Once in a Blue Moon

by Amanda Ashby

  “You’re really coming back?” Ryan sucked in his breath, and some of the panic left his voice.

  “Yes, meathead. I’ll call with the flight number. You hear me?”

  “Thanks,” Ryan whispered.

  Adam ended the call and contacted his preferred airline. He gave them his credit card details and booked a flight for eleven at night before finally letting out at shattered breath. Ten minutes later, an email came through from Eloise’s doctor.

  Placental abruption.

  She’d started bleeding, and contractions had followed. They’d managed to stop them, but not the bleeding. They needed to keep monitoring her.

  He called his brother back and talked him through the email, making sure to stay calm and steady. He put his phone down and rolled his shoulders as the crunch of tires sounded out. Hell. He walked to the front of the house as Laney climbed out of her car, Violet dancing at her feet.

  “Hey,” she said, her blue eyes sweeping over him and then narrowing. “You don’t look so good.”

  He stalked over and dragged her into his arms. Floral scent filled him, and she pressed into his chest. Finally, he pulled away.

  “El’s in the hospital. There’s been a complication. Ryan’s a mess, and they’re still not out of it.”

  Her entire face whitened, and her eyes brimmed with tears. “Adam. I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

  He shook his head. “No, but I need to go tonight. I’ve booked a flight.”

  “Of course you do. Poor Ryan and Eloise. Especially after—” She broke off. “What time are you flying out?”

  “Eleven,” he said, and her face tightened even more. His gut churned, and he grabbed her hands. “I know the timing sucks, with what’s going on with Jessica, but you know I’m not leaving you, right? I’m not leaving us. I just have to get back there.”

  She stopped him with her mouth. His body hummed in response. “I understand. Of course you have to go and support them. I could drive you to the airport.”

  “There’s no need. I’ll drop the rental off there. I know you probably don’t want to draw any more attention to us.”

  “If you’re sure,” she said.

  “I am.” He nodded and shook off the flickering unease that had been shadowing him since the day of the funeral. Like the strange electricity that threaded the air before a storm. Like the other shoe dropping.

  They were still together, but there were so many things that hadn’t been spoken about.

  I feel like I’m in a holding pattern.

  That was what she’d told him. He’d assumed she had been talking about the situation with Jessica. But she still hadn’t said she’d loved him or let him discuss a future together.

  “I’m coming back,” he said in the same firm voice he used with his brother. “I’m coming back to you. I’m not done waiting.”

  He kissed her again, breathing in her scent, until Violet began to complain.

  “I’d better let you pack. Text me when you land and give them all my love.” Laney untangled herself from him and walked back to her car.

  He forced a smile, trying to ignore the fact she’d sent his brother and El her love but still hadn’t said it to him. No time for that now. He waited until the car had disappeared from sight before going back inside and gathering up his scant possessions. He sent the owner a quick text message to say there’d been a change of plans, and then he hopped into his rental car and headed for the airport.

  …

  “She’s still not ready.” Brett held the bouquet Laney had brought. She wanted to stand on her tiptoes and peer over his shoulder into the small office at the back of the reception area. Was she in there? “She’ll come around. You know what the pair of them were like. Calm, happy, an unshakable force. Then something would come along to rock them. And that’s when they would turn to—”

  “Each other,” Laney finished as understanding finally slammed into her. Jessica missed her twin brother.

  The other side of her.

  She’d already been struggling with the pregnancy, wanting Simon’s support. Laney had known that.

  And I still managed to get caught naked with another man. In the middle of the woods. Then she’d made it worse by admitting her past relationship with Adam. That she’d been the infamous Nina. That she’d lied to Simon. To everyone.

  She didn’t bother to swallow down the ever-present guilt of keeping her secret for so long. There was nowhere for it to go anymore.

  “She still loves you.” Brett squeezed her hand. Solid, reliable, faithful Brett.

  “Thank you.” Laney returned the pressure and forced herself not to cry. There had been too many tears. It had to stop. “Tell her when she’s ready we can talk.”

  “Will do. And thanks for the flowers. Violets are her favorite.”

  “I know.” Laney kissed him on the cheek and walked back to her car. Her own Violet, as if sensing the tension, had waited on the passenger seat. “Hey, girl. She’s not quite ready yet, but it won’t be long.”

  Violet nosed her way onto Laney’s lap, her heartbeat solid and reassuring. She buried her face into the little dog’s fur, trying to collect herself. The funeral had been a week ago. Seven days since Jessica had spoken to her. Four since Adam had flown back to L.A., and still she was no closer to sorting things out.

  She swung by India’s parents’ farm to pick up an order and stayed for a cup of tea before climbing back into the car. Adam called just as she started the engine. She turned it off and answered.

  “Hey,” he said. Her shoulders loosened a fraction, and she melted into the familiar comfort.

  “Hey yourself. How’s El?”

  “Still in the hospital. The bleeding hasn’t stopped enough to send her home. We’re hoping today will be better.”

  “I still can’t believe it.” Laney did her best not to imagine it was Jessica in the hospital. “Tell them I’m thinking of them both.”

  “Will do. They loved the flowers, by the way. You didn’t need to do that.”

  “Keeps me busy,” she said and then winced as Adam sucked in his breath.

  “Still no luck speaking with her?”

  “No.” Laney shook her head, even though he couldn’t see. “Enough about me. How are you coping?”

  “Tired. Worried. Not really sure what I should be doing with myself.” His voice dropped. “Missing you.”

  “I miss you, too.” The pull hadn’t gone, but the ongoing weight of not being able to talk to Jessica was chafing. When she touched Adam, she didn’t have to think. That was all she wanted.

  “I’m a selfish bastard, but do you want to fly down for the weekend? Just a night or two. It might help clear your head. And it would be good to see you.” His voice broke, the pain and worry escaping. She wished she could reach down the phone and touch his cheek. Smooth away the panic. Would it be such a bad thing? Two nights to get her thoughts under control. Support him. Be with him. Make a decision.

  “I’d like that.”

  He let out a breath. “You happy for me to book your tickets? I know you’ve got a lot going on.”

  “Thank you,” she said, not sure how she’d managed to find someone so understanding. Patient. Kind. Her phone beeped with a message from India. “I’ve got to go, but let me know the times.”

  “Will do. Laney, everything’s going to be all right,” he said with so much conviction she almost believed it.

  …

  “And don’t forget Mrs. Grantham is coming in for a bouquet. She says she likes tulips, but she really—”

  “Likes daffodils. Yes, I know.” India arched an eyebrow, which resulted in her recent brow piercing sticking out. “You do remember I ran this place for a week not so long ago. And if you get this commission in L.A., then I’ll be in charge again.”

  “Right.” Lane
y swallowed. Until things were cleared up with Jessica, there was no way she could tell anyone else about Adam. It wouldn’t be fair.

  And so the lying and sneaking around continues.

  At least Adam wasn’t here to witness it. Restless energy flowed through her, and she checked the time again. Still an hour to go before her ride to the airport. She should probably take Violet over to Sam’s.

  Her phone beeped. It was her realtor.

  “Hey,” she answered. “Sorry I haven’t returned your call. I was going to do it today.”

  “Don’t worry. That was for a place over by Hamilton Cove. It wasn’t quite right. But I have something fantastic for you. It hasn’t officially come on the market yet, but I’m going to list the Right property very soon. As you know, Doug died, and the grandson wants it gone. You interested?”

  Laney sucked in a breath. Her head was pounding. It was the same problem. Her life and independence in St. Clair, or trusting that she and Adam could have a future together? And if she did trust him, this was something she should talk to him about first.

  “Give me a day. I need to think.”

  “Sure, but as soon as it’s listed, you’ll need to move.”

  “I’ll call you back. I promise,” Laney said and hung up just as a text message came in. She sucked in a breath. Jessica.

  I’m ready to talk.

  The words blurred in her vision. Her sister-in-law didn’t have to say where they should meet. There was only one place she’d be.

  “I’ve got to go out.”

  “Out?” India looked up, face wrinkling. “You’d better be quick. Don’t want to miss your flight.”

  “I won’t,” Laney said in a tight voice as she searched for her keys. Where were they? India eyed her.

  “You okay, boss?”

  No. But I will be.

  “I’m fine.” She hugged her assistant and hurried out to her garden. She breathed in the competing scents as she cut the tiny violets she always grew and tied them up in plain twine. Simon had always liked when she kept things simple.

  She walked to the car, and Violet scrambled into the passenger seat. The trip to the cemetery was so familiar she could get there even if her eyes were full of tears. Ten minutes later, she pulled up next to Jessica’s Volkswagen.

  Laney sucked in a breath and swung open the gate.

  There was a game she sometimes played. How many other gravestones could she walk past before she finally reached Simon? It helped ground her. Remind her that she wasn’t the only one to lose someone. But today she walked directly there. Jessica lay on a picnic rug, one hand cradling her stomach and the other touching the cool granite of the gravestone.

  Simon George

  1979-2014

  Son~Brother~Husband

  Tears stung in her eyes as she mirrored Jessica’s position on the other side, just like she’d done so many times before.

  “Remember when we fell asleep here one night?” Jessica said by way of greeting.

  “We were covered in bites, and I couldn’t move my neck for a day,” Laney whispered, the granite still warm from the sun. Like he was still there.

  “Then Brett made us both promise not to stay later than nine.”

  “And to keep blankets and bug spray in the car,” she added as a watery sob escaped her. “Because he knew there’d still be times when—”

  “We couldn’t leave him,” Jessica finished off before finally looking at her. “You’re wearing jeans.”

  “Better for lying in a cemetery,” Laney said. She’d picked them up again when she’d been packing for her trip. And suddenly the idea of wearing something comfortable on the flight won. She was sick of being Laney George, sweet girl in dresses. Especially since underneath she was anything but that.

  “It’s strange seeing you in something else.”

  Seeing me with someone else.

  Was that part of the problem? That Laney had kept herself in the perfect mold of Simon’s wife for all these years? If they were talking again, her sister-in-law deserved the truth. She took a deep breath.

  “I didn’t always wear dresses. But when I met Simon and moved here, the sundresses seemed to reflect my happiness. Like I was living in perpetual summer. Then he died, and they kept me close to him. I wasn’t ready to let that feeling go, to admit I was trapped in winter.”

  “I’m so sorry. I kept wanting you to be happy, to go on dates. But deep down, I wasn’t ready to see you with anyone else.” She broke off with a sob, then took a shuddering breath. “I didn’t want to lose him again. I’m the worst friend.”

  “You’re not my friend. You’re my family, and I love you.”

  “Why doesn’t it ever get easier?” Jessica said, her voice so light it almost floated away on the wind. Laney tightened her grip on her sister-in-law’s hand. She’d been reading up on placental abruption and all the other things that could go wrong with a pregnancy. Both for the mother and the baby.

  Life was so delicate.

  Nothing could ever be taken for granted.

  I can’t risk losing any more people.

  Insects hummed and buzzed all around her as her mind whirled. She kept telling herself that she didn’t trust him. That he would leave her. But that was a lie. It wasn’t Adam she couldn’t trust.

  It’s me.

  When he was near, she lost all reason. Hell, that was why he wrote a book about Nina. It wasn’t all true—she hadn’t stalked him—but there had been other things. Things she never would have considered doing with Simon.

  Because her gentle husband had brought out the best in her.

  But Adam brought out the side she couldn’t control, which meant she had no idea where it might lead. She’d already come so close to losing Jessica.

  And my business. She thought of the farm she hadn’t bothered to bid on, all the times she’d asked India to step in for her because Laney wanted more time with Adam.

  Cold horror slammed into her chest, despite the warmth of Jessica’s hand in hers. This was what mattered. Her family. The life she’d fought so hard to build in St. Clair. The life she had almost lost.

  The insects stopped as if a giant door had just swung shut, trapping them on the other side. Her stomach roiled against her decision, but she ignored it.

  I can do hard things.

  “I’m so sorry. If I could have changed that day, I would have.”

  The silence engulfed them. Violet sniffed at Laney’s leg, and then, deciding it was normal for two women to lie by a gravestone, she settled herself down.

  “Do you want to tell me about him?”

  Pain lanced her chest. If she tried to talk about him, she might change her mind. After all, that was what she’d been doing from the moment they first kissed. She’d kept kidding herself that she could have her cake and eat it too. But life wasn’t fair. Simon’s death had taught her that.

  What she had was enough; she’d been foolish to think she could have more.

  “Not really. I just had an itch, and I got confused.” She shook her head.

  “I’ve been torturing myself thinking you were going to move to L.A. T-that my baby wouldn’t get to spend every Friday night with their cool Aunt Laney.”

  “Is this your way of sneakily signing me up for babysitting duties?” She sniffled and wiped a tear away, shuddering at how close she’d come to messing everything up.

  “I don’t know. Is it working?” Jessica gave her a watery smile. Laney took in a little breath and nodded. It was going to hurt.

  “It’s working.”

  A faint shrill came from her purse. Her alarm to remind her about the flight. She ignored it. I can do hard things.

  “Come on, Brett will kill me if he knows you’ve been out here too long. Let’s go home.” She paused only to replace the flowers in the vase with the ones she�
��d brought. She gave her husband a silent kiss and hooked her arm through Jessica’s. In the car, she canceled her ride to the airport, then sent Erika a quick text.

  I’m making an offer on the Right property.

  The pounding in her head was matched only by the dull ache in her gut. But she’d survived pain before. She could do it again. She would call Adam as soon as Jessica was home and settled. Because family had to come first. That and making sure her business was safe. Nothing else mattered.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Not sure what I did to deserve Elle, but despite all the crazy, she’s never left my side or my heart. Always been dependable. Always put me first.” Blue Moon

  There were many things Adam hated. Sand in his shoes, stale Cheetos. But worst of all? Standing at the airport, holding a stupid sign along with twenty-five balloons. All while waiting for a flight that had emptied out an hour ago.

  His head ached as he checked his phone for the zillionth time. The cleaner gave him an apologetic smile that roughly translated to “ouch, dude.”

  There were so many reasons she could have missed the flight. Or not answered his calls. Traffic. Catastrophic floral emergency. Sick dog. All perfectly valid.

  All wishful thinking.

  There was only one reason for her no-show.

  It took several tries to jam the sign into the trash can. The balloons were passed to a couple of little kids who were crying. They immediately smiled. At least someone was happy.

  Night had fallen by the time he reached the apartment. He jabbed in the security code and marched inside. Humiliation pounded in his temples, the all-too-familiar sensation of not having any control over a situation. Of not coming first.

  He threw his keys onto the counter as his phone finally rang. Laney. Might as well get it over and done with.

  “Hey.”

  “I didn’t know if you’d answer,” she said, voice distant.

  “Is that what you wanted?” he said, not able to hide his hurt.