped, and for the first time in my life it made me feel uncomfortable, vulnerable. As if bits and pieces of my soul were getting stolen away from me with every snap of a picture.

  We arrived at the aquarium and went in, closing the door behind us. Demetri motioned to the guy at the desk. He nodded once and put the Will Return sign on the door.

  “Fish.” Demetri handed me a bucket full of fish. I took it and began throwing them mindlessly into the water. The seals splashed and fought over the fish. Greedy little bastards wanted more, so I kept throwing them, getting lost in my own thoughts as I watched them happily swim around.

  Damn. I was officially jealous of the seals. At least they didn’t have to worry about anything except clapping and looking badass while people fed them.

  I guess that sounded a lot like a retirement home or preschool. Hell, things were so much easier when I was a kid.

  “So…” Demetri took the bucket from my hands and refilled it. “You want to go first or do you want me to?”

  I snorted. “It’s like you’ve gotten a brain transplant or something.”

  “Come again?”

  Shaking my head I turned to him. “You’re like my damn conscience, the voice of reason, the sane one. When the hell did that happen?”

  “To be fair, you did tell me to grow a pair last time I got into trouble. I believe your words were, Grow up, be a man… you know, something along those lines.”

  “Karma,” I mumbled.

  “Isn’t it great?” Demetri grinned.

  I didn’t return his smile. “Not the words I would choose. But, for what it’s worth, I am proud of you.” I felt my throat close with emotion. I looked away and concentrated on the seals as they splashed around.

  “I’ll go first,” Demetri said quietly, leaning his arms against the watery cement cage. “I’m sorry.”

  “What?” Had I been leaning any further on the cage I would have fallen in from shock. “What the hell do you have to be sorry for?”

  Demetri shrugged. “Taking so damn long to get over my shit.”

  “You were just a kid… it’s not your fault…”

  “And you’re not a kid? Damn, Alec, you turn twenty-one this year. You’re still a spring chicken, man.”

  “Because that’s what every guy wants to be compared to.” I bit down hard on my lip. “And it’s not your fault. If anything, it’s mine. In trying to protect you, in being selfish, I’ve lost everything, you, Nat… our careers.”

  Demetri moved closer to me and concentrated on the wall in front of us where it said: “Please do not touch the seals.”

  “I want to tell you,” I said breaking the silence. “But I’m afraid to. I’m afraid you’ll never forgive me.”

  Demetri laughed low in his throat shaking his head. “Did you sleep with my girlfriend again?”

  “No.”

  “Get her hooked on drugs again?”

  “That would be a no.”

  “Any
future plans to do so?”

  “That would be a hell, no.”

  “So history isn’t repeating itself.” Demetri smirked. “And whatever happens from here on out, we can handle together. You didn’t abandon me. I won’t abandon you.”

  “Do you really mean that?” I felt my eyes well with tears as I tried to keep my voice even.

  “Absolutely.”

  “I—” I pushed away from the cement cage and began pacing. “I screwed up.”

  “With Nat?”

  “With you,” I clarified. “I screwed up with you.”

  “But you just said—”

  “Before the fame, before everything… when dad died… He made me promise, and I did promise him, but then I just felt jealous. Why is it that I’m such a selfish bastard that I’m jealous of everything? I’m jealous of the damn seals right now!” I pointed at the seals splashing around and kicked the cement wall.

  Demetri laughed. “Well, they are badass.”

  I shook my head, if I didn’t say it now I never would. “You’re adopted.”

  The room fell silent. Demetri’s smile froze on his face and then he looked down at his hands.

  Someone kill me now. It felt like ten years. I watched a series of emotions play across his face, not one of them appeared to be shock.

  “I know.”

  “WHAT?” I yelled.

  Demetri shrugged. “I was there.”

  “You were a baby. There’s no way you would remember, man.”

  “Not that, you ass.” Demetri rolled his eyes. “I remember dad telling you something important. I remember feeling like I wasn’t the same as you but I never could figure out why. And then I heard that word. Adopted.” Demetri folded his arms across his chest. “Granted, nobody’s ever actually told me. But I assumed it to be true. I mean, look at me.”

  He pointed to his body and then pointed to mine. “We’re pretty different.”

  “Not that different,” I said fiercely. “You’re still my brother.”

  “Calm down.” Demetri laughed. “I know that. You think it would be that easy getting rid of me?”

  “Well…” I cursed. “That’s not all.”

  “I figured it wasn’t. There’s a conspiracy theory out there about us not being blood-related anyways. In fact, the Twitter profile has like five hundred thousand followers.”